Remembering Yesterday (3 page)

Chapter Four

He was a fool.

Devlin stood in the doorway and watched Ava walk down the porch steps. From the moment he’d open the door and seen her standing there, he’d wanted to draw her into his arms and devour her lips.
Fuck
. A fist of regret slammed into his stomach. She had
amnesia
, and he’d told her they only had a fling. She’d been his world, his only love, his heart. But he’d lost her, and he’d moved on.

Or so he’d thought.

It killed him to know she’d had an accident, one so traumatic and dangerous that she was hurt on such a fundamental level. He was glad to see she’d had no other lasting injuries from it. Still, it must have been terrifying for her. He wished he’d been there to soothe, to comfort, and to hold her when the fear had clouded her mind. He’d seen shadows of it, as she’d recounted her loss of memory so calmly at the table.

The table he’d made for her.

Call her back
.

He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. What would be the point? Call her back for what? She didn’t know him. She remembered nothing of how she’d fallen in love with him, remembered nothing of how she’d ripped his heart from his fucking body. It’d taken him months to get over her. Hell, he still wasn’t over her and he’d sworn he’d never mix with anyone who thought they were above him in wealth and class again. He’d be a damned fool to pursue the same woman who had given him that unbearable taste of pain, the woman who’d thrown him away like he was worthless trash.

Did she throw me away?
The question roiled through him, taunting.
She had gone to our meeting point. She could have changed her mind.

She struggled with the keys as she tried to open the van door, muttering, “Damn it,” when she dropped the keys. She stooped down to get them, but stayed there for too long, her shoulders shaking.

Fuck.

She was crying. It gutted him to see it. He hurried down the porch and crouched beside her. “Ava, what is it?” Stupid question. She had no memory. He couldn’t imagine how devastating that must be.

She lurched to her feet, and he stood with her as she spun to face him. Her eyes were wide pools of hurt and confusion.

“Your kitchen is my dream kitchen,” she rasped hoarsely.

His gut tightened. Before he could move she fisted his shirt, and he felt the sting of the key as it pressed into his stomach.

“If we only had a fl—fling, why is my dream kitchen in your home? Why, even now, do I hear your voice in my head telling me that you adore me? Why do I see myself laughing and crying as you give me a ring made from a piece of straw? Why do I feel as if I am making a mistake by walking away from you now, when I don’t even fully remember you?”

The stinging drizzle of rain mixed with the trail of tears running down her face and neck. All he wanted to do was hold and comfort her, but that would be a mistake. Their time together had come and gone. She had ended it. Not a day had passed over the several months since they had parted when he hadn’t wished for her to be in his arms. Not one fucking day had existed in which he did not dream of her. And now here she was, so close he could touch her.

“Your dream kitchen is in my home because I was a fool over you, Ava. I knew what you loved and I worked my ass off to make them for you. I wanted to make you happy, and I wanted to make you never regret being with me.”

Her eyes widened. “A fool over me? As in you loved me?”

“Yes.”

Her breath trembled on a gasp.

“But it wasn’t mutual,” he said.

“Wasn’t it?” Her voice was hoarse with pain. “I
remember
loving you. The feelings that power through me are so intense, they scare me. Why wouldn’t I be a fool over you as well??”

“Because you saw me as trash. Your parents saw me as trash. My father was the abusive drunk who whopped on his kids and the townsfolks knew. I was the boy who had more days absent from school than I was ever present. I was the bad boy who had got into dozens of fights and spent more than one night in Sheriff Huntley’s cell cooling my heels. I had the brother in prison. Because I was nothing but trash to you and your family.”

She flinched. “You are not trash and, from what I can remember, not once did I think of you like that. Not
once
.”

His gut twisted. Part hope and part fear. “What do you want from me, Ava? If I admit that we were more? What then? Where do we go from there?”

Panic swirled in the depths of her blue gaze. “I . . . I—”

“Exactly, Ava. Even now you see me knowing deep down that I am not good enough for you.”

“It’s not because you aren’t good enough!” She shuddered. “I’m just broken, Devlin. I only came because I needed to know. Nothing else.”

She sounded so lost.

