Restless Spirit (14 page)

Chapter Twenty-five

I woke him by straddling him. Taking back my power in my own mind. I made him hard with my mouth while he slept and when he cracked his eyes open he smiled at me. He got the power thing, I think. His hands came up to thread with mine when I straddled him. I pressed down as he pressed up and I bucked my hips eager to get us both off. To remake our final fuck memory before his trip into something fun. Not me bursting into tears like a lunatic.

‘God, you are fucking beautiful.’ He enunciated each word with a powerful up thrust of his hips.

I studied the lines of his muscles and the light hair on his chest. The cut of his jaw and the warmth of his eyes. And that goddamn crooked grin that put me on the edge of orgasm when fully clothed and in a room full of people. ‘You’re pretty darn beautiful yourself.’

‘Please,’ he chuckled, rolling his eyes. ‘Men are not beautiful.’

I thought of Reed and pushed the image away.

‘Handsome.’ I rocked from side to side, driving his cock into all the tender places I needed it most. I watched him bite his lip – he didn’t seem to know he was doing it – it was the sexiest fucking thing I’d ever seen.

‘Boring word.’ It came out on a puff of air.

‘Hot?’

I let go of his hands and draped my body over his, pressing my breasts to his warm chest. I kissed him on one eyelid and then the other.

‘Strong, powerful, sexy, scary, dominant,’ I whispered. I licked his earlobe and his arms banded around me, pinning me to him.

Now he was fucking me, only I was on top. We both knew it. He drove up hard and filled me and said, ‘Broken.’

I came kissing his hair, shaking in his arms as he came too. ‘Me too,’ I said.

‘And that’s OK, Tuesday,’ he said and kissed my neck.

It was strange to watch him pull away two hours later and feel that ache and twinge in my chest. To feel my heart sink and my gut turn with missing him. He wasn’t even out of sight yet.

‘No fucking for a few days,’ I said to myself. ‘Figure yourself out, woman. Because you are twisted up as hell.’

‘Jesus. Happy Apple fucking Festival,’ someone said against my hair and I jumped, spilling a soda on my apron.

I let out a whoop that even had Irv turning to see what I’d done. ‘Sorry! ‘I yelled and he smiled at me, giving me an, it’s-all-right wave. Thank God Irv was nice because the diner was mobbed thanks to the apple people. At least that’s how I’d come to think of them.

I’d barely had time to moon over Shepherd or try and figure out what I wanted or felt or any of that emotion crap.

It was Reed. Looking handsome and friendly and kissable. He was much safer, it occurred to me. Like some pretty bauble I could touch and play with and simply put on a shelf when I was done.

He made me feel, sure of myself – sexy, wanted, funny, flirty. But not sobbing, crumbling real stuff that made me want to confess my past or my dreams or any of that.

‘Hi,’ I said. ‘Sorry, so-so busy.’

‘Can I buy you a late dinner?’ he asked. ‘When you get out of this zoo?’

‘I … don’t think so,’ I said. ‘I have some stuff to do. I’m sorry. Did you want a table?’ I rushed on, hoping he’d just let it go.

‘Yeah. If I can get one.’ He touched my hair just for an instant. ‘You have stuff? Like baking? I could come help you bake.’

I laughed, remembering us fucking on my floor. Remembering that Shepherd saw and feeling that weird mix of shame and satisfaction. He’d seen – seen me with another man. One he didn’t like, at that. And he still wanted me. He’d still offered to … stay.

‘No.’ I smiled. ‘No baking. Writing I think. I was supposed to do that you know. So I’m taking a few days …’
Until Shepherd is back or I know what the fuck is going on in my head.
‘… To write,’ I finished weakly. ‘Sorry,’ I said, nodding to the man whose soda I still held. He was raising a hand to get my attention.

‘You sure?’

‘I’m sure. I’m just very … overwhelmed,’ I said. ‘I’ll be back to get your table.’

When I pushed past him, his fingers slid along my waist. The touch was warming and unassuming and I remembered how good we were out in that field. How easy it was with him. There were no complications. Just orgasms.

