Resonance (Marauders #4) (13 page)

When I was sixteen or seventeen, I might’ve had a moment or two when I’d crushed on him a little, but he’d always quickly said or done something stupid to take me out of it. It had definitely never been anything serious, and I’d never gotten any vibes that he’d felt anything about me. He’d loved me, just as I had loved him, but always as a sister.

“Are you okay, honey?” Mom asked when she turned on the lights. “Why are you sitting here in the dark?”

“I had the laptop open earlier, and I just didn’t have the energy to get up when I closed it. There’s tea on the table.”

“Red tea?”

“Yeah. Don’t think I need more caffeine.”

Mom turned on the light over the stove, too, before sitting down in front of me. She poured herself a cup of tea and gave me a knowing smile. We’d met each other in the kitchen after a hospital stay more than once. Dad never had any problems with sleeping. He claimed he’d learned to take advantage of any sleep time he could get, and he was probably right.

“You never answered,” she said. “Are you okay?”

“As usual,” I answered. “There’s just... In a way this is ‘waiting time,’ but for the first time there’s also an end in sight. The surgery might happen soon.”

She nodded. “It looked like you and Tommy were getting along better.”

I was very thankful for the still pretty dim light, because I was sure I was blushing. I didn’t think she meant it the way I took it. Tommy and I hadn’t really talked much since I’d found him again, which actually made what we’d done even more stupid.

“It’s getting better,” I agreed.

Her slight chuckle made me think that she might’ve meant it exactly the way I’d taken it to begin with, and I wondered what she was assuming.

“I’d say,” she mumbled, but she didn’t push. “How’s our little guy doing?”

“Fine. I think he for the first time realizes what a transplant can do for him. He’s never asked much about it before, but he had some questions now, and I thought I’d let him talk to a doctor about it.”

Over the years, Felix had wondered a lot of things about his illness. I’d always answered to the best of my ability—I’d figured that if he was old enough to ask, he was old enough to get the answers—but I’d been honest when I couldn’t answer, too. Those times, I’d let him talk to a doctor. Most of the pediatricians were used to children’s questions and took the time to explain in a way he could understand. He’d had a therapist, too, because I honestly had no idea how to handle a sick kid, and I didn’t want him completely fucked up. She’d said that the honesty was good for him; he’d know when I lied, and it would only make him more worried. So, keeping things from him could make him more scared, and I hadn’t seen him scared often. On a few occasions, but usually about concrete things, like if a treatment he was about to have would hurt.

“I thought it might be good if he went there with Tommy,” I added.

“That’s probably a good idea,” she nodded. “Tommy handled it well. I wasn’t sure he would. He seemed quite uncomfortable about a few things, but he handled it well.”

“He did,” I admitted. “He asked a lot, too, about the daily things. I think it was more to find out how it would change, but he still asked. And all the visitors meant a lot to Felix.”

“I was amazed. I admit, some of those men scared me half to death, but they were really sweet with Felix.” She looked at me with a smile. “I probably shouldn’t use that expression when they hear me.”

“No,” I laughed. “But they were. And Melanie must’ve baked and cooked for him every day.”

“She was a wonderful woman!” Mom exclaimed. “We exchanged email addresses. She had some great recipes for Felix, but other things, too.”

I could see Mom thinking about it, and finally I laughed. “Say it. I know you’re thinking it.”

“She had such class!” she defended herself. “I can’t help wondering…”

“Maybe he’s got a big dick.”

“Billie!”

In some ways she was still the upper class woman she’d always been, and mentioning money or genitals was never okay.

“Sorry. Couldn’t help myself.”

She sat quiet for a while. “It must be the family thing.”

“You married down. Why?”

“You know why.”

“Maybe she married Brick for the same reason. He made her feel alive.”

“That must be it.”

“And a big cock.”

Mom just hushed me and stood up. “I’m going to bed, and you obviously need some sleep, too.” She walked around the table and gave me a kiss. “Don’t sit up.”

“Love you.”

