Regrets of The Fallen (Victis Honor Book 1) (4 page)

“Sorry…” Haruka shook her head. What a pathetic response. As if one weak word could apologize for attempting to kill someone.

“You do your job… I do mine.”

Haruka looked up in disbelief, seeing nothing but affection in Isabella’s gaze. She was about to speak again when she saw an object hit the wall beside Bella’s head and stick. Her eyes shot
open as she recognized one of Sarya’s explosive shurikens; the woman had apparently returned and decided to get revenge on Isabella. It was embedded in the wall; the only reaction Haruka had time for was to grab Isabella’s arm and yank her up, embracing her and turning away.

The explosion blew both of them off their feet; Haruka covered the other woman as well as she could, feeling an intensely painful sensation on the left side of her face before she blacked out.

IXH

Haruka awoke an unknown amount of time later. Much of her body was sore, but her face seemed to be in the most pain. She felt that she was
lying in a bed, and when she opened her eyes she found that only the right one could see anything. Lifting her hand up, she felt her face, discovering bandages covering the area to the left of her nose and mouth.

“Haruka?” Haruka heard shuffling bef
ore Isabella appeared over her with an expression full of concern. “You’re awake! You’ve been out for an entire day. Do you feel okay? Of course you don’t feel okay… Stupid question, I’m sorry… Does it hurt too much?”

Haruka ran her fingers over the bandages. “No,” she answered. “Little.”

Isabella sighed. “Okay, good. The pain shouldn’t last too much longer; I’ve done everything I can.”

“Why?”

She blinked, looking down at her. “Why what?”

Haruka swallowed. “Help?”

Isabella sat in the chair beside her bed that she’d obviously been in for the past however many hours, as she hadn’t even changed out of her armor yet. “It’s sad that you’d ask that.”

Haruka frowned. “Not worth
it.”

Bella shook her head. “I’m sorry to ruin your dark
, angsty fantasy, but you’re not as bad as you think you are.” She smiled. “You’re special.” She noticed Haruka about to speak and put a finger over her lips. “You saved my life. That proves I’m right.”

“Fought…”

“At first you fought me, yes. But I don’t care about that. It’s not what matters.”

Haruka sighed, seeing she wasn’t going to get anywhere with that. Instead she lifted a hand back to her bandaged face, looking at Isabella as she said, “Damage?”

Isabella became sad again, looking off to the side. “I’m sorry… I… wasn’t able to heal it all,” she said softly, apparently blaming herself both for the damage and for being unable to heal it. “Your eye is fine… There are no holes in your cheek or anything, but… There’s some pretty bad scarring. I’m afraid it’s going to look… pretty bad, from now on… I’m sorry…”

Haruka looked up at the ceiling, processing this. In the end she couldn’t really blame anyone but herself; she could’ve avoided the bomb if she’d let Isabella die, but she w
as much happier with this decision. It was her fault she had to save Isabella from it anyway, she’d been the one to hurt her and put her in that situation. Still… Accepting that you’d be scarred forever was a difficult thing to do. “Alone.”

“Ruki-“

“Leave!”

Isabella sighed, reaching down to squeeze Haruka’s hand. “I’m sorry,” she repeated, before leaving the room.

Haruka groaned after she heard the door close, clenching her fists in anger. She didn’t want to hurt Bella’s feelings, but she always dealt with things like this alone. She didn’t know how to share it. She lost herself in her thoughts after that, eventually falling asleep from physical and emotional exhaustion.

When she woke up again Isabella was there once m
ore, back in her simple robe. She must have slept for hours because she could see through the window that it was dark outside. Isabella gave her a nervous smile, as if she was unsure if she was wanted there. “Are you… feeling better?”

Haruka gave her a nod; her pain did seem to be gone. She felt her face, realizing she had new bandages on, as the others had been somewhat bloody. Apparently Isabella had changed them at some point; she
must
have been tired if she slept through that. “You want to hide it, don’t you?” Isabella asked softly.

“Weakness,” she stated.

“I disagree… They’re from your strongest moment, I think.”

“No,” Haruka shook her head, thinking of how to explain. “Show.”

“Show? Oh! They
show
weakness? You mean people will think it’s a weakness?”

“Enemies,” Haruka nodded.

“Okay. I’m glad that’s what you mean. Anyway, I thought you’d feel that way, so just in case I wanted to… Wanted to help.” Haruka looked at her curiously and Bella leaned down to a bag, pulling something out. “Fortunately a local artisan let me use his shop. I’ve done things like this in the past for, um, various reasons, but I thought if you’re going to hide then you might as well take advantage, so, um…”

She presented Haruka with an artful porcelain mask, designed
to fit perfectly over her the scarred half of her face with a hole for the eye. It was white, with various intricate designs that must have taken hours to do. In truth it was more a piece of art than anything, definitely more impressive than anything Haruka had ever worn. Isabella smiled nervously, handing it to her. “It’ll make you look mysterious! And even more alluring!”

Haruka traced her fingers over the patterns, unable to prevent a smile from forming on her lips, which turned Isabella’s nervousness into relief. “Do you, you know, like it?”

Haruka nodded, looking over at her. She knew how hard Isabella was trying, how much she was trying to comfort her and make her feel better and give her a bright side, a silver lining, to appreciate. She, who had just tried to kill her. Haruka knew then that she wouldn’t be going back to the Black Sun Monastery. She knew she’d lost her place, her home, her job, even part of her skin, but she couldn’t help but feel she’d gained more than she’d lost. “Bella?”

“Yes?”

“Travel?”

Isabella blinked. “Travel? Yes, I travel all over the place.”

Haruka swallowed, asking her next question carefully. “With?”

