Return to Paradise (10 page)

FOURTEEN

Maggie

step to the edge of the platform, hook the bungee cord attached to the tree around my waist, and look down. Caleb is standing there with his arms out, ready to catch me.

Suddenly, somehow, this exercise goes beyond whether I believe he'll catch me or not.

That's why I've been so angry with him since that night last week ... the thought brings me up short. I haven't been mad at him since just that night. I've been mad at him for eight months. Since I found out he lied. Since he left without telling me the truth.

I think of all the things left unsaid ... all the things I should have said. There's so much dishonesty between us. I back myself against the tree and wrap my arms around myself. "I can't."

"Why not?" Caleb asks.

Everyone is staring at me, waiting for an explanation. And while I don't want to talk about this in front of the group, I'm so tired of the secrets. I desperately want to say what I'm feeling right here and now because I might just lose the nerve to say it later.

I unhook the bungee cord and step off. "I just don't want to do it."

"I'm not gonna let you fall," Caleb says. "I promise."

I look into his piercing blue eyes, which get darker when he's upset.

"It's not about whether you're going to catch me or not," I tell him. "It's about the accident."

Caleb looks wary and confused, and I'm pretty sure his mood is about to get even worse when I tell him, "This whole exercise is about trust. The truth is, I don't trust you.

"This is gettin' good," Lenny says, rubbing his hands together. "And all along I thought you two were gettin' it on while nobody was watchin'."

Caleb shoots the guy a glare. "Shut your mouth for once, Lenny, or I'll shut it for you." His hands are now in tight fists at his side and the muscle in his jaw is twitching. I think he's ready to take Lenny on, but this isn't about Lenny. It's about us.

Dex holds a hand up, but I don't think Caleb cares.

"After all we've been through, I think you owe me trust," Caleb says to me.

He doesn't get it. Oh, how I want him to tell me the truth about the accident on his own. It's the only way we can move past this. I need to move past the lies and deceit.

Thinking about the accident and all that's happened since makes my body shiver. I'll never be the same physically. I'll always be looked at as a cripple. I wanted to believe Caleb wanted me despite my injuries, but maybe it was just a tactic to encourage me to keep my mouth shut.

The only person who can bring the truth out in the open is standing here with me now.

"Face the cold, hard facts, Caleb. You don't trust me, either." I can't stop now. Tears roll down my face as I walk right up to Caleb and jab my finger at his chest. "You lied to me! You deceived me! The least you could do after we started getting close was be honest."

He stares at me, his eyebrows drawn tight over his confused eyes.

"Tell me the truth about the accident, Caleb. I dare you.

I see the moment he gets it and stiffens, shocked.

Caleb shakes his head and steps away from me. "Don't do this."

"Tell everyone here what really happened that night." I open my arms wide and look up at the sky. "Scream it out loud and set us all free from the lies!"

Lenny holds his hands up as if he's in church. "Hallelujah!"

Caleb rushes Lenny, and tackles him. And punches him. Lenny punches back. I'm scared, and I'm screaming for them to stop wrestling, especially because Caleb is a trained wrestler and Lenny doesn't stand a chance against him. In an instant, Damon pulls Caleb off Lenny and starts yelling for Caleb to calm down. Caleb is in a rage now, and I'm not sure he can hear anything though his anger.

"Caleb, get a hold of yourself," Damon orders.

Caleb breaks free of Damon's hold. His hands are in fists, ready to fight. "No!"

"This isn't about Lenny!" I yell, trying to get his attention. "It's about you and me."

Caleb looks at me. His breathing is ragged and his eyes look intense and fierce. He's not ready to back down, not by a long shot.

"I'm the one who got hit by that car, not you," I tell him. "Don't act like you're the victim here. You made choices I didn't ask you to make. I'm not sure anyone asked you to make them." I'm screaming the words, not caring that the entire world can probably hear me. "You think I like limping everywhere I go? I don't. I'm the victim! Be honest with me! You didn't care about me enough to trust me. I gave you my heart, but it wasn't enough." I start to walk away, the leaves crunching hard beneath my shoes.

"Let's get one thing straight, sweetheart," he says from behind me. "I never asked you to be my girlfriend."

I stop and turn back to him. "No, you didn't ask. But you sure did everything in your power to make us a couple. You kissed me by the tree in Paradise Park. You were the one who told me at Mrs. Reynolds' house that you wanted to be where I was. You were the one who..." My throat feels like there's a lump the size of a baseball inside. "You said what we had was real, but it was all a lie. Admit it."