Once she was gone, I finished my tea and decided that the middle of the night after almost a week with too little sleep wasn’t the best time to solve big problems, if any problems, and I went to bed instead.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Fair Warning

~oOo~

THE NEXT DAY, I mentally exhaled because Felix did seemed better. He was still tired, and needed to sleep a couple of times during the day, but there wasn’t much pain.

The time in the hospital had definitely made an impression with him, and he kept talking about all those who had visited him and what they had said. I promised him that once he was feeling better, Tommy would take him to a dinner at Brick’s again.

Tommy arrived around the same time as Mom put the food on the table, and he grabbed a plate and sat down next to Felix.

“Tell me you have cooked dinners other than when you’re here,” Mom muttered at him when she watched him take seconds.

“I eat at Brick and Mel’s a couple of times a week.”

“That’s reassuring.”

“Will you take me there soon?” Felix asked.

“Yup. As soon as you’re feeling okay. They miss you.”

“I feel pretty good,” Felix tried.

“Nice try, Champ,” Tommy laughed. “I talked to Dawg, though, and I’ll bring Travis here in a couple of days.”

“I like Travis,” he smiled. “He’s nice and careful with me.”

Tommy stayed until Felix was going to bed, and I left them alone while he read to him. When I came back, they were both giggling about something, but they stopped when they saw me.

“Get some sleep,” Tommy said.

“You’re getting itchy,” Felix said and stroked his cheek.

“Don’t like my stubble?”

“I do. Grandpa never has that.”

“They don’t like that shit in the Air Force.”

“You used the s-word,” Felix mumbled, and it sounded as if he was half asleep already.

For some reason, we stayed in Felix’s room. It felt safe, somehow, and we were on his couch, talking in low voices. I was doing my very best to avoid anything that could lead to a discussion mentioning toilets, funerals, or anything sex related. It was surprisingly hard, which made me think he was doing his very best to lead us into those very discussions. Not seriously trying, but he was having a lot of fun, I could tell. Eventually, nature forced me to say it.

“I need to use the bathroom.”

The second I’d said it, I blushed, and his next comment didn’t make it any better.

“Have fun,” he chuckled.

“You couldn’t help yourself.”

I didn’t wait to hear his answer and rushed out of the bedroom. I peed and then washed my hands for a lot longer than necessary just to gather my thoughts. Basically, I was trying to figure out what my fucking problem was, and why I was so hesitant. I knew him, I’d known him my entire life, and I knew what kind of a person he was. He was a good guy, a good man, and I knew he would never hurt me—ever. And I had absolutely no doubt he’d protect me, because he had been since I was a kid. He and Zach had given me shit at times, but god help anyone else who did.

My freshman year at high school, some guys had given me trouble. I’d dealt with it myself, but it had been hard to hide that something had happened, since I had a black eye and scraped knuckles. Zach and Tommy had pressured me to find out who it was that had attacked me, but I’d refused to tell them. They’d still figured it out, though, and about a week later those guys were found duct-taped to the statue in front of the school. At the time, I’d been pissed, but Dad had been furious. Military man that he was, and despite frequently referring to feminists as ‘bra-less rabid bitches,’ he firmly believed I had the right to defend myself if I wanted to. He thought what they had done had lessened my achievement, and that it could just mean more trouble for me if people didn’t think I was capable of fighting my own battles.

Neither his nor my objections had helped. Zach and Tommy had never stopped doing things like that; they’d just made sure Dad didn’t find out. They’d even denied it when I confronted them.

When I found Tommy, I would’ve settled with him just agreeing to meet Felix, since he was really curious about his dad. It had become so much more, though, and now it had turned into something I hadn’t even been able to imagine. I had expected him to simply hate me, which wouldn’t have been more than right, and for a while he had. But no matter how rude and pissed he’d been initially, he’d still been one of few men I really trusted, that I was comfortable around, and that I knew would never hurt me—no matter how much I’d pissed him off.

I’d loved him for as long as I could remember, but being
in
love with him was something very new.