He gripped her hips and drew her to him. She came willingly. He lowered his head. “You are not broken. You’re the strongest person I know. I cannot fathom your pain, but you are not weak, and it will not defeat you.”

“Do you think so?” Her eyes begged for reassurance.

“I know so. I will be there and help you for however long you wish. All you have to do is say the words. You may not remember but we were more than just lovers, Ava. We were friends,” he admitted.

“Friends…I like the sound of that.” Then she smiled and it was a burst of sunshine amongst the rain and dreariness.

He dipped his head lower and claimed her lips, before he could tell himself to stop. The flavor of her mouth was sweet and elusive, sublime. It was heaven. And without a doubt it was also pure utter torture. Neither of them cared about the rain, as their mouths remembered each other desperately, hungrily kissing as if they had never been apart.

***

A mash of fear and desire churned in Ava’s gut, overwhelming her. She’d wanted him to kiss her. Just to see if she would feel something. Anything. When Patrick took her in his arms, she was blank. So void of feelings, it petrified her.

Devlin’s lips took hers and
all
she could do was feel.

He made love to her mouth, stroking her tongue with his. Their kiss was hot, wild, and wet. She gasped into his mouth, dropping her keys to twine her fingers, entangling into his thick, ebony hair.
Oh God
. It was as if she was another person. Excitement hummed in her veins, and she felt as if everything that’d been wrong and uncertain had righted itself.

How was this possible? He stole the rest of her thoughts with his drugging kisses, and she moaned as arousal stirred in her blood. He dipped his hands under her coat and drew her shirt out from her pants. His cold, rain dampened hands against her heated skin were an erotic shock, and she purred into his mouth.

She wore no bra, and his thumb flicking across her nipple sent a bolt of lust deep between her legs, making her so wet, so fast, from the fleeting caresses that it stunned her. Arousal dampened the bare piece of silk panties she’d chosen to wear instead of the serviceable cotton ones her mother bought for her, as if some unconscious part of her, had wanted to be prepared for such a moment. Her eyes blinked opened and focused on him. He let go of her and stepped back, and she immediately missed the warmth he had wrapped her in, the sweet pleasure stoking inside of her. She moved with him, not letting go of his neck, unable to explain the desire in her to be skin to skin with him.

Suddenly the ache for him was overwhelming, and she felt as if she missed him, yearned for him with all her being.

“Leave, Ava,” he whispered against her lips, before taking them in another quick kiss. “Leave and I’ll meet you in the diner tomorrow for lunch and we’ll talk. Okay?”

Her heart was beating a terrified but wonderful tempo. “Okay,” she agree, but she didn’t release him.

They stood staring at each other, and she very much liked the awe and need on his face. Impatient to taste him again, she grabbed his shirt collar and drew him down to meet her. He groaned as she took charge of their open-mouthed kiss. A distant part of her was in shock, as this was not the personality she’d had since the accident. So free, so wild, so empowered, so aroused. She shivered more from the arousal pumping through her veins, than from the cold, driving rain now pelting down so steadily. It would finally melt the snow, she thought absently, but every other thought was of the sensations filling her to the brim and running over into wonder.

He hoisted her into his arms, and she wrapped her legs around his hips as he walked with her up the porch steps. Devlin pulled his lips from hers breathing raggedly. “If you don’t leave I’m going to make love with you the whole damned night. If you don’t want this, tell me now.”

He reached the door and pressed her against it. Resting his forehead against hers, his eyes holding hers captive, he waited for her answer. The thickness of his erection pressed between the juncture of her thighs and her clit pulsed in answer. All thoughts of Patrick, her parents, and her lack of memory faded. Ava could only focus on Devlin and the feelings thrumming inside of her. She felt alive for the first time in months. “I want you. I want this . . . please. But only for tonight.”

Something stark and raw flared in his eyes, but Ava couldn’t take the words back. She was broken, and it would be stupid to hide from it. Desire was coursing through her now . . . but what would she feel tomorrow, or next month? Until the pieces were mended, there would be no committing to anything serious. Dating Patrick casually for months already told her that. To give Devlin any hope that she wanted more than one night to chase away the loneliness and fear would be cruel.

