Reunited in Love (30 page)

Christ, Kerri, stop worrying about what everyone around you thinks and expects. What do
you
want?

Kerri paused. She didn’t know. No, that wasn’t quite true. She just never put her needs and wants above others’ because she always thought if she could be a little bit more like what people wanted of her, she would earn their approval, acceptance and—ultimately—love.

She heard keys jingle on the other side of the door. Sweat slickened her palms, turning them clammy.

Her heart hammered. Her initial plan to avoid being hurt by remaining detached hadn’t worked. Now her instinct was to run as far as she could to avoid whatever pain their confrontation might deliver.

She forced herself to be steady. No more running. She wasn’t an impulsive eighteen-year-old any longer, and couldn’t spend her entire life in flight.

She had to
live
the way she wanted.

The way she deserved.

If she had the guts to reach out and grab what she wanted without caring about others’ opinions of her… If Barron was right and she still had one more chance with Ethan…

She didn’t want to waste it by worrying about everyone else. She’d grab Ethan and never let him go.

Ethan walked into the penthouse, then into her bedroom. His shoulders were so straight and broad, his body tall and powerful, as he towered over her in a pristine white polo shirt and golf pants. What little courage she had shrank at his hard eyes and tight jaw.

Ethan gave her and the suitcases a quick once-over. “You can start unpacking now,” he said. His voice was unyielding and she couldn’t even begin to guess at his emotional state.

“Okay. I wasn’t really leaving anyway,” she said.

He cocked an eyebrow.

Her cheeks heated, but she refused to break the eye contact. “I changed my mind.”

“Oh?” He crossed his arms and waited.

He wasn’t going to make it easy for her. Why should he?

She put down the shirt she was holding and faced him fully. “Ethan, here’s the deal. I’m not going to let you get tangled up in the horrific, incredible mess that is my family. But” —she took a deep, fortifying breath— “unless you truly want me gone, I’ve decided to stay.” She raised a forestalling hand. “I know what you said earlier, but we were both emotional and upset. I think we’ve had enough time to cool down since then.”

He uncrossed his arms and moved closer. “Kerri, I definitely do not want you gone. You’re right I was upset.” He took another step forward. “But you can’t force me to watch your family hurt you. I don’t give a shit if your grandfather is Barron Sterling, if the man’s richer than the IRS and knows everyone in all the governments in the world. He’s not going to keep hurting you with impunity. He’ll have to go through me first.” He took a final step that brought him so close she could feel his body heat. “But we can’t do this if you’re looking for some manageable guy to have a temporary relationship with. I’m not manageable, and I’m not temporary. And I’m not going to become either just to suit you.”

Her cheeks grew even hotter. How did he know about her “ideal man?”

“If you aren’t okay with all this…” A small muscle ticked in his jaw.

She trembled. This was it. She had to lay it all out, reveal her heart, or go home. Ethan wasn’t going to settle. Frankly, she didn’t want to settle either. She didn’t want a manageable man. She wanted Ethan.

“I’m okay with it,” she said.

His eyes lightened, his shoulders relaxing a bit. “Good.” He put his hands on her arms, and she sighed at how right they felt on her. “You realize, of course, that even if you’d said no it wouldn’t have made a bit of difference.”

She couldn’t quite tell if he was joking or not.

“I’m always going to be a permanent fixture in your life, even if I have to be a pain in the ass to do it.”

“Oh.”

“But since you said okay, I suppose the point is moot.”

“I suppose it is. But why would you want to stick around even if I’d said no?” she asked faintly.

“Because, you crazy woman, I’m in love with you. Why else would any man do what I do?”

“It’s just… When we first decided to stay together, you made it sound like it was all for sex.”

He looked at her like she’d suddenly sprouted flowers out of the top of her head. “No man does what I’ve done just for sex, Kerri. Sex is easy.”

It was for someone like Ethan. Someone as gorgeous and smart and wonderful.

She looked into his eyes. It hurt to breathe, and she took a moment to calm herself. She wanted him to know this wasn’t the heat of the moment compelling her to say what she was about to say. It was all her, clear-headed and heart so full it felt like it would burst. “I love you too.”

