Relentless Liberation (13 page)

Now she knew better. She was in love with a man who would
never love her back. Story of her life. She should never have agreed to his
deal in the first place. That had been a foolish mistake. Tomorrow she would
talk to him and end this ridiculous farce of a relationship. And then she’d
come home and start packing.

Mina woke the next morning groggy-eyed and full of grim
purpose. On her way to work, she remembered to turn her cell back on and found
another missed call from Tyler and an answering text message. It said
Call
if U need me. Don’t care what time it is. If not I’ll see U tomorrow. Feel
better baby.

There was concern in his message but apparently he hadn’t
been concerned enough to come check on her. Then again, she thought with a
little more rationality, he wasn’t her nurse or her mother—just her friend.
After all, she wouldn’t expect Chloe to drop everything to come check on her in
the middle of the night just because she had a tummy ache.

Still, she couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling of what exactly
she would have been interrupting if she’d called him last night. Would he have
been with Pinky? Did he take her home last night, as was the amazon’s ultimate
goal?

Mina could just imagine Pinky and Studs getting together
over lunch to discuss all the sordid details and Mina knew from experience that
there would be many. Would she tell Studs about how dirty he could be? The
filthy words that came out of his mouth when he was so turned-on he couldn’t
contain it?

Maybe Pinky would relate how forceful he was at times but
gentle when he needed to be and that he was skilled enough to know the
difference. Or how beautiful he looked when he was lost to passion and his
muscles were straining and his lower lip trembled. Perhaps they’d talk about
his low, satisfied laughter or the sexy way he’d smile at her that made her
feel as if she were the only woman in his universe.

A lone teardrop escaped down her cheek as her throat closed
up. She gritted her teeth. If she wanted to be composed and aloof when she saw
him today she needed to knock this shit off right now. She needed to get her
point across to him and make it believable so that he’d have no arguments. So
that he wouldn’t be able to persuade her to change her mind.

She needed to remind herself that putting distance between
them was the only sane thing for her to do and she needed to move on.

The first part of her shift dragged on. She was too
preoccupied to concentrate on work, which was the only thing that would have
gotten her mind off the coming confrontation. Thankfully Chloe wasn’t working
that day, because Mina knew she’d never be able to dodge her questions.

As it got closer to her break, the more anxious she became.
She just wanted to get this over and done with so she could put it behind her.
But she was a ball of nerves and prayed like hell she’d be able to get through
it. It got to the point where every time the door opened, Mina jumped out of
her skin and looked to see who it was until finally he came.

As always, the man exuded confidence and a staggering sex
appeal that made Mina weak-kneed as he strode through the door. When he spotted
her that slow, sexy half-smile spread his lips and she felt it all the way
through her body. Squaring her shoulders, she took a deep breath and renewed
her determination to see this through. He would not sway her.

“Hey, baby,” he said when he got to her. He pulled her into
a hug. “Feeling better?”

She closed her eyes as his strong arms enveloped her and she
breathed in his scent—clean dark spices and Tyler. It would be so easy to lose
herself in his warmth and security, to say to hell with her plan and just let
him hold her. But this safety was just an illusion and it would only hurt her
worse in the end.

When she didn’t return his embrace, remaining stiff in his
arms he pulled back from her with a concerned expression. “You okay?”

“We should talk.” She made her inflection as cold as
possible.

His incredible mouth set into a grim line and he nodded but
his eyes were full of confusion. Without giving herself time to think about it,
she moved past him and out the door with him following close behind her.

They didn’t speak as they made their way to the café next
door. He held the door for her and she walked right up to the counter to order
their drinks. As he usually did this part, he scowled at her with a question in
his dark eyes. She only shook her head and proceeded to pay. In all honesty,
she didn’t even want the damn drink but there had to be some semblance of
normalcy right now or this conversation would be even more awkward than it had
to be.

They took their regular table and in typical Tyler fashion
he didn’t wait or beat around the bush. “So what’s wrong with you? You’re
acting hella weird, baby.”

Inwardly she cringed. She wished he would stop with the
terms of endearment. As much as she loved it when he called her baby, it only
made this harder on her. But she willed herself to ignore it and decided to get
to the point.
Where to start
?

