Rejection Proof: How I Beat Fear and Became Invincible Through 100 Days of Rejection (21 page)
Read Rejection Proof: How I Beat Fear and Became Invincible Through 100 Days of Rejection Online
Authors: Jia Jiang
1.
Detachment from Results: By focusing on controllable factors such as our efforts and actions, and by detaching ourselves from uncontrollable outcomes such as acceptance and rejection, we can achieve greater success in the long run.
LIVING A NEW MISSION
L
ooking back to my 100 days of rejection, I now see it as a journey of transformation. I conquered my fear, gained knowledge and wisdom, and found a new kind of freedom and power. It also led me to a new lifestyle.
Two months after Tracy found her dream job at Google, we moved from Austin to Silicon Valley. Tracy started her new job. She comes home every day energized by the amazing technologies she gets to see and build at work.
As for me, I got to drop off and pick up Brian from daycare, and to write this book—telling our story and sharing what I’ve learned. All the while, I have continued to make more rejection attempts. I might be going about my normal day when all of a sudden I might ask a stranger if I can retie his shoes, or ask for someone’s Twitter account on the street, or ask if someone would dive in a swimming pool with me. I
wanted to continue to expand my comfort zone, and to never lose the skill of dealing with rejection that I’ve developed.
Contrary to popular belief, courage—the ability to do something that’s frightening, such as asking for what you need or want, or do the right thing amid rejection and disapproval—is not born but gained. It’s like a muscle. You need to keep exercising it to keep it strong. Otherwise, it might weaken or even atrophy. So I use rejection attempts to continue to exercise my courage muscle, stay mentally strong, and keep my confidence flowing.
And I can’t help but feel that, in doing so, I’ve found something that I lost long ago. Remember the kid from Beijing who read Thomas Edison’s biography, idolized Bill Gates, and wrote that letter to his family, vowing to buy Microsoft by age twenty-five? The one who walked through that fresh snowfield, dreaming of possibilities?
That kid is back. Actually, he never left. He was simply covered up by layers and layers of fear. But by embracing and overcoming what I was afraid of the most, I have found my new life mission. I am devoting all my entrepreneurial energy to build tools to help as many people as possible. That will require drawing more blueprints, getting more opinions, hiring more people, asking for more investments, and, yes, getting more rejections. However, the difference this time is that I am no longer afraid. Instead, I am intrigued and excited. I want to know, by fighting through my own rejections and helping others to overcome their own, how many more dreams would be fulfilled, how many more cool ideas would be realized, and how many more love stories would be written if we weren’t afraid of rejection. More than wondering,
I want to help the world—help
you
—make those things happen. If we can all become more rejection proof, wouldn’t the world become a much better place?
The rejection-proof world is a wonderful place to live. I hope that this book draws many more people into it—including you. And if you know other people with big dreams and goals who are being held back by fear, please share this book with them. It will help.
If it doesn’t help, just buy them a box of donuts. That always helps.
THE REJECTION TOOLBOX
RETHINKING REJECTION
1.
Rejection Is Human: Rejection is a human interaction with two sides. It often says more about the rejector than the rejectee, and should never be used as the universal truth and sole judgment of merit.
2.
Rejection Is an Opinion: Rejection is an opinion of the rejector. It is heavily influenced by historical context, cultural differences, and psychological factors. There is no universal rejection or acceptance.
3.
Rejection Has a Number: Every rejection has a number. If the rejectee goes through enough rejections, a no could turn into a yes.
TAKING A NO
1.
Ask “Why” Before Good-bye: Sustain the conversation after the initial rejection. The magic word is “why,” which can often reveal the underlying reason for the rejection and present the rejectee with the opportunity to overcome the issue.
2.
Retreat, Don’t Run: By not giving up after the initial rejection, and instead retreating to a lesser request, one has a much higher chance of landing a yes.
3.
Collaborate, Don’t Contend: Never argue with the rejector. Instead, try to collaborate with the person to make the request happen.
4.
Switch Up, Don’t Give Up: Before deciding to quit or not to quit, step back and make the request to a different person, in a different environment, or under a different circumstance.
POSITIONING FOR YES
1.
Give My “Why”: By explaining the reason behind the request, one has a higher chance to be accepted.
2.
Start with “I”: Starting the request with the word “I” can give the requestor more authentic control of the request. Never pretend to think in the other person’s interests without genuinely knowing them.
3.
