Remembering Yesterday (5 page)

She
had
chosen him. She had loved him. Her throat closed in pain. For her to have made such a choice, she would have had to have informed her parents. They knew what she was doing at that side of town. Every time she drove out there, wondering where she had been going the day she crashed, her parents had always known. Ava was painfully aware that her parents viewed the missing chuck of her memory as a box best left sealed, but for them to lie to her when she had been so desperate for answers? That was just cruel and so hypocritical.

Devlin scraped back his chair and drew her into his arms. “Hey. Don’t cry. Please, don’t cry, baby. I was a fool. I should have turned back, I should have fought harder.”

She lifted her face blindly to his, wanting to taste him on her tongue. Wanting to bury the heartache she felt at her parents’ betrayal under pleasure. He took her lips in a scorching kiss. Seconds later he gentled his embrace, their kisses moving from passionate to soothing. With a soft sigh they broke apart.

“Thank you,” she said softly.

He rested his forehead against hers. “Any time.”

The loud blast of a ring tone cut through the silence and she jerked. Pulling from his arms she walked over to the counter to see her cell phone and car keys place neatly by the coffee pot. A quick glance at the screen revealed her mother’s number. Ava grabbed up the phone and answered, “Hi, Mom.”

“Ava, darling where are you? I thought we were to have breakfast with the garden club this morning?”

She shifted and leaned her hips against the counter. “I’m over at Willows’. I’ll be home this evening. Give them my apologies. Tell Mrs. Potter I’m sorry I missed it.”

Devlin stiffened and a shadow passed over his face. He walked from the room, granting her privacy, and her heart ache from the derisions she had just spied.

“You know I do not like you keeping company with that…girl.”

“Mom,” Ava said warily. They’d had this conversation so many times it was becoming draining. “I love Willow, just …please, not now okay?”

“She has tattoos,” her mother snapped primly.

“I have tattoos!”

Silence pulsed through the line and she could imagine the cold disapproval that would be on her mother’s face just now. “I have to go mom.”

“Are you okay?” Her mother’s tone was sharp and suspicious. “You don’t sound good. Let me come get you.”

“No, Mom I’m fine. I’ll be home soon. Love you.”

“Sure, honey, remember to concentrate on having a fresh—”

“I know, a fresh start. See you later mom.” Then she ended the call quickly.
A fresh start
. That was a well-used phrase her parents and doctor said, the implication being that her inability to recall the missing chuck of her life might well prove an unexpected blessing.

Resting her phone beside the keys, she walked through the kitchen to the living area. “Devlin?” There was no answer. She searched the rustic but very elegant ranch house, and realized he was not inside. She grabbed her pants from where they were neatly folded in the laundry room and drew them on, but she could not bear to take of his shirt. Clenching a fistful of the material she brought it to her nose and inhaled. A soft groan slipped from her. His shirt smelled of him and she wanted his fragrance close. A faint sound tugged her toward the back porch. She went outside and leaned against the railing. He was chopping wood.

Past and present collided as a memory of him doing the same action rushed through her. Only it was at a different side of town, the house had been more dilapidated and in desperate need of a coat of paint on both the inside and outside. There had been little to no furniture and what had been there, had been threadbare and uncomfortable. But their home had been clean. That day Devlin had spread a blanket on the grass, and she had lazed reading while he chopped. And after…God after he had made love with her with sensual intensity. Ava linked her hands tightly together in an effort to conceal their unsteadiness.

“You want to head out to Lake Coonan?” He asked without pausing his movements.

At her silence he finally lowered the axe and turned to her. Sweat glistened over his chest and chiseled abdomen. An ache stirred deep inside of her.

Meet me at the lake tonight, Devlin
.

She swallowed as the ghost whisper of her demand floated away. “It’s cold.”

A smile tugged at his lips. “We’ve dipped in the lake when it’s much colder. Naked.”

Ava laugh and strolled toward him, the wet grass beneath her bare toes centering her against the tearing emotions. “I…I would prefer to stay here.”

His expression was inscrutable as he looked toward the left. “There is another lake attached to this property. It’s not Lake Coonan but it’s clean.”

“I would like that.”

He took her hand and laced their fingers together. The simple touch ignited her nerves and had warmth fluttering in her belly. It then occurred to her this was the first time since she woke from the hospital she had felt such peace and contentment.

If only it could last, eventually she would have to face what such joy meant. Did she want to rekindle a relationship with Devlin? Would he want the same? Sure, they’d had sex last night, and even reminiscing now was great, but did he want more eventually.

“Are you embarrassed to be out here with me?”

She jerked to a stop. “No.”

He met her gaze with an inscrutable expression. “Then why are you still hiding that you are with me?”

She moved closer to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. “I was not hiding you. I…I just did not want an argument with my mother. She does not approve of you.”

His eyes shuttered even more. “Does this mean I can deduce this is just another fling for you?”

Pain pierced her and she allowed her arms to fall from him. “I do not know what this is Devlin. I am remembering you…
us
…in snatches. While its old for you, it’s very new for me, and…” she raked her fingers through her hair, frustration storming through her. “I…I know I would like to be friends.”

