Reflected in You: A Crossfire Novel (34 page)

“Gideon, no.” I pulled back to look at him, imagining in my mind how it would develop from that point on, all the things that would have been said to make it seem like Gideon was the instigator in his own rape. “You were a child in the hands of an adult who knew all the right buttons to push. They want to make it our fault so they have no culpability in their crime, but it’s not true.”

His eyes were huge and dark in his pale face. I pressed my lips gently to his, tasting my tears. “I love you. And I believe you. And none of this was your fault.”

Gideon’s hands were in my hair, holding me in place as he ravaged my mouth with desperate kisses. “Don’t leave me.”

“Leave you? I’m going to marry you.”

He inhaled sharply. Then he pulled me closer, his hands careless and rough as they slid over me.

Impatient rapping against the window made me jerk in surprise. A cop in rain gear and safety vest looked at us through the untinted front window, scowling at us from beneath the brim of her hat. “You’ve got thirty seconds to move on or I’ll cite you both for public indecency.”

Embarrassed, my face flaming, I climbed back into my seat, sprawling in an ungraceful tumble. Gideon waited until I had my seat belt on, then put the car in drive, tapped his brow in a salute to the officer, and pulled back out into traffic.

He reached for my hand, lifted it to his lips, and kissed my fingertips. “I love you.”

I froze, my heart pounding.

Linking our fingers together, he set them on his thigh. The windshield wipers slid from side to side, their rhythmic tempo mocking the racing of my pulse.

Swallowing hard, I whispered, “Say that again.”

He slowed at a light. Turning his head, he looked at me. He looked weary, as if all his usual pulsing energy had been expended and he was running on fumes. But his eyes were warm and bright, the curve of his mouth loving and hopeful. “I love you. Still not the right word, but I know you want to hear it.”

“I need to hear it,” I agreed softly.

“As long as you understand the difference.” The light changed and he drove on. “People get over love. They can live without it, they can move on. Love can be lost and found again. But that won’t happen for me. I won’t survive you, Eva.”

My breath caught at the look on his face when he glanced at me.

“I’m obsessed with you, angel. Addicted to you. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted or needed, everything I’ve ever dreamed of. You’re
everything
. I live and breathe you. For you.”

I placed my other hand over our joined ones. “There’s so much out there for you. You just don’t know it yet.”

“I don’t need anything else. I get out of bed every morning and face the world because you’re in it.” He turned the corner and pulled up in front of the Crossfire behind the Bentley. He killed the engine, released his seat belt, and took a deep breath. “Because of you, the world makes sense to me in a way it didn’t before. I have a place now, with you.”

Suddenly I understood why he’d worked so hard, why he was so insanely successful at such a young age. He’d been driven to find his place in the world, to be more than an outsider.

His fingertips brushed across my cheek. I’d missed that touch so much, my heart bled at feeling it again.

“When are you coming back to me?” I asked softly.

“As soon as I can.” Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to mine. “Wait.”

Chapter 19

When I got to my desk, I found a voice mail from Christopher. I debated for a moment whether I should continue to pursue the truth. Christopher wasn’t a man I wanted to invite any deeper into my life.

But I was haunted by the look that had been on Gideon’s face when he told me about his past, and the sound of his voice, so hoarse with remembered shame and agony.

I felt his pain like my own.

In the end, there was no other choice. I returned Christopher’s call and asked him out to lunch.

“Lunch with a beautiful woman?” There was a smile in his voice. “Absolutely.”

“Any time you have free this week would be great.”

“How about today?” he suggested. “I occasionally get a craving for that deli you took me to.”

“Works for me. Noon?”

We set the time and I hung up just as Will stopped by my cubicle. He gave me puppy-dog eyes and said, “Help.”

I managed a smile. “Sure.”

The two hours flew by. When noon rolled around, I went downstairs and found Christopher waiting in the lobby. His auburn hair was a wild mess of short, loose waves and his grayish-green eyes sparkled. Wearing black slacks and a white dress shirt rolled up at the sleeves, he looked confident and attractive. He greeted me with his boyish grin, and it struck me then—I couldn’t ask him about what he’d said to his mother long ago. He’d been a child himself, living in a dysfunctional home.

“I’m stoked you called me,” he said. “But I have to admit, I’m curious about why. I’m wondering if it has anything to do with Gideon getting back together with Corinne.”

That hurt. Terribly. I had to suck in a deep breath, then release my tension with it. I knew better. I had no doubts. But I was honest enough to admit that I wanted ownership of Gideon. I wanted to claim him, possess him, have everyone know that he was
mine
.

“Why do you hate him so much?” I asked, preceding him through the revolving doors. Thunder rumbled in the distance, but the hot, driving rain had ceased, leaving the streets awash in dirty water.

