Remember Jamie Baker (19 page)

Sighing, I sank back into the couch and glanced at the ceiling. “I’m not upset by your feelings, Ryan. I’m just…” I struggled to find a good word. But I needed to try to explain, because he deserved the truth, too. “It’s just all so overwhelming and intense. To be honest, I’m
scared
of your feelings for me.”

“Especially because you respond to them,” Ryan said. When I gasped at the outrageous statement, Ryan grinned and added, “A lot.” I narrowed my eyes. He met my skepticism with egotism. “You know you do.”

Ugh. I hated that he was right. I hated that he
knew
he was right. “Fine. Yes, all right? I’m attracted to you. I physically respond to your advances. But that just makes everything scarier.”

Grinning that self-assured smile I’ve come to both adore and hate—mostly adore—Ryan leaned toward me, not eliminating the space between us completely, but almost, and said, “It’s a good kind of scary, though. Isn’t it?”

It was an exhilarating kind of scary, but I knew better than to admit as much. Not with him sitting so close to me, looking at me the way he was. “Scary is scary,” I muttered.

He was so good at causing friction. I needed to break the tension before I found myself making out with him again. Because if that happened right now, with him half dressed and us alone in this hotel suite… I wasn’t ready for that, but I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stop myself, either. “It’s a little less scary now, though,” I said.

Ryan cocked his head to the side. “How’s that?” He gave me a heart-melting smile. “I need to know what I did right so I can repeat it a lot and break your will even faster.”

I wasn’t in the mood to joke with him. In a rare moment of openness, I took his hand and gave him the sincerest thank-you I was capable of. “Ryan…I…” My voice clouded over with emotion. “Thank you for tonight. You were right before. I’m terrified of tomorrow, but with everything you’ve told me about my past, I feel like I can face it.”

His grin vanished. “You
can
face it, Jamie. You’re tough. A lot tougher than you think you are. You’ll be fine.”

I believed him. It was impossible not to. He’d said his stepdad was some kind of motivational speaker. He’d obviously picked up on a few tricks.

He took advantage of my hand-holding and knitted our fingers together in an inescapable hold. “And you won’t be alone. I’ll be right by your side the entire time.”

That comforted me more than it probably should have. He’d done so much for me today—given me something I’d desperately needed. I wanted to give him something in return. I looked down at our hands, linked together, and remembered the words he’d whispered to me. It was pretty obvious what Ryan needed. Bracing myself and praying I wouldn’t blush, I closed my eyes and said, “Ryan, would you like to stay with me tonight? In my room, I mean.”

Ryan’s body stiffened, and his eyes flew to my face. My prayers about the not-blushing thing went unanswered. “Just to sleep,” I said quickly. “I’m not ready for anything else, but I could handle that much. If you need it…”

Ryan looked long and deep into my eyes, and then his gaze fell to our hands. He swirled his thumb in small circles on the back of my hand as he thought over my offer. Finally, he wet his lips and said, “I’d better not.”

I was shocked by the rejection. Not offended, just surprised.

He brought his eyes up to mine and forced a smile. It looked pained, as if it were killing him to say this. “I have a great many awesome personality traits. But if I had a notebook like yours, the word
restraint
would not be in it. Not unless it was preceded by the word
no
.” He brought my hand to his lips and gave it a soft kiss. “Thank you for the offer, Sunshine. I’ll take you up on it eventually, but for now, I think you’d better go to bed alone.” He let go of my hand and the twinkle returned to his eyes. “And maybe lock the door to your room.”

He was kidding. I think. I laughed anyway, because my heart suddenly felt a lot lighter. “Thank you for everything, Ryan. I’ll see you in the morning.” Unable to resist his charm, I leaned forward and kissed his cheek. “I’m not going anywhere just yet.”

I stood up, and Ryan tugged me back down. After smashing his lips to mine in a desperate kiss that stole my breath and rattled my senses, he squeezed my hand again and gave me another smile. “Good night, Jamie.”

Even though I woke up early
—I’d set my alarm to give me plenty of time to make myself presentable before having to face the world—I felt completely rested, and thankfully, the last of my killer headache was gone. Sleep, lovely sleep, the miracle cure for concussions.