‘Right back,’ I whispered and hurried to the table.

It was just long enough to catch my breath so when I went back I was more composed. ‘Hope you don’t mind being stuck back here in this little nook,’ I said.

The very back booth under the windows was on the small side. Irv had told me to only seat two people there, never four, or they’d be like sardines in a can.

‘I like it. It’s cosy,’ he said, taking the back seat so he could still watch the action in the dining room. ‘You OK?

‘Flustered,’ I laughed, nodding to the crowd. I bent to wipe his table real fast and he caught me by my shirt and kissed me. It was firm but gentle and his tongue touched my lips before slipping past just enough to connect with my mine. A jolt of electric want filled me and I sighed.

This was too hard. It was all too hard. On a cellular level I wanted this man. But the woman who’d burst into tears a moment after climax in the wee hours of morning was confused.

If I had any brains at all, I’d step back and just figure my shit out.

‘Your order?’ I whispered, pulling back. Fixing my hair, begging him with my eyes not to get me in trouble.

Reed nodded and grinned his TV star grin. ‘Chicken pot pie, side salad, blue cheese dressing, sweet tea, and a piece of lemon meringue pie for dessert.’

‘Thank you,’ I said, touching his hand. And I hurried back to place his order.

Thankfully, any further conversation was lost in a flurry of apple people. Irv cut me loose at ten thirty after I wiped down all the tables.

‘Good job, kiddo. Virginia would have been proud. Go home. Rest. Tomorrow won’t be any better.’

Great.

The Grenada poked two little white holes of light in the lakeshore night. Jesus but I had to get used to the darkness of the country.

Outside Nan’s house I put my car in gear and sat there. No rain or storm or flashes of electricity tonight but still … creepy. The potting shed was dark and sealed, the barn too. My porch light burned, a welcoming beacon for me.

‘Stop being a wuss, Tuesday,’ I sighed. I grabbed the door handle and my food that Irv had insisted I take. Dinner on the restaurant, he’d declared. Came with the job. If I could get my scared ass inside I could eat some slippery pot pie, salad and apple pie.

If.

I flopped my head back against the headrest. ‘No one is waiting for you.’

What if it’s Phil?

‘It’s not Phil. Don’t be a baby. Just because your big scary handsome fuck-buddy is gone doesn’t mean you need to turn all woozy,’ I told myself.

I popped the handle and let out some weird banshee yell before walking – not running –very fast to my front door and unlocking it quickly. Inside, I slammed and locked the door and took a shuddering breath. My face was hot and flushed with anxiety but my hands were freezing cold.

‘What the fuck? You’re spooking yourself.’

Someone knocked on the door and I yelled, dropping my dinner on the floor. Thank God it was in a bag.

I peeked – Adrian. Blowing out a sigh, I straightened up and cracked the door.

‘You OK?’

‘I am.’

‘You were yelling.’

‘I know. I … thought I saw a snake.’

‘In the dark.’

‘Yep.’

He frowned. ‘You sure you’re OK?’

I sighed outright this time. ‘I’m fine. Just tired and ready to eat and go to bed.’

His eyes tracked me from head to toe and I added, ‘Alone.’

Adrian held his hands up and I had a twinge of guilt. ‘Hey, you don’t have to tell me twice. Clearly I’ve been dismissed. I’m no foo–’

‘I’m sorry, Ade,’ I said. ‘I’m just …’ I pressed my head to the door jamb. ‘My life is a wreck right now. Out of a relationship, losing Nan, moving. All that shit. It’s not you …’

He started laughing and shook his head. ‘Please do not say, "it’s not you, it’s me".’

I smiled.

‘Hey, I was just trying to be a good guy. I wanted to make sure you were OK. Now I’m going to veg out. If you change your mind, Tuesday and want some company, dirty or otherwise, you know where to find me.’

I nodded. ‘Will do.’