He joined me on the sidewalk and set his hand at the small of my back. It sent a shiver of revulsion through me. “Why? You want to exchange notes?”

“Sure. Why not?”

By the time lunch was over, I’d gotten a pretty good idea of what fueled Christopher’s hatred. All he cared about was the man he saw in the mirror. Gideon was more handsome, richer, more powerful, more confident . . . just
more
. And Christopher was obviously being eaten alive by jealousy. His memories of Gideon were colored by the belief that Gideon had received all the attention as a child. Which might have been true, considering how troubled he was. Worse, the sibling rivalry had crossed over into their professional lives when Cross Industries acquired majority shares in Vidal Records. I made a mental note to ask Gideon why he’d done that.

We stopped outside the Crossfire to part ways. A taxi racing through a huge puddle sent a plume of foaming water right at me. Swearing under my breath, I dodged the spray and almost stumbled into Christopher.

“I’d like to take you out sometime, Eva. Dinner, perhaps?”

“I’ll get in touch,” I hedged. “My roommate’s really sick right now and I need to be around for him as much as possible.”

“You’ve got my number.” He smiled and kissed the back of my hand, a gesture I’m sure he thought was charming. “And I’ll keep in touch.”

I made my way through the Crossfire’s revolving doors and headed for the turnstiles.

One of the black-suited security guards at the desk stopped me. “Miss Tramell.” He smiled. “Could you come with me, please?”

Curious, I followed him to the security office where I’d originally gotten my employee badge when I was hired. He opened the door for me, and Gideon was waiting inside.

Leaning back against the desk with his arms crossed, he looked beautiful and fuckable and wryly amused. The door shut behind me and he sighed, shaking his head.

“Are there other people in my life you plan on harassing on my behalf?” he asked.

“Are you spying on me again?”

“Keeping a protective eye on you.”

I arched a brow at him. “And how do you know if I harassed him or not?”

His faint smile widened. “Because I know you.”

“Well, I didn’t harass him. Really. I didn’t,” I argued when he shot me a look of disbelief. “I was going to, but then I didn’t. And why are we in this room?”

“Are you on some kind of crusade, angel?”

We were talking around each other, and I wasn’t sure why. And I didn’t care, because something else struck me as more significant.

“Do you realize that your reaction to my lunch with Christopher is very calm? And so is my reaction to your spending time with Corinne? We’re both reacting totally different from the way we would have just a month ago.”

He
was different. He smiled, and there was something unique about that warm curving of his lips. “We trust each other, Eva. It feels good, doesn’t it?”

“Trusting you doesn’t mean I’m any less baffled by what’s going on between us. Why are we hiding in this office?”

“Plausible deniability.” Gideon straightened and came to me. Cupping my face in his hands, he tilted my head back and kissed me sweetly. “I love you.”

“You’re getting good at saying that.”

He ran his fingers through my new bangs. “Remember that night, when you had your nightmare and I was out late? You wondered where I was.”

“I still wonder.”

“I was at the hotel, clearing out that room. My fuck pad, as you called it. Explaining that while you were puking your guts out didn’t seem to be the appropriate time.”

My breath left me in a rush. It was a relief to know where he’d been. An even bigger relief to know that the fuck pad was no more.

His gaze was soft as he looked at me. “I’d completely forgotten about it until it came up with Dr. Petersen. We both know I’ll never use it again. My girl prefers modes of transportation to beds.”

He smiled and walked out. I stared after him.

The security guard filled the open doorway and I shoved aside my roiling thoughts to examine later, when I had the time to really grasp where they were leading me.

* * *

On the walk home, I picked up a bottle of sparkling apple juice in lieu of champagne. I saw the Bentley every now and then, following along, ever ready to pull over and pick me up. It used to irritate me, because the lingering connection it represented deepened my confusion over my breakup with Gideon. Now, the sight of it made me smile.

Dr. Petersen had been right. Abstinence and some space had cleared my head. Somehow, the distance between me and Gideon had made us stronger, made us appreciate each other more and take less for granted. I loved him more now than I ever had, and I felt that way while I was planning on a night just hanging out with my roommate, having no idea where Gideon was or who he might be with. It didn’t matter. I knew I was in his thoughts, in his heart.

My phone rang and I pulled it out of my purse. Seeing my mother’s name on the screen, I answered with, “Hi, Mom.”

“I don’t understand what they’re looking for!” she complained, sounding angry and tearful. “They won’t leave Richard alone. They went to his offices today and took copies of the security tapes.”

“The detectives?”

“Yes. They’re relentless. What do they want?”

I turned the corner to reach my street. “To catch a killer. They probably just want to see Nathan coming and going. Check the timing or something.”

“That’s ridiculous!”

“Yeah, it’s also just a guess. Don’t worry. There’s nothing to find because Stanton’s innocent. Everything will be okay.”

