Reservation (Preservation Series) (5 page)

“Good night, Kate.”

“Oh, and Ry?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re my sunrise, too.”

The line went quiet and I pulled the phone from my ear, looking down at the screen with a big, shit-eating grin. Kate was right. We’d get through it all.

Together.

2. BRIDGES

The next morning was a whirlwind. There was nothing like being doused with a good dose of reality to remind you that you were no longer on a tropical island half-way across the world. My morning classes went by smoothly, but I spent about the last twenty minutes of each one answering questions about the assignment for the final, since I hadn’t returned many of my students’ e-mails. By the time the last session ended, I was more than ready to leave the campus. My head just wasn’t in the game today, which I was sure had something to do with the lingering effects of yesterday’s jetlag.

Gathering my paperwork and filing it neatly into my briefcase as the last few students filed out of the classroom, I did a double take when Amy Mercer slipped in through the doors and maneuvered around the crowd to waltz up to me.

Shit, what was she doing here?

The doors closed and the room filled with tension, her coy smile immediately putting me on guard. My back stiffened. “Amy. What are you doing here?”

“Just thought I’d drop in to see an old friend,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest as she sauntered up to my desk. Like the very first time we met, she propped a hip against it, her green eyes travelling from the tips of my shoes to my shoulders. I knew that appraisal very well and knew exactly what she was saying with those eyes.

“We’re not friends. I thought I made that clear. You should go now.”

Her eyebrows lifted, lips pursing. “Oh, someone’s in a foul mood.” Her expression shifted to a sultry one, and she dropped her arms then inched closer, like a lioness prowling toward her prey. “I know just what you need, Mr. Campbell. How about you meet me in the gym—”

“Cut the bullshit.” I took a step back, bringing my briefcase down from the desk as if to shield myself from her, covering my involuntary erection. There was no denying it. She was still sexy. “We settled this months ago. You’re no longer my student and I’m not interested in... anything else with you. Not anymore. So, if you’ll excuse me,” I said, moving to sidestep her.

She mirrored my steps.

“You’re not done with me. You’re fooling yourself if you think that you are.”

I met her determined stare head on. “I’m with someone. Have been for a while now. Getting married, in fact. I don’t
think
that I’m done with you, I
know
that I am.”

“You’re with someone?” She laughed. “That didn’t stop you before. What was the redhead’s name...oh yes, Alisha,” she purred, gently tugging at her golden locks. “She works in administration now, right? I hear that didn’t work out. Pity. She’s cute. You know, instead of screwing me and Felicia behind her back, you could’ve just invited her to join us. Could’ve avoided a lot of hassle that way, I bet. Or was she not interested in sharing?”

“Yeah, well, people change. Now excuse me.” I shifted to step around her again and her thin fingers shot out to grip the sides of my suit jacket, holding me in place. I peered down at her, catching the faint smell of vanilla. She always smelled like vanilla.

“People don’t change, Ryan. Time does, and circumstances do, but people are constant. I know what you like, and so do you, so what’s the sense in trying to change that? You are who you are.” Her eyes roamed down my chest and she bit her lip. They snapped back up to mine. “And I like you just the way you are.”

“You have no
idea
who I am,” I whispered harshly, yanking my jacket from her grip.

She inched forward. “I know you like control,” she said, her voice confident, “and that when I came to your office for the first time, you were desperate for it. I could see it in your eyes. You were just waiting for someone to unleash that side of you, the side that needed to hold the reins. I know that something or someone controlled
you
at one point in time.” She tilted her head to the side. “And how did that work out for you?”

“I’m not having this conversation with you.” I darted around her and picked up a fierce stride across the classroom, my eyes glued to the exit. I’d never told her a word about my history with Jamie. Her instincts were too close for comfort.

Her words stopped me just before I reached the door. I willed my feet to keep moving, but something held me in place, rooting me to the floor.

“You
need
control, Ryan. And I give that to you by giving you freedom.” Her heels clacked lightly as she strolled toward me. I could feel her emerald eyes slicing into the back of my head. “Exclusive, committed relationships deprive you of that, and you know it. They didn’t suit you then, they don’t suit you now, and they never will. Embrace who you are, don’t reject it. The struggle to be something you’re not is too exhausting.”

I slowly pivoted around, finding that familiar wicked glint in her eyes. Adjusting the grip on my briefcase, I breathed deeply. “You’re wrong. People do change, if they want to. And I want to. I’m no longer interested in what you have to offer. So the next time you step foot in my classroom like this, I won’t hesitate to—”

“To what, call campus security?” She threw her head back and laughed. “
Please.
I’ve already been scolded for being caught in the act with you on campus. You think I care what a few security officers will do? It won’t hurt my grades, if that’s what you’re thinking. And if I recall, you almost lost your job over that little incident. You really think crying to campus security about me will do a damn thing?”

Her mischievous smile only made me glare at her harder, furious that she was right. Even though the school’s fraternization policy didn’t completely prohibit student-teacher relations, it definitely frowned up them, especially when those relations were happening right here, on their campus. Administration wanted any and all fraternization to happen off campus, if it had to happen at all. My reputation with the dean had certainly been less than spotless since being busted with Miss Mercer, and reporting something as petty as this would only make me look worse. It didn’t matter that this was my last semester at the university. I wanted to leave with at least a shred of dignity intact.

“I want you to leave me alone, Amy. Are we clear?”

“Okay, keep telling yourself that, Mr. Campbell.” She placed her hands on her hips, that naughty smile still curling her lips. “When this monogamous affair of yours starts going south, though—and there’s no doubt in my mind it will—just remember how much you loved bending me over in that locker room. Remember the control I gave you.” She slinked forward and let her ass brush against me as she squeezed by, sliding a glance over her shoulder. “No rings, no rules, no expectations. Just the way you like it.” With a wink, she was gone, and I was left staring at the classroom door, my appetite for lunch suddenly gone. It was clear to me then, what this new path of mine required. What it was all about. It was more than a road to redemption, more than righting my wrongs with Kate.