A long breath shuddered out of him, and he took her into his arms. “Thank god.”

*

Ethan helped Kerri unpack, this time taking everything out of her suitcases and moving it all to the master bedroom suite.

“It was killing me that you never fully unpacked,” he said.

Kerri stashed her lacy underwear in a drawer. “Well, I didn’t think it was going to last. Figured I’d be gone soon enough, just like all your other ex-girlfr—”

Ethan looked at her. “What is it?”

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

“Kerri. You can say whatever you want. If this is going to work we need to be honest with each other.”

Okay then
. “Do you mind telling me why Catherine compared me to Lisa? Am I the opposite or the same?”

She held her breath. When Catherine had visited, Kerri had told herself she had no right to demand anything of Ethan since they were in a temporary relationship. But now things were different. The permanence of their situation gave her the courage to ask for more.

When he stayed quiet, she retreated. Maybe she was being too presumptuous. “If you don’t want to talk about it right now, that’s okay, too. It can wait.”

“It’s not like that.” He took a long breath. “I just don’t know where Catherine got that idea. She never met Lisa, and I never talked about her once everything was over.”

“Oh. Then…yeah. What the hell was Catherine thinking?”

“Maybe Jacob mentioned something about it.”

“But it’s not like she knows me well enough to make the comparison.”

“True,” Ethan said. “Lisa was my girlfriend in college. We were…infatuated with each other. We even got an apartment together, though I didn’t know until later that she hadn’t told her folks about me. Two months after we moved in, she cut her wrists.”

“
What?
Oh my god. I’m so sorry, Ethan.”

“Her family was grief-stricken, of course. And really,
really
angry. Looking for someone to blame. The idea that Lisa might kill herself was just…unacceptable to them even though there was no evidence of a struggle or breakin. Long story short, they blamed me.”

“That’s ridiculous!” She clenched her hands. Though it had happened years ago, it infuriated her. How dare they!

“Boyfriends and husbands are always number one on the list of suspects when a woman dies. That’s what the cops told me as they investigated. My family hired the best lawyer available as a precaution. That made Lisa’s family even angrier. They thought if I had nothing to hide, I wouldn’t need a lawyer.”

“That’s dumb. Either way, you have the right to an attorney.”

“I also had an iron-clad alibi since I was with one of my professors to discuss midterms at the time of her death. But they didn’t think that was good enough since some of his research money came from a big grant from my family about a month before the investigation started. If it hadn’t been for the PI we hired, things could’ve gotten a lot more complicated.”

Kerri wrapped her arms around him. “I’m so sorry about what happened,” she said, doing her best to modulate her tone. She was furious with herself for making Ethan relive this horrible nightmare. It was like when people asked her about her childhood.

“It was a long time ago.”

“I can’t believe how stupid I’ve been.”

“Honey, you’re never stupid. Except maybe when you insist on facing the world on your own or try to get a ‘manageable’ man.” Ethan gave her a small smile. “I’m glad I was able to talk about this. I never did with my family. They only knew what the police decided to make public, nothing more. It makes me feel… I don’t know, lighter to share it with you.”

“Still…” Kerri scowled. “Catherine must’ve mentioned Lisa just to upset you, and I fell for it. And to think I felt sorry for her.”

“Did you?”

“I admit it’s kind of hard to feel sorry for someone who’s that gorgeous. But her life’s falling apart, and she wanted to lash out at somebody. I can relate. But that doesn’t mean she gets to be a bitch. She’s lucky she’s not here.” She wanted to hurt Catherine for hurting Ethan. The woman had no right, even if she thought she might be facing jail time.

“Actually, Gavin said something similar. About you and Lisa, I mean.”

“Why would he think that?”

“He did meet Lisa, and you seemed so sad at times.”

This was news to Kerri. “How so?”

“Well, for example, when you see children, you get this distant, pensive look.”

“I do?”

“You do. And Gavin doesn’t miss much.”

She blinked. She had no idea she’d been that obvious or easy to read.