Still, feeling good or not, I grumbled at the bright light shining in through my large east-facing window. Weren’t hotels supposed to have blackout curtains? Sunsets might have been my thing, but sunrises usually put me in the mood to fry something.

I smiled, remembering the time not too long after the explosion that Teddy had taken my notebook from me and written “definitely not a morning person” in it. My smile left my face almost immediately. I was confused about him. I hated him. I was so angry with him, and yet I was still worried about him. I had to save him. With that thought in mind, I hurried and got dressed. Thanks to Ryan, I was feeling confident, powerful, and ready to face my problems. Evil super-villain butt-kicking was definitely on the agenda for the day.

I was practically strutting, or perhaps storming, from my room, fueled by determination as I went to find Ryan. But all of my ambition came crashing to a sudden halt—mission completely forgotten—when I walked into the living room and found Ryan on the floor beside the couch doing push-ups in his underwear.

(I’d like to take this moment to thank all the wonderful people at Jockey for producing and distributing to the world the wonder that is boxer briefs.)

His head was facing away from me, so I had a great view of his toned legs, perfect behind, flawless back, and those glorious shoulders and arms. The sight was, in a word, delicious. He was so tempting that I had half a mind to accuse him of hearing me get up and rolling out of bed to pretend he was in the middle of an impressive workout. But his heart rate was accelerated and there was a dense sheen of sweat covering him, so I knew he’d really been at it for a while.

Still, a moment like this couldn’t be left alone. “Let me guess,” I said, finally finding the ability to move my arms and legs again, “4,000,867…4,000,868…,”

Startled by the sound of my voice, Ryan lost his concentration and fell flat on his stomach with a hilarious thud. He scrambled to his feet and reached to pull the blanket he’d slept with in front of him.

His discomfort—for once—made me find my inner confidence. Hands on my hips, I let my eyes trail his body. The front view was just as impressive as the back. Even the scar on his arm begged to be touched. A wide grin stretched over my face. “Please don’t stop on my account.”

I couldn’t believe it because he’d seemed so unfailingly confident, but the tips of his ears burned pink from embarrassment. It wouldn’t last long, though. His cocky smile was already starting to break through, as if he found the situation amusing. “I didn’t think you’d be up so early. You were pretty wiped out last night, and you’re hardly a morning person.”

I was always surprised when he knew things about me, but it absolutely thrilled me every time. My grin doubled. Ryan smiled to match it. Wrapping the blanket around his waist as he would a towel after getting out of the shower, he sat on the couch and patted the spot next to him. It seemed an innocent enough invitation, but considering the amount of nakedness, I left a good foot of space between us when I joined him.

“How’d you sleep?” Ryan asked.

“Surprisingly well.”

Ryan’s smile turned dangerous. “Were your dreams as pleasant as mine last night?”

I dared to imagine the kind of dreams he’d had last night, and felt a stab of envy. If only I could be so lucky. “I can’t dream, remember? I haven’t ever since the explosion, anyway, and you’d think that after experiencing something like that, it would come out subconsciously in nightmares.”

Ryan’s brows drew together in concern. “That’s not right. Did you ask your doctor about it?”

“He couldn’t say for sure. Just assumed it was another side effect of my brain damage.”

“Side effect?” He took my hand in his and bit his bottom lip. “Are there others? More? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” I didn’t want to talk about my stupid brain damage or my amnesia. I was enjoying the light atmosphere too much to get into such depressing topics, so I tried to bring the mood back. I tugged at the blanket draped over his lap. “Why the cover? I assume this”—I waved a hand at his half-naked body—“is nothing I haven’t seen before.”

Though obviously surprised, Ryan definitely appreciated the random subject change. He arched a brow and gave me a look that made my heart rate spike, his smile alpha-male confident again. “There’s a difference between stripping down to your underwear for someone and being caught with your pants down.”

“I suppose that’s true.” I conceded the point with a nod of my head and let my gaze enjoy the sight of him one more time. “It’s still a shame, though. I was rather enjoying the view.”

