Remember to Forget, Revised and Expanded (10 page)

I hate making promises, because I always break them.

I click the end button and watch them fade away from the screen. I stare at the laptop
for a few minutes after they're gone, wishing they were still there.

I miss them already.

I can hear someone moving around the house, either my dad or Aiden. I head out of
my room and find Aiden in the kitchen eating a banana.

“Hey, that kid Caleb is pretty cool. Your mom is nice too!” he says with his mouth
full.

I shrug and sit in one of the chairs. I pull out my phone and type something. “Why
were you so nice? You could've easily said we're not friends. It's not like we've
actually hung out or that I like you.”

Aiden shrugs. “I dunno. It's easier to be nice than to be mean. Plus, I didn't want
your mom worrying about her little boy,” he says, teasingly.

I roll my eyes at his remark.

“Whoa, whoa. I just did something kind for you, and that's how you repay me?” he
says, laughing.

I shrug and turn away from him.

“This whole tough guy act isn't going to last long, I hope you know that,” Aiden
says, gesturing toward me. “You can try to be all cool and mean, or whatever you're
trying to do, but it isn't going to work with me.”

I look back at him and raise my eyebrows.

“You know exactly what I'm talking about. Don't try to act all innocent and naive.”

And I do know. I know I come off as inconsiderate, but I can't help it sometimes.
At first I did it to keep people away, and now it's a part of who I am. I keep everyone
away.

I'm not sure I can do that with Aiden. He won't stay away for some reason.

“You're literally stuck with me,” Aiden says, laughing. “This is, like, my second
home, whether you like it or not.” He takes another bite of his banana and chews
it loudly. “I'm not going anywhere.”

Chapter Twelve

LEVI

S
ince video chatting, I've been missing something a lot.

FIFA.

I don't even know why I miss it. I never really enjoyed playing it. I think it's
because it's something Caleb and I did together, and I miss Caleb. I guess playing
it might make me feel closer to home.

Is that stupid?

I've been pacing the hallway for the past few minutes, debating whether or not to
leave the house. I figured that Aiden might have FIFA, or some other game that will
keep me busy. I don't want to play with Aiden, but he's my only chance. The FIFA
withdrawals are giving me anxiety, and I'm not really sure why. I think I'm just
extremely bored and looking for something to do.

Is this what homesickness is? Or am I going insane?

I'm already insane, actually.

When I want to do something, it usually causes me to have to do it. I get jittery
and anxious if I don't, and get completely wrapped up in thinking about it, so I'm
sort of forced to do whatever it is. Today, it's FIFA. Something like this hasn't
happened for a while. It's usually something that connects to Delia, but today it's
Caleb.

I can live without FIFA.

But I want to play it.

I don't need to play it.

Yes, I need to play FIFA.

I'm a mess.

I finally run down the stairs and open the door. My hand stays on the knob a little
bit before I walk outside. I take the first few steps down my driveway and stop.

This is weird. This is really weird. Is it weird?

I shake my head and continue walking to Aiden's. Good thing my dad isn't home, or
he would've questioned me. He's been trusting me a little more; he leaves to do
quick errands, but he's never gone too long. I understand why he's afraid to leave
me alone. I'm unpredictable.

When I get to Aiden's, he isn't outside like I hoped he would be. I hesitantly ring
the doorbell and wait for him to answer. After a few seconds, an unfamiliar face
opens the door. I'm guessing it's his mum.

“Hi, can I help you?” she asks.

I open and shut my mouth, unsure of what to do. It's not like I'll speak to her,
and she is expecting an answer. I bite on my lip ring and pull out my phone to type
something. I pass it to her, as I don't want the robotic voice to speak. That voice
surprises some people, and I'm trying to make this less awkward than it has to be.

Is Aiden here?

“Aiden is at school. He should be home soon. Do you mind me asking who you are?”
she says, raising an eyebrow suspiciously. She probably expects me to be at school
too.

I forgot all about school. I should've realized that's where Aiden would be.

