Remember Tuesday Morning (3 page)

“They’re smart.” Clay, too, wanted to round up the members and throw them in prison, but that wasn’t possible. Not yet. “They’re elusive and cunning. New members come alongside them all the time — like the REA is more of a mind-set than an actual group.”

“Oh, they’re an actual group.” Alex’s eyes hardened. “Eight of them, at least.” He hesitated. “I found out where they meet.”

Clay stared at the young deputy across from him. This was why he didn’t want to say too much. Alex was driven to get the REA more than any other criminal group on the streets. He was a good deputy, worthy of the honors he’d received. But if he became obsessed, Clay would have no choice but to recommend Alex be taken off the case. He raised an eyebrow at the young deputy. “We’ve talked about this.”

“I’m doing it by the book, Sarge.” He didn’t blink. “I’m just saying I have the information. When SWAT’s ready, let’s take this thing. The evidence is there.” He took a swig of his coffee. “I’ve heard it from a lot of places.”

They needed more than conversational evidence, and Alex knew it. Clay gritted his teeth and resisted the urge to continue with the topic. Of course the Special Enforcement Bureau knew about the REA — their headquarters and the scope of what they planned to do. But they didn’t have a thread of physical evidence linking the group to previous acts of ecoterrorism. K9 deputies weren’t intended to be part of the investigation — not until the time came for a search and arrest. Whether he was on the case or not, Alex had to be careful about spending his free time conducting quasi-investigations. He allowed the intensity to ease from his voice. “We’re on it, Brady. We’re watching.”

Alex was quiet, his eyes locked on Clay’s. “They’re gonna hit Pasadena, the hills overlooking the city, right? That’s the talk?”

Clay’s heart skipped a beat, but he worked hard to keep his expression from giving anything away. Alex Brady was good. He might not have been in on every meeting, but he knew the department’s deepest concerns. Almost as if he was getting information from the inside. Clay finished his coffee, relishing the few grounds at the bottom of the cup. “With the publicity they got last fire season, it’s a sure bet there will be fires this year. The REA has fans even they don’t know about.”

“I think SWAT’s wrong. I don’t think it’ll be Pasadena, Sarge.” He lowered his voice and shifted his look to Joe. “They’ve got their eyes on Malibu, on that new development off Las Virgenes and Lost Hills … Oak Canyon Estates. The gated custom homes up there.”

Even with temperatures in the nineties, a chill worked its way down Clay’s spine. In meetings, the entire SWAT division had considered just about every possibility for the sites where fires might be set by the radical members of REA. The Oak Canyon Estates were certainly mentioned, but no one took the idea seriously. The gates would keep out arsonists after hours, and even a group as crazy as the REA wouldn’t set fire to custom homes while people were around.

“Not possible.” Clay heard his work tone kick in, the voice he used when he was training SWAT guys. “Wherever you’re getting your information, forget about it, Brady. Let us follow the leads. When it’s time to make arrests, you’ll be there.” Clay reached over and gave Alex a hearty pat on his shoulder. “This is your day off, man. Relax.”

Alex nodded, slowly, thoughtfully. “Okay.” He stood and looked first at Joe, then at Clay. “I need to go. Got to get Bo home.” He mustered a stale smile as he turned and headed for the door. “Thanks for tonight.”

Frustration poked at Clay. This was hardly the breakthrough he’d asked God for. “Be right back,” he muttered to Joe. Then he stood and followed Alex to the patio door. “Wait.”

Alex turned around, his smile gone. “Who am I supposed to tell, huh?” His voice was intense, but he kept it low so the conversation stayed between them alone. “I’m sure about this, Clay. Dead sure.”

“There’s an order to things in the department, Brady.” Clay was more sorry than angry. “Let us take the lead. We’re on it; I promise you.”

Alex studied him a moment longer. “What if you’re too late? Have you thought about that?” He gestured toward the hills. “Every bit of that canyon is filled with homes. People could die this time. A lot of people.”

Again Clay didn’t want to say too much. He could hardly tell the young deputy that the scenario he’d just hit on was the exact one the department brass were concerned about. Instead, he took hold of Alex’s upper arm and held it, the way a father might hold onto his son. “We know that. Trust us on this.”

Alex didn’t try to pull away. He must’ve heard in Clay’s voice that the conversation was over, and he looked down at a spot on the grass.

“Listen, Alex, what’s eating you? The anniversary? Is that it?”

