Rescue Me (a quirky romance novel about secrets, forgiveness and falling in love) (23 page)

"Of course it makes sense. You don't belong here pretending to care about me. You're healthy, beautiful, have a successful business..."

"I'm not pretending, for one."

"If you cared, you would have stayed five years ago."

"Maybe." When Heidi gave her that You-know-I'm-right look, Hailey amended her answer. "Okay. Yes. I could have stayed and at least made sure you could handle things before I left. I was wrong. I was desperate, immature, selfish. But that was five years ago. I want to make it up to you. If you'd let me."

It wasn't working, and Hailey didn't have the strength to continue battling with her stubborn sister. In that way, they were two of a kind. "Look, we've been through this already. You're obviously not interested in what I have to say, so I might as well leave. But you can't say I didn't try." She turned toward the door.

"Wait."

Was that doubt she heard? Hailey turned back around.

"What are you talking about?" Heidi asked. "How are you going to make it up to me?"

"You tell me what I can do," she said, knowing she'd probably regret it.

"Trade lives with me."

Heidi looked as serious as always, confusing Hailey. How could she be serious about such a ridiculous suggestion? "That's not possible."

"Not possible? We both have an education. I know you can handle my job as a bookkeeper. And I can handle the business side of an animal shelter. No problem."

By God, she was serious! "Impossible. Sure, we could handle each other's jobs, but it's more complicated than that. Are you suggesting we pretend to be each other?"

"Yeah, why not? What's so complicated about it?"

"Well, for one, I have a business partner. I can't lie to him."

"Okay. We don't have to pretend. We'll tell him the truth."

"So, I'm supposed to just call him up and say, 'Oh, by the way, Heidi is your business partner now?' That's ridiculous! Plus, you'd probably hate me once you got to California."

"Why?" Heidi's eyebrows raised in that typical Heidi fashion, like she did whenever she didn't believe what Hailey was saying.

"For one, because my life isn't as peachy as you think."

"Give me a break." Heidi excused that suggestion with a wave of a shaky hand. "It can't be as bad as mine."

"I don't know about that. Business is a little rough right now."

"So what are you doing here instead of..." realization dawned on Heidi's face. "You donated the stem cells. It was you."

Hailey nodded. "I know what you think, but no one forced me."

"I'm going to kill him." Heidi mumbled, turning to face the window on the far wall.

"Why? Because he cares for you? Because he flew across the country to convince me to help you? Because he's neglected his career, his patients, himself--all for you?"

"Because," Heidi said, meeting Hailey's gaze. "I told him not to call you."

"He didn't. He talked to me in person."

"That's sneaky."

"But he did it for you! He had no choice."

"I didn't want your help." Heidi crossed her arms over her chest.

"I've never seen such a stubborn, mixed up human being in my life. In one breath you tell me you don't want my help, that you'd rather die than accept a few measly cells from my wicked body. Then, in the next you say you want my life. You don't know what you want--outside of wanting to be mad at the world."

"That's not fair."

"Oh, yes it is! Quit it. Quit hating the world, hating me, hating life. You aren't the victim of Kismet's fury or bad luck or bad karma or whatever you want to call it. Quit being a victim and be a fighter."

"I can't believe you're saying this! Look at me." Heidi thrust her wrists forward and brandished hands full of tubes, then yanked the neck of her blue hospital gown down to reveal the shunt in her chest. "I'm wired up like freakin' Frankenstein! I have cancer, damn it! Cancer! I've been through weeks of chemo, have lost my hair, and have been locked in this miserable room for weeks! And now you have the nerve to tell me to 'get over it'?"

"I didn't say that."

"You might as well have." Heidi sat, fuming, silent.

Hailey took it as her cue to leave. She'd done enough damage. But before she turned away for the last time, she said, "You want my life? You're welcome to it. You've always had the better life if you ask me. At least you have people who care about you."

Heidi's laughter echoed behind Hailey as she stepped from the room and closed the door.

Time to go home.

A jet roared overhead, so low the vibrations hummed through Hailey's entire body. She glanced at Rainer, standing beside her in the short-term parking lot and looking so sweet she could hug him.

"You have some time yet. Want to get coffee somewhere?"

"We could. If you like." She handed her bag to him. After checking in at the ticket counter, they walked to a nearby coffee stand. She ordered her usual, and he ordered a coffee with extra sugar.

They sat on a bench in a busy corridor and watched frenzied travelers hurry by. Hailey sipped her tea. "Thanks for coming in with me. I hate waiting at the airport by myself."

"My pleasure."

She swallowed, the piping hot liquid sliding down her throat, burning a path to her stomach. Regret and sadness followed its path. Recent conversations with Rainer and Heidi played through her mind. She'd made so many mistakes recently. "I'm sorry about what I said yesterday--about my being a tool. That was low."

"No apology necessary."

"Really. You've been great--through everything. I don't know why I get so nasty sometimes."

"You have a lot to deal with right now."

"I'm always like this. Worse, actually. Every now and then I can almost stand outside myself and watch. It's frightening, what I see."

"What do you see, Hailey?" his gaze drilled hers.

"I see a woman who doesn't know how to be a friend, a sister, a lover."

"Does she want to try?"

She looked away and watched a woman hurry by, a child at her side. A beautiful little girl. "I do, but I don’t want to hurt anyone."

"Then let me help you."

