Renegade Love (Rancheros) (13 page)

She had to sit, her legs weak, and his support gone. She pulled his jacket tighter around her and peered into the shadows. Was Esteban there somewhere watching her? She didn’t care for the fact that he could approach undetectable until he was practically on top of her. She would never know when he was near or if he watched her. The thought unnerved her and she got up and hurried off seeking the solitude of her room. There she had a degree of privacy, though how private was anyplace on the hacienda when Esteban seemed to appear out of thin air.

Rosa sat on the end of the bed, Esteban’s jacket still around her. How could passion for him strike her one moment and fear the next? She shook her head annoyed. She had been devastated when her parents died and even more distressed when she had been placed with the Curros and discovered the type of people they were. But she had been taught to survive and always remain strong. Her mother had told her that her prayers would not fail her and in a way they hadn’t. She had prayed daily to be removed from the Curros and into a loving home.

And her prayers had been answered. Don Alejandro and Dona Valerianna were good and loving people and treated her well. Her life had improved tremendously being wed to Esteban. What more could she ask for?

I want more.

Esteban’s words resonated in her head and she nodded, agreeing with him. She wanted more herself. She wanted a good and loving marriage and she wondered if they could have one. Passion certainly sparked easily between them but what good was passion without love. The young
ninas
had always paid the price for letting passion rule. And then they were left with nothing, not an ounce of respect.

She sighed and reluctantly removed Esteban’s jacket and draped it over a chair. She wasn’t sure what to do. She did want to learn more about him, for she felt it would help her to better understand her husband. The passion, however, was a different matter. She wasn’t quite sure how to deal with it and that left her feeling vulnerable.

But no matter what, there was one thing she was certain about... she would survive. No matter what happened, she would survive.

Rosa sat in the garden, her drawing tools lying untouched next to her on the bench annoyed that her husband had kept his distance from her these last couple of days. How could they have any kind of marriage if they barely spent time together? And the more she had thought about it the more she realized that she wanted a chance at a good marriage. After all, she was stuck with him for the rest of their lives.

Stuck.

She had been stuck with the Curros. She didn’t want to be stuck with a husband. She had to smile. She wanted more just as he did, but how to have more was the question.

The sound of laughter caught Rosa’s attention. She stood and turned quickly, thinking she recognized the voice. But it couldn’t be, though she hoped it was. A smile spread across Rosa’s face as soon as she saw her friend Marinda talking and laughing with Dolores. When her friend caught sight of her, she hurried to Rosa and they threw their arms around each other and hugged tightly.

Rosa took hold of Marinda’s hand and walked her to the roughhewn table and two chairs that were shaded by a large oak tree. As they sat, Rosa said, “I’m so glad you’ve come to visit.”

“I’ve been wanting to, but Paco said that I must wait for an invitation. It is what the nobles do and now that you are one of them...” Marinda shook her head. “I told him that he was crazy. You are who you are and no one would ever change you. Then this morning the Cesare carriage arrived at my humble abode and I was told that my presence was requested at the hacienda.” Marinda’s smile grew alarmingly wide. “I tell you, I hopped in that carriage so fast that I had heads spinning. And the looks I got riding through town.” She clapped her hands. “It was wonderful. I felt like a noble. I even waved to our friends just as you had done.” She laughed. “They were too shocked to wave back. And oh how I’m looking forward to the ride home. Then I arrived here and Dolores was waiting and brought me to you.”

Rosa wondered who had sent for her friend, perhaps Don Alejandro or his wife had taken pity on her. Or could it have been her husband? Whoever it had been, she was grateful. Marinda was the distraction she needed from her worries. Her friend always had funny gossip to share or stories of her and Paco that never failed to warm Rosa’s heart.

They were soon deep in conversation, Marinda telling her all the latest news from town. The only time Marinda turned speechless was when two servants arrived and placed a bountiful meal on the table.

Rosa knew what her friend was thinking. This would feed her and Paco for a week or more, though knowing Marinda, she would share with others.

