Remember to Forget, Revised and Expanded (5 page)

I wait for my pulse to slow, and my breathing to go back to normal.
In through your
nose, out through your mouth. Breathe, Levi. Relax.

I shut my eyes and try to calm down. All I can picture is that girl. The way she
smiled, how one dimple showed up on her left cheek. The way her brown hair just passed
her shoulders. How her cheeks reddened when the box fell.

I pound my fists into the stall, causing it to rattle.

I thought it was
her
.

I thought she was back.

I thought I could have her again.

But it's not Delia. She'll never be back. I'll never see her again.

The sudden rush of anxiety leaves after a few minutes, and I'm left with anger and
sadness, along with the familiar feeling of emptiness. I head back to Candace and
see her waiting for me with the same smile.

Here we go again.

My whole life is surrounded by plastered smiles and forced sympathy.

I try to focus on Candace, but I can't.

All I can think about is that girl, and how much I hate her.

Chapter Five

DELILAH

A
iden, you can't just take someone's coffee at Starbucks. That's stealing,” I tell
him as we sit on the curb, watching cars drive by. We do this a lot since there's
not much in the way of entertainment around here. He counts the red cars, and I
count the blue cars. Whoever counts the most, wins. But there's never a prize, so
it's a pointless game. But we do it anyway.

“It's not stealing. It's selectively choosing who I'm going to be for the day. Today
I am Tanya,” he says, reading the scribbled name on the cup. “I believe I am a twenty-two-year-old
with pink hair. Maybe even a nose ring. Oh, maybe a belly button piercing! I come
from Miami, and I had a rough life as a kid. But now I work for this club downtown.
Oh, and I have a boyfriend of two days, I'll probably dump him tomorrow.”

I roll my eyes. Only Aiden would think of a life story for the name on his coffee
cup.

“So, tell me, Tanya, what would you like to do today?”

“Well,” Aiden says in a girly voice, “I vote for mani-pedis, and then we can go to
the petting zoo to help endangered animals!”

I muster a laugh at Aiden's goofiness. “You're such a weirdo! Why do I associate
myself with you?”

“Because you love me,” he says dramatically, resting his head on my shoulder. I nudge
him off and take a sip of his coffee. Or, rather, Tanya's coffee.

“Tanya has good taste.”

Aiden smiles. “See, it's not such a bad idea after all.”

I punch his shoulder lightly, and he rubs it as if it hurt.

I've known Aiden almost my whole life. He lives two houses down from me, so I see
him all the time. He's like a brother, and has been there for me through everything.
Every girl needs a guy best friend, even if he is a little strange.

Aiden tosses the coffee into the trash and helps me up from the curb.

“Hey, isn't that Mr. Harrison's car?” I ask, pointing to the car across the street.

“How many times do I have to tell you he doesn't like being called Mr. Harrison.
His name is Anthony!” Aiden says, laughing.

I shrug. “Now I just do it to annoy you,” I say, and give him a half smile.

“I bet they're in Starbucks,” Aiden says.

“They? Who's they?” I ask. Does Mr. Harrison have a new friend? That may happen to
be a girl? Maybe it's Tanya.

As if to answer my question, Mr. Harrison comes walking out of Starbucks with a vaguely
familiar boy in front of him.

Well, I sure didn't expect that.

The boy has his head down as he drinks his coffee, but I see he has a lip ring. Where
have I seen that lip ring before? He has a snapback on backward and is wearing a
plain black T-shirt. Some stray pieces of blonde hair are sticking out from his hat.
He has to be at least six feet tall, maybe even more. And his jeans are skinnier
than mine.

I've definitely met this boy before. Boys like this are rare here. Everyone is always
the same, but he is definitely different.

“Hey, guys!” Aiden says, waving.

“Hi! Delilah, have you met Levi?” Mr. Harrison asks as he approaches us.

Levi looks up, and he has a shocked expression on his face. His blue eyes look nervous
for some reason.

A memory starts to rise, but I can't quite grab it.

“Nice to meet you. I'm Delilah,” I say, smiling. “I live a few houses down from you.”

