Remembering Us (8 page)

“You know what it means.” His breath flows over me, caressing me, and my knees shake. His tone is deep. Seductive. Yet dark and twisted at the same time. Like he’s seducing me with sin and something inside me wants it even though I know it could destroy me. “You were the princess. The girl who had it all figured out. Every action perfectly scripted according to the plan your parents wrote for you.”

Blood begins to boil under my skin, and yet I can’t move away. He’s right. He’s completely right. I hated my parents for that. I hated never meeting their expectations but trying my hardest anyway. It was a battle I always lost but a war that I never gave up, so determined to make them proud of me. But hearing it from him, in his voice that is dripping with desire, makes me feel angry again.

How dare this man that I don’t know, know every single thing about me.

“What scares you is that you’re remembering that you’re different now. You just don’t know how you got here.” I look away, but I can feel his eyes on me. All I see is the dust under the fridge and the dried blood on his damaged hand. He’s dangerous in more ways than one.

“You don’t know anything,” I choke out over a grapefruit sized lump in my throat.

“You’re wrong, Amy.” God his voice sounds smooth like butter and as decadent as chocolate. I close my eyes, trying to fight against what my body is feeling. “I know everything. I know every fear you have. I know how strong you were the day you told your parents you didn’t want to work at your dad’s firm. I know what your skin feels like when you move beneath me and the sounds you make right before you come.”

“Stop it,” I whisper, my eyes still closed. He’s pressing too hard – not with his body – but with his words and the confidence in them.

“What do you want to know, Ames? I’ll tell you anything. First kiss? It was in my room at the frat. First date? We went rock climbing. That first time I saw you in Statistics? I left and had a hard-on for two weeks. God, I was so excited to see you on that first day of class. I had dreamed of you all summer. And the first time we had sex? I took you to a suite at the Lux, the very same night of that formal, by the way. I couldn’t keep my hands off you and I took you against the wall.”

He pauses and I think I might die of a heart attack. The things he’s saying are revolting. Dark. Intoxicating. He puts one hand up next to my head on the wall. His other hand leaves my shoulder and falls to my waist.

“It was a lot like this,” he says, and slightly squeezes his hand at my hip. Why am I not pushing him away? Why do I like the way he touches me despite how much he scares me?

“What do you want from me?” Slowly, I open my eyes and stare up at him. I can see the fight in them; fighting for control, despite wanting to lose it.

“I want you to feel,” he whispers against my ear. It sends my skin dancing. I want to roll my shoulders to erase the feeling, but I can’t move, so I stand there and take it, holding my breath at the strong sensation. “Stop trying so hard to remember. Stop thinking and just feel. Feel me, Amy. It’s what we’ve always done best.”

His head lowers slowly. Never once does he break eye contact from me, and he doesn’t wait for my permission as his lips slide across mine. His tongue flicks out, wetting his lips and mine at the same time. When he presses his mouth to mine, sliding his tongue in before I can resist, I just … take it. Because ohmigod it’s heaven. As soon as his mouth hits mine and his tongue slides inside, I feel like something inside me is re-connecting, even though I still don’t know what’s been broken in the first place.

It’s passion and love and I can feel it. The kiss is soft but powerful. His tongue knows exactly where to go as our mouths move against the other; he knows exactly what I like and how I like it, even though I’ve never experienced it. I’ve kissed guys before. I’ve even had excellent kisses that make my stomach flip-flop and leave me wanting more. I’ve had sweet kisses that make me lean into the man, wrap my hands around a guy’s neck, and my foot pop off the ground like in classic romance films.

But this, this is in a whole new realm of kisses.

“God, Amy.” He pulls away, panting for breath, and rests his forehead on mine. “I just … fuck … I just need you.”

I catch another glimpse of his bandaged hand right next to my face, remembering the thump of the wall as he cracked a hole in the drywall and take a deep breath, collecting myself.

“I can’t.”

