Rescue Me

RESCUE ME

BY

KATHY

COOPMANS

© 2015

Rescue Me © 2015 Kathy Coopmans

Cover Design © 2015 Perfect Pear Creative

Photography © 2015 K. Keeton Designs

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. All rights reserved. The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal. No part of this book may be used or reproduced electronically or in print without written permission by the author. All rights are reserved.

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This book contains scenes and descriptions of acts of physical and sexual violence. Please continue reading at your own discretion.

To My Mom, Grace Richardson.

I LOVE YOU MORE.

PROLOGUE

I have no one to blame but myself for staying for as long as I did with a man who was supposed to love, honor, and cherish me for the rest of my life.

Several black eyes and a few broken ribs later, and still I stayed.

The world can be a very cruel place. People judge you and talk about you and wonder, ‘why do you stay with him when all he does is beat you?’

It’s a question I asked myself every day. I was scared, and I’m a mom, and when someone threatens to take your child away from you or threatens to kill you if you ever try and call the cops, or worse yet, try and leave them, you believe them. You slip into a world of darkness, a world of hate; a world where you vow to yourself you will never love or trust a man again.

I lived my life that way for four years, hating myself and not believing in love. Detached from every emotion. I don’t need anyone or anything in my life except my daughter. I am broken, worthless and a woman who is scared to love and I planned on living the rest of my life this way.

Until I met him. My best friend’s cousin, Adam Payne; the man who makes repeat performances in my dreams. I met Adam several years ago when he first came to Texas to visit his cousin Shayne. Shayne and I lived next door to each other and when I first laid my eyes on him with his shaggy, dark blond hair and piercing green eyes, every part of my body stood at attention as if it was the first time I had ever seen a man. To this day, there is still something about him that you can’t help but be drawn to. It’s a lot more than just his good looks and his well-defined body in which every muscle demands attention. Even at a distance, standing in Shayne’s driveway twirling her daughter Lucy around, he exuded confidence and caring.

Here was a man who was not afraid to speak his mind or tell you exactly how he felt; the kind of man who knew I was a single mother and needed a few new shingles put on my roof, or a new lock on my back door, or my gutters cleaned out, and didn’t mind doing it. Never once did I ask him to do any of those things for me. ‘Hey, it’s my job to take care of my four girls,’ he would say. It didn’t take long for him to plant himself permanently into my heart, and when Shayne moved back to Michigan to finally be with the love of her life, a part of me broke all over again knowing I might never see Adam again.

So when after only a few weeks had passed and Shayne called me begging for my daughter and me to move to Michigan, I did, leaving my sister behind in order to make a fresh start for my daughter Sierra and myself. It was exactly what I needed. What I didn’t count on was Adam’s offer for us to stay with him. Things rapidly changed between us when one of us would get caught staring a little too long at the other, or when we would walk by each other and our shoulders would lightly touch, giving me that overwhelming feeling of ‘Oh, God, I wish I could have his skin pressed up against me, touching me everywhere.’

He makes me want to feel again. To trust someone again. And most importantly, to love again.

I just don’t know how.

Chapter One

Erin

You would think that persuading myself to get out of bed on such a beautiful fall day would be easy to do, especially since it is the day of my best friend Shayne’s wedding. But instead of doing what any good maid of honor should be doing, I am lying here staring out the window and watching the fading autumn leaves slowly float to the ground.

I’m so happy for Shayne; really I am, but every time I attend a wedding it takes me back to my wedding to Joel. It was the happiest day of my life until his true colors started to show three months after we were married.

I remember the first time he laid his ugly hands on me. It seemed that in his eyes I couldn’t do anything right. One day we had both just gotten home from work and he just started yelling, so what did I do? I yelled right back at him. That just fueled the fire in him even more, but honest to God, I have no idea what the hell set him off to make him slap me. The next thing I knew, he had struck me so hard that I fell to the floor. Of course the son of a bitch dropped to his knees and held me and cried and told me how sorry he was. At the time I believed him.

I shouldn’t have. Over the years, the beatings became at times more than I could bear. I was abused so badly that I was scared to death to leave my house for fear that someone would look me in the eye and know exactly how weak and broken I was inside. When someone constantly tells you that you are not worth a damn, you eventually tend to believe it. But even after everything that happened, not once have I ever thought of my marriage as a mistake. How could I when Joel gave me my precious daughter Sierra?

I’m so thankful Sierra doesn’t remember him. Not once did Joel ever sit down and play with his daughter, or comfort her when she was sick, or read her a bedtime story. I often wonder to myself what my grandfather would say if he knew about the things that Joel did to me. I think he would have chopped his balls off with the dullest machete he could find and then fed them to the neighbor’s pigs.