Here I thought I was winning whatever game we were playing, but when I said that, Ryan’s face lit up as if I’d just stepped into some kind of trap. Locking his beautiful sky blue eyes on mine, he slowly stood up, leaving the blanket behind, and turned to face me with his arms spread wide. “If you want to look, Sunshine, you only have to say so. I’m here for your viewing pleasure at anytime.”

My eyes stretched to an uncomfortable size as I willed them not to break from his stare. I tried not to look. I swear on all the stars in the Arizona sky, I tried not to let my gaze fall below his face. But it did.

I looked, and looked, and, oh my holy lightning bolts, did I enjoy the sight. I stared way too long, and I may or may not have licked my lips. I’m going to say not, because that would be highly embarrassing if I did. But my mouth was completely dry.

I didn’t look at his face again until he cleared his throat. There was laughter behind the gesture, and when my eyes snapped up he was grinning at me with a crooked smile that, if possible, I was already starting to fall for. “Want to make out for a while before Major Wilks gets here?” he asked.

Yes.
“No.” I popped my jaw shut—when had it fallen open?—and scrambled off the couch, moving a safe distance away from him.

Ryan stalked toward me, closing the gap between us in seconds. “Are you sure about that?”

“Yup.” Another audible swallow. Curse that blasted twinkle in his eyes! “Definitely sure.”

He laughed and brushed my cheek with his fingertips. If I didn’t do something, I was going to lose this battle. Actually, I already was losing this battle, because I couldn’t remember why I was even fighting him. All I knew at this point was that some inner stubborn part of me was determined not to give in to him—probably because he was being so cocky.

I scrambled for excuses that would save me from certain…who even knows what. “We have more important things to do right now.”

He wrinkled his nose. “That’s debatable.”

“Plus, you’re, like, really sweaty, which, no offense, is super gross because I have this heightened sense of smell and—”

That cracked through Ryan’s focus. Giving up the fight, he interrupted me with a loud, overly dramatic sigh. “I know, I know. You have a major problem with post-workout stink.”

“Right. Exactly.” I thanked my lucky stars that the tension had been cut, because I’d been choking on it. “So why don’t you go shower and…” My voice trailed off. Visions of Ryan minus the Jockeys currently on his person, under a spray of hot, steamy water danced across my mind and I lost my train of thought.

Ryan chuckled, deep and throaty. “Would you like to join me?”

“No,” I snapped, more annoyed with my ridiculous weakness than his cocky attitude.

His laughter tipped the scales of my annoyance even more. I forced a roll of my eyes when what I really wanted to do was zap the smug smile off his face. I whirled around, prepared to stomp off to my room with so much attitude that my hair flew out behind me. I should have used superspeed.

Ryan grabbed my hand and gently jerked me back. “Jamie. Babe. Why are you fighting this so hard?” I scoffed at the word
babe
. Ryan smiled and tucked some of my hair behind my ear in response. “You fought me last time too, because you’re stubborn. But it’s a hopeless endeavor. You’ll give in to me eventually. You always do. So why not just save us both some time and give in now? Be my girlfriend.”

I was still reeling over that impossibly arrogant speech when his last words registered in my mind. “Be your
girlfriend?
Are you serious?”

Ryan tugged me close and slipped his arms low around my waist, pulling me against his nearly naked body. “Do I seem like I’m joking?”

No. He most definitely did not. His hands, gripping my hips, were tense as if he was consciously trying to keep them rooted in place and not let them wander elsewhere. His eyes burned with heat.

My heart rate spiked to dangerous levels. I felt panicked. “Ryan, that’s crazy.”

“Why?”

I wasn’t sure anymore. “It just is.”

“I’m not asking you to continue the relationship we used to have. Don’t think about the past. Don’t think about what we used to be. How do you feel right now?”

“I—” Nervous, fluttery, tingly, breathless, overwhelmed, excited…

When I didn’t respond, Ryan tried a different approach. “Do you at least like me more than Teddy?”

The question surprised me into responding without thinking. “That’s not fair. I can’t compare the two of you. I never liked him this way.”

