Refuge (3 page)

   I exhale, letting go of the breath I’ve been holding. “Tell me. Why do I feel like I lose parts of myself every time I see you?”

   One doesn’t like that I’m walking toward her. For every step I take, she takes one step back. “I’ve explained this. You know. The answer is deep within you.”

   Too much has happened, too much. For a moment, all I can think is,
No it’s not, it’s really not.
But something about this thought seems false. “Tell me again,” I shout, “I want to hear you say it.”

   “I was implanted to counter the Cogent implant in Luke. You don’t remember our conversations because I must erase our interactions from your memory. You remember only what you must.”

   I’m close enough to see the quicksilver behind One’s irises. “How? Why? What do you want from me?”

   “Your short-term memory is what’s open to the collective. We can’t risk any hint of us leaking through. We do these things to protect you. We know, sense, and see things you cannot.”

   I shake my head. I don’t want to hear this. How is anything that’s happened helping me? Why should I listen to anything she has to say?

   “Trust when I say you are in danger. Luke may not be wrong about Sierra, but I must see for myself to know for certain. If she’s connected to a collective, I must disconnect her or none of you are safe.”

   I snicker. “I want you out, gone. I never want to see you again. Do you understand me?”

   One looks confused. “It’s you who brings us together. You. I answer your call. I’m here only to help guide you as I’ve tried to explain before. You think it’s only the Cogents and the Ardents, but it isn’t. It’s so much more. The others. The Nascents. The Docents. The Erodents. The Regents.”

   “And the Lucents. Don’t forget the Lucents,” I say, grabbing her wrists. Her skin is cold, thin. “Get. Out. Of. My. Head.”

   One looks at me as if she can’t believe what I’ve just done or said. “Stop,” she says, her voice full of urgency. “Don’t do this. If you deactivate me, I won’t be able to come back. I won’t be able to help or protect you.”

   Deactivating her isn’t something I even knew I could do. “Go, get out! Leave me alone!” I shout, squeezing her hand as hard as I can.

   “Listen. Whatever is here in the city is the key to everything. We believe it is the Origin cell. It’s the only thing that explains the furor. If so, we can’t let it fall to any collective. We must find it first. If you force us, we will take control. Don’t make us.”

   “We?” I spit back, finally letting go. “You mean the Lucents.”

   “I mean the few among many. I mean us, us who are you.” With a turn of her hand, One fills the void with light. “You are Lucent and you’re not listening. No one can have Origin. Not us, not them. We gave you what you required to build, but that was before we knew.”

   Suddenly, I see Linc, Austin, Dakota, Celeste, and the others. They’re not here with us, just fleeting images in my mind. “My brothers, sisters and I are going to run. We’re going to run so far and so fast no machine will ever find us,” I say.

   One frowns. I don’t know if it’s an attempt to seem human or simply a nonverbal response to what I’ve said. She’s quiet for a moment, then she says, “Don’t you understand? There’s nowhere to run to. Your forgotten island is surrounded by wastelands and would have been resourced long ago if it wasn’t in a disputed zone.”

   “Hardly forgotten,” I say.

   “The factory ships follow the receding oceans,” she says. “If there wasn’t a base ship nearby handling their output, there’d never have been a presence here. No trucks or other mechanicals, nothing. It was the perfect place for a beginning. It still can be.”

   I shake my head a few times. I don’t have to listen to this anymore. I don’t. “You’re wrong about us, wrong about Sierra, wrong about everything.”

   The past was. The present is. I am nothing. I am a grain of sand cast to the heavens by the wind.

Node: 010

I wipe the sweat from my brow with the back of my hand. The faded numbers on the wall say 1 and 5. I know that can’t be right because we’ve only started down, but the next landing is painted with the numbers 1 and 4. Suddenly, I’m terrified something has happened to Luke or Sierra. I don’t know why, I just am.

   I see Sierra, descending beside me. Glancing over my shoulder, I look for Luke, but Luke isn’t to be found. “Luke,” I say, “where’s Luke?”

   Sierra bunches her brows. “Luke went ahead when we stopped to rest on 27.”

   That’s not right, that can’t be right. “Sierra,” I say, turning around in front of her and stopping, “did Luke catch Matthew?”