"What do you want me to say, Maggie?"

"The truth! That's all I've ever wanted."

"I can't."

"Can't or won't?"

"What's the difference at this point?"

I swipe my eyes with the back of my hand because tears are blurring my vision. I don't care at all about our stunned audience. "You're nothing but a coward! Every guy in my life has disappointed me. First my dad, now you."

He looks at me like I'm the enemy. "I'm nothing like your dad. Don't insult me by putting us in the same sentence."

I give a short laugh. "He left me. You left me. He betrayed me by leaving and never turning back to see if I was okay. You betrayed me by leaving and never turning back to see if I was okay. He lies to me. You lie to me. You're exactly like him."

"You have no fucking clue, Maggie."

I continue limping away, heading for the office, or the van, or ... I don't know where I'm headed except that I know I need to get away. Maybe if I put some space between Caleb and me this crushing pain in my heart will subside.

"Lies are easier to swallow than the truth, Maggie," Caleb yells. He doesn't follow me this time.

I stop but I don't turn around. "You're wrong."

"The truth is that I didn't want to have anything to do with you when I got released from jail and came back to Paradise. I blamed you for being the reason I went to jail. I blamed you for ruining my life. And even through all the blame and all the resentment, I fell for you. Your damn humming, your damn insecurity, your damn vulnerability ... and that time you cried in my arms and held onto me like I was your pillar of strength, I was lost because I knew whatever was brewing between us was real. I hated myself for falling for you."

"So you left."

"What did you want me to do? We had to hide our relationship from your mother, my mom was on drugs, my dad was a damn doormat, and my sister ... well, you saw her. She looked like death warmed over."

"If you just told the truth-"

"The truth sucks!" Caleb yells, anger and frustration dripping off his words.

"So you've decided to hide behind the lies, right?" Now I turn to face him across little patches of grass and dirt and leaves. I look him right in the eye. I'm not backing down.

Tense seconds tick by.

Caleb pounds his fist hard into the tree trunk. His knuckles are bleeding from the force, but he doesn't seem to notice as he storms up to me.

"The truth is that I didn't hit you with that car! I went to fucking jail for a whole fucking year for something I didn't fucking do! And you know what? It sucked. I resented every moment in juvie because I wasn't supposed to be there in the first place!"

His eyes go wide, his breathing is fast and furious. He turns around and focuses his attention on an outwardly shocked Damon, then scans the other members of our group, all of whom are equally shocked.

Caleb squeezes his eyes shut and winces, as if he wants to take back every truthful word he just spouted. When he opens his eyes, there's no emotion in them anymore. He's masked it.

"Happy now?" he growls.

FIFTEEN

Caleb

f my life wasn't complete shit before, it's definitely shit now. I just gave away the secret I promised to take to the grave. I betrayed my twin sister, and myself, all because I couldn't stand the way Maggie looked at me as she peered down from that damn platform. Her eyes were like glass, and the disappointed furrowing of her eyebrows made me want to scoop her up and take her to a place where nobody would deceive her or hurt her. A place where even I couldn't hurt her.

I fucked up. With Maggie, with Leah, with my parents ... with everything.

At this point I can't even trust myself not to fuck up. What's the use in trying to stay out of jail when, maybe, that's the best place for me? At least in jail I know where I stand and don't have to see disappointment on the faces of the people I care about.

Problem is, I don't want to be locked up again. I felt like a restless, caged animal in juvie, especially because I knew I didn't deserve to be there in the first place. Or maybe I did. Maybe I deserved to be locked up for lying to the judge and everyone else. I was piss drunk the night Maggie got hit with the car, and maybe my judgment was off when I told my sister I would cover for her.

By then it was too late.

All I wanted to do was protect Leah, since I knew she wouldn't be able to handle the stress of being arrested and stuck in a cell. I don't even know what's right and wrong anymore.

How did Maggie know I'd lied to her? A second ago, I thought the only way I could take that betrayed look off her face was to tell her the truth. Another bad move. She already knew the truth.

I want to escape, but I'm stuck here. I might not be in a cage, but it feels like I'm in one.

"No, I'm not happy," Maggie finally says, her voice low and sad.

I glare at her. "Great, 'cause that makes two of us."

"Three of us," Lenny says, still on the ground. "I think I'm gonna have a bruise on my sensitive ass cheek from you tackling me."

