Release, book 3 of The Angler series (17 page)

I tucked Rurik under the blankets. Babies and weddings were for other lucky girls. My life had always been filled with death and tragedy. I wouldn’t inflict that on any child. The best thing I could do for my babies was to never conceive them.

Running my hand over Rurik’s bald head, I recalled his thick black hair. The kind a woman could tangle her fingers in
. How had I ever caught his eye? I’d seen more than one female toss herself at him, yet he’d only had eyes for me.

And Tane.

I grinned. Rurik knew how to push the vampire king’s buttons. I loved watching him flirt with Tane, drawing him out of his serious shell until the vampire king relearned how to be playful. I would miss that the most.

“What are you thinking about?” Rurik rested his hand on my thigh.

Grief did funny things to a person’s mind. “How I’d never really fit in with humans again.” I kissed him one last time and grabbed the stake in one swift motion. Pulling away, I met his intense stare with mine. My insides went cold. “I choose you.”

He tilted his head to the side. “What do you mean?”

I rose and left the room, ignoring his questions and pleas for my return. If I listened, I might change my mind. The rough wood of the stake bit into my palm as I tightened my grip. Pain cleared my head sometimes and I needed to be sure of my decision. I loved Tane. Pausing in the hallway, I listened for his voice but heard nothing. Fate had given me a terrible choice when Catarina had told me her plan. Up until now, I’d ignored fate’s offer. I had pretended it didn’t exist in hopes things would resolve themselves, but I couldn’t hide behind denial anymore.

Rurik would be
dead in hours. Even if we found a cure to his decay, the Nosferatu clan would hunt him down and kill him. The only thing that would save him would to reset his system back to being a regular vampire. I stared at the stake. Saving Rurik required a sacrifice so large I didn’t know if I had the courage to go through with it.

“Connie!”
His voice cracked as he shouted through his closed bedroom door. His shouts would bring Tane and then my time to think would be gone.

Grief had pulled away my curtains of
disbelief. I couldn’t bear to watch him die. Not another person I loved. He was the best of the three of us and I’d try
anything
. My chest grew tighter. No matter what my heart was going to break.

First thing I had to do was fin
d Catarina. Without her, I couldn’t finish my task. Her rooms were above ours. I ascended the stairs and found her lying face-down on her bed.

She lifted her head upon my arrival. Like me, she wasn’t a pretty crier either. Puffy
-eyed and red-nosed, she didn’t fit the image of the Lady of Venice. “What do you want?” She moved to sit on the edge of the bed. “I know he’s alive. I’m still connected to him.”

I showed her the wooden stake in my
shaky hand. “I’m ready to kill Tane.” The words came out so simply but she would never know how much it cost me to speak them.

H
er eyes went round. “Rurik said he’d never forgive me.”

“You
’ll have eternity to make it up to him.”

“I
?” She approached me like cat circling a wounded bird.  “Time is running out. I wish you’d decided this when I first approached you. Making you vampire will take hours and I don’t see how else to release you of Tane’s bond.”

“
I assume the reason for this idea is so you can be part of his life again by killing both Tane and me with a sharp stick.” I followed her movement, not letting her out of my sight. “We don’t have time to make me vampire.” I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if she did. Not when I had to stab Tane to save Rurik. I didn’t know which level of hell I would be sent to after this.

She came to a s
udden halt. “You would sacrifice yourself for him?”

“Yes
. I was afraid before. But watching him die is a worse fate. I know you love him but it’s up to Rurik to return your love, Catarina. That’s something neither of us have control over. You have to be good to him.”

“He might leave
me after this.”

“That’s a risk we’ll have
to take.” Bolder words than what I felt in my heart. Right and wrong both seemed the same. I couldn’t win no matter what decision I made. My grandma raised me to fight until I had no more fight left in me. Never surrender. Fight until your back was against the wall. I took a shaky breath and waved my imaginary white flag. Whatever it was that had been trying to break me all these years had won.

What if I staked Tane and this vampire urban legend didn’t work? Shit. Sweat trickled along my spine.
Did I have the right to make this decision? Oh my God, what was I thinking? This was Tane. My Tane. I loved him. The oxygen in the room grew too thin. I couldn’t catch my breath. I loved them both. How could I choose? How could I live with myself if I let Rurik die?

Catarina grabbed me by the shoulders. “Slow your breathing. You’re hyperventilating.”

Heavy footsteps thumped on the stairs leading to Catarina’s bedroom. Tane entered, his forehead furrowed with concern. “What’s going on?” He hurried toward me, shoving Catarina out of the way. “I told you not to touch her.”