“You will take some home with you,” Rosa offered and waited for Marinda to protest.

She looked ready to, and then stopped. “I would refuse your kind offer, but I know of some who could use this food.”

“Then if not for yourself, take it for others, though I would recommend that you keep some of the fruit tarts for you and Paco, they are delicious.”

Marinda laughed. “That’s if I don’t eat them all now.”

The two friends talked in between enjoying the meal. It was when they finished and were enjoying the last of the pitcher of lemonade that the conversation turned to Esteban.

“There are whispers in town about your husband,” Marinda said.

“That is nothing new, there are always whispers about Esteban,” Rosa said. “He is a far better man than most think of him.”

“The people are afraid that he will rejoin Pacquito’s band of renegades?”

Rosa could not hide her shock. Her eyes turned wide and her hands began to tremble. “He would never return to that life,” Rosa said, not doubting her words for a minute. “You don’t know what he suffered at their hands.”

“Then why did he stay with them? It is the question on everyone’s minds. The renegades trained him to fight, so why not leave when he was strong enough to? Paco spoke with someone here at the hacienda that has seen Esteban practice with his knife and pistol. Paco got chills when the person told him how Esteban hit his target dead center at every try. And the speed in which he drew his knife was beyond anything he had ever seen. So with such skills why did he remain with the renegades?”

Rosa didn’t have an answer for her friend and she wasn’t sure how to defend him against such an accusation. She could understand everyone’s concern and curiosity, for she wondered herself. What could have kept him hostage to Pacquito when he had been skilled enough to break free?

“I wish I had an answer for you, Marinda,” she said. “I can only tell you that I believe my husband is a good and honest man.”

“You barely know him, though,”—Marinda hesitated—“much can be learned about a man by the way he treats a woman in bed.”

Rosa stared at her friend not knowing what to say. She did not want anyone to know that her vows had yet to be consummated. People would wonder why and when she attended mass there would be whispers and stares and evil looks from the Curros.

Marinda took her silence as fear and demanded, “Has he hurt you?”

“No. No, Esteban did not hurt me.”

“Then what is wrong,”—her hand flew to her chest—“oh Lord, don’t tell me you have yet to seal your vows.”

Rosa clamped her mouth shut refusing to say a word, though she didn’t have to, her actions sealed it for her friend.

“Oh my, has he not sealed his vows because he wants no part of this marriage?”

That thought had never entered Rosa’s head. Could it be possible? Or had it been her fault?

Rosa felt the need to offer some type of explanation. “I drank too much at our wedding and he left me to recover and sleep.”

“This is good,” her friend encouraged. “It speaks well of his character that he considered you were in no shape to make love. But since then?”

The memory of waking to him holding her in his arms brought a smile to her face. “He comforted me from a bad dream.” She refused to think on what had followed or her cheeks would burn red.

“He does sound considerate,” Marinda said, as if it was difficult to believe. “You have to stop falling asleep, unless... don’t you want to make love with him?”

I’m a savage and will take you like one.

Not his exact words, but what had been implied. Making love had never been mentioned and she couldn’t help but wonder if love would ever be a part of their marriage.

“You hesitate in answering,” Marinda said. “Perhaps I ask too many questions. Paco warns me it will be different now between you and me.”

“Never,” Rosa said, reaching out and taking firm hold of her friend’s hand. “Never will it be different between us. We have been friends too long, really more like sisters and I could not bear to lose you.”

Tears came to Marinda’s eyes. “I feel the same way, but you live this grand life now and—”

Rosa squeezed her hand. “That changes nothing. I will visit you and you will visit me and our children will be friends just as we are.”

“That would be nice,” Marinda said. “I would love for my children to be able to play here in such a lovely garden while we talk.”

“And so they shall,” Rosa assured her.

Marinda grinned. “Not if you keep falling asleep.”

They both laughed and talk turned to babies.

“I’m hoping to have news to share with you soon,” Marinda said, smiling. “And who knows we may find ourselves pregnant at the same time.”