“I had a really shitty day yesterday, Tyler.” She couldn’t
quite meet his eyes, could only stare down at her hands as she spun her cup
around on the table. “As you know, I got an unexpected and extremely unwelcome visitor
at work and that was more than enough to put me in a funk. But then I thought,
‘I’m going to see Tyler again tonight’ after she left and immediately I started
to feel better. Like you were some sort of antidote to my foul mood. And I have
to say,” she looked up at him then, “lately that’s been true. On the days that
I know I’m going to see you it’s like I’m walking on cloud nine and all the
day’s little annoyances just bounce right off.”

“And this is a bad thing?” he asked, quirking an impatient
eyebrow.

“Yes. Because the days I don’t see you I’m anxious and
restless.” She hadn’t exactly meant to lay it all out there for him,
emotionally speaking, but the more she thought about it, the more it seemed
like a good idea. It would drive her ultimate point home.

Well, it had seemed like a good idea until he muttered with
a frown, “I feel like that too when I don’t see you.”

The softly spoken words would have warmed her heart and
maybe even would have had her rethinking her decision but it was the frown that
accompanied them that got her. Maybe she was just too cynical and jaded. Or
maybe it was her severe lack of self-esteem, but that confused frown of his
seemed to say that he couldn’t understand why she felt the way she did. Like it
didn’t make any more sense to him than it did to the bitchy amazons she’d
overheard in the bathroom the night before.

And that right there was the problem. So she ignored his
comment and continued on.

“When I got to the gym last night, I was in the ladies’ room
when I overheard two women talking about us. I won’t get into word for word
what they said, but the gist of it was that one of them wanted to sleep with
you. When her friend told her that she thought you and I might be an item, she
laughed and said you probably just felt sorry for me and there couldn’t
possibly be anything going on between us.”

He made a rude noise and was about to interject when she
held up her hand. “Let me finish.” Clenching his jaw, he gripped his drink so
tightly she worried for his cup, but he just nodded for her to continue.

“I’ll admit that hearing that had me pretty upset at first.
But again, I thought ‘who gives a shit what they say, they don’t know anything
about our relationship’ and I know that you care about me. And that thought
kept me going until the end of the fight when I went to meet you outside of the
locker rooms—and I saw you standing there flirting with the woman I overheard
in the bathroom.”

At this, his eyes narrowed on her. “So that’s the real
reason you left so fast last night. You weren’t actually sick.”

“No.”

“Jesus, Mina,” he growled. “What do you think happened? That
I took her home and fucked her without giving any consideration to you and me?”

The menacing look in his eyes was intimidating but she had
to forge on. “When I saw her coming on to you and you didn’t seem to mind, I
could only think that she’d been right about us. That you’d already gotten sick
of me and just hadn’t told me yet. It was a gut reaction.”

“It was an
over
reaction. You know damn well that I
don’t feel sorry for you, or maybe how fucking hard you make me isn’t enough of
a clue? How the hell could you think that I would mess with your head like
that? I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“No, I know you wouldn’t.” She rushed the words in, as she could
tell he was gearing up into a well-deserved tirade. But she wasn’t finished.
“Everything that happened yesterday was just building up and when I saw you
flirting with her, it was like the straw that broke the camel’s back. I was so
pissed off I couldn’t see straight but when I got home and had cooled off a bit
I started to see things for what they really were.”

“And how do you think things really are?” he asked warily.

“Look.” She sighed. “I know you have your reasons for
wanting our relationship to stay the way it is. I did too. We’ve never pressed
each other for details and that’s probably a good thing. It just would have
complicated things further. But after I calmed down long enough to think
rationally last night, I finally got some clarity.” She swallowed. This was it—no
turning back.

“You were right in the very beginning when you tried to stay
away from me and keep me in the friend zone. I just wanted you so badly and I
thought I could handle being friends with benefits but my…visceral reaction last
night put things into perspective.” She gave a self-depreciating smile. “Turns
out that I’m not cut out for it. At all. So I…”
Come on, Mina, get it out
,
she mentally chastised herself when she faltered. “I think we should try to go
back to being just friends.”

For a few minutes he was eerily quiet. Just sat there and
stared at her with a tight jaw and storm clouds moving through his dark eyes.
She would have given anything in that moment to know what he was thinking but
his expression was unreadable.

“Sure, if that’s how you want it,” he finally said, tersely.
“But just so you know, nothing happened last night. I went home after I got
your text. Alone. Brian and Chloe can vouch for me.”

A thrill of hope went through her that his words might be
true but the calm acceptance with which he delivered them gave her pause. Maybe
it really didn’t matter to him one way or another and she was making such a big
deal out of it solely for her own benefit.

If that was the case, then this was definitely the right
decision to be making.