   Sierra glares at me. “You know he didn’t.”

   Panting, I try to get my breathing under control. My legs ache, my back aches. Sweat runs into my eyes. “What happened? How is that possible?”

   “I’m not like I was before,” she says in a low voice. “I know you see this. So why do you keep treating me like I am?”

   I take Sierra’s hands in mine. There’s so much I want to say, so much I want to tell her. “I’m the one who needs help understanding. Something happened to me, to Luke. I wish I could explain everything, but there’s no time. Believe me when I say I will tell you. For now, I need you to tell me everything that’s happened since we started down. Tell it to me as if I wasn’t there.”

   “But…” Sierra stops, arches an eyebrow like she’s wondering if I’ve lost my mind. “Are you really okay? You said you hit your head when you fell.”

   “When I fell?”

   “When you tripped,” Sierra says. “It’s why we stopped.”

   “Of course it is,” I say with a smile to ease her concern.

   “Quickly,” Luke says from behind me. “We need to get down to one and scope the street.”

   With that, I turn and start down. Soon I am beside Luke, rushing down the stairs, and Sierra’s words are echoing in my mind:
You said you hit your head.
What happened to make me forget that?

   Luke’s concern shows in the pinch of his eyebrows.

   “Don’t be alarmed,” I say, “but I—”

   He shakes his head subtly, and glances back. “You had a pretty good fall. Let’s focus on what’s ahead.”

   I run my hand over the back of my neck.

   “I don’t like the look of the street. No sign of Matthew, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t out there somewhere waiting for us. It’s raining, solid sheets, should help give us cover.”

   I don’t reply, not long afterward I’m staring out into those sheets of rain. Sierra stands behind me, her chin on my shoulder. It’s not something she’s done before, but somehow it feels so familiar. “You ready for this?” I say.

   “I wish I knew—”

   “Rest up, not long mind you. It’s going to be a swift pace out there,” Luke cuts in, his eyes turning to us and away from the gloom outside. “How far to the others?”

   “South from here,” Sierra says.

   “Into the trees?”

   Sierra nods. Then she steps to the door, her eyes searching the shadows beyond. All I can think is that it sure doesn’t look like morning out there, even though I know should be. The sound of the heavy rain lulls me. I rest my head against the wall.

   Luke’s hands slip around me and squeeze. “Cedes, you okay?”

   I lean back into him and turn my head, my lips hovering next to his ear. “I don’t know what I am anymore.”

   His eyes dart to the door where Sierra is gathering rain with her cupped hands. She’s far enough away that I don’t think she can hear our whispers. Still, his voice is very quiet when he speaks. “The slip-glow in your eyes tells me, you know. I knew it wasn’t you.”

   “Wasn’t me?” He’s not making any sense—or is he. “What happened, tell me?”

   I feel Luke’s breath on my neck. “I slip too, but never anything like this—at least I don’t think so. You’re not connected to the collective, so how is it even possible?”

   “We don’t know that,” I say. “We don’t know anything really, only what we think we know. You and I are connected, perhaps others can connect to or through us as well.”

   “After your fall, she tried to get me to scout ahead to make sure it was safe. I pretended to but crept back quietly and watched. Do you know Sierra has a governor?”

   I shake my head. I don’t want to think about it.

   “Well, she does,” he says, almost not able to get the words out. “She, I mean, you, did something to it.”

   I turn to face him, putting my hands on his shoulders as I press my lower body into his. “How did Matthew get away?”

   “That, I don’t know. He shouldn’t have. I went down right after. I kept thinking I’d catch him at the next landing or the next, but he just wasn’t there.”

   I search Luke’s face for what he isn’t telling me. His expression says he’s hiding something, but I can’t discern what. I pull away and join Sierra by the door. We reach out and gather rain our cupped hands as our eyes probe the gloom.

   The water is cool, refreshing, and tickles my throat as it goes down. I didn’t realize how parched I was.

   When I let the rain water cleanse me, I see it. Wind in the trees. Sunshine through an open window. Sand cast at the heavens. I know I am nothing. Nothing in this moment—nothing in any moment.

