Reunited in Love (28 page)

Barron was her problem.

“I have to,” she said, her mind made up. “He’s my family.” His hands tightened. “I’ve been running from my family for a long time, and it’s time I faced them. But it has to be alone.”

“I won’t let them hurt you again.”

She sighed. “Ethan, I’ve always taken care of myself without you, and I can continue to do so. Maybe you don’t want to acknowledge that, but it’s the truth. You can’t protect me from my family.”

“I’m telling you it doesn’t have to be that way.”

“And I’m telling you I don’t need a protector. Barron can’t hurt me any worse than he has already.” God, this was hard. All she had wanted was someone manageable to have a little fun with. Now she might end up being indirectly responsible for ruining him if Barron decided to get ugly about it. “We both wanted an affair until we grew tired of each other. So let’s not get too mixed up here. You really, really don’t want to make an enemy of Barron. Stick to the spirit of the deal we agreed to: no strings attached, no messy emotional drama.”

Ethan’s face hardened to a stony mask. “You think I’m doing this for emotional drama?”

“No.” She winced inwardly. A bad choice of words, but now it was too late to take them back. If she gave in even a little, Ethan would press his advantage. “But this is my decision, not yours.”

“People in relationships don’t turn their backs on each other when the going gets tough.”

“It’s not about turning our backs—”

“Kerri, if you walk out to face that son of a bitch on your own, it’s over.”

She clenched her hands. She should’ve known her family would come between them sooner or later. Fury boiled up inside her, and she wanted to scream at the unfairness of it all, but that wouldn’t serve any purpose. That wouldn’t change the fact that she had to face her family or that Ethan had given her an ultimatum.

The end had come a little earlier than she’d expected, that was all. Ethan would’ve eventually wanted out anyway when he realized the kind of conflict her presence would create in his family, or when he realized the full extent of the baggage she brought as Barron Sterling’s granddaughter, estranged or not. The SUVs outside were just the beginning.

She took a breath. “Then it’s over,” she said, doing her best to control her unraveling emotions and thoughts. The one thing she’d mastered growing up around her family was how to keep herself together regardless of the circumstances.

She started to turn away. Ethan gripped her arm almost too hard, but the physical pain was nothing next to her emotional turmoil.

“Tell me you don’t love me,” he said.

She looked at the large beautiful hand holding her. Why did he care what she felt for him? If she said she loved him, would anything change? Would he take back his ultimatum?

No, she realized. He’d insist on coming with her, get tangled up with Barron and make enemies out of the Sterlings.

“I don’t love you,” she said quietly.

His face turned blank. He let go.

THE DRIVER TOOK KERRI to the Ritz, SUVs surrounding them like so many mechanized beetles. Three of her “bodyguards” then escorted her to a swanky suite on the top floor, though they didn’t follow her in. She barely registered the opulence of the suite. Barron liked his creature comforts and always traveled in style.

He was seated at a table with two sets of refreshments on it. He still had all his hair, though it was completely silver now. The thick mustache under his rather large crooked nose still had some auburn in it, as did the famously bushy eyebrows. He dressed casually, just a long-sleeved shirt and soft gray slacks, but the rich material hinted at wealth.

Who was she kidding? Everything about him was wealth and power.

“Grandpa,” Kerri said.

“Hello, Kerri.” He gestured to the empty seat on the other side of the table. “Thank you for joining me. Please sit.”

She took the chair and poured herself a cup of tea. Barron didn’t drink coffee, so of course there was none. “I didn’t realize you had business interests in northern Virginia.”

“I have business interests everywhere. But what brings me here is a family issue.”

Her fingers clenched around the delicate handle of the cup, and she relaxed them with deliberate care. “You didn’t have to send those men.”

“I disagree. I needed to make sure you didn’t disappear on me this time, since Justin seems incapable of keeping up with you.”

She said nothing and looked around. No one else was in the suite.

“Can you get to the point?” she asked. “I have things to do.” Such as collecting her things from Ethan’s place and returning the Audi to Natalie.