He regarded her for long seconds and her heart thumped in acute discomfort.

His lips finally tugged into a half smile. “Kissing friends?”

“Maybe.”

“I’ll take maybe for now.”

Ava smiled.

Maybe
….
definitely
, her heart whispered.
I really like him
. And then she knew how possible it was she had fallen in love with him, for he was already rekindling the sweetest, hottest, emotions within her.

Chapter Six

“You chicken,” Devlin teased, wading deeper into the lake, silently urging Ava to be daring. During their short walk to the small lake behind his ranch, he’d acknowledged he had never stopped loving her, no matter how hard he’d tried to bury her loss in work and making a name for himself. He’d succeeded and in the several months he’d spent in New York, he’d made notable connections and drawn the attention of many wealthy patrons and socialites with his unique designs. But he had refused to allow his designs to be produced for bulk merchandising and sold in stores.

“Come on in,” he coaxed. “Or are you going to be a chicken for the rest of the day?”

Ava narrowed her eyes to threatening slits and pursed her lips. With a decisive nod, she peeled off the skin-tight jeans. His mouth watered and his blood roared. She was so damn gorgeous and brave. Several times he spied the wariness in her eyes when she looked at him, but there was also fascination and an awareness of him as a man. She touched him often, most times appearing startled when she realized what she had done.

She stood, still dressed in his shirt, and fisted a hand on her hip. “Isn’t the water cold? Though the sun is very warm, only just last night we had snow.”

“Cluck, cluck
,” he said mockingly.

“I am going to get you, Devlin Calhoun,” she groused, then with a running leap she launched herself into the lake with a splash. Seconds later she surfaced and a joyous laugh rang from her. He swam toward her and she met him in the middle.

“Now was it that hard?” he asked grinning.

She tossed her head. “No, but we cannot stay long, the water is freezing!”

“We’ve been in colder.”

“Was I drunk?”

“No, adventurous,” he said huskily, admiring the way in which the sun glinted on her hair, the sensuality of her smile. He was such a fool to be indulging with her, even knowing he would lose her again the minute she left the ranch. If it was only going to be one single night and day then he would not waste a second of it in repining. He would store memories of their passion that he could cherish. Cherish he chuckled cynically to himself, they would torture him forever because he would never be able to forget her. He would never be able to be content without her. Ava would always be his dream girl.

He wanted to fight for her, knowing she had not abandoned him. For the long night as he’d made love with her, he been thanking God for granting them a second chance. But he could see from her uncertainty, her distance even as she kissed him that when she left the ranch she would not look back. Even now in her eyes there was a piercing sadness or was it wariness?

“What did you do in the year you left Benton?”

He spun on his back and floated lazily, smiling when she followed. “I went to New York.”

Ava reached over and gripped his hand. “Did you find her?” she asked hoarsely.

Relief filled him that she remembered. His mother, the only other woman he had loved so unashamedly. She’d left his father and disappeared when Devlin was ten. Though it had hurt him and his brothers, they had understood. They had watched, their faces pressed against the small grimy window of their trailer home as she snuck away into the night holding her bruised ribs. They had cheered when she’d not returned a few days afterwards as she had done several times in the past, and every day they had wished she’d taken with them. But they’d understood their gutless father would not have stopped searching, until his boys were back home. They’d learned that lesson before.

“I found her. It wasn’t hard. She sent birthday and Christmas cards every year. The addresses changed a bit, but they were all from the Bronx. Dad didn’t work. He only drank and knew how to be mean. It was Mom who put us through school. She worked several jobs and never forgot to send money.”

“I’m glad you found her. Is she doing well?”

He cleared his throat. “She’s married, and has a daughter.”

“You have a sister!”

“Yeah,” he said with a low chuckle. “She’s eight and reminds me a lot of Josh.”

His mother had rebuilt her life without them and he didn’t begrudge her. “She left when I was ten, and it took thirteen years before I saw her again. I was unsure what I would feel, but that moment when I spied her at the park, I only felt relief and happiness that she looked good, and was clearly happy. She had got away from him and I am damn glad she did.”

Ava glided her fingertips over his knuckles and the gesture was welcoming, soothing. He twisted out of the float position, and she followed suit. He tugged her closer to him and pressed a kiss atop her nose. “Thank you for staying.”

“Anytime,” she said with a grin, then shivered very hard.

“Come on, it’s time to get you out of here.”

They swan onto the shore, and hauled themselves from the water. There were no towels out and the nip in the air only had Ava shivering more. She grabbed her jeans and dashed off. “Race you to the house!”

Devlin grinned, watching as she sprint off, uncaring she was only clad in his wet shirt, bare feet, her laughter floating on the wind to him. An ache built inside his chest. He damn well wished she would never leave again, and more than anything else, he wanted her to regain her memory, so that lost look that crept into her eyes sometimes would be vanquished. He raced after her, and she shrieked when she realized how close he was. Like raucous children they clambered up the porch and burst into the house.

“Whe…where…are…t…the towels?” she burst out, shivering.