So she said, “It would have been okay even if something did
happen. I knew what this was going in so I really can’t be mad at you. It’s my
fault for getting too involved. My fault for letting myself feel this way.” Again
she tried to swallow past the lump in her throat. But she would not cry in
front of him. No way in hell. “Now all I can say is I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have
forced my feelings on you. We’re just friends, Tyler.”

“Fine. You’ve obviously made up your mind so I’m glad we got
that cleared up.” He slapped the table hard, making her jump. “We done here?”

All she could do was nod. She didn’t know what else to say.

“Good,” he said standing. “I’ll see you around, Mina.” And
with that he left her alone in the small coffee shop.

Okay, so obviously he was pissed. On some level, she could
understand that. She’d practically blindsided him here but it was a case of
attack as the best form of defense. And what had he meant by saying that she’d
obviously made up her mind? Did that mean that he would have liked to have been
included in making the final decision? That it mattered to him what the outcome
was?

Shaking her head, she got up from the table, throwing their
untouched coffee into the trash on her way out. If she would have talked to him
about this before she’d made her decision, he would have tried to convince her
to keep things as they were—she knew it. But what he failed to realize was that
if they kept things the same it would eventually rip her heart out. Or maybe he
did realize that and just didn’t care.

Her anger was causing her to be unfair. She knew he didn’t
want to hurt her. It was just that she had gotten in way over her head when she
would have been better off to leave well enough alone.

Well, what was done was done and the hard part was over. Now
all she could do was go forward with her plan and try to forget about him. She
prayed that maybe someday she eventually would.

Thunderous banging on Mina’s front door jolted her out of a
fitful sleep. The room was still dark, so she craned her neck to see what time
it was. 3:42 a.m. Who the hell would be at her door this early?

A cold shock of terror ran through her when she contemplated
the answer to that question. Last night when she’d gotten home from work, there
had been a vase of yellow roses sitting on the doorstep to her apartment. She’d
known instantly whom they were from, but couldn’t stop herself from looking at
the card anyway.

It’s been so long, Mina. I’m impatient to see you again.
We’ll pick up right where we left off… Ever yours, Doug xx

Feeling sick to her stomach, she’d immediately thrown the
flowers in the trash along with his disturbingly cryptic note. It was a shame
he’d chosen such a happy color as yellow roses to send her. There would be
absolutely nothing happy about their reunion if he caught up to her.

And with that thought foremost in her mind, she’d begun the
familiar process of getting her things ready to move. There wasn’t much, so it
hadn’t taken her too long, but it was late when she’d finished, so she’d
decided to crash and leave in the morning, assuming she would be safe until
then.

Surely he wouldn’t show up at this time of night, though.
And given his arrogance, he wouldn’t bang on the door for everyone in her
building to hear anyway. He was more devious than that, preferring to sneak up
on her, getting his kicks from catching her off guard.

The incessant banging got louder, mobilizing her into
action. Scrambling off the bed, she grabbed the wooden bat she’d propped
against the wall the night before and made her way out into the living room. It
was so dark in her apartment that it was difficult to see but she didn’t dare
turn on a light. If it was Doug maybe she would get lucky and he’d think she
wasn’t home.

All hope of going undetected vanished when she
unceremoniously ran into one of the many boxes littering the floor of her
living room. The small noise sounded cacophonous in her ears and she held her
breath hoping she was just being paranoid.

“I know you’re in there, Mina, I can hear you. Open up,
baby.”

That particular masculine voice was one she’d never expected
to hear again and for a moment she stood stunned. Snapping out of it, she
reached over to turn on a light, then rushed toward the door to fling it open.

Tyler stood with his hands braced on the doorframe. For once,
he didn’t look much better than she felt. There was a day’s growth of beard on
his face and he was still wearing the same clothes as when she’d last seen him—only
now they were rumpled. He looked just as tired as she was but his expression
was resolute and grim.

“What are you doing here?” she asked breathlessly, knowing
full well that her eyes were as big as saucers.

“I decided our conversation wasn’t over and that if I
couldn’t sleep, neither could you. What are you doing with that bat?”

She’d completely forgotten she’d been holding it. Now that
he’d brought it to her attention, she set it down against the side of the
couch. “I’m a woman who lives alone and some psycho tries to break my door down
in the middle of the night. What do you think I was doing with that bat?”

Her sarcasm caused the faintest twitch to his lips before he
straightened up from the door. “Now that you know I’m not some random psycho,
you gonna let me in? Or would you prefer to have this conversation in the
hallway?”