I duck out from under his arm and walk past him, not even looking to see if he turns around. “We’re a disaster, Adam. You almost broke your hand last night and everything I see tells me that this …” I wave my hands frantically in the air, keeping my back to him, “it’s just a fucking mess. We’re a mess.”

“We were twenty and stupid. Our relationship was never perfect. You can’t expect it to be, but there were a lot more good times than bad. You just haven’t gotten to the good stuff yet.”

I walk out of the apartment after grabbing my purse and the wedge sandals I bought at the mall earlier in the day. The straps are uncomfortable in the heel and dig into my skin, but I bought them to match the yellow dress with the zipper that is still digging uncomfortably into my back. Damn me and my pride for trying to prove Kelsey wrong.

Ten blocks into my walk, my ankle that is still healing begins protesting against the pain of the wedge sandals. I take them off and throw them in the nearest garbage can. I have no idea how long I walk after that, wandering aimlessly around Denver in nothing but a summer dress that’s too lightweight for the weather and bare feet.

By the time the sun begins to set, I’m in a park I don’t recognize with a dead cell phone and no idea how to get back to the apartment. Not that I’m sure I want to.

I can still see his amber colored eyes flashing with desire. My mind replays every scene. Every word spoken. I shiver, crossing my arms against my chest, and rubbing my hands on my shoulders and upper arms. I tell myself it’s because I’m cold, but I’ve never been a good liar.

The mountains are in front of me at a distance that makes them appear absolutely breathtaking. I can see the glaciers on the top and I know that if I were to hop in my car, I could be glacier sliding in two hours. I could be at my favorite cliff in an hour. Not that I’ll go anywhere with tender bones, a setting sun, and no car.

What was I thinking? Why did I let him get so close? Why do I stay? It’s not my home, and yet Adam has the answers. I know he does.

But I’m so exhausted. The small flashes of memory I’ve gotten are so different than the man I dream about. How can he be so completely different? He drinks too much, he swears even more, and he can go from laughing to yelling in the blink of an eye.

But his touch. One simple touch and I want to fall into his arms and never leave. One taste of him and I still haven’t fully cooled off from the heat it sent through my body.

I take a deep breath, closing my eyes, and try to press it all to the back of my mind.

Feel me, Amy.

“Damn it!” I jump off the bench I’m sitting on and spin around, trying to find anything that looks familiar enough so I can figure out how to get home.

“Amy?” I turn back to the vaguely familiar voice.

Standing in front of me, hands in the pockets of his perfectly pressed khaki pants and dry-cleaned and starched light blue dress shirt, is Tyler. The boy who cheated on me. The boy who looks more like a man than he did the last time I saw him. “What are you doing here?”

I look around the empty park and wonder how he found me. There’s a row of townhomes down the street and businesses line the other side.

I shrug. “I don’t know where I am.”

He takes another step forward, a friendly but cautious smile on his face. “Do you know who I am?”

I roll my eyes and sit back down, suddenly not in a hurry to go anywhere. “Yeah, Tyler. I know you.” He lets out a slow breath and sits down next to me on the bench. It feels familiar, and even though Tyler cheated on me and I never talked to him after that, I’m not mad. Probably because I don’t think I ever truly cared for him. His kisses certainly never left my head spinning.

“What are you doing here?”

He nods to a coffee shop on the corner. It doesn’t look like anything special.

“I was walking to get a coffee. Want to join me?”

I frown and look around the neighborhood we’re in. It’s nice and safe. Middle-class, maybe. A little bit on the new side, I can’t really tell. It’s certainly nothing like the area we grew up. “Do you live around here?”

He nods to a building that sits on top of a dry cleaner business. “Yeah, I live right there. I moved in right after graduation.”

I look at the guy I dated for a year, the last guy I remember dating, and shake my head. Why does being with him feel okay, like nothing’s changed, but every time I’m around Kelsey and Adam and my parents I feel like I’m one more strange comment away from snapping and going insane?

