Relentless Liberation (14 page)

There went that ticking in his jaw again. “What kinds of
things?”

Pausing here for a moment, she took a deep breath. She never
liked to rehash how pathetic she once was. “As you know, I hadn’t had a
boyfriend before Doug and I was pretty reserved, so it follows to say that I
was a virgin. I wasn’t gonna just give it up to anyone. If I’d saved it that
long, I wanted it to mean something. But Thatcher and Doug, they made it seem
like that was the worst possible trait a woman could possess. A major flaw.
Like no man could possibly want such an inexperienced girl who didn’t give it
up right away.”

His grip on her hands tightened before he started to run his
thumb back and forth across the back of her hand. “Those guys were douche bags.
You have any idea how amazing it is to know that I’ve been your first in so
many ways? Makes me feel like the most important man in the goddamn world. They
were fuckers for making you think any different.”

For once, she actually believed him. She squeezed his hands
and gave him a genuine smile for it.

“I know that now. And I also know that they were immature
college boys but what the hell did I know back then? It didn’t change how…defective
it made me feel. And then there were the many nights that I couldn’t get ahold
of Doug at all. He’d leave with the vague excuse that he ‘had to take care of
something’ and then I wouldn’t hear from him for the rest of the night.”

A wry smile twisted her lips. “Once I tried to use that
excuse on him but he wouldn’t let me leave the apartment until I told him where
I was going. He was such a hypocritical bastard but I let it go, thinking I
didn’t deserve any better. That is, until Daisy got into a fight with Thatcher.
I can’t even remember what it was that started it but if she was hurting, that
meant everyone around her had to hurt too.

“The whole time she’d known where Doug was going on the
nights that I couldn’t get in touch with him. As long as Thatcher wasn’t going
with him, she didn’t care. It took her getting pissed off at Thatcher for her
to tell me—her supposed best friend—that Doug was cheating on me with an
ex-girlfriend. So not only did I have to go through the pain of finding out my
boyfriend had been cheating on me but I had to find out that my ‘best friend’
had known about it the whole time and didn’t tell me. For whatever reason, she
was protecting him over me.”

The anger and indignation she felt over that was still raw.
How one person could use and twist another into suiting their purposes still
boggled her mind. How was it possible to care so little for anyone other than
yourself? The offense of being such a backstabber ran parallel to what Doug had
done.

“Most people would probably have been surprised to hear that
but though I was naive, stupid I was not. I had kind of suspected it but a
shock of pain still went right through me, hearing it confirmed. And for once,
I found my backbone and broke it off with him.”

“And how did that go down?” Tyler ran his fingers over and
through hers in a gesture she found oddly calming.

“Not so well. He was pissed and of course he denied it all.
But deep down I knew he was lying and I’d had enough. It was a rare moment for
me back then to get fed up with someone and let them know about it.” She’d been
so proud of herself in that moment and, if she were honest, his explosive
reaction was kind of satisfying.

But that satisfaction didn’t last very long. Daisy made sure
of that.

“A few weeks later, Daisy and Thatcher still hadn’t gotten
back together, and true to her nature, she came up with a plan to make him
jealous. That night was the only night she’d ever asked me to go out to a bar
with her. I was so nervous and excited and when we got there. I was completely
out of my element. So Daisy bought me a drink to loosen me up.”

This was the part that she never liked to talk about. Well, none
of it was a picnic really, and she never liked to talk about any of it, but
this was the most difficult. “Of course, Thatcher and Doug were there that
night and Doug was drunk off his ass. It was the first time I’d seen him since
we’d broken up and I was surprised by how much I’d missed him.”

She couldn’t quite meet Tyler’s eyes. How could she explain
this next part to him so that he’d understand where she was coming from? She
knew it didn’t make any sense outside of her head.

“I knew he was a total asshole and he treated me like shit
but when I was with him I felt…normal. Like for once I was just like everyone
else and not some strange freak on the outside, staring in at all the normal
happy people living out their lives.”