Levi bites on his bottom lip, and his eyes wander around.

I remember those wandering eyes.

“Wait,” I say. “You were with Candace when I walked in, right? I had the box of folders.
You crashed into me.” Of course I remember him. He knocked all the folders out of
my hands and didn't even help me pick them up.

Suddenly, Levi tosses his coffee to the ground. The ice and coffee splash everywhere,
including onto my feet. I guess I shouldn't have worn white sneakers today.

We all stare at the ground with shocked expressions, confused as to what just happened.
The coffee drips off the curb, and there's a giant pile of ice on the sidewalk.

Levi casually walks across the street gets and into the car, completely ignoring
the mess he caused. Just like he did when he bumped into me at work.

“I'm so sorry,” Mr. Harrison says. “Levi's a little . . . uh . . . moody to say the
least. I'd better get going.” He picks up the empty cup and throws it away before
getting into his car.

“Well, that was strange,” I say once they're gone.

Aiden shrugs. “Levi is Anthony's son. He doesn't talk, like, at all. I met him the
other day. He's really rude. He definitely doesn't like me.”

“Since when does he have a son? Who doesn't talk?”

Mr. Harrison never told us anything about having a family. I wonder if Levi's ever
spoken. He seems about my age. I wonder what would make him so . . . different.

“Maybe he's a mute or something, I don't know. Anthony told me the other day that
Levi has had a rough few months. He didn't tell me much. I don't think he really
even knows. Levi seems to be one big mystery.”

“A mystery, huh?”

Later that day, I go for a run around the neighborhood. I do this quite frequently.
It gives me some time to myself, and I like the way the wind feels against my skin
and through my hair.

There's a small, rundown park in the corner of our neighborhood no one uses that
much. There are some swings and a slide covered in graffiti. Nothing too interesting.
But tonight, when I run past, there's something out of the ordinary.

Levi.

He's lying on top of the monkey bars, one of his arms dangling over the edge. He's
too tall to fit over the whole thing, so his feet are drooped over the end. He seems
to be asleep, his chest slowly rising and falling while he breathes.

I quietly walk through the grass and sand until I'm below the monkey bars.

“Hello?” I whisper. “Hey, Levi?”

His hat has fallen off his head and into the sand below him. His hair is half flat,
half sticking up. He must have kicked off his shoes, because a pair of black Vans
are near the swings.

I stand on my toes and gently tap Levi's shoulder. He bolts up and falls into the
sand with a loud thump.

I try to hide my laugh, but it's hard. Some giggles escape me. “Sorry,” I say, smiling.
“I didn't mean to scare you.”

He stands up and brushes his hands on his jeans. He's covered in sand from head to
toe.

“Here, let me help. I'm really sorry,” I tell him, reaching up to sweep sand off
his shoulder. He backs away and pulls out his phone. He types something, and then
I hear a voice come out of his phone, which surprises me.

“What are you doing?”

I put my hands up in defense. “I was going for a run, and you were on the monkey
bars. Asleep.”

He shrugs and makes a face, as if he's saying, “And?”

“And I just thought I'd come say hi,” I tell him.

Something about Levi scares me. Maybe it's his height. Maybe it's the way his eyes
seem to pierce through me, when earlier, he wouldn't even look at me.

He types more. “Well, don't. I don't need anyone coming to say hi. Especially not
you.”

Aiden's right, he is rude. But as much as I want to run away, I stay. Nevertheless,
there's a fear in the back of my mind that Levi may hurt me. I know nothing about
him or his mental state. He could be psychotic for all I know. I highly doubt it,
but there's always a part of me that thinks the worst.

I cross my arms over my chest and roll my eyes. “It's called hospitality. Something
you don't seem to know about.”

“Hospitality? Is that what you call barging into someone's personal time without
invitation? Waking them up?”

“I didn't mean to scare you. Honestly.”

“You didn't scare me.”

“Then why'd you fall?”

“There's this thing called balance. I lost it.”

It's hard to take Levi seriously since he doesn't talk. The robotic voice on his
phone has no emotion, so it doesn't say things the way a human would. I know he's
trying to seem rude and sarcastic, but it's not coming out that way.