“Only tonight?” he asked, eyes probing her soul.

“Yes.”

“And what if I need more, Ava? What if I want you to be with me so we can relearn each other?”

Her heart climbed into her throat and the ache to say yes well inside. “I…I…”

“Yes,” he urged, pressing a kiss to the corner of her lips. “We’ll go slowly, I promise. We’ll go on dates, take long walks, rowing on the lake, and we’ll talk about
everything
.”

Doubt scythed through her, and she desperately wanted to concentrate on now, and not wonder about their uncertain future. “Only now. Only tonight…please. I’ve been so empty, so hollow, but now…now I ache—”

“Ava.”

She pressed a finger to his lips. “Please, Dev, make love to me.”

With a harsh groan he took her lips while wrenching the door opened. Everything then became a blur of need and frantic desire. With lips fused together they made it to the sectional in the living area. Ava dropped to the floor and shrugged out of her coat. The moment felt surreal as they stripped, staring at each other. The fireplace crackled and the determined way he stared at her as she removed every last inch of her clothing, had her core heating more and more.

“You are so beautiful,” he whispered. “I have missed you so much, Ava.”

The reverent way he stared at her, made her entire body tremble. The insecurity she normally felt at her lack of curves and small breasts disappeared as he drew her into his arms, rubbing her breasts against his naked chest, igniting even more arousal in her. He was so delicious and hard.

His lips claimed hers, concentrating her thoughts on only him. His hand glided down to her wet core and a long finger pushed in deep. She mewled against his lips and rocked her hips in time to the delicious sensations. The room spun, and she found herself lying splayed on the couch. Heated lips trailed down her neck and down to cover her pebbled nipple. Desire sluiced through her body and her hips arched towards him. His lips continued their downward path, and she splintered as another finger slid deep inside her where they moved slowly teasingly stimulating her channel. He covered her clit with his mouth and his tongue flickered back and forth making her writhe as she lost all control. As he licked and sucked, driving her high with need, she struggled to hold her body taut to permit his glorious ministrations. Ava drowned under the waves of pleasure, nothing mattered more than the sensations he was so gently inflicting upon her skin.

She heard the distant rip of cellophane as he opened a condom wrapper. She licked her lips as he sheathed his length in a condom. He lowered his body to hers, nudging her thighs apart, spreading her wider.

“I want to touch you, Devlin. Let me touch you,” she moaned.

Sweat slicked her skin, and he nipped the corner of her mouth as the blunt head of his erection nudged at her entrance. “You will touch me, Ava . . . later. I promise you we’ll belong to each other for the entire night. But right now, I need to be in you.” And with a powerful surge, he sank his cock in to the hilt.

Her muscles burned in sharp discomfort as her core parted under the force of his entry. She gasped and he swallowed it, holding himself rigid while she adjusted. He kissed her, mating his tongue with hers for long, sensual minutes. Ava relaxed, and she gripped his hair as he withdrew slowly and then forged back inside her with strength. The pleasure was intense, all consuming, and she wanted more.

She ripped her mouth from his, and wrapped her legs high around his back. “More, Devlin. I want to burn with you.”

Her muscles gripped tightly around his cock and he breathed out a sharp gasp of pleasure, before nipping her lower lip and then he pummelled his length deep back inside of her. Grinding and striking deep within her, mingling pleasure with sensual pain. He snaked one hand down to grip her hip, while he braced himself on his elbows. He pulled back and thrust hard and deep and her body wept in delight. Her fingertips caressed the rigid muscles of his back. She sighed his name, as her body roiled in his coils, and shattered. “I cannot believe I would forget such pleasures.” She gasped.

He laughed, low and sensual, then he was claiming her mouth once more and his tongue matched the thrusts sliding slickly within her until bliss consumed her. With a rough groan, he tumbled with her. They clung to each other, skins slicked with sweat, hearts beating in tandem. He withdrew from her, and without speaking padded away.

A light flicked on in the distance, and its beams spilled into the living area. Moments later she heard water running in the bathroom. Ava shifted, groaning as her muscles protested, then she grinned. She was boneless, mindless with satiation.