Renegade (30 page)

Gavin and I exchange another look. “What are you talking about?” Gavin demands.

Again she ignores him. “Darling, you didn’t expect we’d just let an Enforcer walk out the door. You had to know there were fail-safes in place.”

“Fail-safes? What fail-safes?” I ask.

Mother smiles again. “Little tiny instructions set far inside that dense brain of yours. If you don’t turn Gavin over to us and do what we tell you to do, including being a good little girl and coupling, you’ll have no choice.”

“I won’t do it.”

“Yes, you will. Didn’t you hear me? You’ll have no choice.”

“I don’t understand.”

She gives an exasperated sigh. “Haven’t you noticed it yet? Like when you killed Nick? Or when you got by the Guards? Those other Citizens? Just a tiny little click.”

I don’t say anything, but that’s all the affirmation she needs. Gavin’s gaze burns into me as Mother’s smile widens.

“It’s already started, hasn’t it? You’re already starting to hate him. It’s just tiny lapses now, but it won’t be for long. And there’s nothing you can do about it. If you value the life of your little boy toy, you’ll return him to me. I’ll even let you keep him. All he has to do is go through Conditioning and he’ll be all yours.”

“Never,” I say.

She shrugs. “Suit yourself. Then he’ll die by your hands.”

“What do you mean?”

“Your training. Must I explain everything?” She smiles that awful smile at me. “The closer you get to escaping, the more you’ll forget who you are. The more you’ll revert to your Enforcer Conditioning. And the harder it will be to resist killing a Surface Dweller. After all, that was what you were programmed to do.”

The hologram flickers and shuts off as her laugh echoes around the empty Sector.

C
HAPTER
T
WENTY-FOUR

S
UBJECT 121
, E
VELYN
W
INTERS:

Failure to follow a direct order, resulting in the unnecessary deaths of 10 Citizens and 1 Enforcer. Evaluation shows Conditioning has failed yet again. Recommend immediate disposal.

ETA: Mother has taken over control of said subject.

—
D
R.
F
RIAR, INCIDENT REPORT
FOLLOWING MASSACRE AT
F
ESTIVAL

I stare at the spot where she just was. I wish I could say that it surprises me, but it doesn’t, not really. How stupid and naïve I’ve been to think Mother would just let me walk out the door with a Surface Dweller.

Despite how awful things have turned, our escape
had
been too easy up till now.

Gavin gently touches my arm. “I don’t think I understood what she just said.”

“She means I’ll succumb to my programming before we can escape.” I pause, my voice getting quieter. “My memories weren’t coming back. I was … reverting, the longer I was escaping with you. And because I was trained to eliminate Surface Dwellers, I will kill you.” Each word I speak causes another fissure to open in my heart. “She has a point. It’s probably best if you go by yourself. And that I return to Mother.”

She won’t be happy I let him escape, but since by then he’ll be on his way to the Surface, there won’t be anything she can do about it. What she’ll do to me, though, that’s another thing altogether.

He shakes his head. “I’m not leaving without you. We haven’t come this far for me to abandon you at the end. We’re almost there. You’ve broken through your Conditioning before.” He touches my rose charm. “You’ll do it again.”

“I know, but this is different—”

Gavin places his finger across my lips. “Don’t. It’s no different.” He takes my hand. “And I’m not turning my back on you, and I’m not letting you turn your back on me. It’s all or nothing now, Evie. For better or for worse, right?”

My stomach flips and my heart lodges in my throat. “But your family. They need you.”

He smiles his lopsided grin and cups my cheek. I melt when he looks into my eyes and says, “
I
need
you
.”

Closing my eyes, I lean into his hand. “All right, but if I kill you, you have no one to blame but yourself.”

“You won’t kill me. It’ll never happen,” he says so confidently, I almost believe him.

He leads the way down the hallway toward the elevators that will take us to the floor the submersibles should be on. I don’t follow, wishing I had as much confidence in myself as he has in me.

He turns when he realizes I haven’t followed. “Coming?”