The day I decided to leave him was the best decision I have ever made. He could have done whatever he wanted to do to me, but when he hit Sierra one Saturday morning I wanted to kill him. Joel had come home with a hangover from drinking the night before, and Sierra was running through the house laughing and playing like little kids do. I will never forget the look on her little face when he reached out and grabbed her arm as she passed him. She was too young to understand that she was even doing anything wrong, but Joel slapped her across her face and knocked her to the ground anyway. I have never seen her cry the way she did that day. It was all I could take. I ran and scooped her up in my arms and held her. At that point, I wouldn’t have given a damn if he beat the shit out of me a million times over for picking her up and loving her, but as I braced myself for his reaction, I could never have imagined the nightmare that was to come.

I take a few deep breaths trying to shake off the memories of that awful day and climb out of bed, heading for the bathroom where I take care of my morning business. My mind drifts again to the fact that Shayne and Luke are finally getting married today. As I stare at myself in the mirror a smile creeps up on my face. The love those two share for each other is so rare that you can’t help but to be just a little bit jealous, but God knows they deserve it. They have been through so much together. Before leaving the bathroom, I frown at the look on my face as I stare at my reflection as always.

“Get your head out of your ass Erin and go make sure the one woman who has been by your side through all of your bullshit has the best day of her life.”

Pacing myself very slowly, I leave my bedroom in this huge house that Sierra and I have been staying in since we moved to Michigan three months ago and make my way into the kitchen. I stop dead in my tracks as I see Adam standing at the counter with his back to me wearing nothing but a pair of black shorts. And
fuck,
they are hanging damn low on his waist.

Adam Payne. God, why does he have to be so damn sexy? Every damn muscle in his body is defined. Owning your own construction business will do that to a man, I’m sure, but I have never in my entire life seen a man who has a nicer body than he does. I have imagined being able to just lick every square inch of it...but apart from one incident months ago back in Texas, thinking about it is all I have ever done. No matter how much my body craves Adam’s touch, it will never happen. There isn’t a man out there who would want to touch me after he saw the woman I really am on the inside.

“Who the fuck would want you, Erin? You’re worthless!”
The words Joel used to scream at me pop back into my head again, and I know he was right. I am not worthy of any man.

Adam must sense me approaching because he quickly turns around. When he gives me that oh-so- God-for-sakes, sexy-as-fuck smile I feel my panties instantly get wet.

“Good morning, Erin,” he says, holding up his coffee mug. “Would you like some coffee?”

I nod my head to indicate ‘yes’, and he turns back around to reach into the cupboard for a mug, allowing me a view of his flexing arm muscles. FUCK ME. This attraction I feel for him brings all my insecurities to the forefront, and I hate myself for it. Why do I keep torturing myself by drooling and fantasizing over something I can never have? Fuck you Joel for making me feel this way about myself. Fuck You!

Adam hands me my coffee as I approach him, and I swear to all things holy that when I look up into his eyes to say thank you he is looking at me as if he wants to eat me for breakfast. But deep in my gut I know this can’t be true. Why would a man like him want a shattered, broken, fucking mess of a girl like me?

I politely say ‘thank you’ and make my way to the refrigerator to start making breakfast for Lucy and Sierra. Thinking about my little blonde haired baby girl instantly puts all of my bad thoughts about myself out of my head. Even though I am nothing to myself, I am everything to her, and she is the only thing in this world keeping me together.

“Hey, Erin.”

I jump at the sound of my name.

“Sorry, Adam. I have so much on my mind right now with this wedding in a few hours. What’s up?”

He looks at me with a strange expression as he stares at my chest. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be wearing that around the house anymore.”

I’m confused...I’m not quite sure what he’s talking about until I follow the direction of his gaze. Damn it! I am wearing nothing but a white tank top and boxer shorts. My nipples are poking out; standing at attention, for God’s sake. I feel my face get hot. I slam the eggs and milk on the counter and try to cover my chest up with my hands. I am such an idiot! I feel tears of embarrassment welling up in my eyes as I try to get back to my room as quickly as possible. As I push past Adam, he reaches out and grabs my wrist, pulling me toward him.

“Get your fucking hands off of me,” I growl, now feeling pissed off and just wanting to get out of there. He instantly releases me and holds his hands up in the air. Suddenly it’s too much. I drop to the floor and cover my face with my hands as the tears start to fall in earnest.

I don’t know how much time passes but I sense rather than see Adam sink to the floor next to me and take me in his arms. I feel so comforted and I let him hold me until the storm passes.

“I’m so sorry,” I finally choke out as I lay my head against his chest, too embarrassed to look him in the eye. I can feel him tense up at my words, and why wouldn’t he? He runs his hands up and down my back in a soothing way. God, it feels so good to be held by him. I feel so safe in his arms. No. I can’t think that. Before he has a chance to say anything to me, I pull myself up as fast as I can and run into my room, slamming the door shut behind me. I lean up against the back of the door and slowly sink to the floor. Bringing my legs up to my chest, I silently cry; not so much for the breakdown but more because it was heartbreaking being held by the one man I know I can never have.