But somehow, he's still intimidating. Maybe it's the way he stands, or the way he
runs his tongue across his lip. Something about him is harsh and cold.

“Whatever, Levi.” I turn around and leave the park. I'm clearly not wanted here.

Part of me expects Levi to have more to say—or write? He is so confusing. Aiden's
right; he is a mystery.

A part of me thinks he will come running over and apologize, or ask to walk me home.
He seems unpredictable, and I'm unsure of what he'll do next.

But I don't hear footsteps or fingers typing on his phone. I hear nothing.

And as much as I don't want to admit it, I want to solve the mystery of Levi Harrison.

Chapter Six

LEVI

I
t's been seven days since I arrived here. One whole week.

One hundred and eighty-nine days without her.

There will be more days to come. More endless weeks stuck here.

I haven't been back to the park. I don't plan on going back anytime soon, or ever
for that matter. My goal now is to avoid everyone, especially Delilah. Since the
incident at the park, I haven't seen her. But I also haven't left the house in three
days.

Technically, I've barely left my room aside from the occasional food and bathroom
breaks.

“Levi,” my dad says, knocking on my door. “You need to get out of the house. It's
been three days.”

Wow, way to state the obvious. You're
so
cool, Dad.

If I wanted to leave the house, I would. But I don't, so I won't.

He knocks again, a little louder this time.

Does he think I'm deaf too? Just because I refuse to talk doesn't mean I refuse to
hear. There are times I wish I could block everything out, though. We have eyelids
to shut our eyes, so why can't we have earlids too? That'd sure help me a lot. I
wouldn't have to listen to anyone.

Finally, he barges into my room. I should've locked the door. I should've escaped
and jumped out the window. I look at my open
window and debate whether or not I should
just jump now. There's still time.

“We're going out,” he tells me.

I should've gone when I had a chance.

He has his arms folded across his chest as he looks down at me. I stay sitting on
my bed, refusing to move. I tap my feet on my carpet, the plushness feeling good
beneath my feet.

“Levi, we are going out,” he repeats. “Be ready in twenty minutes.”

My dad walks out of my room, but I don't get up. I don't want to.

After sitting in the same position for a few minutes, I hear my dad talking to someone.
I slowly walk out of my room and down the hall. His bedroom door is shut almost all
the way—there's a small space that I can see him perfectly through. He's on the phone
with someone, and his head is in his hands.

“Yes, Lilian, I know . . . Lilian . . .” He sighs and runs his hand through his hair.

Why is he talking to Mum?

“How did our son get to be like this?” I swear I just heard his voice crack. Is he
crying?

I walk closer, careful not to make any noise. I need to hear what he's talking about.

“Levi used to be so happy. He used to smile. What happened to him?” There's a pause
before he talks again. “It's been a rough week for both of us. Levi rarely leaves
his room, and when he does, he leaves the house. He barely looks at me. Half the
time he glares at me or slams doors in my face. I don't even feel like a father.”

Does he really feel that way?

“Yes, Lilian, I'm aware that he's testing me. It's like this is all a big game to
him. This is serious . . . Our son has clinical depression!”

I wonder what my mum is saying. There are long pauses after every sentence my dad
says.

Does he really think I'm testing him? I'm not testing him, that's for sure. Okay,
maybe just that once at the airport, but that was
it. I just genuinely hate him and
this place. I hate everything and everyone, I can't help it. I can't help that I'm
depressed. I can't help that I have mood swings. I physically can't make myself do
things I don't want to do, and I mentally can't handle anything anymore. All I want
to do is be away from people, because I constantly feel like everything is falling
apart. I wish everyone could see that. I wish that they would just leave me alone.

I feel slightly annoyed at my dad for thinking I see this as a game. It's like he
thinks I find this funny. Why would I find my situation funny? It's the total opposite.
I'm a miserable train wreck of a seventeen-year-old boy who's barely living. All
I am at this point is someone that takes up space and breathes to stay alive. I'm
nothing more.