Return to Me (5 page)

     “No you don’t understand.” Frustrated, Paige thrust a lock of brown hair behind one ear. “
The next morning he said he would make him disappear. That he had done it before and that people have ‘accidents’ all of the time.” She blurted, curling her fingers into invisible quotation marks around the chilling word.

     “Oh…”

     “And that’s not all.” She hurriedly continued. “I had one of his business partners investigated. Quietly of course.”

     “You did what? Where does a seventeen year old girl go to have someone investigated? Is that even legal?”

     “You don’t want to know and probably not. But you’ll never guess what I found out. There’s talk of him being in the mob.”

     “The mob.” Erik stated in disbelief.

     “Erik I’m serious.”

     “My God you are, aren’t you.” He muttered, raking a hand through his short
dark hair. “So Denmari…”

     “Is probably affiliated too.”

     “Shit. That puts a new spin on his threat, doesn’t it? I see what you mean now.”

     “I know.”

     “Have you told anyone else?”

     “No. Just you.”

     “Good. Don’t say anything to anyone else.”

     “You don’t think they would do anything to me for talking, do you?” She breathed, unsure of whom ‘they’ were, beyond Denmari and his business associate but paranoid nonetheless.

     “Who knows?” Erik muttered. “But either way I don’t like the idea of you in the middle of this.”

     “Well it would stand to reason that since I’ve broken it off with Guy, Denmari will go back to mostly ignoring me, with the occasional stern look thrown in, although lately he’s been hinting that he doesn’t like you and I spending so much time together. I really screwed up when I got caught with Guy.” She sighed dismally.

     “So that’s why you told him you were seeing someone else?”

     “Yes, I tried ending it a few nights after my little chat with Denmari but Guy wasn’t backing off and kept demanding to know why. He was insisting that whatever was wrong could be worked out.” Her eyes squeezed shut at the memory. “It was the best I could do, and now everything’s such a mess.”

     “Ah, Paige, come here.” He soothed, reaching across the bench seat to meet her in the middle and keep the shadows at bay. “Everything will be okay, you’ll see.”

     His hand felt so nice in her hair, smoothing and stroking the long tresses until she relaxed enough, let her guard down just enough to believe for a moment that he spoke the truth. She desperately wanted to believe that her life would cease its out of control spin,
and sooner rather than later. She closed her eyes and exhaled, letting go for a few seconds.

     “What
time do you have to be back?” He murmured without moving away from her.

     “Probably soon.” She finally sighed, forcing herself to ease out of his hold and peer at the faint green glow of the dash clock, squinting at the numbers displayed there.

     “It’s ten-thirty.” He helpfully supplied.

     “I’ve got half an hour.” She pouted, the heavy weight of reality settling back into place.

     “We had better be on our way then.” He sounded as regretful as she felt.

     “Hey wait.” Paige stilled his hand when he would have fired up the truck.    “What were you going to tell me earlier?”

     “Oh that.” He looked away. “It’s not important.” Erik told her after a long pause.

     “Yes it is and I want to know.” She insisted, and when five minutes had passed and she thought he wasn’t going to tell her, felt certain she’d go crazy if he didn’t say something soon, he looked her straight in the eye and said “I’m gay, Paige.”

     “You’re what?!” Her voice was shrill with shock and disbelief.

     “I said I’m gay.”

     “I heard you.” She rolled the window down, gulped at the semi-cool air.

     “Okay.”

     “Okay?” She rounded on him. “You’re telling me you’re gay-you’re just now telling me that you are gay and all you have to say is ‘okay’?”

     “Paige…”

     “No. No. I’m sorry.” She pinched the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger. “That’s not fair.”

   
“If you can’t understand or…” He stammered, clearly at a loss.

     “I do
n’t know about understanding,” She exhaled through her teeth. “But you are my best friend, Erik. If you’re happy, well then, so am I.”

     “Yeah?”

     “Yeah. So when did you, ah, find out?”

     “I wasn’t sure until recently.” He admitted.

     “How?”

     “How did I know or how did this happen?” He smirked.

     “Both I guess.”

     “I just knew it, ah, realized it. It’s hard to explain.”

     “Have you had a boyfriend?”

     “Paige.”

     “Well have you?”

     “Not yet.”

     “But you will.” It was a statement and she fought to quell the rising disappointment that she couldn’t begin to understand.

     “Yes I will.”

     “Does your family know? Or are we keeping it a secret for now?” She bit her lip.

     “I’m going to tell them tonight.”

     “You want me to come with you?”

     “No, but thanks doll. It’s something I’ve got to do on my own. Besides, I have fift
een minutes to get you home or I’ll be swimming with the fishes.”

     “That’s not funny.”

     “No, it probably isn’t. I want you to be careful okay? I mean it Paige. Don’t make waves- and stay away from Denmari as much as you can.”

     “I’ll try.” She nodded. “Will you come pick me up tomorrow?”

     “I’ll be there.”

    
Erik returned the next afternoon, as promised. She heard the ring of the doorbell first, followed by her step-fathers deep timbre, which managed to sound cantankerous and rude from an entire floor away, she marveled with a sad shake of her head. She tossed her book onto the floor, bounded from her bed, and rushed across the hallway to take the stairs two at a time in her hurry to get to Erik before Denmari did or said Heaven only knew what. She knew Erik was smart and tough and more than capable of holding his own, but the thought of him having to endure any discomfort for being her friend was more than she could bear; besides, she didn’t have all that many friends…

     “I thought we talked about this, Paige.” Her step-father was saying as she skidded to a stop in the entryway, a disapproving frown gracing his classic features.

