Refugee Road (Freedom Fighters Series Book 1) (22 page)

My beloved Lizzie,

Where are you? I leave letters and check the box under our bench twice a week. I never find anything from you. I never hear from you. I never know where you are, if you are all right, scared, or hurt. I never know anything. It plagues me. You haunt my dreams. What happened? Why have you not contacted me?

These last few months have been so long without you. I never realized how much I enjoyed your company until you were lost from my side. I never knew just how much you meant to me until you were gone. I find myself looking for you everywhere. Where are you?

At night I lay in my bunk tortured by that night you were lashed, angry I could not stop it, frustrated that I did not take you away and save you from that monster. I should have made you leave. I should have insisted we make a new start, the two of us together. We could have done it, Ballard would have helped us.

I find myself wishing for a different past. I close my eyes and all I see is your face before me. I was a fool Lizzie. I let you go. I never told you the truth, not once. I never let my heart say the words that could have changed everything. Surely you know how I feel.

I hope I find you. I hope I get to see you and say the words in my heart. I hope that time will not separate us for long because I will wait, however long I need to, until you contact me. I know you will. I know I will find a letter from you. You see, it’s not only my heart that’s afflicted, yours is too.

Find me. Contact me. I’ll be waiting.

With love,

Mal

Saturday morning dawned bright and cool. The last of the golden and brown leaves had fallen to the ground. The trees were barren and empty, the soil hard and cold, ushering in the new winter season. I dressed warm, adding a long cardigan and buttoning it over my growing belly. It was December now, close to Christmas. Excitement for the upcoming holidays filled me. We would share our first Christmas together soon as a married couple.

Alec and I left early for the drive to Dayton. No sneaking around in the middle of the night this time. We borrowed the same car, with permission. The drive was quiet. I knew Alec had reservations about what we were doing. What would we find at the park? A message? Mal? There was no way to know, but I knew I trusted Mal. I did not believe we had anything to worry about.

Alec held my hand as we entered the park, his eyes darting back and forth around us. A soldier was always aware of his surroundings. Darren had taught me that but I noticed that Alec was especially astute. He never missed anything.

Mal was waiting for us when we turned the corner by the bench. I let go of Alec’s hand and nearly ran, as best I could, into his arms.

“Lizzie! Oh thank God!” He exclaimed, holding me in a tight hug.

“You found my note,” I replied, smiling up at him.

“Of course! I never doubted that you would contact me when you were able.”

He looked wonderful. Same Mal. Tall and lanky and humor in his eyes.

“I missed you,” I told him, dragging him over to the bench, pulling him by the hand.

Alec sat down next to me. “Mal, nice to see you.”

Mal shook his hand. “Nice to see you too. Lizzie looks well.”

His eyes dipped briefly to my stomach and then glanced at my left hand.

“I am well Mal,” I patted my stomach.

“When is the baby coming?” He asked, his voice catching a little.

I raised any eyebrow. “In about twelve weeks.”

He frowned for a moment and I could see him calculating in his head. He would know I became pregnant right away.

He cleared his throat, placing a fake smile on his face. “I’m happy for you both.”

Something was wrong but he quickly hid the brief flash I saw, so fast I almost imagined his cover up. His eyes scanned my face, never leaving it.

“What took you so long? Has everything been all right?” He asked anxiously.

I shook my head. There was a lot to tell him.

“Lizzie is in danger,” Alec informed him.

“In danger? What happened?”

Alec told him about the intruder and the attempted break in.

“Lizzie, this is serious. What are you going to do?” His voice betrayed his concern, getting tight. He reached for my hand and held it, squeezing my fingers, oblivious to Alec’s frown.

“I’m not exactly sure but that’s not the reason I’m here. There’s more Mal.”

Alec and I filled him in on the suspected brainwashing, militia testing, and Donnovan.

“You need my help,” he concluded, when we finished.

“Yes,” I replied. My eyes met his. Astute as ever, he asked the only question that mattered.

“Can I trust him Lizzie?”

I could only be honest. “I believe so but Mal I never put anything past the militia.”

“Agreed. I think I need to meet him, decide for myself. If I’m going to take the risk, then I need to be sure.”

Mal was right. Let Donnovan make his case. If he was convincing, then Mal would help him. I knew he would.

Alec stood and stretched. “I can bring him tomorrow. Can you meet us again?”

Mal nodded. “Noon. Same bat time, same bat channel.”

I smiled. He loved to quote super hero shows and characters.

“I’m going for a quick walk. I need to stretch my legs. Back in a few minutes love,” Alec told me, placing a kiss on my cheek.

I watched him walk away. Mal slid closer on the bench.

“Lizzie, are you happy?” He asked, his voice hesitant.

I looked into his eyes and read only concern.

“Yes, I am Mal.” I told him truthfully.

“When did you marry him?” His voice was soft.

“The day after he rescued me,” I replied, just as soft.

Mal looked stunned. “So fast…” He shook his head. “I never would have thought to find you…married…and with a baby almost here.” The pain in his voice felt like it was located right in the center of my heart.

“I…yes, it was fast,” I could barely answer him.

“And you love him?” He asked. His eyes kept searching mine, looking for any doubt.

I smiled. “Oh yes, very much.”

“Does he treat you well?”

“Mal, I would not be with him unless I loved and trusted him, unless I felt safe and cared for. You know that.”

He nodded. “You left so quickly. I heard what Darren said. I saw how he tried to kill you both. Was it just jealousy or something more Lizzie?”