Tears are falling down Maggie's cheeks. She blinks a couple of times and swipes them away with her fingertips. "Do you hate me, Caleb?"

I should. I should hate her with all my soul, but I don't.

"You knew all along I didn't run into you, didn't you?" I say.

She nods. "I remembered bits and pieces like it was a puzzle, but it wasn't pieced together until-"

"Did you realize I wasn't the one who hit you before I left Paradise eight months ago?" I ask, needing to know the answer even though I'm dreading hearing it.

"Yes," she says softly.

I remember the times we spent together working at Mrs. Reynolds' house, when we fooled around in the gazebo and I ran my hands over her smooth, milky soft skin. "You knew I didn't hurt you, but you let me go along with thinking that you did. How could you?"

"By the time I realized who was really driving the car, I'd already forgiven you. It didn't matter."

"The hell it didn't matter!"

"Umm, time out. I think this activity is over," Damon says. "The three of us need to talk, like right now."

Now. That's Damon's favorite word.

The three of us leave the rest of the group at the platform with Dex and head for a picnic table by the parking lot.

Damon sighs as he looks at Maggie and me sitting opposite him. "Caleb, let me get this straight. You pled guilty to a crime you didn't commit?"

I look the guy straight in the eye. "I plead the fifth."

"You can't plead the fifth, Caleb," Damon says. "You're not in court."

Yeah, and I don't want to end up there again. "I'm still not answering the question."

Damon turns to Maggie for answers, since I'm obviously no help at all. "Maggie, what do you know about all this?"

Maggie shrugs.

Damon shakes his finger at both of us. "You give me no choice. If you won't explain, I'll have to reopen your file and investigate on my own."

"I went to jail, Damon," I blurt out. "I paid for the crime. Case closed."

"If you really went to jail for a crime you didn't commit, the case is far from over. Ever hear of taking responsibility for your actions? You think you did someone a favor? Guess again. If it wasn't you who hit Maggie, who was it?"

I stay silent while Damon looks to Maggie for answers. She stares at the ground.

"I warned you. This isn't over," he tells us.

We trudge through the rest of the exercises. I'm sure as hell not saying a word, and I'm freaking out wondering exactly how much Maggie knows.

After dinner, Damon pulls Maggie and me aside. "Tomorrow morning the rest of the group is going to another school for a panel talk, and the two of you are coming with me."

At the dorm, I overhear Damon talking a bunch of times on his cell, and I get the distinct feeling that he's about to have me arrested and interrogated.

I can't do this. The rest of the night is a big blur to me. All I can think about is that I have to get away. I have to ditch the group and head out on my own again.

In the middle of the night, when everyone is asleep, I toss everything I own in my duffle. Getting away from Damon and his ties to the Illinois justice system is the only solution. If they can't find me, Damon might not have a case against Leah. I looked at some legal books in the juvie library. The statute of limitations on a felony is three years. In a year, Leah can no longer be charged with the crime.

I leave our dorm suite and trot down the stairs. As I start across the dark campus, I hear a familiar voice behind me.

"Caleb, wait."

"Maggie, what are you doing?"

She's wearing silky pants and a T-shirt. Her hair is back in a ponytail, and she looks so vulnerable right now. And sexy, but she doesn't know it. Before I went to jail, I never gave her a second glance. She was just our neighbor and my twin sister's best friend. I was only interested in Kendra Greene, with her big hair and layers of makeup. Maggie's beauty is more subtle ... it can be missed if you're blinded by other girls, or compare her to them.

She bites her bottom lip. "You're leaving, aren't you?"

"I can't stay here." I toss my duffle over my shoulder and start walking again.

"I'm going with you," she calls out.

"No, you're not." I glance back at her. She's limping behind me with a backpack on her shoulders. "Go back to the dorm."

No.

"Don't be stupid, Maggie. Go back to the group and move on with your life. Forget I ever existed."

"I can't do that," she says. "I wish the accident never happened, and that you hadn't gone to jail, and that you hadn't left Paradise, and that you didn't think getting involved with me was the biggest mistake of your life."

Shit. I hate having those words thrown back at me, especially when they were lies. I hurt her, even if I swore I'd never do it again. "Being with you wasn't a mistake."

She gazes up at me with those innocent, expressive eyes. "But you said-"

"Yeah, I know what I said. I lied. But you still can't come with me."

"You asked me to go with you the last time you left Paradise. Remember?"

I nod slowly.

"I'm not making that same mistake again. This time I'm coming with you."