He nodded and seemed to gather himself. “Very well. I wanted you to know I’m sorry.”

Kerri put a finger in her ear and wiggled it around. “What? For a moment there it almost sounded like you were apologizing for something.”

Barron leveled a look at her. “Don’t be fresh.”

Despite herself, Kerri quailed a bit inside. Old or not, Barron was still a formidable figure. She closed her eyes briefly and held up a hand. “Okay. What are you sorry about?”

“About everything.” He shifted in his seat. “We forgot to appreciate what we had.”

Not hard to do when you’re the man who has everything
. “Anything in particular?”

“You.”

She shrugged, uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation. “Was I something to appreciate? I thought I was just a reminder of what you lost.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Your grandsons. My brothers, Ned and Adam. My father.”

Barron’s complexion turned ashen. “How did you find out about them? We made sure to keep all of that hidden from you.”

“You didn’t do a very good job.”

“Apparently not. Now answer my question.”

“Mother kept boxes of photos and things. I found them.”

Barron sighed. “I told her to throw them out, but she wouldn’t. It would have made the loss too final. As if storing them would change anything.”

“Maybe it did for her. It certainly did for me.” Once she’d seen what was inside the boxes, she could never pretend she was all right around her family.

“I assumed you were pulling some sort of stunt when you sent me that cashier’s check for your college tuition. Thought you were trying to make a statement. Independent woman, all that sort of thing. So I put the entire sum into a few funds I was starting, thinking I’d give it back to you when you returned.”

She stared at him. He must’ve at least quadrupled the money by now.

“But then you disappeared. Cut your phone, left no forwarding address.”

“I sent that check almost eight years ago, and it took you this long to figure out your only grandchild was gone?” Her voice shook.

Barron’s dark eyes flickered. His hands tightened briefly before he reached for his tea. “I suppose I deserve that. You were upset. Still are.”

“This isn’t about my being upset. And if you want me to continue this conversation, I suggest that you not try to reduce my actions to a temper tantrum.” She hadn’t acted because of theatrics or to get attention. She’d done everything she could to insulate herself from further pain.

It had been so obvious that the hope she’d harbored about how her family would one day realize that she was a good girl and love her was just that—a hope. And hoping wasn’t enough to make something come true. Whenever her family looked at her, she’d always be the girl whose birth robbed them of their men. She’d never be more than that to them, and she needed to cut her losses.

“You left without telling anybody.” Barron picked up a sugar cookie and broke it in half. “We noticed not…” He sighed heavily. “It’d be easier if I could just lie, but I’m not going to. You deserve better. We noticed not because we cared, but because your mother passed away and we suddenly realized none of us knew how to reach you.”

Kerri said nothing. She’d known about her mother. It’d made the news several months back—reported once the funeral was more or less over. Barron was a significant figure, and even though his daughter had retired from society in grief years earlier, the press had still gone sniffing around.

The article had been a shock. Even though Renée had been completely unstable and rarely there for her, Kerri had never thought she’d lose her. In retrospect it made sense. Renée was—had been—a delicate woman who’d lived her life with unimaginable grief. Living with the stress of losing her husband and sons would’ve been incredibly tough, especially since she’d been the one who’d wanted a girl and insisted on having another baby. Kerri swallowed a big lump in her throat. She’d never really had the chance to know her mother, and she never would.

Barron sighed again. “Renée would’ve wanted you there. No matter what, she loved you. She wanted a daughter very badly.”

Not once she’d lost her husband and sons
. She hadn’t wanted a girl then.

“And she blamed herself for what happened.”

Kerri’s head snapped up. “
What?
”

“It’s true. She asked that David bring the boys to the hospital to welcome you into the world, even though he thought it would be better to wait until the next day. It was late when your mother went into labor. She told me she was certain God took them away from her because she didn’t appreciate them enough. She couldn’t bear the sight of you not because you made her lose her children, but because you reminded her of her ‘selfishness’ as she called it.”

Kerri’s throat suddenly felt parched. She took a quick sip of tea, her hands unsteady.