“I honestly don’t know. Jealousy maybe but it could have been anything. His violence was escalating,” I shuddered, remembering.

“Did you leave with Alec because you thought you had no other choice?”

A simple question but not a simple answer. “I don’t know.”

“I told you, I would have…” He cleared his throat again. “I would have Lizzie, for you.”

“I know Mal,” I couldn’t meet his gaze anymore. Those searching blue eyes held too much emotion.

“He tried to tell everyone that you were kidnapped. He’s told so many lies that nobody knows the truth about anything anymore. He’s unstable.”

“He’s alive then,” I sighed. I knew it.

I thought perhaps he might have perished that night we escaped but he survived. Fear creeped in. Was Darren somehow responsible for the break in? Or the intruder? I shook my head and dismissed the idea. No way.

“Does he still talk about me?” I asked.

“No, and that concerns me. I don’t think he has let it go.” Mal admitted.

“What do you mean?” I asked, suddenly even more afraid.

Mal put his arm around me. “I wouldn’t worry. You are safe with Alec.”

I lay my head on his shoulder, holding his hand in my lap. “Did you tell him you were meeting me?”

“No, and I don’t think I should. He’s unpredictable and dangerous. I’ll keep this to myself,” he promised.

I sighed in relief. “Good. I was hoping you would say that. How is everyone doing? Big Dog? Diva?”

“Good, now that we found a new home base. Took some time. We were scattered for a couple of months but Darren managed to get us all back together. You know about the raid? Over the summer?”

“Yes, Alec told me about it. Were there any casualties?” I wondered.

“We managed to get everyone out. Thanks again to Darren. He might have issues but his leadership and dedication to the refugees is undeniable.”

“That may be true Mal…but because of him I can never return,” I reminded him quietly.

He frowned. “You’re right. How stupid of me to forget that.”

“Not stupid just reality. I wish you could return with us. It would be much simpler. Why don’t you come back to the base and talk to Donnovan there?” I asked, the idea popping into my head.

“I don’t know Lizzie. Darren would notice my absence. How would I explain that?” He asked, looking discouraged.

“I don’t know but I would love it if you would come. I would feel so much safer. Please, Mal.”

He pursed his lips together and finally nodded. “All right. I’ll come. Give me an hour to run back to base for a few things. I’m going to try and fix it so that I have a couple of days with you.”

I hugged him tight. “Oh Mal I’m so glad. I’ll wait.”

“Lizzie, before I go…did you read my letters?” He asked, looking into my eyes again.

I met his gaze. “Yes, Mal. And I know. I love you too.”

I whispered the last part into his ear, part of me feeling guilty. He turned and kissed my cheek, his lips lingering against my skin, making me wonder if he was going to say those words he mentioned in his letter or not. He stood quickly when Alec returned.

“I’ll be back soon.”

“What’s going on?” Alec asked.

I told him of my conversation with Mal and my idea to bring him with us.

“That’s a great idea Lizzie. I prefer meeting in private instead of out in the open. Too many unknowns. In your condition we can’t be too careful.”

I nodded as he sat next to me on the bench, one arm hugging me close.

“Thank you,” I pressed a kiss to his lips.

He raised an eyebrow. “What was that for?”

“For being kind and giving me a moment to talk to him alone.”

He grinned sheepishly. “I could give you that. I know you love him like a brother.”

“Yes,” I smiled, “yes, I do.”

Mal returned an hour and a half later, carrying a duffle bag, and a huge grin plastered on his face.

“It looks like luck is on our side. Let’s go,” he announced.

In the car Mal explained that Darren was gone for a few days and had left shortly before he met with me. Perfect. No rush to meet with Donnovan then and no worries. Mal would return to base before Darren even knew he had been gone. Hopefully, if things worked out, Mal and Donnovan would be showing up together.

Tomorrow night Donnovan was meeting us for dinner. We decided to meet at The Tap again. It was easy and convenient and not under any kind of surveillance. Alec, Mal, and I ate a nice dinner and went to bed early after a game of cards. It had been a pleasant evening. I was happy, having Mal in the house seemed too long in coming.

I awakened sometime in the middle of the night, as usual, having a full bladder. The sound of restless pacing drew my attention. I tiptoed down the stairs and nearly bumped into Mal walking out of the kitchen.

He seemed momentarily surprised and then smiled. “Did I wake you?”

I shook my head and walked into the kitchen, pouring a glass of cold milk.

“Aren’t you tired?” I asked, yawning.

Mal took a seat in one of the wooden dining table chairs. “Not really. I haven’t slept well in months.”

A sudden memory entered my mind, when Mal had told me it was the best he had ever rested, all those months ago, at Ballard’s compound. Nervously I chewed on my bottom lip.

He watched, his eyes darting between my stomach and my face.

I sat down next to him. “What’s the matter Mal?”

He shrugged his shoulders noncommittally. Something was bothering him. I knew him well enough to see that he was denying it. I also knew that he would tell me when he was ready.

Finishing the milk, I got up and rinsed the glass in the sink.

“Good night. I’ll see you in the morning.”

His hand shot out and he pulled me close, resting his cheek against my belly. Neither of us moved for long minutes. Finally, he spoke in a whisper.

“It’s you Lizzie. You that I dream of. You that I miss. You that I can’t forget. And I can’t stop myself from wishing…things were very different between us.”

I froze at his sudden declaration. I loved Mal, truly I did. The last thing I wanted to do was break his heart. I took a deep breath and released it. Words to discourage him would not form on my lips. How did I say what I needed to say when I wasn’t sure what is was to begin with?