I take a seat in a leather chair in front of the fireplace while Tyler gets our coffees. I’m still rubbing my shoulders and my arms when he comes back. I give him an uncomfortable glance and watch him resting in the chair.

“So how’d you get lost tonight?” He peers at me over the edge of his paper cup, his lips puckered as he lightly blows to cool down his drink.

I do the same and then exhale. “I don’t remember anything.”

His eyebrows pull together. “You mean from tonight?”

“No. Since … well, you. I guess.” I shrug like it’s no big deal that I’ve lost two years of my life.

“Yeah, I heard about your accident. I’m glad you’re okay, considering.”

Yeah, I’m okay. I’m a bundled wreck that could snap at any second. I have dreams that terrify me, and I get lost taking a walk to cool down.

I stare off into the fire watching the yellow and red flames dancing in their cage. I can relate to the enclosed madness.

“So what happened to make you lost?”

I sigh and look at Tyler. I really take a good look at him. He’s so handsome. I understand why my parents thought he was the perfect mate for me. Yes, my mother used that word. I swear she wanted a Labrador instead of a daughter. Lucky for her she got a nutcase.

“My boyfriend, Adam, and I got into a fight and I couldn’t stay.”

“Did he hurt you?” He leans forward and looks at me seriously. It almost makes me want to laugh. Oh, the irony.

“No, he didn’t hurt me.” I flash him an innocent smile. “You don’t like him?”

With what I guess is a subconscious gesture, Tyler rubs the bridge of his now slightly crooked nose. “He broke my nose.”

I raise an eyebrow. “You cheated on me.”

“God, I was hoping you forgot that,” he mutters, shaking his head and looking at the floor.

I gasp, mostly from shock, but then I see his horrified expression and I laugh. Loudly. If there were other customers in here right now, I’m sure we’d have the attention of everyone in the bar.

“I’m so sorry,” he starts to stutter out, his cheeks bright pink from embarrassment.

“Don’t worry about it. I mean, other than being horribly inappropriate considering, it was the funniest and most honest thing I’ve heard.”

I’m laughing so hard I have tears running down my cheeks, but I don’t care. Tyler looks like he doesn’t know what to do with me. Mental breakdown? Possibly. I have no idea either.

I’m trying to take a deep breath and regain some sense of control when I see a flash of purple and then I’m wrapped in someone’s arm, or a chokehold, before I can blink.

My body freezes and I gasp, staring at Tyler over a mess of purple and hot pink with wide eyes. He shrugs, but his eyes are just as big as mine.

“Uh.”

“Oh my gosh! Amy! You’re back! I’m so excited to see you, but yeah … your accident. So I take it you’re okay? Ready to come back? We’ve missed the ever lovin’ shit out of you.”

I recognize someone talking to me … quickly. So quickly I’m not sure she’s stopping to breathe, but I can’t say anything.

“Uh …” I try again, but the crook of her elbow is pressed against my throat, making speaking difficult.

She pulls back and I want to laugh. This – person – is pierced. Like everywhere. I count at least four on her face and all I can see on her ears are flashes of silver and purple gauges in her lobes. The purple and pink I was smothered by is her hair. Hair. I’ve never seen anything, or anyone, quite like her.

And I know her?

Her face puckers up; her lips squishing together makes the piercing on her upper lip do a strange wiggle thing.

“Do I know you?” I finally choke out. Her hands are still on my shoulders, an odd look on her face, and then she looks at Tyler before looking slowly back at me.

“You don’t remember?”

I shake my head. Remember what? Her? Uh, no. She’s pretty unforgettable

She bites her finger nail which has a skull and cross bones painted on it. She’s … odd. And then she looks at my dress and makes what appears to be an expression on her face that probably mirrors mine.

“No, I’m sorry. I don’t.”

“Oh, shit. Adam said you’d come back to work when you remembered everything. I just assumed since you’re here.”