Frowning, she stepped back and opened the door wider. “Come
in.” She couldn’t help but shake her head at this situation. She’d always been
the neighbor who was awakened in the middle of the night by some noisy lovers’
quarrel, thinking how ridiculous and childish it was. What could possibly be so
dire that it couldn’t wait until a decent hour?

Now that it was her lover—er…ex-lover—showing up in the
middle of the night, she could see the situation from an entirely new
perspective.

The look he gave her as he came into the apartment was
chilling in its intensity. Suddenly, the bat lying impotently against the couch
was looking pretty good. Shaking that silly thought away, she closed the door
behind him, followed him farther into the room and sat down on the couch. If he
was going to wake her up in the middle of the night, then he could deal with
her exhaustion.

“Going somewhere?” He gestured to the boxes piled up around
them. If she’d thought his fierce expression couldn’t get any more severe,
she’d been mistaken. But she didn’t answer, just returned his angry gaze with a
steady one of her own. He’d made it clear that he didn’t want any sort of
permanence in her life, so she wasn’t about to unload this hugely fucked-up
situation on him if he wasn’t going to stick around.

At her lack of reply, his eyes darkened and a tic began in
his jaw. “Are you running from me?”

She fought the urge to roll her eyes and snort. If she was
going to do any running where he was concerned, she wanted it to be straight
into his arms, not away from him. But he didn’t want any part of that, so again
she remained silent, only shook her head.

His eyes narrowed on her. “Really? Because it sure as hell
sounded like you were running from me earlier.”

Shock and incredulity widened her eyes. Of all the things
she’d expected him to say, this wasn’t one of them. Well, she really had no clue
why he was here but if she would have had to guess, this wouldn’t have been it.
And, unexpectedly, having him turn it around on her like this pissed her off.

“You were the one who was running, Tyler. Not me. You were
the one who made the stipulation in the beginning that there couldn’t be
anything more between us than just sport fucking. No reasons or explanations as
to why you’re so emotionally closed off. Just a blanket statement of ‘this is
the way it is, take it or leave it’. All I did was own up to the fact that I
was in over my head.” As she bit out the last words, her body was actually
vibrating with the force of them. This was a topic she’d told herself she would
never bring up. She hadn’t wanted to push him away. But she supposed it was a
little late for that now, wasn’t it?

Pacing to the chair directly opposite her, he ran a
frustrated hand through his hair and sat down. “If it bothered you so much, why
didn’t you tell me? If you wanted more, why didn’t you ask for it?” The
vehemence in his expression had her stopping short. There was desperation in
his stare, as though he was trying to tell her something without words. What
that something was she couldn’t fathom. Wouldn’t let herself dare to hope that
it meant what she thought it could mean.

“I didn’t want to press you on it. I figured if you wanted
to tell me, then you would, without me having to pry it out of you.”

For a second he said nothing, just gazed at her
speculatively. “I think it’s more than that. I think you didn’t want to talk
about it because if I opened up to you then you’d have to reciprocate.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Why are you running, Mina? If it’s not from me, then what
is it?” He shook his head. “We were at that point where we could talk about
anything, baby. But something changed and I think you’re using that girl as an
excuse to leave because deep down you know that nothing happened with her.”

Damn him and his keen powers of observation. It had been
like this since they’d met. It was as if he were so hyperaware of her she
couldn’t hide anything from him. And at this point, she didn’t know if that was
a blessing or a curse.

She closed her eyes on a sigh before she pinned him with a
wary stare. He was like a dog with a bone. She knew he wouldn’t let it go but
she tried to dissuade him anyway. “It’s really not that important, Tyler.”

That had him barking out a laugh. “Oh baby, I know it is.” He
gestured to her boxed-up apartment. “Tell me what happened between yesterday
morning and right now that has you so scared.”

This was it. He wasn’t going to drop it until she told him.
And maybe on some level, he was right. She’d been about to tell him all of this
stuff last night anyway but her fear, lack of trust and confidence in herself
held her back. And they
had
been to the point where they could tell each
other everything. This was the only piece of herself she’d held back. Even
though she was unsure of herself and how he would react, she had to get on with
it.

“You remember that we bumped into Daisy yesterday outside
the bookstore?”

He frowned. “You mean Daisy the Twat?”

Despite the situation, she couldn’t suppress the small smile
that tilted her lips. “Yeah, Daisy the Twat.”

“What does she have to do with you and me?”