He grabbed her hands and dashed to the laundry room. He tugged the shirt from her skin, his mouth watering at her naked flesh. Grabbing a white fluffy towel from the top shelf he bundled her into it, shafting her skin to generate warm.

“Are you not cold?”

“No.” His blood was roaring and his cock was hard with desire for her.

The force of his need shocked him.

“I don’t trust that, come here.” She opened the towel, stepped closer to him and wrapped him inside it with her. Her eyes widened when she felt the press of his erection against her belly. Then a flush of arousal worked itself over her cheeks turning them rosy.
Fuck
.

He kissed her. Ava dropped the towel and gripped his shoulders and responded with shivering intensity. Devlin swung her into his arms, placing her on the washing machine. She tugged roughly at his jeans, opening his buttons quickly. His length sprang into her palm.

She eased him away from her before jumping back to the floor and sinking to her knees. Before he could say anything, she took him into her mouth.

“Ava!” His low growl only served to turn her on even further.

She took the broad head of his cock in her mouth and sucked. He pulsed under her tongue and she licked and increased her suction each time he groaned deep. She was mindless in giving him pleasure and did not protest when he drew her to her feet, lifted her, and in one move, thrust deep. She was already wet, so damn wet, and at his rough entry, an orgasm rolled through her, powerful and unstoppable.

She bit the cord of his neck. “I love your taste, the feel of your pulse under my tongue. I love that I make you wild for me.”

Her words were so innocent yet his cock got even harder inside her tightness. They took each other in the laundry, he comforting her, and wondering if this was their final goodbye.

***

The heat of Devlin’s body blanketed her, as he pressed her back against the wall, sliding her ass on the surface of the washing tub. Ava trembled, she felt poised on the edge of an arousal unlike any she had known before. With each hard thrust, she climbed higher, and the pleasure became sharper and more consuming.

Was this goodbye?
She buried her face in his neck, hiding from her thoughts.

“Look at me,” he groaned.

She lifted her face and what she saw in his eyes gutted her. Love, hunger, need . . . and determination.

“This can’t be the end, Ava. I can feel you pulling away. I know you said one night . . . but this can’t be the end. You had chosen me. Chosen us. Give me a chance. Give
us
a chance. My heart has been so empty without you in my life. I swore I would never fall in love with another woman, but the truth is that I never stopped loving you.”

He splayed her legs wider, hitched them higher around his waist, and thrust his cock deeper. A whimper tore from her throat as exquisite pleasure-pain coiled deep in her core. She fisted his hair in her hands and licked his mouth. She could taste the salt on his lips—the taste of her tears. He lifted her from the washing machine and walked with her down the hall and then up the stairs toward his bedroom with her impaled on his thickness. Not once did he release her lips. He kissed her hungrily, his teeth nipping, soothing, and then lips devouring.

Ava felt claimed and it shook her.

She writhed on him, desperate for him to move, to soothe the pressure between her legs. He nipped her bottom lip, sharply, and she bit back just as hard. She felt his smile against her lips and her heart trembled.

She could fall in love with this man. Again. He made her feel so damn much.

He tumbled with her to the bed, pushing her legs back so that her knees were bent and pressed into the bed beside her shoulders. She felt exposed, vulnerable, yet so aroused. He held her gaze as he withdrew from her, eyes dark with unnamed emotions, and she trembled in anticipation of the pleasure to come.

Her cry echoed in the room when he thrust inside of her. It was too much, and not enough.

“I have been with no one since you,” he confessed. “I couldn’t bear to be with anyone else. It has always been only you.”

He plunged in deep, and a low groan escaped her lips. Sweat slicked their skins and she never wanted him to stop.

“Me either,” she whispered. “Since I woke, I haven’t made love with anyone. All of me still belongs to you.”

He stilled, something primal flashing in his eyes.

“All of you, Ava?” he growled.

She couldn’t answer.

I’m broken!
Her heart screamed. She bit the inside of her bottom lip hard to prevent its trembling. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I have nothing to give you until I can remember you, remember who I am, with you,” she sobbed.

His eyes darkened with pain, before he blanked all emotion from them. The love slowly dimmed in his eyes and only the hot glow of lust remained. It gutted her. She wanted to see the love, as well, even though she knew it was for the best.

He claimed her lips in a scorching kiss as he fucked into her, hard and deep, sinking her into the mattress. And that was what he did. Fucked her. Not made love. She could feel the difference, the lack of tenderness.

But she was still hungry for all he had to give. Destructive arousal rushed through her, need coiled in her womb, and her clit pulsed. Her body tightened, orgasm a breath away. She wrapped her hands around his neck, lips fused to his in desperation as he took her on their wildest ride yet. Her body flushed with heat, and wetness dripped from her core. Lust consumed her, and Ava doubted she had ever felt such primal delight in his arms before. Ecstasy built inside her and she rode the waves, struggling to breathe through the all-consuming pleasure. A throaty moan vibrated, low in her throat, as they crested and broke together for the final time, gasping and heaving, holding each other tight.

But afterward instead of feeling secure in her decision, she felt shattered.

This had been goodbye.