“No.” Alex lifted his eyes, and they flashed with a sudden intensity. “September 11 is just another day. It’s the next anniversary, man.” He jabbed himself a few times in the chest. “That’s what’s eating me.”

“Okay.” Clay released his hold on the deputy. “I’m here, Brady. If you need to talk, I’m here.”

Alex took a few seconds for his anger to dissipate, and then he managed the briefest smile, just enough to convey that his determination wasn’t directed at Clay, but at the bad guys. He left and Clay watched him head through the house, stopping just long enough to thank Jamie and tell the other women good-bye. A few minutes later he heard Alex’s truck start up out front, and the slight squeal of tires as Alex pulled away.

By then Joe had joined him beneath the covered patio. The two faced the children, who were chasing each other through the grass in small circles, giggling and falling down every few steps. “You know what it is, don’t you?”

“Sure.” Clay felt the full weight of his defeat that night. He’d hoped to invite Alex to church, talk to him about getting involved in the singles ministry. But the guy was a world away from that sort of invitation. “Kid’s full of pain.”

“That’s only part of it.” Joe crossed his arms tightly in front of him. “For Alex Brady, it’s still September 11.” He gave a strong shake of his head. “He’s still stuck on that dreaded Tuesday morning.”

Long after they’d moved the children into the house and slipped in a Jana Alayra music video, and even after the couples gathered around the nearby card table for a game of Apples to Apples, Clay couldn’t shake what Joe had said, how perfectly he’d nailed the trouble with Alex Brady. The deputy had never moved on, never found his way to a life without his father. Sure, he was three thousand miles away from New York City, but not in his heart. And Clay had the feeling that on every call the kid felt the impact again, the Twin Towers crashing down, the bad guys winning bigger than ever before.

As the night wore on, for the first time Clay began to understand Alex’s near obsession with the REA. In some ways the group wasn’t that different from the people who had killed Alex’s father. It was a sobering thought, because the REA was really nothing more than a group of terrorists whose weapon was fire. The same weapon used by al Qaeda. A weapon that could create utter chaos and destroy massive structures in a matter of minutes, one that actually could do the one thing Alex feared might happen:

Take innocent lives in the process.

T
HREE

T
he round of cards was finished for a few minutes, and Jamie walked back to the kitchen to make another pot of coffee. Around the table everyone was still laughing about how no one should play the game with Clay and Joe at the same table. The two could read each other without words or table talk.

Wanda was talking louder than the others. “I mean, please! We girls never have a
chance
at winning with you two around.”

Jamie smiled to herself. She loved Wanda’s spirit and Laura’s quiet assurance. The three of them balanced each other, but even with all the excitement over the game, Jamie hadn’t been able to stop thinking of one very memorable moment from earlier in the night. The look in Alex’s eyes when the subject of 9/11 came up.

She moved to the fridge, took out the bag of fresh ground coffee, and measured the right amount into a new filter. Alex’s eyes had looked both haunted and familiar, the same look she’d seen hundreds of times before in the eyes of visitors at St. Paul’s Chapel — the little church that stood on the border of Ground Zero, the church where Jamie had volunteered her time for three years after her first husband Jake died in the terrorist attacks.

The stream of sorrow and heartache never ended at St. Paul’s, and it would’ve never ended for Jamie if Clay hadn’t walked into her life. She was better now, better here in Southern California, far from New York City with its scarred skyline.

Even still, the details were always close enough to touch. It was that way for anyone whose life had been changed by September 11. The tragedy created a bond that would remain among the survivors as long as they lived. So maybe God had brought Alex Brady into her life for a specific reason. She had moved on from St. Paul’s Chapel, but she would always have a heart for people hurt by 9/11. If she could talk to Alex, perhaps find a minute alone with him, he might open up about his feelings.

The condition of Alex’s heart reminded Jamie of something that happened to CJ last week. Their young son had run in from outdoors, whimpering about a pain in his toe. Jamie took off the child’s shoe and sock, and there on the bottom of his big toe was a red area, hot and infected. At the center, with skin grown over the top, was a splinter that was causing all the trouble. Jamie performed minor surgery on CJ that afternoon and removed the offending piece of wood. After a day, CJ’s toe was healed and whole again.

It was that way with matters of the heart. Alex would find no healing, no ability to move on and live again or love again until he dealt with the splinter of hurt and anger that clearly festered inside him. Maybe that’s where she could help.

Show me how, God … Give me an opportunity and I’ll talk to him.