Thankfully, Aiden pulls up in his car. He grabs his bag and gets out, drumming his
fingers against the door. He notices me standing at his front door, and he looks
surprised.

“Hey, Levi! What are you doing here?” he asks, walking over to us. “Mom, this is
Levi. He's Anthony's son.”

“Oh, nice to meet you! Aiden told me about you moving in,” she says. I feel my cheeks
heat up, slightly embarrassed. I wonder what Aiden said about me.

“So, uh, what are ya here for?” Aiden asks.

His mum heads back inside, leaving us alone in the yard.

I type in my phone, “I was wondering if you have the game FIFA.”

“Yeah, I'm pretty sure we have it! I'm, like, blind, so Hunter usually plays. Do
you wanna borrow it? Here, come inside.”

“Actually, I was wondering if we could play it.”

Aiden stops walking and turns around, a big smile growing on his face.

Great, he's going to laugh at me. This is so embarrassing.

I type in more. “I don't have anything to play it with at my house, and I thought
you'd have it. I'm sorry if that's weird.”

I'm suddenly regretting coming over. This is really awkward. I basically just invited
myself into Aiden's home to play FIFA. If that isn't strange, I don't know what is.

“No, no, that's not weird at all! Of course we can play! I kinda suck at it, but
that's all right,” Aiden says, leading me into his room. He rummages through a drawer,
pulling out his glasses. “I'll need these to see,” he says, laughing. “C'mon, let
me show you around.”

He takes me on a brief tour of his house, which is almost exactly the same as my
dad's. I wonder if all the houses in the neighborhood are like this.

I'm surprised that Aiden is willing to let me come into his house and hang out with
him. This is considered hanging out, right? I feel like I haven't done something
like this in forever. Aiden is so kind when all I've been to him is rude.

We head to the living room to play, and Aiden sets it up. He hands me a controller
and sits down on the couch beside me.

“Just warning you, I really am terrible,” he says as the game starts.

I didn't think it was possible to be as bad as Aiden is. Half the time he runs in
the wrong direction or doesn't move at all. He keeps screaming too—it's quite funny
to watch.

“All this green is so frustrating!” he screams after a few minutes.

Playing FIFA makes me feel better. I feel a little closer to home while playing the
game, because it's so familiar to me. Aiden isn't anything like Caleb, but that's
okay. He's not a bad guy—he's pretty nice. I'm just not sure if he's being nice because
he pities me or if that's just how he is.

“
No, I'm the better FIFA player!” Caleb says.

“
No, I am, and you know it!” I say.

“
I've won the past three games!”

“
I was distracted,” I say, blushing.

“
By what?”

“
That girl,” I say, pointing out the window to a girl outside.

“
Who? Delia?”

“
That's her name?” She had just moved here and sat across from me in English. She
was so interesting, always writing in this blue notebook, though I don't know what.
She had these cool glasses and wore pretty dresses.

“
You like her, don't you?” Caleb asks, wiggling his eyebrows.

I feel my cheeks blush. “Psh, what? No! She's just . . . different, that's all.”

He rolls his eyes.

“
Let's get back to FIFA,” I say, turning the game back on.

“Levi, why aren't you running anymore?” I hear Aiden say. He waves a hand in front
of my face, and I push it away. “You always get distracted,” he says, laughing.

Distracted is a way to describe it, I guess. I see my player standing in the middle
of the field, and Aiden has paused the game.

“Is everything okay?” he asks.

I nod quickly and wave my hand so he'll start the game again. He shrugs, and we continue
to play. About halfway through, the door opens, and I hear a familiar voice.

“Hey, Aiden! I found this really cool—What is he doing here?” Delilah is standing
in front of us, crossing her arms over her chest. She looks confused when she notices
me.

Aiden pauses the game again.

“Levi and I are playing FIFA! Wanna join?” he asks, patting the spot on the couch
beside him.

“No, that's okay. I'll let you go back to your game. Sorry for interrupting.” She
starts to head out, but I stand up and quickly type something.