And that was when it hit me: I was in love with him. Which was… strange. I wasn’t convinced it wasn’t just two people coping, and until I was sure we should probably… try to keep it down around Felix, but I—

“Did you die in there, or did you just find someone else to nail this time?” Tommy whispered through the closed door.

“Shut up,” I laughed and opened the door. He tried to push me back inside, but I wouldn’t let him. “Tommy!”

He sneaked an arm around my waist, spun us around, and pushed me against the wall opposite the bathroom door.

“Yes?” he asked and leaned closer.

“Felix…” I tried, but was interrupted when his lips brushed against mine, and he leaned closer, trapping me against the wall.

“Is sleeping,” he mumbled before claiming my mouth in a demanding kiss. “Fuck. I’ve been wanting to do that all day,” he groaned and continued to kiss me.

I couldn’t really find a reason to object, so I put my arms around his neck, accepting the kiss. Soon, his hands were on my ass, and he lifted me up to wrap my legs around him. I could clearly feel that I wasn’t the only one who was horny as hell when he pressed himself against me. We kept kissing, and it felt as if it was getting out of hand fast when I heard Dad clearing his throat.

Tommy turned his head with a smile.

“Evening, sir,” he said, still holding on to my ass and pressing me against the wall. When I tried to put my feet down, he pressed harder to trap me where I was.

“Good evening, Tommy,” Dad answered with a big smile without missing a beat and continued towards his bedroom. “Must’ve been a funeral I wasn’t aware of today.”

I waited until he’d turned the corner and I’d heard the door to the master bedroom close behind him.

“He did not just say that,” I exclaimed.

“He did,” Tommy chuckled.

I glared at him. “
Evening, sir
? You seriously said that?”

“What the fuck was I supposed to say?” he asked. “Sir, your daughter’s ass is firm as fuck.” He squeezed said ass as he said it.

“Let me down,” I groaned, and I was trying to not think about what Dad would say at the breakfast table the next morning.

“Make me.” He was still smiling, so I grabbed his ear and twisted it. “Fuck! Shit, I’d forgotten that move.”

“You used the s-word
and
the f-word,” I pointed out and gave him a quick kiss before going back to Felix’s room.

“Fair warning,” he said, when he hurried past me and gave my ass a slap while still rubbing his ear with his other hand. “I’m getting into those pants again.”

I knew he was, and I wouldn’t protest much, either. I was still buzzing with horniness despite Dad catching us and mentioning funerals. I doubted Tommy would give it another try tonight, though.

He leaned over Felix’s bed and gave him a kiss. I couldn’t hear what he was whispering to him, and I didn’t know if Felix was even aware of it. I waited by the door, and he put an arm around my waist and pulled me back to the hallway before closing the door.

“You can’t stay,” I said and shook my head. “I don’t want to confuse him, and if this thing goes south—”

Tommy smiled and shook his head before I’d managed to finish the sentence. “Still a chicken shit.”

“I was never—”

“Gotta jump sooner or later, Munchkin, ‘cause I ain’t letting you walk down.”

I remembered that. I hadn’t been more than nine or ten, we’d been at a camping somewhere in Minnesota, and I’d been so happy that Zach had let me come with him Tommy to a lake. There had been a diving platform there, at least 25 feet, probably more, and I’d been standing at the edge for a really long time. Finally, Zach had said that, ‘Gotta jump sooner or later, Munchkin, ‘cause I ain’t letting you walk down,’ and when I turned around he and Tommy were blocking the ladder. I’d known they wouldn’t let me pass. So, I jumped, and I’d loved it.

From that day on, they’d called me ‘Munchkin’ whenever they wanted to challenge me or piss me off.

“I hate it when you call me that.”

“Got to you every time, though. Could make you do anything when we called you that.”

“You’re still not staying the night.”

“I know,” he smiled. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow,
Sparks.
”

I’d liked that nickname, though. I wasn’t sure I still did, or if I even had an opinion about it. It was just me.