     “I know, but-“

     “I’m gay, Mr. Denmari.” Erik kept his shoulders straight back. His voice was firm and he made his declaration without ever breaking eye contact with Giovanni.

     Long, tense moments passed and Paige waited for his decree with her heart in her throat. She didn’t think she could stand to give up Erik too.

     “A fag.”

     Paige’s face heated at her step-fathers crude language. Erik flinched but remained silent. The quick glance he gave Paige silently advised her to do the same.

     “Hell, Paige, why didn’t you tell me he was a fag?” Denmari shook his head and grabbed his hat and sport coat before telling them to have fun.

     Paige and Erik let out their collectively held breath once the door had slammed shut behind Denmari.

     “That went better than I expected.”

     “Erik I’m so sorry he said…that word.”

     “Yeah, well, I guess I’d better get used to it, right?” He sighed, looking her over with a speculative eye. “Are you okay?”

     “Yes. But what about you? How did it go last night?”

     “With my parents, you mean?”

     Paige nodded.

     “Not so great.” He plowed a hand through his dark hair and exhaled. “Let’s get out of here.” He said suddenly.

     “Okay. Where to?”

     “Alaska?”

     “What?” Paige froze, sure she must not have heard him correctly.

     “Let’s get out of Montana, away from this whole damn place.” He marched over to stand in front of her, taking both of her hands in his own and staring down into her stunned face.

     “Alaska?” She repeatedly numbly.

     “Just for this year. We can get G.E.D’s and find jobs or live off the land, whatever. Just until we’re both eighteen. How about it?”

     “But that’s crazy!”

     “Please, I need you with me.”

     “Our lives aren’t
that
bad.” The protest sounded weak, even to her own ears; weaker still when Erik raised an eyebrow.

     “I’m going either way.” He said softly. “But I don’t want to do this alone.”

     “But…we’ll have the police called on us.”

     “So? Who’s going to find us in Alaska? Come on, it’ll be fun. Please Paige.”

     “Okay.”

     “What?”

     “I said okay.” She squeezed his hands.

     “Wow, I didn’t think you’d give in this fast.”

     “When do we leave?” She wanted to know.

     “Right now. I’ll help you pack.”

     “I was afraid you’d say that. But, okay, let’s do it.” She nodded reluctantly, leading the way up to her bedroom and trying desperately to ignore the butterflies in her stomach.

***

     He would come back, he'd said he would and so it would be, at least, she hoped so. Icy puffs of breath misted in front of her face, a visible testament to the cold-and her less than ideal predicament. Twilight shadows gathered around her, marking the passing of another day, the start of another blustery night.

     Whatever had she been thinking, to follow him out here to this God forsaken no man’s land? The answer came to her lightning quick, she hadn’t been thinking, plain and simple. There was no other plausible explanation, she admitted, bare hands fumbling with the frozen lock on the cabins
’ ancient front door.

     If she’d had any sense at all she would have stayed at home, problems and all-at least it was warm there
, well, warm compared to this place, she amended.

    
She loved Erik in her own way, she reflected, putting her full weight against the door and tripping into the cabins’ dim interior when it gave way under her onslaught, but this was just too much.

     Put some shoulder into it, her step-father had constantly chastised her. Put some muscle into it; give it your all, why are you so weak. The long ago words whispered through her mind, remnants of another time, another place…another life.
This is what happens when you give something your all
,      she thought, surveying her dismal surroundings. You fall flat on your face.      Then again, she was reasonably sure Denmari hadn’t intended for her to put her ‘all’ into running away from home at the age of seventeen to traipse after a homosexual.

     No, he’d probably been referring to applying herself at school, at work,
maybe even her design sketches she was forever tooling around with.

     The sketches, she groaned, sinking onto the cool flagstone ledge of the silent fireplace. She hadn’t worked on her sketches in weeks. It would seem her well of inspiration had run dry. She choked back a sob, heavy tears swelling in her wide dark eyes, telling herself it was of no use to cry.

     A break down wouldn’t solve anything. So she would weep and then what? All the bawling in the world wouldn’t change the nightmare in which she had become entangled. She told herself all this and more, to no avail. Her lip quivered, her chin wobbled, huge fat tears spilled over to run down her frozen cheeks. Wracking sobs tore from her throat, guttural animal noises she didn’t recognize as her own.

     She had no clue how long her outpouring of grief lasted, only that when her last tear fell, it was still dark out, the moon high and round and brilliant in the onyx sky. The twill sofa felt rough against her thighs and springs dug into her knees when she leaned forward to rest her chest against the back of the ugly plaid couch, arms crossed over the top as she stared out the wide front room window. The emotional storm that had raged through her only moments ago was gone, leaving her weak and spent and thoroughly exhausted.

***

    Paige awoke some time later to find that the front door was open, projecting a silvery, blue-white wedge of light into the dark cabin.

     “You’re back.” She rubbed her eyes and tried to smile.

     “Yeah, it’s a total white out, out there.” He shook himself like a dog before unsnapping his parka and stomping snow off his boots.

     “I think we need to talk.” She forced herself to remain still, demanded of herself that she look him in the eye.

     “So talk.” He called out a nanosecond before turning away and heading to the bathroom, the rest of his words lost in the running water that splashed into the sink.