“With…?” Isabella blinked again. “Ruki… You… You want to travel with me?” Haruka nodded and I
sabella’s expression lit up as if she’d just won all the money in the world; even her voice grew to a higher pitch in her excitement. “Really?! I mean, are you sure? What about your other duties and your partners and…”

Haruka smirked, offering a shrug. “Don’t care.”

Isabella's expression was filled with so much gratitude and joy that Haruka didn’t know how to react. “We’re going to have so much fun!”

Haruka smiled, closing her eyes as she listened to Bella describe all the things they could do. Knowing she could make her that happy and excited was worth the decision by itself, but Haruka also knew the kind-hearted woman
apparently refused to kill. As admirable as that was, Haruka knew how cruel people could be first-hand; Isabella had already nearly died that morning, nearly been killed by the person she’d let go free.

Haruka would be the one to kill those that had to die when Isabella wouldn’t. She would protect her so she would stay alive, so she could keep doing the insane, good things she seemed so determined to do. And because, Haruka admitted, she already cared pretty deeply for the woman.

As Isabella described a certain mountaintop inn she would have to bring her to so she could see how beautiful the sunset looked from that spot and taste this amazing dish they made there, Haruka swore she’d do everything she could to keep the woman alive and, just as importantly, happy.

“You’ve only known her for two days. How much do you even know about her?”

Haruka didn’t seem bothered in the least. “Enough.”

Morning was Isabella’s favorite time of day. It was so full of expectation, of promise, of hope. Okay, she admitted to herself, she hadn’t
always
felt that way; there was a time (most of her life) when the morning was something to dread (always), the start to a day full of negative emotions and dead experiences.

Today was different, though. Today, though she was sore from sleeping in a chair the entire night, she actually had plans with someone for the first time in… ever? Was that right? That couldn’t be right. No- it
was
right. Well, that was rather pathetic. She’d really never had plans with anyone?

Thinking back
, she realized it was partially true. She’d made plans, sure, but it was always business or an arrangement. She’d never actually had a
friend
, and today was the first time she had plans with one.

Think about ‘plans’ more. You aren’t doing it enough.

Shush!
Bella told the darker voice in her mind. She’d named her ‘Bale’ a long time ago. Did naming a disjointed aspect of your personality associated with your Demon side mean you were even more insane? Possibly.

…Probably.

Almost certainly.

Absolutely
certainly.

In any case, it was true. Isabella didn’t really have control over her other two “personalities” or “influences” or “aspects” or whatever they were; they were simply other voices that spoke to her and sometimes tried to exert control. Bale was a harsher voice, slightly sultry with a sardonic edge that made it sound like she was constantly amused by your inferiority. A nice person, really.

Leave the girl alone, she deserves a bit of happiness for once.

Bai was more kind, more caring, as could be expected of her Angel side. That was a bit misleading, however; she could be just as cruel as Bale when she felt it justified. She was merciless and cold when it came to anything she considered ‘sinful’ or ‘wicked’. Still, her voice was usually softer and gentler when it didn’t carry that hard edge.

Sometimes life could be hard as a second-generation fallen, as they were an odd race. Demons and Angels, they had a choice; they could give up their position in Hell or Heaven, respectively, give up their immortality, and become mortal. When they did this they would become a member of the race known as ‘fallen’. Their children would then be fallen as well, and that’s what Isabella was. Her father was a Fallen Demon, her mother a Fallen Angel.

An odd pairing, perhaps, but history and romance novels both were full of lovers coming together from opposite sides of a conflict. The two had, in truth, given up their respective positions to be with each other, to avoid fighting one another. It was all very romantic but it had left their daughter with a very odd affliction, and it had only gotten worse as she’d gotten older.
While most second-generation fallen leaned slightly to one side or the other but remained even for the most part, for some reason she had been born with a huge portion of her father’s Demonic side
and
a huge portion of her mother’s Angelic side.

It wasn’t too hard to understand why this was a
bad
thing. Angels and Demons tended to hate each other, and Isabella’s two inner sides were no different. She had herself; normal Isabella, the girl people got to meet, the one who spoke and acted and lived. But in her mind, unmentioned to anyone in her life, two voices fought and argued for the three centuries she’d lived so far, and she was willing to bet they’d continue to do so for however long she had left.

And that was something that weighed more heavily on her mind - Isabella wasn’t sure how long that would be. In the world of Sanctum, everyone remembered their age as two numbers: their literal age in years, and their Common Age, a number relating to their state of maturity in terms of a human’s lifespan (since humans were the most populous and common race). Therefore, while Isabella was three-hundred thirty-one years old, her CA was twenty-nine. This was important to her only because she didn’t believe she’d hit thirty.

Now you’ve got her thinking about mortality and the tragedy of her existence. Well done, Bale.

I do try.

The voices in my head are right,
Isabella thought before choosing not to mull over just what that statement meant for her sanity (it didn’t look good).
Today is good. I should make the most of it.

She finally focused on the bed, taking in Haruka’s appearance. The woman really was beautiful, and not in a traditional way; while her waist-length brown hair (how did she keep it so nice when it was so long?) was silky, soft, and reflected the light in a way that made it look almost amber, and while her skin was surprisingly
markless (apart from the new scarring on her left cheek of course), both attributes that were rather feminine… her body was tough and fit, a testament to a life devoted to training and exertion.

That, to Isabella, was an even more attractive trait, one she could admire and respect at the same time. She had never liked people who sat around; never liked people who never worked towards anything. Haruka was definitely a woman who always aspired to be better, to be stronger,
and get farther. It really made her wonder why she’d chosen to give up what she’d worked for just to spend time with her, Isabella, the girl with no friends, no prospects, a life of hate and two crazy voices in her head.