“Hey, look at me.” Tyler cupped her chin and tilted her head
up to meet his gaze. “There’s nothing wrong with you. All those people back
then saw something in you that they wanted and you were so sweet and giving
that they took advantage. But that was a huge failing on their part, baby, not
yours. They’re the ones with the character flaws, not you.”

Lower lip beginning to tremble and eyes misting over, she
pulled away from him and studied the carpet beneath her feet. Where had this
man been back then when she’d needed him? Why did she have to go through all
that pain before meeting someone like him? And even if he’d been there, would
he have treated her the same as everyone else had?

Looking up at his beautiful face and the earnest sincerity
in his eyes, she didn’t think so. Like he’d said all those nights ago, he
actually saw her for who she was. It was a revelation.

Clearing her throat, she continued with her story. She
wasn’t done, not by a long shot, and the most painful memory still remained.

“While Daisy was flirting with other guys to make Thatcher
jealous, Doug barreled his way over to me. He said he wanted to talk to me, try
to explain things from his perspective. So I let him pull me off into one of
the empty side hallways of the bar. Instead of talking to me, though, he
started kissing me. I didn’t push him away right off. I really had missed him
and I guess I just wanted something that was mine, even if it was wrong and a
lie.”

She twisted her hands in her lap, pulling at the skin on the
sides of her fingers. Trying to focus on the mundane task of pushing back her
cuticles rather than the horrific scene playing in her mind’s eye.

“Eventually I came to my senses and realized that he was
drunk and in no state to be having a serious conversation with me about
anything. Let alone the fact that we were in a public place. So I said no and
tried to push him away but—” Her voice cracked as a lone tear ran down her
cheek. “He didn’t stop. Instead, he grabbed me and pulled me into a utility
closet. I screamed but the music in that place was so loud that no one heard me
and I couldn’t push him off.”

This was the first time since that night that she’d spoken
about it out loud. She’d replayed the evening’s events over and over in her
mind about a million times. Thinking of what she should have done differently
and torturing herself with all the “if onlys” in the world.
If only
she hadn’t
let him kiss her that night.
If only
she had been smart enough to never
get involved with him in the first place.
If only
she’d been strong
enough to tell Daisy to go to hell and forge her own path.
If only, if only,
if only.

But she’d since come to realize that it couldn’t have
happened any other way. It was in the past and she couldn’t change it no matter
how fervently in her heart she wished otherwise. But at least it was done.

“I think you can infer what happened then. Afterward he left
me there, just zipped up and went back out to his friends. I righted my clothes
and made it the whole way to the bathroom in a state of shock. But when I
finally locked myself inside a stall…God…Tyler.” She squeezed her eyes shut,
the silent tears falling freely now. “There was so much blood it was like I’d
gotten my period. And when I finally had the courage to look in the mirror I
had a split lip and bruises on my arms where he’d held me down.”

She had to stop then. For one, she didn’t think she was
capable of describing it further and two, she didn’t think Tyler could handle
hearing it. She was grateful that her hands were no longer in his, as his fists
were balled so that his knuckles were white and straining. His jaw was clenched
so tight she felt sure it would shatter.

But all this was nothing compared to the look in his eyes.
That look went beyond anger. It was menacing with a barely checked ferocity
that had her shivering. She hoped like hell that she would never be on the
receiving end of such a look.

Before he could say or do anything, though, she had to get
the rest of this story out. Once she finished, then he could react however he
wanted to.

“I cleaned myself up as best I could and went to find Daisy.
She looked annoyed that I’d been gone so long but when she saw my busted lip,
she actually asked me what was wrong. I pulled her aside and told her what
happened. And the look she gave me then—what she said—I’ll never forget it as
long as I live.” Mina’s lips twisted in a bitter smile as her own fists
clenched in anger.

“She said, ‘Well, you’ve been stringing him along like a
little cock tease. What did you think was going to happen?’ Then she laughed
and walked back out into the bar.” Mina shook her head, still incredulous at
the memory.