And that’s how I ended up on the sofa with a cable knit throw over me, tepid slippery pot pie on the coffee table, an alien abduction show on the tube, writing a short story long hand.

Go figure it was full of angst and fear and sex and bravery. But it wasn’t the time to analyse it. It was just the time to get it out. Disgusting as it may sound, writing – to me, at least – was often the emotional equivalent of lancing a boil. Nasty, horrible, relieving and necessary.

Somewhere around the middle of the night the alien abduction show turned to a ghost hunting saga. I watched briefly, with burning eyes and a throbbing hand from a night of writing out a story long hand.

When the sky started to turn periwinkle my eyelids gave up. I fell asleep. wondering if ghosts and aliens felt loss, guilt, pain and love – the stuff that made us human.

Chapter Twenty-six

Someone was storming the castle. It’s what Annie always called it when someone knocked way too hard and way too loud, way too early. I fell off the sofa, landing on my notebook. I had a numb arm and lucky for me and my vulnerable eyeballs, I avoided falling on my pen.

‘Fuck.’

I got up on hands and knees and caught my bearings. I must have passed out on the sofa. I crawled a few feet before realising it might be a good idea to stand.

More knocking.

‘Jesus. I am coming!’

I threw open the door without thinking and blinked at the light in my face.

‘Um … hi?’

‘Hi.’

‘Reed? What time is it?’

He checked his fancy watch that probably cost more than my car. ‘Eleven.’

Shit, I had only about five hours before another shift at the restaurant. Another evening of Apple Festival hell.

‘Come on in,’ I said, stepping back. ‘I fell asleep …’I waved my hand wildly at the sofa. Remembering the last time he showed up so early I blushed. ‘I’ll be back.’

I ran to the bathroom and peed, brushed my teeth. After a glance in the mirror, I gave up. There was no fixing this bed head meets wildly stunned look I had.

He was in the kitchen making me coffee. ‘I came to see what happened.’

‘What do you mean what happened?’

‘I thought we were having fun, you and I.’ He snapped the lid down on the coffeemaker and pressed the button to turn it on.

‘We were, I mean … we did.’ I opened the fridge for food and found very little.

‘Damn,’ I said. ‘Never did go to the grocery store.’

‘We have fake creamer and sugar. What more does a person need?’ He flashed his shiny smile at me and tucked a lock of his hair behind his ear. It fell in mild waves today, probably due to all the rain.

I had the urge to touch it.

But I’m not asking anything of you. I don’t know if I could even. I think I’m fucked up and you’re–

‘Twisted,’ I whispered to myself remembering my conversation with Shepherd.

‘Pardon?’

‘Nothing. Sounds good, the coffee, I mean,’ I said.

‘We’ll have this coffee and …’ Reed opened my pantry like he owned the joint. A feeling he was probably used to. ‘Um …’ He reappeared holding a box of grocery store Danishes, individually wrapped. ‘These!’

‘Ech,’ I said, but reached for it anyway. ‘Gimme. I’m starving,’ I giggled.

‘And after we fortify ourselves with sugar, fat and salt, I’ll show you the grocery store.’

‘Yes, thank God.’

It was innocent. A trip to the grocery store. Plenty of time to think and not fuck. Right?

Right.

We picked at our Danishes and drank the good coffee and he told me about the Apple Festivals beginnings. This was the tenth year and every year it got more insane.

‘Guess we should get to the store, then. In case it’s super mobbed.’

Reed nodded and took my empty mug. ‘Go get dressed, I’ll clean up.’

‘Oooh, the perfect man,’ I said without thinking.

He caught me around the waist and pulled me in. His fingers slipped below the hem of the hoodie I still wore and then hooked in the waistband of my leggings. ‘I am the perfect man.’ His mouth came down soft and humid on the slope of my throat. My nipples pebbled and my stomach tingled. God, his mouth on me made me forget the thinking I was supposed to be doing.

And I wasn’t stupid. I was afraid of a lot of what I was feeling for Shepherd. This was the perfect distraction. Feelings? What feelings? Why have feelings when you can just fuck.