When he first turns, the red glow from the emergency lights floods over him. He looks like he’s covered in blood. Then he steps back into the white lights and the vision fades in a blink. I hope it’s not a premonition.

With a nod, I hurry to catch up.

*   *   *

It seems that we’ve both lost any fear of Mother that we may have had in the beginning, but I wonder if my lack of fear is the Conditioning taking over. The farther into Sector Three we get, the less my nerves bother me and the more assured I am that I can handle anything.

But I’m worried about what Mother said. Especially now when, trapped in the elevator as it shoots us up to the topmost floor of the Sector, with nowhere to go—nowhere to escape—Gavin touches me on the shoulder. Another wave of hate for him threatens to drown me. I want to strangle him for touching me. For making my nerves wriggle like snakes under my skin.

I force myself to face away from him. To remember everything we’ve been through together. That it’s only Mother’s programming that’s causing this. It’s not my real feelings. But it’s hard to remember what my real feelings are at this point.

The worst part is how often it’s happening now—the feeling of intense hate that overcomes me for Gavin. It lasts only seconds, but it’s stronger each time.

But that’s only one of my problems. The other is that I think I’m starting to forget things. It started before we left Sector One, when I couldn’t make up my mind about showering or leaving, when the answer should have been obvious. When I went the wrong way trying to leave Sector One. Then again when I couldn’t remember where the rebreathers were or if it was the red button or the gray one that activated them. Now I don’t remember which way to go to get to the submersibles. I’m going to have to rely on Gavin’s memory.

I don’t want to concern him, though, so I just pretend I’m letting him go ahead so he can protect me. Of course, some of my confusion might be due to the fact I’ve never really been over to this side of the city. It’s
nothing
like my part. It’s dirty and grimy. The concrete walls, normally a pewter color, are dark with something that looks like soot.

My finger comes back covered in the black stuff when I run it down one of the walls. The stuff is slippery and grainy, grease of some sort. I sniff it and wrinkle my nose. It smells like oil.

The smell reminds me of someone. A boy, about my age. Blond hair and blue eyes. Hard, rough hands. Strong.
The perfect Suitor for me
. I’m sure I know him. A name floats in my mind, then flits away before I can grasp at it, but the vision of wind chimes appears before my eyes.

My smile falls when another vision replaces the chimes. A vision of pain and blood. Lots of blood. I stare at my hands and instead of the greasy dirt they’re covered in blood.

I gasp and wipe them over and over on my dress, but it’s no good because it’s covered in blood, too.

Gavin turns around from farther down the hall. “Everything okay?”

The vision fades and I lift my gaze to him. What was I doing again?

He frowns and steps toward me. “Evie. You okay?”

I nod, slowly.
“My life is just about perfect.”

His eyebrows wing up. “That’s good.” He takes my hand, and kisses my palm. The contact clears the fuzziness in my head.

I frown at him. “What’s going on? Why did we stop?”

He sighs. “You had a small episode.”

I groan. “Again?” Then I panic. “What happened? Did I try to hurt you?” I pat my hands over his body, looking for damage.

He pulls my hands away and holds them by the wrists with his hands. “I’m fine. I’m just worried about you. Are you really okay? You looked terrified and in pain.”

I pull a hand away and press it to my forehead. It feels like someone is trying to dig their way out of my head. “I’m fine. I can’t remember what happened.”

He watches me for several seconds. “Okay, well, let’s keep going, all right? We’re not too far from where the map said the subs are.”

I nod and follow behind him again. When we turn the corner, I notice a metallic scent. That click goes off in my head again and every muscle in my body tenses, ready to spring into action. Gavin’s body stiffens, too, so I know I’m not imagining it. We walk cautiously ahead. Our senses are tuned to every noise, every shadow.

Without warning, the lights flicker and go out throughout the complex. The red emergency lights stay lit, but ahead the hallway is dark. I reach into my pack and pull out my flashlight pin.

When I click it on, the light cuts through the darkness. It’s actually brighter than the lights that would have lit the hallway, but it isn’t big enough to dispel all of the gloom.