She glanced at him.

"Friends," he said. "No pressure."

"I guess I like the sound of that. You really are something, you know that?"

"Why?"

"I've treated you like garbage for weeks, yet you still want to be my friend. Why do you put up with me?"

He shrugged. "I like you."

"There isn't much to like."

"There's more to like than you realize."

She didn't know how to respond to that.

"Really," he added when she didn't speak. "You're intelligent, willing to take risks, caring, honest--"

"You're describing the wrong person."

"You shortchange yourself." He reached for her hand and squeezed it.

The simple gesture sent a jolt through her body and heat to her face. Why did a simple touch make her feel that way? She looked away, down the wide corridor for the woman and child, but they'd disappeared around a corner, or so she assumed.

"What's wrong?"

Footsteps echoed off the walls and polished floors, rivers of people rushed up one side and down the other, tributaries shooting down smaller corridors leading to different airlines. Shops housing books, clothing and snack foods lined the main thoroughfare across from where they sat. "This is so strange. Talking like this in a crowded airport. It's weird, how you can be so alone in a crowd, you know?"

"I do know."

"You've had a rough life, haven't you?"

"No more than you. Actually, I see some parallels in our lives."

"So do I. Does it bother you to talk about it?"

"Not at all." He slurped his coffee.

She liked that sound. It was such a human thing to do. "Your mother physically abandoned you, but mine emotionally abandoned me."

"I don't know which is worse. Actually, I think yours is--no offense."

"None taken," she said, her gaze following another child down the hallway. "Someday, when I have kids, I'll be sure not to do that to them."

"Do you want kids?"

"Someday."

Their gazes locked. "Your kids will be gorgeous," he said.

Hailey's heart flipped, then lurched into her throat. "So will yours." Imagine the children we'd produce together. That thought shot out of nowhere. "At one point, I'd actually considered having a child on my own--going to a sperm bank. That was after the miscarriage...after the baby's father left. But I've changed my mind. I was just desperate to replace what I'd lost. I see that now."

"I don't blame you."

"Kids need two parents who work together. Divorce, spending most of their lives in daycare and latchkey only messes them up."

"I agree."

"I work a lot, running a business. It wouldn't be fair to a child."

"And I'm a doctor with crazy hours."

"Do you want to get married someday?" she asked, wondering why his answer meant so much to her at that moment. They'd agreed to be friends. That was all. Nothing more. No pressure. She was going home. She might never see this man again.

"I would love to get married someday. You?"

"Whoever marries me is going to need some thick skin."

He chuckled as their gazes tangled again. An electric current charged between them, making Hailey's heart hammer.

"I want to marry my best friend," he said.

"Isn't Heidi your best friend?" she regretted the question as soon as it slipped from her mouth.

"In some ways, our friendship--yours and mine--is closer than my friendship with Heidi."

His answer, although he'd hinted at it in the past, still stunned her. "Why?"

He leaned down and set his empty cup on the floor. "I don't know how to put it into words. Heidi and I have talked a lot. We've spent a great deal of time together, but something has always been missing. I'm not just talking about chemistry, either."

"I never would have guessed. You've done so much for her."

"I can't help myself."

"You really need to work on that. Some people don't appreciate friends who meddle. I'm honestly surprised Heidi puts up with it."

"Heidi is independent and intelligent, like you. I don't think I meddle, though. And Heidi knows that."

"Maybe she's just not honest with you."

"She's always been direct with me. Honest, but guarded, whereas you are open."

Hailey laughed. "Me? Open?"

"We're having a discussion Heidi and I would never have."

"No one has ever called me open. I never talk about anything. My friends in California have no idea what I'm doing here. They don't even know I have a sister. I don't understand my behavior with you. I've done so many things I wouldn't."

"Maybe you sense something about those friends--"

"No way. Pete, Andrew and Amy are great. Loyal, caring, hard workers, supportive. My secretiveness drives them all crazy. I've always been like that. Even with Heidi."

She didn't want to think what it might mean. Was it time to go to the gate? She glanced at her watch. Not even close.

"Well, whatever the reason, I'm grateful. I like the way you are with me. Talking with you is different. We might get carried away by everything going on around us, but I think we connect well. We don't argue incessantly about meaningless garbage, or misunderstand each other. Two mature adults--"

"Mature? I walked down a street yelling at you."

"No one's perfect," he said with a smile. "I hope we can keep in touch. Your sister might be recovering, and there may be no reason for you to come back, but I'd like to see you again."

His words and earnest expression melted her heart. Yet, she didn't have the courage to show him how much they had touched her. "That might be hard--with our schedules being as they are."

"I understand." He looked dejected, and she longed to wrap her arms around his neck and kiss away the disappointment on his face.

"It's probably for the better," she offered, not wanting to believe that for a minute. No doubt about it. She was going to miss him. Somehow he'd wiggled into her heart and made it his home. It would take months, she suspected, for the empty feeling to go away once she returned home. "I think we would both like more."

"Would you?"

"If you lived closer, maybe. But you would suffer for it."

"Suffer? I don't believe that for a minute. I'm flattered."

"You should be relieved."

"Quite the opposite."

The world sank away. Hailey's every cell became energized, as though the source of life sprang from Rainer's gaze. She leaned closer, beckoned by some unseen force. She needed to touch him. To feel his arms around her. Just once more. Only once.