************

After my breakdown with Adam I feel like a total idiot. God, what must he think of me now? I know he is aware of my past. Does he just feel sorry for me? Sometimes when I catch him looking at me I wonder what he is thinking. The last thing I want from Adam is pity. I don’t know what I think anymore. The only thing I do know is that I am no good for any man, especially a kind hearted, generous man like Adam Payne.

Thank goodness I have some time alone to get myself together. Adam has taken Sierra and Lucy to Shayne and Luke’s house where the wedding is taking place. Since the bride and groom are leaving today for a long weekend, the ceremony was planned to be very small and intimate with only close family and friends, followed by a light brunch. The two of them decided to wait and take a honeymoon after the baby is born. I smile when I think of the new baby that will arrive in early March. Their little one will bring so much joy into all of our lives.

Glancing at the clock, I realize I still have a few hours left before I need to leave, so I decide to take a bath to relax myself. A nice long morning bath with the heaviest head banging music I can find and a glass of wine is exactly what I need right now. Knowing Adam is gone, I go down to the kitchen. The smell of his cologne still lingers lightly in the air and for whatever reason, the spicy scent calms me. I reach up into the cupboard and pull down a wine glass, then pull the wine bottle out of the fridge. I pour myself a glass and return to my bedroom. As I strip my clothes off, I notice my reflection in the mirror as I walk by my dresser. I am immobilized as I look at myself. I despise seeing myself staring back at me. The walls start to slowly close in on me and I start to hyperventilate as I look at my naked body and wonder what it is that any man would find attractive about me at all. My eyes are too pale of a blue and I constantly have bags under them. My cheekbones seem too high and let’s not even get started on my backside. I set my wine glass down on the dresser and turn to look at my large ass.

“What would a man like Adam Payne see in a woman like you, Erin McIntyre?” I whisper before shaking off my depressing thoughts. “Enough of this pity party. Today isn’t about you and what a shit life you’re living.” I pick up my wine glass and with a few large gulps I have it drained. I take one last look at myself in the mirror and shrug because this is the path I have chosen for myself and there isn’t anyone who can change it except me. I just don’t know if I am brave enough to do anything about it.

I pour a good amount of my favorite lemon-scented bath oil into the tub and adjust the water temperature. Instinctively, I look down to where Adam grabbed my arm, checking for bruises. There are none.

“Of course there aren’t any bruises, Erin,” I chide myself as I look in the mirror. “Not every man is Joel.”

I try closing my eyes as I lean back into the tub to try and diminish the tension taking over my body, but it isn’t working. My mind keeps wandering back to that last time Joel abused me. I knew it was time to leave as I lay curled up on the floor with blood dribbling from my nose, unable to get up even to go comfort my daughter who was screeching at the top of her lungs. Seeing me try to protect Sierra from him had caused something in Joel to snap. He gave me one of the worst beatings I’d ever had to endure as, to my horror, Sierra looked on.

Once he dealt his final blows, he stormed out of the house. I didn’t let out the breath I didn’t even realize I was holding until I heard his car peel out of the driveway. I kept still even after I knew he was gone, running through my routine of mentally cataloging my injuries before trying to get up, when from my position on the floor, I saw my cell phone half hidden underneath the edge of the sofa where it had slid when I’d fallen to the ground. Usually whenever I tried to call for help, Joel would rip the phone off of the wall or leave and take my cell with him, but somehow in his rage, he’d forgotten. I grabbed it, only hesitating slightly before calling my sister Shelby. For Sierra’s sake I had to get us out of the house before Joel came back. Bound and determined, I pulled my aching body off the floor and picked up my daughter. I packed up my car with everything Sierra and I would need and I left that piece of shit. We made our way to Shelby’s place on the other side of town, and I thank God every day that she encouraged me to call the police. I filed my report, then Shelby, Sierra, and I drove to Shayne’s house next door to mine and waited for Joel to come home. I watched from the window as he pulled into our driveway. The cops arrested him and hauled his sorry ass off to jail not only for spousal abuse, but also for drunk driving.

Joel begged and pleaded for me to come back, promising he would change; however, after a month of unsuccessfully trying to convince me to return home, it was he who filed for divorce. The very next week he was moving his new girlfriend in with him. That was four years ago, yet even now, he is the reason why I can’t imagine ever trusting a man again.

Realizing that I have been in the tub long enough, I climb out and proceed to try and make sense of why I am feeling this way all of a sudden. I need to obtain some sort of balance here and pull my mind away from this cluster fuck of a mess my life has become and think about the fact that today the woman who helped save my daughter and me is getting married.

I pile my hair on top of my head in lose curls. As soon as I finish, I apply a light amount of makeup and retrieve my dress from the closet downstairs. With a new attitude, I tell myself I am going to put the past behind me and move on- at least for today.