We keep our guard up, sticking close together. Our arms brush together, and at first I have to fight the urge to jerk my arm away. I bite my tongue, hoping the pain will be enough to distract me from my homicidal thoughts, but it isn’t until he squeezes my hand—a simple gesture of his promise to protect me—that I’m able to push the thoughts to the side.

I can’t fight this much longer. I hope we reach the submersibles soon.

After a few minutes, he releases my hand and I have to resist the urge to grab out for him again. It’s the only thing grounding me from going crazy, but we can’t take the chance of holding hands. We don’t know what’s ahead.

Suddenly my foot slides in something wet and I almost fall to the ground. I throw my hands out to the side to catch myself with the walls.

When I lift my foot, my shoe makes a sucking sound. I tap Gavin on the shoulder, then point to the floor. “There’s something here,” I say.

He nods and stands watch over me, while I kneel to shine the small light onto the floor, careful not to let my knee dip into whatever the sticky mess is. It’s a puddle of something dark red, almost purple. I tilt my head, then stick my finger in it and bring it nearer to me to study. It’s slightly tacky, like wet glue or drying paint.

Bringing it to my nose, I sniff at it. It has a metallic scent, like rust. Then it hits me. I know exactly what this is. It bothers me that it took me that long to figure it out.

When I turn to show Gavin, he’s already staring at the puddle with a look of horror on his face. “Blood?” he asks.

“I think so.”

“What from?” He pulls out an antiseptic wipe from the first-aid kit in one of the packs and wipes my whole hand down, then helps me to stand, pulling me away as far from the puddle as he can.

“I don’t know. But it’s a lot.”

As one, we both look down the hall. I shiver and Gavin, wordlessly, takes his gun out, making sure it’s loaded. There’s a click when he releases the safety.

While I know I should do the same, I don’t trust myself not to shoot him if I have another episode. I leave them in the packs Gavin is carrying. I even consider emptying the chambers, but don’t want to risk having the guns in my hands at all right now.

We continue forward and it isn’t long before we find more blood. This time it’s in the form of handprints along the floor. They move up to the walls, as if the person was using the wall to help them stand, then lead down the hall. It’s like they’re luring us somewhere.

Chills chase up and down my spine, but we have no choice except to continue. I don’t remember if there are any other ways to the submersibles, and Gavin only knows this one route.

Suddenly the handprints stop. Gavin and I exchange a look, his eyes barely visible, but then continue forward. Hurrying now, because there’s red light ahead. We stop at a junction. Ahead it’s still pitch black. The lights are all out. But on either side of us, the hallways are lit with the eerie red light, and I can make out different doors. It looks like living quarters or maybe labs.

The calm that came with the click is gone now and fear creeps back in, making thought difficult.

Does Sector Three have labs? I press a hand to my forehead. I think so. This is the Engineering Sector, after all. It would make sense for them to have labs for the creation of those things, right? Then again, the Engineers and their families need somewhere to sleep. What did the map say this section was?

Is it even important? The real question is which way do we go?

Gavin looks at me. “The notes said straight until we end up at a dead end, then left.” And even though he sends me a questioning look, I can’t help but think he knows I don’t remember.

I decide not to confirm his thoughts. “Yes. That’s right. Straight, then left.”

He gives me an odd look, but turns and continues down the hall. Soon, we’re drenched in darkness again. The light is behind us, reminding us there’s safety there.

I start to think that maybe leaving isn’t such a great idea after all. That maybe we should just break into one of the quarters down that lit hallway. Surely we’ll find an empty one, and we can just hide in there. Mother won’t be able to find us.

Then I shake myself. That’s a stupid idea. Mother won’t give up until she does find us. And we’d be trapped in those quarters. Gavin would be trapped. Besides, now’s not the time to give up.

We’re almost there. Just a few more turns and then freedom.

Straightening my shoulders, I step up my pace, catching up with Gavin, who had just slowed to match mine. He turns so I can shine the light on his face. “You okay?” he asks for what seems like the hundredth time. I force down the anger it creates. I know why he’s asking. It’s a test to see if I’m myself.