Reed pushed his hands up higher, spreading his fingers wide over my ribcage so I shivered. It tickled just enough to make me jump in his grip.

He almost touched my breasts. I almost felt the heat of his touch on me and probably the pinch of his fingers on that tender pink flesh. But I backed up fast and said breathlessly, ‘I’ll get dressed now. You don’t want me to starve, do you?’

‘No, ma’am.’ He grinned.

He almost let me get away but snagged my hood and pulled me back. One hard kiss and he let me go with a, ‘I’m not done with you yet, Tuesday.’

‘Good lord,’ I muttered, scurrying up the steps. What a fine mess I’d gotten myself into.

‘This is a grocery store?’

About 20 minutes from my house sat an enormous green barn. One whole section was a huge opened spot with tables and chairs where folks sat drinking coffee or eating sandwiches. You could see the huge sliding barn door off the right. When it was open there was a semi-outdoor patio for patrons.

‘Yep. This is Cooper’s. Was once the main farming land for the whole lake. Now it’s the grocery store, café and over there is a carwash.’

‘Wow,’ I said. ‘I’m … impressed. It’s so quaint.’

‘Wait till you see the prices,’ he said winking. ‘I think you’ll change your mind.’

‘Uh oh,’ I snorted.

Before I could get out, Reed caught my hand in his. He dropped a proper, but somehow smoking hot, kiss on my lips and I parted them to accommodate. His tongue tasted like cinnamon and I let him kiss me deeper. He slid a hand inside my blue sweater and held me, his thumb sliding along my cotton tee and teasing my nipple erect almost instantly.

I shifted a little. My panties were wet, and I was willing to wager that Reed Green not only knew that … he’d counted on it.

‘Have I done anything?’

‘No. I’m just overwhelmed. Can we shop? Because if you kiss me like that again,’ I said. ‘I might have no control and that would upset me.’

‘Careful. Don’t show your hand.’

I nodded and popped the car door latch so I could escape.

Showing my hand was bad. Acknowledging, accepting and embracing that he was a pretty distraction was probably also bad. Remembering how good he was at fucking –definitely bad. I hurried over the gravel parking lot with Reed on my heels.

He came up on me and I felt his energy. It made me prickle and pick up speed. He laughed softly, staying right on my heels.

‘You running from me, Tuesday?’

‘No.’

‘Liar,’ he said and followed me inside.

We bagged lemons and limes and some late season cherries. Reed held up cucumbers and tomatoes and some lettuce that was the colour of healthy green grass. When half the cart was full of produce we hit the nuts and dried fruit section.

‘You gonna be like your grandmother? Always prepared? Always fully stocked?’ He sipped a sample of something pink.

I shrugged. ‘I doubt it. Nan was always … on guard. Ready. I tend to fly more by the seat of my pants.’

We were back behind a display and his hand splayed my ass, worming into my back pocket and squeezing. ‘These pants?’ he said in my ear. He was pressed right up behind me, his breath hot on my neck.

My mouth went dry. ‘Yes.’

‘These pants I want to peel off you?’

‘Um …’

‘These pants I want to use to fucking tie you up so I can have my way with you?’

I tried to think. I tried to focus and process and stay calm but I felt to be shimmering with attraction and lust.

‘Um …’

‘Hurry up and shop, Tuesday. We have some business to take care of.’

Shepherd had said he didn’t expect anything of me. But I expected something of me – and I needed a clear head to do it.

I turned fast, pressed to him, our lips almost touching but not quite. ‘I can’t sleep with you, Reed. Not today. Not till I’m straight in the head.’

He grabbed the back of my head and yanked me in hard enough to steal my breath. ‘That’s fine. We can do stuff besides fuck, Tuesday. I’m very inventive.’

He pushed the cart past me and I watched him continue to shop. I wanted to be blasé about what he’d said. Instead I felt a war of guilt and excitement in the pit of my stomach.

I followed him down the aisle and tried to keep my attention on the business at hand.

Shopping.