Acknowledge Doubts: By admitting obvious and possible objections in your request before the other person, one can increase the trust level between the two parties.
4.
Target the Audience: By choosing a more receptive audience, one can enhance the chance of being accepted.
GIVING A NO
1.
Patience and Respect: Rejection is usually a hard message. Delivering the message with the right attitude can go a long way to soften the blow. Never belittle the rejectee.
2.
Be Direct: When giving a rejection, present the reason after the rejection. Avoid long and convoluted setup and reasoning.
3.
Offer Alternatives: By offering alternatives to get a yes, or even simple concessions, one can make the other person a fan even in rejection.
FINDING UPSIDE
1.
Motivation: Rejection can be used as one of the strongest motivations to fuel someone’s fire for achievement.
2.
Self-Improvement: By taking the motion out of rejection, one can use it as an effective way to improve an idea or product.
3.
Worthiness: Sometimes, it is good to be rejected, especially if public opinion is heavily influenced by group and conventional thinking, and if the idea is radically creative.
4.
Character Building: By seeking rejection in tough
environments, one can build up the mental toughness to take on greater goals.
FINDING MEANING
1.
Find Empathy: All rejections are shared by many people in the world. One can use rejection and suffering to obtain empathy and understanding of other people.
2.
Find Value: Repeated rejections can serve as the measuring stick for one’s resolve and belief. Some of the greatest triumphant stories come only after gut-wrenching rejections.
3.
Find Mission: Sometimes the most brutal rejections in life signal a new beginning and mission for the rejectee.
FINDING FREEDOM
1.
Freedom to Ask: We often deprive ourselves of the freedom to ask for what we want in fear of rejection and judgment. But amazing things often happen only after we take the first step.
2.
Freedom to Accept Yourself: Our inner needs of approval-seeking force us to constantly look for acceptance from other people. Yet the people from whom we need acceptance the most is ourselves.
FINDING POWER
Detachment from Results: By focusing on controllable factors such as our effort and actions, and by detaching ourselves from uncontrollable outcomes such as acceptance and rejection, we can achieve greater success in the long run.
My wife, Tracy Xia, is my rock, best friend, and superstar teammate. Her courage and unwavering support have made my entrepreneurial dream, rejection journey, and this book possible.
I gave my talk at the 2013 World Domination Summit. My plan was to launch a Kickstarter campaign to self-publish my book after the talk. Two people in the audience approached me afterward and urged me to consider the traditional publishing route. And I did.
One person was David Fugate. He became my literary agent and a resourceful advisor throughout the process. I’ve found my own version of Jerry Maguire.
The other person was Rick Horgan, an extraordinary and top-notch editor who eventually acquired my book. Although he couldn’t finish the project, I am grateful for his valuable advice in the first half of writing
Rejection Proof
.
I am also extremely fortunate to have Leah Miller to help me finish the project. Her insight and advice gave me
much-needed assurance and helped to make
Rejection Proof
a complete book.
One of my best decisions was to hire Jenny Johnston as my personal developmental editor. She was a great partner in the day-to-day editing and structuring of
Rejection Proof
. This book would be nowhere near where it is without her.
Nazli Yuzak, my dear friend and former colleague, gave me tremendous support with the launch of 100 Days of Rejection. She will forever be my Turkish cousin.
Heath and Alyssa Padsett, the twenty-three-year-old Austin couple, took my advice and turned their honeymoon into a crazy fifty-state RV trip. Now they are helping me with my book launch. It’s crazy how the universe works sometimes. I am very grateful to know these two.
I also want to thank Bill Gates for his original inspiration. His own story planted the entrepreneurial seed in my young mind and grew to where it is today.
Last, Jackie Braun, the donut maker at Krispy Kreme, is a real heroine. Without her kindness and amazing customer service, there would be no Olympic donuts and
Rejection Proof
J
IA
J
IANG
is founder of the popular blog and video series
100 Days of Rejection
. His story has been covered by dozens of news outlets, including
Bloomberg Businessweek
, Yahoo! News, the Huffington Post,
Forbes
,
Inc.com
, MTV, Gawker, the
Daily Mail
, Fox News, and CBS’s
The Jeff Probst Show
. A native of Beijing, China, Jiang came to the United States as a teenager to pursue his dream of becoming an entrepreneur. Jiang holds an MBA from Duke University and a bachelor’s degree in computer science from Brigham Young University.