No distinct answer resounded in her heart, but Jamie felt an assurance. Somehow, in the coming season, she had a strong feeling God would indeed use her in the life of Alex Brady. Now it was up to Him to show her how that would happen.

She removed the old coffee filter, tossed it in the trash, and refilled the machine with fresh water. Even after meeting for dinner a dozen times, Alex didn’t know the details about Jamie’s first husband, Jake. He didn’t know about Wanda’s FDNY husband, either. Clay hadn’t thought the information was necessary, at least not in the early attempts at friendship with the young man. But now it had been nearly a year since the first time Clay invited Alex over for dinner.

Jamie flipped the switch, and the coffeemaker began gurgling and spewing. She turned around just as her brother-in-law entered the kitchen, his coffee mug in his hands. For the smallest fraction of a second, she caught herself thinking Eric was Jake. The resemblance was still so strong, so uncanny. She had long since come to accept the fact that she would have that fleeting thought at times — the same way that once in a while Sierra would make a particular play on the soccer field or come home with an A on an essay and Jamie would catch herself making a mental note to tell Jake.

“You look a world away.” Eric came closer and leaned against the kitchen island counter, opposite her.

“Thinking about Alex.”

“Hmm.” He crossed one ankle over the other. “Me too. He hasn’t dealt with it.”

“Not at all.” Jamie pushed herself up onto the counter next to the coffeemaker. “That’s why he’s a deputy. Trying to make sure no one else suffers the kind of loss he’s gone through.”

“The job’s bigger than he is.” Eric’s voice was marked by a familiar concern. “He needs to find a life outside work. The job’ll destroy him otherwise.” Eric set his cup down. “I know what you’re thinking.”

“What? You’re a mind reader now?” Her voice was lighter than before, proof that she wouldn’t linger in the past.

He could still look deep into her heart, and he did so now. “You think you can help him. The way you helped all those people at St. Paul’s.”

From the other room, the group was laughing again, but Jamie was quiet, letting the possibility drift in the air around them.

“Be careful.” He angled his face, his eyes shining with a tenderness that underlined the connection they shared. “God moved you on from St. Paul’s. Maybe Alex is supposed to be Clay’s project. Clay and Joe’s.”

“Why?” She didn’t feel defensive, but his thoughts surprised her. “Why not me?”

“Because it can consume you, Jamie. The way it did before.” He paused. “You and Clay, you have something very special. You deserve to live outside the shadow of the Twin Towers.”

The coffee finished percolating. Jamie slid her feet back down to the floor, took Eric’s mug, refilled it, and handed it back to him. As she did, she met Eric’s eyes and held them. “I’ll never be completely out of that shadow.” Her smile felt sad and small. “You should know that.”

Empathy flooded his face. “I do.” He touched the side of her arm. “Just be careful. Don’t risk what you have.”

His concern was genuine, and the warning hit its mark deep within her. “Thanks. I’ll watch myself. I’m just not sure someone like Clay or Joe can reach him, someone who doesn’t share that loss.”

Eric took his coffee and moved back toward the living room. “You’ll do the right thing, Jamie.” He left her with one last smile. “You always do.”

Jamie returned his smile, then grabbed hold of the fresh coffee. She carried it out to the others, refilled the cups of her husband and friends, and found her way back into another round of cards. But through the remainder of the night, as the game ended and the couples gathered their kids and said their good-byes, even later as she washed her face at her bathroom sink, she couldn’t shake the look in Alex’s eyes, or the warning from Eric.

Would it really hurt to give the young deputy a chance to open up about his loss? Alex had no family in the area from what Clay knew, and even though Jamie was too young to be Alex’s mother, she could take on the role for a short season, right? Or was Eric’s concern valid, that she might become consumed once more with righting the wrongs meted out on 9/11?

Jamie pressed the warm washcloth to her face, wiping away the remains of her light makeup. The thoughts in her head all started because of the look in Alex’s eyes
…
A look of deep loss and pain mixed with a determination to find justice. Whatever the cost. The same look she’d seen in the eyes of the people who came through the doors at St. Paul’s.

That’s where she could help a guy like Alex. Because Jamie knew that sometimes the cost was too high, that a person could lose themselves in the quest to live for someone else, to devote one’s days to redeeming the loss of someone you loved more than life. And that’s what Alex was trying to do, at least it seemed that way. Live his life as a memorial to his father. Along the way, he was losing himself, and Jamie could certainly relate to that. Now if only God would show her the right time and place to share that truth with Alex.

Before his heart was so hard he wouldn’t hear her anyway.