“No, it's okay. I'll leave. Thanks for having me, Aiden.”

“No, Levi, it's fine,” Delilah says.

“It's okay.”

“Levi.”

“Delilah.”

Both of us are stubborn; I've quickly learned that about Delilah.

“You were here first. I don't want to interrupt,” she says, opening the door.

“Why can't we both stay?”

Wait, what. What did I just type? Clearly my fingers aren't cooperating with my
brain.

“Wait, what?” Delilah asks, saying exactly what I'm thinking.

I bite my bottom lip nervously and rock on my heels.

“Why would you want me to stay? You clearly hate me,” Delilah says.

I don't type anything because I'm not sure what to say to that.

“Thought so. Bye, Levi. Bye, Aiden, I'll call you later.” Delilah slams the door
shut. She's gone as quickly as she came.

I head back to Aiden, who was observing the whole thing.

“Well, that was awkward,” he says.

I nod and sit back down on the couch.

“You wanna keep playing?”

I shake my head no, and Aiden sits beside me.

“Don't be upset because of her. Delilah is just really sensitive and takes everything
personally. You may not hate her, but she feels
that way. She'll get over it, don't
worry. I thought you hated me, but hey, look at us now!”

I feel bad that I was so mean to Delilah, and Aiden too. I feel like everything is
changing inside me since I've started taking the pills again. This is partially why
I stopped taking them last week. I'm afraid of how they make me feel.

I'm afraid that I can actually feel again.

I'm afraid of being happy.

Chapter Thirteen

DELILAH

I
'm woken up to a sudden jumping on my bed. I open my eyes slowly to see Aiden looking
down at me, his face a few inches from mine.

“Aiden, what are you doing here? What time is it?” I mumble, turning my head.

“Levi is missing,” he says quietly.

He gets off of me and stares. I check the time, and it's 10:52 in the morning.

“What do you mean, he's missing?”

He shrugs. “Anthony called me a few minutes ago. He said Levi wasn't in his room,
and his window was open.”

I sit silently for a little. Aiden has been hanging out with Levi more since I saw
them playing video games, so I guess they're friends. I'm not sure because Aiden
doesn't really tell me about Levi, mostly because he thinks I don't want to have
anything to do with him.

“I'm worried, Del,” Aiden whispers.

“It'll be okay. He couldn't have gone too far.”

“You don't know Levi. None of us do, really. He could be anywhere.”

I chew on the inside of my cheek and rest my head on my hand.

“I was with him last night. He seemed fine,” Aiden says.

“Isn't that the second night in a row?” I wonder what Levi and Aiden do. Levi doesn't
seem to want to do much.

“Yeah. Anthony trusts me with Levi. What if I did something? Do you think I said
something that upset him?”

“Aiden, I'm sure you didn't do anything.”

He shrugs. “Will you help me look for him?”

I nod slowly. Levi may not be my friend, but Aiden is my best friend. I know he'd
help me with anything.

I may also be worried for Levi too. Don't tell Aiden.

I quickly get dressed, and we head out to look for Levi. We pack some waters, food,
and flashlights. We could be looking for Levi all day.

Aiden and I decide to split up. Anthony and Aiden are driving through town, so I've
decided to look through the neighborhood. Maybe he just left for a walk or something.

I highly doubt that, though.

After half an hour, no one has found Levi. I've asked neighbors, I've gone through
yards, I've even checked sheds. He's nowhere.

I try to think of all the places I've seen Levi. There are not many—the therapist's,
his house, Aiden's house, and the park.

The park! I can't believe I didn't check there sooner. I run down to the park and
search for Levi. It can't be that hard to find a six-foot-tall boy dressed all in
black.

He's not in the obvious places, like the swings or the slide. I check the basketball
field, but he's not there either. I head toward the fenced-off area, and I see Levi
hidden in a bunch of trees. He's hugging his legs into his chest and is looking down.
I crawl through the huge opening in the fence that's been there forever. I quietly
walk over, not wanting to scare him like last time. As I get closer, I can hear him
crying.