“She’s in a panic
,” Catarina shouted.

Darn right, I was freaking out. Who wouldn’t when faced with such a decision
? I met Tane’s dark, solemn eyes and wanted to drown within them. He had held me after my nightmares and soothed my tears. He always pushed my boundaries, daring me to be more and believing that I could live up to his expectations. These last few years I’d been safe for the first time in my life and it was because of him. With each thought, my breathing grew more erratic.

Tane
held me in place and brought his hand to my cheek, giving it a sharp tap.  A full-blown slap from him would have snapped my neck.

Pain exploded across my jaw and I jerked in his grip. I rubbed it and shuddered.

He helped steady me. “I sensed your distress.” He hugged me against his chest. “Connie, you’re shattering.”

“I’m losing my mind.” The whisper barely made it through my numb lips. If I didn’t kill Tane, Rurik would definitely die. “I can’t go through this again.” I shook my head uncontrollably and hugged him close, the stake still clutched in my hand.

Stroking my head, he pulled at my tangled curls with his fingertips.

Catarina cleared her throat.

My gaze snapped to hers.

She motioned toward the stake.

I closed my eyes and soaked in Tane’s comforting strength. He was the monster that frightened the things that went bump in the night and he trusted me. Who else could cuddle against him with a stake in her hand? I was the worst kind of traitor. I deserved the anguish doled out to me since I was a child and there would be a special hell created for me when I died. That moment could be eminent.

He eased away from my arms.

“Connie,” Catarina said.

Tane shot her a look then slowly twisted to gaze at the stake in my hand. “You aren’t carrying that to kill Catarina, are you?”

Unable to move, I clutched the stake to my chest as if it were a shield. Ice flowed in my veins. “Catarina is still linked to Rurik. He’s still in the transition phase, right? He never made it to full Nosferatu.”

Tane’s concerned gaze turned sad.
“You would risk your precious life on a myth?” With a blur of motion, he yanked the stake from my hand. “You’re just a babe compared to us, Connie. You have so much to live for.”

“No.”
I retreated out of reflex. Just when I thought my body couldn’t produce anymore adrenaline some more kicked in and my heart galloped. “No, I don’t. I’m not made of stone like you or full of hope like Rurik. I just ache.” How had I managed to string words together?

Tane’s
dark stare wasn’t angry. Grief poured forth from him, past my mental shield like a river. He suffered as I did. Losing Rurik hurt him but he could deal with it because he had me. I was his girl. “I can’t let you die.” He didn’t even think about himself or my betrayal. People called him monster but I was the real beast. The creature that stabbed those she loved in the back when they let their guard down. “Catarina, you’ll start the process in making Connie a vampire.”

“What the…What?” I
twisted from Tane to Catarina and back.

“It’s the only way you’ll survive my passing.” He ran his finger along my jaw, tilting my chis up so he could lay the gentlest of kisses. He whispered,
“What if this doesn’t work and he still dies?”

I stared into the depth of his eyes and drank him in
. “I won’t be far behind either of you, so save me a seat next to you.” I sniffed and wiped a tear that escaped the corner of my eye.

More footsteps raced toward our room
, and Kam ran in. “You called, Master?” His eyes widened at the sight of us.

“Shift
,” Tane ordered but his gaze didn’t leave mine.

Without question, Kam changed into his beast form. Joints popped and f
lesh grew until Kam’s bipedal wolf beast loomed over us.

Tane pointed at Catarina. “She’s to
make Connie a vampire once I’ve been staked. If she doesn’t comply, kill her.”

Kam did a double
-take. “Master?”

“Do as you’re told, Kam.” Tane’s voice cracked. “Catarina, for Connie to survive my death
, you must transform her after I’ve been staked but before my head is separated from my body.” He approached me, setting the stake in my hands.  He then gripped the neck of his T-shirt and tore the front down the middle. Baring his chest, he set the tip of the stake over his heart.

I couldn’t pull away from his stare. “Why?” This wasn’t how
I imagined staking Tane. I pictured anger and fighting, him cursing me to the nine circles of hell.  Not understanding and love. And it
was
love in his eyes. Pure, nonjudgmental love.

“I’ve lived a very long time. You and Rurik have just begun. If my death will keep you tog
ether then I gladly sacrifice my life.”