It was about burning and building bridges. And Amy was one bridge I needed to burn to the ground.

***

“Hey, Sam. Damn, it’s good to see you. Been a long time.” I tossed my blazer across the counter and sank down in the chair, my fingers moving to unbutton my shirt. I’d blown off lunch after Amy nixed my appetite and went straight to see Sam instead.

“Too long, Ryan. How’ve you been, baby? Coming straight from work, I take it?” She greeted me with a wide smile, her bright red lips popping against her pale skin. They were always striking against her pitch-black hair, which sat in heavy, loose curls around her shoulders. She was a spitting image of a 1950s pin-up girl. A Bettie Page covered in tattoos, badass bangs, curves and all.

“Yeah, just had two classes this morning. I have a business dinner tonight, but I have a few hours. Thanks for squeezing me in. Things have been busy as hell, but good. How’s Jess been?”

“She’s been great, but oh, man, she keeps bringing these dogs home from work—you know how she gives me those puppy dog eyes and I cave every damn time? Anyway, we’ve already adopted three of them, and I told her no more. So between that and work, I have my hands full.” She laughed and started preparing everything, turning to take my shirt. Setting it on top of my blazer, she returned to look at my bare skin and gave me that devious look of hers. “So, what’s the deal, Romeo? How are the birdies holdin’ up? Still prompting lots of panty dropping, no doubt?”

I chuckled and shook my head, following her gaze to my raven tattoos. “Nah,” I ran my hand over the black ink, “not quite.” Well, they sure as hell dropped Kate’s panties often, but I wasn’t one to kiss and tell.

“
Mmmm
, ‘tis a sad day in Ryan Land when the panty dropping comes to a halt, ay? Does this mean you finally got tired of being Mr. No Good Manwhore? Have you finally found a girl?”

“Ouch,” I faked a punch to the gut, squinting my eyes in pain, “shit, I forgot you totally don’t mince words with me, do you?”

“Hell no, baby. Life’s too short for bullshit, that’s Jess’s motto. And I stand by it one hundred percent. So who is she?”

“Who is who?”

“The woman I clearly need to meet if she tamed your sorry ass?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, you wanna play me, baby? Who has the needle in her hand right now, huh? Out with it.” She cocked a black brow and I sighed heavily.

She had me.

I knew it was coming, I guess I just wasn’t ready for it. Sam had been a good friend of mine for years—since I’d been with Jamie. I met her with Jamie, actually, during college. We ran into each other at a club one night. The band had been playing a terrible Radiohead cover—terrible because they butchered it, not because of any lack of brilliance on Radiohead’s part—and we instantly bonded when we sought refuge at the bar for a drink to try and tune out the tortuous sounds. Jamie wasn’t threatened by Sam, since Sam was there with her girlfriend, Jess, and I felt as if I’d known the girl for years after shootin’ the shit for less than twenty minutes.

It was instant friendship.

Since then, we both got busy and lost touch. Well, it was more like Sam just got lost. She couldn’t stand Jamie and thought she was all wrong for me from day one. Then I began my love and leave ‘em streak when things ended with Jamie, and it hurt her to watch me rip through women like tornadoes. She’d never stopped being my friend, just made herself scarcer, loving me from a distance. While I was engaged to Jamie, I’d met up with Sam and Jess every now and then on my own, but gradually we saw each other less and less. Until I showed up at her shop after Jamie left, demanding she ink me.

I remembered the look she gave me like it was yesterday.

She approached me with her palms up, cautious like she was approaching an animal with rabies. After asking me over and over again if I was sure I wanted the ravens, she finally gave in and did the job. She’d warned me that every time I looked at the birds, I’d think of Jamie, but I told her that was the point.

I wanted to remind myself how much self control, confidence, pride, and sanity I’d allowed myself to lose because of her. By giving my heart to the woman, I’d lost sight of reality entirely, was consumed with my own sort of madness. And that madness was more than just a result of being burned by a lover. People cheated all the time. Hell, I knew there was nothing about that scenario that made me all that different from the millions who were also cheated on. The madness that ensued because of Jamie’s unfaithfulness was about more than just her betrayal.

It was about me betraying myself.

When I missed the appointment with the publisher the morning I’d found Jason between her legs, it was then that I realized just how much I’d lost myself in the illusion of what I thought we were. I’d always prided myself on having a healthy sense of identity, but when Jamie left, it made me question everything I’d ever believed about myself. I felt blind, stupid, and crushed, knowing she’d leveled my trust and possibly tainted me for any woman who came after her. Not only that, but the only other love I had, my dream to be a published author, was destroyed because of that distraction. Looking back, I realized it was only temporarily destroyed, but at the time, it felt pretty damn permanent.

Still to this day, I couldn’t help but mentally kick myself for not getting up and going to that meeting anyway, even though the publisher made it clear I wasn’t welcome. Instead of sitting on that damn living room floor and giving into that breakdown when Jamie walked out the door, I should’ve pulled myself up and charged over there, demanding to speak with them and show them how badly I wanted the deal. How I wouldn’t let them down and how they had to publish my novel, they just had to.

I’d known I could’ve pursued other publishing deals, but my spirit was broken. Not only was my first impression completely tarnished with this publisher, but I was faced with having to start the submission process all over again—which wasn’t exactly a short process—and basically start from scratch, after I’d been so, so close. Hell, the contract was on the table, the ink fresh and ready to sign. All we needed to do was hammer out a few details.