Rosa smiled, though made no comment. She had to first make the prospect a possibility and the thought did intimidate her.

They talked for another hour, and then Dolores interrupted to let them know that the carriage was there to take her home.

Rosa gave her a hug. “I’ll visit you soon.”

Marinda grinned. “I don’t mind visiting you.”

Rosa laughed. “I’ll send the carriage for you, Dona Marinda.”

“How lovely of you, Dona Rosa.”

The two women laughed, hugged again, and as Rosa waved to a fading Marinda a sense of loneliness washed over her. She missed her best friend and wished that she could see her more often as she once had.

With a sigh of resignation, Rosa turned and returned to the garden to gather her drawing tools. Drawing lost all its appeal as did approaching suppertime. At first she thought it would be nice to finally share a meal with others, having eaten alone for so many years. She had thought there would be talk, laughter, and smiles. It was nothing like that. A lingering tension existed, making the meals uncomfortable. How could anyone eat under such unpleasant conditions? She wondered if she could feign a headache or something, then she could have a meal brought to her. She could even take it out to the garden and enjoy the lovely scent of flowers.

Fate seemed to be on her side when she entered the kitchen planning to feign a headache and ask for her meal to be served in her quarters.

Dolores smiled when she saw her. “No one will be present for the evening meal tonight.”

“Why?” she asked curious over everyone’s absence.

“I do not know why Dona Alejandro and Esteban will not be here, but as for Dona Valerianna... her head aches and she requested her meal to be brought to her quarters. So you are free to eat wherever you choose tonight.”

Rosa didn’t hesitate. Her choice came easily. “I’ll have supper here with you.”

Dolores shook a finger at her. “How many times must I remind you that you are part of the Cesare family now and do not belong in the kitchen?”

Rosa smiled. “Then we shall eat out under the stars.” Before Dolores could protest Rosa got to work snatching up a gaily colored tablecloth from the stack kept in a large basket and hurrying outside with it. In the next few minutes she had the long wood table appearing as if there was about to be a party. Glass jars held candles while others overflowed with flowers. Baskets held fruit and bread and plates sat stacked in case anyone else wished to join them.

Rosa’s enthusiasm soon had Dolores joining in and others as well. Soon the table was laden with
Tortillas
,
Torrejas,
corn dough fritters that Rosa’s mother had often made and
Relleno de Carne
a chopped beef mixture that was a favorite of her father’s and only made on special occasions. One of the girls squealed with detail when Dolores added a bowl of
Jiricalla
, delicious custard, to the table.

Soon there was laughter and talk and Rosa finally felt at home here with the other peasants. They had also forgotten her status and spoke with her as if she was one of them. To Rosa it was what she had longed for since her parents’ death. It was as if she was with family once again.

Rosa learned who was wed to who, who was expecting a baby, who was not feeling well and needed help with their workload. It was the most pleasant evening she had spent since her arrival here and she wished that the Cesares could see what a meal should be like.

Silence suddenly struck the few who had lingered at the table after the meal was finished, and then they hurried off without a word. Rosa didn’t have to turn around to see what had caused their reaction. She knew her husband stood behind her.

Dolores was the only one who didn’t leave, though she stood. “May I get you something, Don Esteban?”

“I’ll have a glass of wine with
my wife
.” The strength of his voice made it clear that he wanted to be alone with her.

Dolores was quick to pour him a glass of wine and hurry off.

“You will cause undue stress on my parents if they were ever to find out that you had supper with the servants.”

“I meant no disrespect, and I so enjoyed it. I hadn’t realized that some who work here are relatives of people I know in town. It was so nice to speak with them as it was to visit with Marinda today.” If she hoped by mentioning her friend that he would admit to being the one who had arranged the visit, she was disappointed when he made no reference to it.

He sipped his wine and kept a steady eye on her. “Do you like it here on the hacienda?”

“It is a much more favorable one to life with the Curros.”

“That’s not what I asked. Do you like it here?”