“That was it.” She sniffed and dabbed at her eyes with her fingers.
“That was the catalyst that finally opened my eyes to what kind of human being
Daisy was.”

Abruptly, Tyler stood from the chair and came to sit down
beside her on the couch. She would have been okay, she really would have, if he
hadn’t then pulled her into his lap to cradle her in his arms. Once he did
that, though, the dam broke loose. Sobs racked her body as he rocked her in his
arms, murmuring to her and kissing her hair.

“I wish I had met you back then,” he said softly against her
temple. “I would have cherished you, treated you with the wonder and awe you
deserved for being so much better, so far above the ordinary.”

He kissed her cheek and cupped her face so she looked up at
him. His eyes were unguarded and full of adulation. It took her breath away.
“You have to know that you are worth every single second I’ve spent waiting for
you.”

On a broken whimper and without thinking, she did the only
thing she’d wanted to do since the first moment she’d seen him. She got to her
knees beside him and kissed him like it was her last moment on earth. His hands
fisted in her hair to pull her closer but he didn’t try to dominate the kiss,
just remained open to her and let her explore his mouth as she wanted. So she
pushed her tongue past his lips to circle and play with his and he groaned.

Gently pulling back from her, he rested his forehead against
hers. “I’m glad you told me this.” He cupped her face in his hands and steadily
met her gaze. There were calculating thoughts forming behind those dark eyes of
his, she could see it, and that worried her. He wouldn’t go after Doug, would
he? She didn’t want that, didn’t want Tyler to get into any trouble because of
her. But then he was speaking again, interrupting her thought process.

“But I still don’t understand why you feel the need to run.
I’m not like him. You know that, right?” Now his look became searching and it
amazed her that he could possibly think that she would believe him capable of
something like that.

“Of course I know that. I wouldn’t be here with you like
this if I thought you were.” She swallowed. “It’s Doug that I’m running from.”

A frown marred his brow as he shook his head. “Okay, you
lost me.”

Sighing, she sat back, pulling away from him. “After that
night, Doug kept calling me and trying to get me to see him. For obvious
reasons I was avoiding him and it pissed him off. Daisy was no help either. For
some reason, she kept trying to get us in the same room to let Doug ‘explain’.
She said that he didn’t remember anything that happened that night, that he was
so drunk he’d blacked out. I knew that was bullshit and even if it wasn’t, I
had nothing to say to him. So I told her that I didn’t want to see him and not
to bring him around. But of course, she didn’t listen.”

“What the hell kind of friend does that?” Tyler growled.
“She’s seriously a soulless bitch.”

A smile lifted Mina’s lips. “I wholeheartedly concur. I was
afraid to be alone with him again and she knew that, but it didn’t matter
because she had gotten back together with Thatcher. She wanted us to be one big
happy family again so that she could keep Thatcher on a tight leash. I had a
few near misses where I barely got out of our apartment before Doug got there.
It got to the point where I couldn’t focus on my schoolwork anymore because I
was too upset about what had happened and scared that I wouldn’t be able to
dodge him or Daisy forever.

“It wasn’t worth it, so one day I decided to just leave.
That wasn’t the life I wanted for myself anyway, so I packed up all my stuff
and dropped out of school. I couldn’t go home because my parents would have
just sent me back.”

“They still would have sent you back after what happened to
you there?”

“It would have been my word against Daisy’s and I know that
they would have sided with her. They would have chalked it up to me making up
stories to get out of going to college, or at least that particular college, as
they knew it wasn’t something I’d wanted to do. It didn’t matter to them what I
wanted.” Once again, she looked down at her hands.

He tilted her chin up with his forefinger and softly kissed
her lips. “That’s fucked up, baby. I’m sorry.”

Despite the topic of conversation, his sweetness made her
smile so she kissed him back before she continued. “I just found a small town
and settled in. I was there for about a month when he found me.”

“Doug? What the hell did he want from you?”