My fingers wouldn’t work. They fumbled around the wooden shaft like a two
-year-old controlled them. What was I doing? When did I start listening to vampire fairy tales? We’d all be dead if I kept on this path. But Tane was his maker…

“Do it like I showed you. Put your body weight behind the thrust and angle up
, since you’re shorter than me.”

“I’m shorter than everyone and I know what to do. You’re not the first vampire I’ve staked.”
The words came out shaper than I wanted but something nagged at me. Catarina’s link to Rurik still worked. Why?

Tane
gave me a small smile and tugged one of my short curls. “Thank you for sharing your humanity with me. I’d lost all hope of ever being happy again.”

I hung my head and leaned against the stake but without any force. If anything
, it kept me from falling on my knees. Rurik’s transformation never took. He never truly linked to Tane. Not like he had with Catarina. His body was in a flux, which was why he was decaying? He didn’t have a solid link to his maker to hold him together. What would happen if…

“Do it, Connie.” Tane
set his hands over mine as if he’d do it for me.

“No,” I shouted and p
ulled the stake from his hands. Sniffing, I hadn’t realized my tears flowed freely. I was about to drown in my own body fluids. How had I ever thought I could? Grief had torn my sanity to shreds but rationality shone like a mirage just out of my reach. Was Tane really sacrificing himself for my happiness? His loss would send the vampire nation into chaos. What if another Dragos came into power? I’d be responsible for the destruction of the secret peace between humans and vampire.

He reached for the stake. “Give it to me.”

I danced out of reach.

Catarina grabbed my arm, her sharp nails digging in my skin. She believed we could save Rurik. She seemed
so
sure.

And…
I saw another truth in her eyes. I blinked, and for the first time in days the clouds of despair parted enough for me to see an interesting fact that Catarina had omitted. Tane didn’t need to die, because Catarina was just as much Rurik’s maker as he was.

Not allowing any further mental debate, I thrust
the stake into her heart. Killing Tane wasn’t an option, and letting Rurik die without a fight wasn’t one, either. Staking Catarina? Not my best moral moment.

Catarina’s gaze bore into mine. Disbelief filled them as her eyes grew wider. She gasped then stared at the stake protruding from her chest and my hands still gripping the shaft.

I couldn’t let go. My hands wouldn’t listen. They’d gone cold and numb. “You’re Rurik’s maker
, too.” Like she cared why I’d just murdered her. And Hayden… Oh my God, I’d killed him too. I hadn’t even given him a thought until it was too late.

Understanding dawned in her gaze as her skin turned ashen and fine cracks spread across her face as if it were made of porcelain.
It mirrored my soul. She no longer blinked and her lips didn’t move. Slowly she crumbled until her body avalanched into a pile at my feet.

Scooting from the spreading ash, I slapped my hands
together until the stake fell next to what was left of Catarina.

Tane spread his hands and
pleaded to the ceiling. “I can’t even
pretend
to comprehend why you just killed her.” He joined me in staring at the floor. “What the hell?”

Kam scratched his head. “Was that the plan? I’m lost.”

“How am I supposed to explain the murder of the Lady of Venice, Connie?” Tane rested his forehead in the palm of his hand. “I have to set an example by living by my own laws. More so than others.” He ran his hand over his face. “What…” A frustrated noise rumbled in his throat and he paced the room. “Why didn’t you just do as I asked? Fuck.”

I finally drew in a deep breath and fed my starved lungs.
In the years I’d been with Tane I’d never seen him so flustered. If the situation weren’t so dire, I would have laughed. My brain had been racing out of control until I staked Catarina. It wouldn’t surprise me to see smoke rising from my ears since the inside felt like a burned-out wreck. I watched Tane cross the room, back and forth. “What did you say?”

“What happened to saving Rurik?” Tane picked up the stake and placed it in my hand then pointed at his chest.

I stared at it. “You don’t understand. I thought I could choose between both of you, but I can’t.” I dropped the stake and couldn’t met his glare. He hated me. How could I blame him? I just tried to kill him. “Catarina was Rurik’s maker before you. His body is in a flux of change and she was linked to him. I took that link away. I took her out of the equation so he’ll be linked to just you.”

Tane’s jaw unhinged.

I rubbed my hands together to get feeling back. The doorway leading downstairs seemed close but I couldn’t move.

Kam crossed the room and pulled me against his warm body. “You’re frozen. I think she’s going into shock.” He yanked a blanket from Catarina’s bed and wrapped it around me. “Life is never normal around you three, is it?”

“Normal is boring,” Tane and I echoed each other.