“Nothing.” She shook her head. “Everything. Look, you know
that she wasn’t the greatest of friends to me and when I saw her yesterday it
was jarring to say the least. But there’s way more to it than I’ve told you.”

“Obviously,” he interjected.

She ignored him. “I suppose I should tell you this story
from the beginning, since you’re hell-bent on hearing it.” She narrowed her
eyes.

“I am.” He smiled.

“Okay, here goes.” She took a deep breath and began. “I’ve
known Daisy since before I can remember. Our parents were old college friends
and as a consequence we were thrown together since we were babies. Daisy could
do no wrong in, well, just about everyone’s eyes, but especially my parents’.
They were constantly comparing the two of us and deep down I think that they
wished Daisy was their daughter instead of me.”

Even after all this time—all these years she’d grown used to
her parent's’ preference for Daisy—it still stung. That unconditional parental love
that every child deserves somehow skipped right over her and landed on her
perfect friend. A friend who got all the love in the world while Mina was only
tolerated.

It didn’t take a Freudian scholar to realize that her
feelings of worthlessness had started there.

“When it came time for college, I followed Daisy to the
university of her choice with the full sanction of and encouragement from my
parents. They never bothered to ask what I wanted to do with my life. It was
only important that I emulate Daisy in every way. They felt that if I went with
her and roomed with her, then maybe her influence would rub off on me. That if
it hadn’t already, this would be the clincher.”

“What was it that you wanted to do? If you’d had the
choice?” Tyler asked softly.

Mina stopped and gave a small smile. “That’s the first time
anyone’s ever asked me that. I would have loved to have opened up my own
bookstore. Someplace lovely and quiet.” She knew her smile and her voice had
turned wistful. “But that was one of the things my parents berated me about the
most. They ‘worried’ for me that I always had my nose in a book instead of
going out to experience life the way Daisy did.”

“So everything always came back to her?”

“My whole life.” She nodded grimly. “But anyway, I’ll get to
the real point here. Once we got to college Daisy found a boyfriend, Thatcher.
Unlike many of her admirers, she actually latched onto him, wanted to keep him
close. He and his best friend Doug were known partiers, borderline alcoholics
and overly fond of marijuana. And to be honest, as they were both good-looking,
they were pretty much man-whores.”

That tic started up again in Tyler’s jaw at the mention of
her finding another man attractive. Jealousy maybe? But come on, was he
serious? He had to know by now that she thought he was the sexiest man on the
planet. To his credit, though, he didn’t say anything, just let her get on with
her story.

“Daisy, being the manipulative bitch she is, decided it
would bring and keep Thatcher closer to her if she could somehow rein Doug in
as well. Together they got into all kinds of trouble and they were pretty much
inseparable. So she thought if she could direct their focus to something
harmless, she could keep Thatcher from cheating on her.

“Of course, at the time I was completely oblivious to her
scheming and when she introduced me to Doug, I thought she was looking out for
me, trying to hook me up with a guy she thought I might like. Throwing her
poor, dateless friend Mina a bone.” She couldn’t keep the bitterness from
seeping into her voice.

“She knew what a complete and utter asshole Doug was, but
glossed over it by saying that he just needed a good girl in his life to
straighten him out. Obviously she didn’t give a shit what a guy like that could
do to a girl like me, or the aftereffect. As usual, it was all about her and I
have to say that for a while her plan worked. For a few months the four of us
were constantly together. Doug even made me think that he cared about me. It
was such a welcome relief. Up until that point, no one had ever paid that much
attention to me, especially not when Daisy was around.

“Even then, though, I have to admit, there was something off
about Doug. He was always doing these seemingly sweet things but there was an
underlying edge to it that I can’t define. As if it was an act that he was
trying to convince not only me of, but himself as well. I should have seen it
for what it was. There were so many things that I should have seen back then…” She
trailed off, for about the billionth time getting lost in these old memories,
cursing herself for being so stupid and naive. How she could have for one
minute thought that Doug actually cared for her was beyond her. There were so
many blaring neon signs that she’d carelessly ignored.

Rough warmth covering her hands brought her back to the
moment and she looked down to see Tyler’s hands covering hers. “Hey. Hindsight
is twenty/twenty. When you’re in the middle of something, it’s hard to see it
clearly. It happens to everyone.”

She swallowed. “I appreciate that, I do, but you don’t know
the kinds of things I let them get away with. Any self-respecting woman would
have kicked him to the curb long before I did.”