I followed him downstairs, and once he’d left I went back upstairs, and Dad was waiting for me outside Felix’s room with an amused smile on his lips.

“I’m not gonna talk about it,” I mumbled, but I didn’t try to go past him. It wouldn’t work anyway.

“Didn’t think you would.”

I eyed him. “That’s it? You’re not going to push?”

“Nope,” he chuckled. “I have a feeling I can just sit back and see it unfold in front of me.”

I shook my head. “You’re being smug. Any second you’re gonna tell me you’ve been waiting for this since I was a little girl.”

“No, I never thought it would happen when you were a kid. Had some suspicions when you were a teenager—although those were more about Dwayne’s intentions.”

“Dwayne?! I doubt that, he’s six years older than me.”

“I know. I would’ve neutered him with pleasure if he’d tried. But I didn’t think about Tommy as a candidate until… I don’t know, maybe when you were in your late teens or early twenties.” He shrugged. “Then you joined the Navy, and— Well, we know how that went.”

“It’s not your fault.”

Dad shook his head. “Maybe not, but I should’ve warned you.”

“I knew. It’s not like it was a big secret that those things happened. I just thought I’d be better at defending myself.”

“That shouldn’t be an issue. It’s not on women to be able to defend themselves. It’s about things like that not happening to people who have signed up to defend their country with their lives.”

I gave Dad a hug. It wasn’t the first time we’d had the same discussion, and being a parent myself, I could imagine how it felt for him that it had happened. I had dreaded telling him, and not because I thought for a second that he’d blame me in any way, but because I didn’t want to see the look on his face when he realized what I’d been through. I still saw it every time we talked about it. In some ways, it had been easier for me to get over it than it had for him.

Also, in the grand scheme of things, having been raped was not the worst thing that had happened to me, even if it definitely had felt like that at the time, and it was still on my top five of shit events. But these days I knew it was something that a person could live with, and a hell of a lot worse things could happen. Like having a really sick kid.

But fighting for Felix the way I did had made me understand why it was so hard for Dad to let what happened to me go. His girl had been hurt in a profound way, and he hadn’t been able to protect me.

I gave his cheek a kiss and let go of him. “It took me to where I am,” I said.

“Yeah,” he said with a sigh and tried to smile. “Not the best place, but it could’ve been worse. I think.”

I laughed. “Maybe a little.”

“At least we’re handsome.”

“That we are.”

Dad studied me for a few seconds. “He’s a good man.”

“I know he is.”

“Just thought it was worth reminding you. And from what I could tell, his friends are, too.”

“I’m sure they have some flaws, Dad, but I’m not gonna go looking for them.”

“Think that’s the wise course of action,” he nodded. “Get some rest, Sparks. You need it. Lights out.”

“Yes, sir.”

I left Dad in the hallway. There were few people I’d met who’d never let me down, but Dad was one of them. I just hoped he felt the same way.

~oOo~

TOMMY WAS STILL SMILING like an idiot when he walked into the clubhouse.

“Damn,” Mace laughed. “That’s the face of a man lost.”

“What?”

“I’ve seen that on Dawg, Mac, and Mitch. You are a lost cause. You’ve got it bad.”

“Yup.” He didn’t even think about denying it. He didn’t give a shit if they knew. In fact, he preferred them knowing. “I’ve got it bad.”

It was Friday, but no church. They only had church every second week unless there was a lot going on, but at the moment things were pretty calm. They had their chosen prospecting clubs set up or already patched over, no more to inspect, so it was just the regular runs who were still going up to New York with their regular clubs. A routine and procedure they’d had set up for years with everyone knowing what needed to be done. It had changed slightly, though. The Dutch needed more pot than they’d transported before, but since then they’d had a trucking business running, and a few of the guys, Tommy included, had gotten licensed to drive trucks. Some guys followed on bikes, but not close by, since it would make them more visible, but they’d rebuilt the trucks to make them stand a pretty thorough inspection without anything being found. And the diamonds they also smuggled were easy to hide—they had never been the problem.