I soaked in Kam’s heat and met Tane’s stare. “I could use a few decades of boring.”

Tane shook his head and stormed out of the room.

“Will he ever forgive me?” I gazed at the empty spot Tane had left in the room.

“For trying to kill him? Well, you’re still breathing so I’d say that’s a good sign. I think he’s angry because you surprised him. He’s used to being in control of things. You caught us all off guard.” Kam licked the top of my head. “I’m not a hundred percent sure if I could have let you do it.”

I twisted to look him in the eye. Sometimes it was difficult to tell when a shifter in beast form joked. “You let me press the point of the stake against his chest
.”

He shrugged. “You need more than
that to kill a Nosferatu, but I didn’t think you could stake him. I know what love smells like, and the three of you stink of it. Let’s check on Rurik. I’m curious now.”

I allowed Kam to guide me to Rurik’s room. Tane sat on the edge of the bed. He didn’t acknowledge my entry.

Kam stayed in the hall.

Taking a few steps in the room, I hesitated and looked back at the shifter. Would Kam protect me if Tane decided to tear me limb from limb
? I wiped my clammy palms on my pants. King of the vampires probably trumped vampire bait. I tentatively reached out mentally to see if I could pick up Tane’s emotional aura and found him waiting outside my shields for me. I gasped, but it was too late—he trapped my mind.

Dragos
had once done the same thing. He’d raped my memories and tortured me by making me relive the deaths of my husband and grandmother. I went stiff where I stood and braced for the worse, but instead of a violent entry, Tane sent waves of soothing affection over my raw nerves.

“I’m sorry.” I spoke out loud
, still too shredded inside to converse mentally. That sounded so weak compared to what I had done. I’d consciously decided to kill him. How did I apologize? When it came down to it, I’d been unable to thrust the stake. I couldn’t kill Tane any more then I could have killed Rurik. This truth struck me hard. I didn’t think it possible but I never would have been able to go through with my plan.

Tane twisted to face me so I could see Rurik’s hand resting on his lap. My Nosferatu breathed with difficulty. “It grew back.”

Tripping over my own feet, I rushed to examine Rurik’s hand. It was the one that had broken off. “Holy Toledo,” I whispered and sank to my knees.

“I think you saved him,
Rabbit.” Tane smiled at the limb. “I can’t believe it.” He shook his head and touched Rurik’s new fingers in awe.

Rurik jerked his hand away and arched his back. His mouth opened in a silent scream as new teeth pushed out from his gums.

I rose quickly to watch. “Those aren’t fangs.” What had I done? Rurik lived, but as what? He obviously was continuing the transformation part. If he completed the Nosferatu change, shouldn’t his fangs be bigger instead of gone?

He flopped back onto the bed
, still unconscious. His chest heaved, and sweat beaded on his skin.

I ran my hand over his upper arm. “He’s very warm.” Unless a vampire just fed or been really physically active
, he or she didn’t create heat. Maybe the change did it?

“And pink.” Tane gave me a strange look. “I hear something.” He set his han
d over Rurik’s chest as if to calm his labored breathing then yanked it away with a hiss. “His heart is beating.”

I pressed my fingers to Rurik’s neck and felt a pulse. “Oh my
God.” The beat seemed erratic and faint though. I jumped to my feet. “He’s becoming human.” I ran my hands over his face. “Rurik?”

“But that’s impossible.
Dead flesh can’t be reanimated. Not after centuries.” He glanced at me. “Right?”

“How the fuck would I know?”
Rurik looked like shit. His hair grew back before my eyes. Short and wavy black like before, but it was plastered to his head with sweat. He breathed as if fighting for his life. I kept my fingers pressed to the inside of his wrist, afraid if I didn’t, his faint pulse would stop. “This is taking a lot of him.”

“He didn’t have much of a reserve to begin with. I’m not sure if he can take much more.”

I kneeled on the bed, preparing to do CPR if needed. I hadn’t murdered someone for him just so he could die on me. I’d follow him to hell and drag his soul back if I had to at this point. “Does Venice have a 9-1-1 system? If he’s human, we should get him to a hospital.”

“Are you out of your mind?” Tane rubbed his temples.

I pointed to my face, quite aware of my blotchy skin, crazed hair, and wild eyes. “Do I appear sane to you? He needs help.”

“We can’t take the risk. They’ll take blood samples and may find something proving our existence. I won’t be responsible for exposing us. Not for any price.”

“Tane.” His name came out as a plea. He had to agree to this since with his power, he could wipe out anyone’s memory. Including mine.