“Ha!” Ryan shouted. He let go of me and backed up a step so that he could point an accusing finger at me. The lust he’d been struggling with moments ago was gone. Now he was nothing but excited and playful. “You like me!”

“What?”

“You said you never liked Teddy ‘this way.’ That means you like me differently than him, and you said you only like him as a friend. You like me as more than a friend.”

My jaw dropped. “Wait. I didn’t mean—I wasn’t saying—”

Ryan shook his head. “Oh, no you don’t. You’re in like with me. You just admitted it. You can’t take it back.”

I groaned. “Fine, but—”

“But nothing. You like me. I like you. So be my girlfriend.”

“I’ve only known you a couple days.”

“That’s plenty long enough to know that it’s right.”

He has a point.
I was so surprised at my own thought that I nearly short-circuited the room. He had a point? Did I really believe that? Did I really think he was right for me after only knowing him a couple of days? Granted, I must have thought he was right for me once, enough to agree to marry him. And unlike when I used to think that about Teddy, I completely understood how I could have been engaged to Ryan. If I was being honest with myself, I’d already accepted our previous engagement and figured we’d end up there again eventually. But after
two days?

“Jamie.” While I’d been mentally fighting with myself, Ryan had flipped back into his dangerous, irresistible mode. And he was holding me again. How the heck did I end up back in his arms? He ran his hands over my shoulders, and then placed my arms around his neck. He pulled me close, held me tight. “Doesn’t this feel right?”

It felt so right I couldn’t speak. My silence was answer enough for Ryan. He lowered his mouth to mine, nudging my lips with his, demanding that I open up for him and give him access to deepen the kiss. I was helpless against his advances;
welcomed
them.

I gave him what he wanted and returned the kiss. At first it was tender. He held me gently, kissed me slowly. I savored every blissful feeling. Right. It was definitely right.

He claimed last night that he had no restraint, but
I
was the one who lost control first. I couldn’t help it. I’d been dreaming of a connection like this for six months, and though I couldn’t really explain it, Ryan felt familiar. The way my body responded to him, the way we fit so well together, kissed like we’d been doing it for years… It was as if I knew him. I couldn’t remember him, but I knew him on some deeper, instinctual level.

Realizing this, I let myself go. I relaxed completely. That’s when the warm, tingly energy that lived deep inside of me rose to the surface of my skin, setting me on fire. This had happened last night as well, and it was just as overwhelming the second time. The energy seemed to respond to me. It worked with me, for me, as if it knew what I wanted. And at the moment, Ryan was all that I wanted.

The energy pulled us together with this insane sort of magnetism, strengthening our connection and heightening our senses. I became so much more physically aware of everything. Every touch. Every sensation. The taste of him. The feel of his chest heaving against mine. The sound of his heart beating wildly. I knew from the way Ryan kissed me back that he was experiencing the same things as me.

Unable to stop myself, I unlocked my arms from behind his head and let my hands explore all the muscles I’d dreamed of feeling from the moment I first saw them. At my touch, Ryan sucked in a breath through his nose and released a noise somewhere between a groan and a growl. His hands found their way beneath my shirt, eagerly exploring my stomach and the small of my back. When his fingers found my bra and he instinctively started to remove my shirt, I finally regained my senses and ripped myself away from him.

For a moment we just stood there, gasping for air. My eyes were wide. His were feverish. “Right,” he said. He took a deep breath and shook off a wave of chills. “Right. We’re not
there
anymore. Sorry. I know that; I just got a little carried away.”

And I didn’t?

After a couple of those funky yoga breaths he sometimes did—I was going to have to ask him about those—he smiled at me. “Okay.” He clapped his hands together. “I’m going to hit the showers, and then we’ll call Major Wilks and see if things are still on schedule. Think you’re ready to do this?”

After the roller coaster ride with Ryan this morning, a few reporters and some medical tests seemed easy. “I’m good.”

Ryan might have guessed my thoughts, because he gave me a smile that showed all his teeth. “Good.” He winked at me. “See you in a bit, Sunshine.”