“He’s been so good about this, Eva,” she said softly. “He’s so good to me.”

I sighed, hearing the pleading note in her voice. “I know, Mom. I get it. Dad gets it. You’re where you should be. No one’s judging you. We’re all good.”

It took me until I reached my front door to calm her down, during which time I wondered what the detectives would see if they pulled the Crossfire security tapes, too. The history of my relationship with Gideon could be chronicled through the times I’d been in the Cross Industries vestibule with him. He’d first propositioned me there, bluntly stating his desire. He’d pinned me to the wall there, right after I’d agreed to date him exclusively. And he’d rejected my touch that horrible day when he had first started pulling away from me. The detectives would see it all if they looked back far enough, those private and personal moments in time.

“Call me if you need me,” I said as I dropped my bag and purse off at the breakfast bar. “I’ll be home all night.”

We hung up, and I noticed an unfamiliar trench coat slung over one of the bar stools. I shouted out to Cary, “Honey, I’m home!”

I put the bottle of apple juice in the fridge and headed down the hallway to my bedroom for a shower. I was on the threshold of my room when Cary’s door opened and Tatiana came out. My eyes widened at the sight of her naughty nurse costume, complete with exposed garters and fishnets.

“Hey, honey,” she said, looking smug. She was astonishingly tall in her heels, towering over me. A successful model, Tatiana Cherlin had the kind of face and body that could stop traffic. “Take care of him for me.”

Blinking, I watched the leggy blonde disappear into the living room. I heard the front door shut a short time later.

Cary appeared in his doorway, looking mussed and flushed and wearing only his boxer briefs. He leaned into the doorway with a lazy, satisfied grin. “Hey.”

“Hey, yourself. Looks like you had a good day.”

“Hell yeah.”

That made me smile. “No judgment here, but I assumed you and Tatiana were done.”

“I never thought we got started.” He ran a hand through his hair, ruffling it. “Then she showed up today all worried and apologetic. She’s been in Prague and didn’t hear about me until this morning. She rushed over wearing that, like she read my perverted mind.”

I leaned into my doorway, too. “Guess she knows you.”

“Guess she does.” He shrugged. “We’ll see how it goes. She knows Trey’s in my life and I hope to keep him there. Trey, though . . . I know he won’t like it.”

I felt for both men. It was going to take a lot of compromising for their relationship to work out. “How about we forget about our significant others for a night and have an action movie marathon? I brought some nonalcoholic champagne home.”

His brows rose. “Where’s the fun in that?”

“Can’t mix your meds with booze, you know,” I said dryly.

“No Krav Maga for you tonight?”

“I’ll make it up tomorrow. I feel like chilling with you. I want to sprawl on the couch, and eat pizza with chopsticks and Chinese food with my fingers.”

“You’re a rebel, baby girl.” He grinned. “And you’ve got yourself a date.”

* * *

Parker hit the mat with a grunt and I shouted, thrilled with my own success.

“Yes,” I said with a fist pump. Learning to toss a guy as heavy as Parker was no small feat. Finding the right balance to gain the leverage I needed had taken me longer than it probably should have because I’d had such a hard time concentrating over the last couple of weeks.

There was no balance in my life when my relationship with Gideon was skewed.

Laughing, Parker reached out to me for a hand up. I gripped his forearm and tugged him to his feet.

“Good. Very good,” he praised. “You’re firing on all cylinders tonight.”

“Thanks. Wanna try it again?”

“Take a ten-minute break and hydrate,” he said. “I need to talk to Jeremy before he takes off.”

Jeremy was one of Parker’s co-instructors, a giant of a man that the students had to work their way up to. Right then, I couldn’t imagine ever being able to fend off an assailant of his size, but I’d seen some really petite women in the class do it.

I grabbed my towel and my water and headed toward the aluminum bleachers lined up against the wall. My steps faltered when I saw one of the detectives who’d come to my apartment. Detective Shelley Graves wasn’t dressed for work, though. She wore a sports top and matching pants with athletic shoes, and her dark, curly hair was pulled back in a ponytail.

Since she was just entering the building and the door happened to be next to the bleachers, I found myself walking toward her. I forced myself to look nonchalant when I felt anything but.

“Miss Tramell,” she greeted me. “Fancy running into you here. Have you been working with Parker long?”

“About a month. It’s good to see you, Detective.”

“No, it’s not.” Her mouth twisted wryly. “At least you don’t think so. Yet. Maybe you still won’t when we’re done chatting.”

I frowned, confused by that tangle of words. Still, one thing was clear. “I can’t speak to you without my attorney present.”

She spread her arms wide. “I’m off-duty. But anyway, you don’t have to say anything. I’ll do all the talking.”

Graves gestured toward the bleachers, and I reluctantly took a seat. I had damn good reason to be wary.