“I know,
Rabbit. I love him too.” He frowned and glared at Rurik as if willing him to live. Then he brought his wrist to his mouth and bit. Blood so dark it appeared black oozed from the wound.

“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph
, you can’t mean to turn him again.” Stopping him would be impossible, a gnat against a lion.

“I can’t
, even if I wanted to. He’s not vampire anymore and I can only change him Nosferatu if he were vampire.” He dripped a few drops into Rurik’s mouth. Tane had done the same thing to me a long time ago in Budapest as I’d lain dying on the floor of Dragos’s home. The blood had saved my life and created our bond. It would do the same for Rurik.

He’d become Tane’s blood slave like me. He wouldn’t age or sicken but he’d be mortal. Blood slaves could die from trauma since technically we were still human.

I touched Tane’s shoulder. “Can you sustain both of us?” Our lives would be tied to his forever, which meant we drained power from him.

Giving me a smug
look from the corner of his eyes, he didn’t answer. Yeah, I’d sensed the size of his mental self. He could handle the drain.

Rurik’s labored breathing eased and his tense muscles relaxed until he seemed asleep.

I came around the bed and crawled onto Tane’s lap, tangling our arms and legs until we sat face to face, my limbs wrapped around him.

“He’ll be fine—”

Not letting him finish, I
pulled his face to mine and kissed him. I’d chosen Rurik and had decided to kill Tane. How could I ever make it up to him?

His wide, soft lips opened
, inviting me to explore deeper. He tasted of his own blood, iron with a zing of power. I knew the flavor well and craved it due to our bond. Now I could share him with Rurik on a new level. If he’d ever have me back.

I ran my fingertips over the points of his ears the way he liked it and sensed him shiver.
He hadn’t fought when he’d realized the stake was meant for him. He could have killed me and Catarina in a blink. Pulling away, I gazed into his eyes. “Can things ever be the same with us? Watching Rurik fall apart in front of me was too much.” Doubt would hammer a wedge between us unless I could find a way to let him feel what I’d been through.

I opened my mind to his. Not like when we spoke. I let all my hard
-built shields fall and offered him full access.

He didn’t know much about Laurent
. I didn’t speak about my past. I showed him all my memories so he could
know
me like no one else ever would. No amount of apologies could ever make up for what I tried, but maybe this would help him understand why I had considered killing him an option.

I’d always been alone. Few people touched my life or loved me for all my crazy like Tane had. He deserved so much more than a young human woman flailing through her life.

He kissed the tip of my nose. “You’re adorable.”

I
jumped. “That’s all you have to say?” I’d just shared my soul, and he made a joke of my pain.

“You seek forgiveness when I’m not angry.”

“But I hurt you.” I didn’t need a mind link to know this. I’d seen it in his eyes when I’d held the stake to his heart.

He pulled me closer but stare
d at the wall above my head. “Maybe a little bit.”

I snorted and punched him in the arm.

He gave me a devilish grin. “Are we good?”

I sighed. “Yeah.” Why did I
bother trying to figure him out? He was easily a thousand years older than me, and worse, he was male. I couldn’t guess what he had experienced and the changes in society he’d witnessed. “Am I a pet to you?”

He circled my throat with his hand. “I don’t see a collar
, and you sure as hell don’t heel when I order you to.”

“I might if you said please.” Payback would be a bitch for what I done. He said we were good
, but I believed in karma and mine sucked.

“Flirting on my death bed?” Rurik peered at us, his voice rough. A small smile took the edge off his question.

“I’d call this your birthday bed.” I slipped off Tane’s lap and eased in next to Rurik.

He ran his hands over his head and jerked them away. “I have two hands.” He stared at them then at us. “I have hair. What have you done to me?”

“That’s not the only change.” Tane guided Rurik’s hand onto his chest. This miracle would go into vampire legend.

Rurik’s eyes widened as he sat up straight. “My heart…” He weaved. “I’m dizzy.” Then
he swallowed. “And—and I’m going to throw up.”

“Whoa.” I leaned him over the bed and laid him his side. “Too much, too fast. Breathe slow and deep. In through your nose and out through your mouth. You have to do that all the time now.” I rubbed his back
, like he had done for me when I’ve suffered the same symptoms after being drained of too much blood. “Maybe you should give him a little more of your blood?” I pointed to Tane’s healed wrist.

“No. No.” Rurik waved us away. “It’s passing.” He rolled onto his back. “How the fuck am I
human
?”