Node: 010

Luke is the first to dart out, his rifle ready in his hands. He’s only in the open until he crosses to the adjacent building and tucks himself into the shadows at its base. Sierra and I rush out at his signal. I carry my blaster rifle, in a ready position. Sierra, a pistol.

   Sierra turns in beside Luke, her back to the wall. I slide in next to her, studying the street. The road to the south is overgrown in places and disappears as it turns west.

   “Not the road,” Sierra says, pointing. “The game trails, we’ll follow them to the water.”

   “Lead the way,” Luke says.

   Sierra is about to step away from the wall when Luke’s arm flashes out and stops her. I don’t see what he sees until a moment later. Something coming from the east, running on metal legs but with a human torso.

   I’ve never seen anything like it or anything on two legs run so fast. Its curved metal feet are as long as my forearm.

   “We call them blades,” Sierra says to my unspoken question. She doesn’t have to tell me why. I know why—it’s the feet. “Shouldn’t be here. Never seen one this far north before. Never seen any machine in this part of the city until today.”

   A chill runs up my spine. “It’s like they took the best parts of us and made…”

   “A machine,” Luke finishes for me. “What does it do? Will there be others on patrol with it?”

   The blade continues west down the wide road. Sierra follows its retreating form with her eyes. She shrugs. “I only know that whenever I see one of those a column isn’t far behind.”

   Luke drops to a knee. “A column, so that thing’s some sort of recon. How long do we have?”

   “Not long.”

   “Go, go,” Luke says.

   Sierra dashes away from the wall, heading for the trees to the south. Luke and I are a few steps behind.

   The trail Sierra follows is barely discernible in the deepening gloom. I follow the bob of her long black hair. The only good thing about the thick cover is that it blocks the rain. I’d almost forgotten what it felt like to be soaked to the skin.

   The lake we find is filled with dark, muddy water. Sierra follows its shore west and then south.

   Luke signals for me to stay close. His jaw is clenched and he’s staring at Sierra. I know at once whatever he’s puzzling over isn’t good. I fear I might be losing him and I reach out to him.
Luke…

   His reply is swift.
…Cedes.

   Relief washes over me.
What is it? What’s wrong?

   
What if we’ve got this all wrong? What if Matthew isn’t the betrayer but the betrayed?

   I don’t understand his implication immediately. I jump over a fallen tree.
No, not possible. Sierra would never.

   Luke pushes a tree branch up and away.
Sierra would never, but we don’t know if she’s in complete control. Do we? She had a governor. We don’t know how it changed her or even what collective she’s connected to.

   I grab his arm.
If she wanted to hurt us, she had plenty of chances. She could have attacked us on the train, let us die on the rooftop, or…

   Sierra’s stopped in the middle of the trail in front of us. I have to rein in my stride to avoid colliding with her. Behind her is a concrete circle wrapped around knee-high grasses and tall, wispy trees.

   “Almost there,” she says with a wink. Then she lets out of piercing whistle.

   Two figures with stunners repel from the trees. I freeze in place, unsure how to react.

   Luke doesn’t hesitate. He sweeps the air with his rifle, sighting as he whips around. He’s about to open fire when others emerge from the greenery, encircling us.

   “No, no,” I shout. I recognize Chevy and Austin even before they are wrapping their arms around me and sweeping me off my feet. Many of the others I don’t know, but they seem to know Luke. They lift Luke off his feet and carry him away.

   Chevy and Austin lift me to their shoulders and carry me between them. The buildings to the south are so covered in greenery I don’t see them until we’re entering a door.

   Inside there are others. They emerge from the darkness, wide-eyed. Many greet Sierra with whoops and cheers. She was gone too long they say. They feared for her.

   “Welcome to Refuge,” Sierra says before leading us away.

   I look for Celeste, Dasher and others I know. We work our way in deeper and deeper. Those from outside and inside continue to follow behind and all around us.

   A man with dark hair and a lanky frame greets me as we descend a staircase. I don’t recognize him until he turns to the light. It’s Dakota, but not the Dakota I remember. The right side of his face is scarred, like he was dragged through the street on that side of his face, and his right arm is missing, replaced with fingerless metal.