“But that isn’t quite right either, because Lisa was never really sad. Just depressed from time to time…but then she’d be perfectly fine and full of energy again,” he said, thinking out loud. “It wasn’t until after her death that one of her friends said Lisa’s doctor wanted her to see a psychiatrist, but her family refused to seek proper treatment for her. Her father thought it was something she could just get over, except it didn’t work out that way. But I think that’s where Gavin might have thought you were like Lisa. He only saw her a few times and didn’t know her that well.” He shook his head. “He thought I might be overcompensating for Lisa, but I wasn’t. Kerri, you know how much my family means to me. I vowed never to put them through another crisis like that. If I hadn’t seen the strength in you, I never would have asked you to move in, work for me, nothing.”

“I see.” She sighed. “Kinda sorry I asked.”

Ethan’s lips quirked into a lopsided smile. “Well, I’m not. Earlier, when you didn’t, I was pretty pissed off.”

“Why?”

“Because…” He looked into her eyes. His were so dark and beautiful, she thought she might sink into them and never come out. Never
want
to come out. “Not asking made it seem like you didn’t care. Like what we had wasn’t worth even a tiny bit of curiosity about Lisa on your part.”

She swallowed. “Well…we were supposed to be having a fling. Doing a lot of probing about Lisa seemed too, I don’t know, intrusive and demanding.”

“Uh, we’ve been in an
exclusive
relationship.”

“Which is—was—supposed to end.”

He shook his head, resting his forehead against hers. “When either of us finds someone else we’d rather be with. Don’t you get it? That’s how all relationships are. They always end when either party finds they’d rather be with someone else.”

Her mouth parted. She couldn’t believe she hadn’t caught that part of his proposal. Or had her subconscious ignored it because deep down she wanted to be with him?

“Otherwise, it’s forever.” he murmured. “Don’t you agree?”

Forever
.

Her heart hammered. “So why all that contract stuff? Why didn’t you just say ‘hey, let’s have dinner’ like a normal person?”

“Because if I’d asked you out in a more traditional manner, you would’ve run off to California or something.”

She couldn’t deny his logic. He was absolutely correct. She would’ve run. She hadn’t wanted a complicated relationship. And she’d convinced herself he wasn’t her type because he would’ve left an indelible mark on her.

“You’ve been hurt by the people who should’ve loved you and protected you the most,” Ethan said. “That part of your life is over. You can trust me to keep you safe.”

He kissed her, his lips firm and sure, and joy suffused her with warmth. Then the kiss became something more, deeper, as though he wanted to devour all her secrets and thoughts and emotions. She clung to him, her body heavy with a sweet ache for him, relief making her head light.

This wasn’t just heat. Her heart throbbed with emotions, the wall she’d used to keep them out destroyed and blown away. She felt vulnerable, yet surprisingly safe. She trusted Ethan; he’d keep his word and protect her.

He finally broke off the kiss. “Tell me you love me again.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” He trembled against her, his thick and powerful arms holding her tight.

“By the way,” she said against his shirt, her voice muffled. “Barron said he wanted to meet you sometime soon. If he hears that we’re together, he’s going to want to see you before leaving Virginia.”

“That’s fine. I want to see Barron too.”

“You do?”

“Oh yes. I have a few things to tell him.”

She tensed. “You aren’t going to pick a fight with him, are you?”

“No. But I’m going to let him know he better treat you right. You never had anyone before, but now you have someone to watch your back.”

“I have a feeling he’s going to like you quite a lot.”

Ethan shrugged. “He can like me or not, so long as you love me.”

“I do.” She kissed him again, letting her lips go soft and tasting everything: hope, future and love. “I do.”

One month later

ETHAN CAME OUT of the kitchen with a tiramisu that looked sinfully delicious. The man never stopped amazing Kerri with his culinary masterpieces. Doctor’s orders were to cut back—and yes she should, for her own sake—but she could never resist his desserts. Thankfully, Ethan didn’t believe in American-sized servings…or maybe he did it for her. In any case, the three beautiful plates in his large hands sported only a few small bites’ worth of sweetness with fresh berries and a dollop of whipped cream.

“God, you people,” Justin said, staring at his tiramisu. “You may be used to European portions, Kerri, but I didn’t grow up there. I’m American.”