“I never imagined you would separate yourself from the family, just walk away on your own and vanish. I always assumed you’d either work for Sterling & Wilson or get married and start your own family.”

“Why would I want a family of my own?” she said, stunned.

“Because that’s what your mother did, and that’s what I assumed you’d like to do if you didn’t want a career.”

“Even if I didn’t opt for a career, I wouldn’t want a family.”

The muscles in Barron’s jaw flexed. “That, too, is my fault.”

“No, Grandpa…it is what it is. I just” —she sighed, suddenly tired— “I just think families are for other people, not me. I did everything in my power to be noticed and acknowledged. I did everything in my power to be a good girl, but nobody cared.”

“I know. And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.” He cleared his throat. “Kerri, is it too late?”

She fidgeted with her teacup. If she were a nicer person she would tell him, “No, of course not, Grandpa. I love you, and I always wanted the family to be happy.” But she couldn’t. That wouldn’t be honest. And frankly, she didn’t have the heart to lie, not even to make him feel better. Not when she had all the pain of the past and a fresh dose from breaking up with Ethan. She blinked away the sudden tears. “I don’t know. Probably. I can’t pretend all those things never happened to me, that I never felt the pain of rejection and neglect.”

His Adam’s apple bobbed. “Will you at least take the money that’s your due? It would make me feel better.”

“Money?” She stared at him. “Money won’t change the past.”

“It’s for my own peace of mind. I need to make sure you’re provided for.”

She wanted to turn down the money and act lofty and haughty, like she’d always thought she would in her vengeful and petty imagination, but the reality was far from that. She wasn’t a cool, self-possessed adult. That was a shell. Inside she was a kid desperate to be loved by her grandfather, yet scared of his rejection.

“When I look at you, I see a granddaughter I wronged.” Barron’s voice was ragged. “Don’t reject what little I can do for you.”

She sighed. “Let me think about it.”

“Please do. And I want you to know how sorry I am and that I want us to be family again if you can bring yourself to forgive me for my years of neglect.”

“Why do you care all of a sudden? Why now?”

He gave up the pretense of eating his sugar cookie. At this point, it was nothing more than a mound of crumbs on the plate. “I’m old, and my time’s going to be up soon. Losing your brothers and David was hard, but losing your mother—my own daughter—drove home how little time I have left. And it made me realize how terrible I’d been to you. I was losing you because I never appreciated you enough, was never thankful that you’re my own flesh and blood. I regret that it took your disappearance and your mother’s death for me to figure that out.”

Kerri nodded and swallowed a small sob. A small part of her resented that it’d taken her grandfather this long, but mostly she hurt at having lost so many years mired in grief.

“I won’t press for forgiveness,” Barron said. “I know it won’t come quickly, and that I have to earn it.”

She should reject this overture, make him suffer. But what would that prove except how petty she was? “Just to give you fair warning, I might be a tough nut to crack.”

Barron nodded solemnly, but some of the tension left his face. “I wouldn’t expect anything less. You are a Sterling.”

Kerri sighed. Well then.

“Now,” Barron said. “Tell me about Ethan Lloyd.”

She blinked at the sudden change in topic. “What about him?”

“You’re working for him.”

“Yes.”

“Is that all?” He looked at her with a penetrating gaze that made it clear he already knew everything.

“He’s a nice guy.” The greatest understatement of her life. When Barron opened his mouth again, she raised a hand. “Grandpa, I’m not going to discuss my private life with you.”

“Then I won’t pry. But does he treat you well?”

Her heart ached. Did he ever. He was the only one who cared enough to go out of his way to make sure she knew how special she was. Without him to show her, she might not have had the courage to face Barron on her own. She would’ve run again, just like in Hong Kong, but this time someplace even farther away.

She nodded, buying time to control her voice. “Overbearing and overprotective at times, but yes.”

He nodded. “It’s about time you had somebody who cares for you and gives you the love you deserve.”

Kerri felt tears coming to her eyes, and she sniffed slightly. “You just like the overbearing part.”