Rhythm of Us: Book 2 Of The Fated Hearts Series (19 page)

I DIDN’T SEE
or talk to Ben for over a week after our stakeout. Things felt strained and tense between us once he got back in the car and drove us back to his house to pick up my car. I was to blame for the edgy atmosphere, because I was certain that Bevan and Ben were having a discussion about me. I couldn’t hear their words, but I could read their body language loud and clear. It was obvious that Bevan was expressing concern while Ben deflected it. I didn’t want to come between the brothers and their little discussion helped me regain my perspective.

As much as I wanted Ben – and I wanted him bad – I could not let my attention get diverted from my recovery. I had made some huge strides in acceptance and forgiveness, but I wasn’t foolish enough to believe I was anywhere close to being ready for a relationship. I spent the rest of the ride back to my car in almost complete silence, allowing myself to breathe in his scent and willing my brain to commit it to memory. I foolishly let my mind recall every second of our heated kiss.

Ben tried to pull me out of my funk by asking if I was okay, to which I answered that I was just tired. He accepted my answer, but I could tell that he knew I was making excuses and pulling away from him emotionally. Again. He deserved so much better than I was willing and able to give. He deserved someone who was whole and able to give him more than quick, dirty fucks when the need became too strong. He deserved what Chase and Gray had and I wanted him to have it so badly.

Our goodbye in his driveway was awkward to the say the least, with both of us saying the standard “see you around” or “talk to you later” with both of us knowing it wouldn’t happen. I went home that night and dreamed more chords and lines from the rhythm of us. Like the time before, I recorded them in my notebook; however, this time my notes were accompanied by tears instead of a smile.

I had just been going through the motions of living during the days following the stakeout. I ate when I felt hungry, slept when I felt tired, and worked out almost every free second in between. My body adjusted to the adrenaline rush from the kickboxing lessons, so I no longer felt the crazed need to fuck afterward, but I drove by Ben’s house on more than one occasion. I found comfort in just seeing the lights on in his house and knowing that he’d open that door and welcome me inside if I was brave enough to accept what he offered.

What exactly was Ben offering me? Friendship? Fuck Buddy? I believed Ben when he told Bevan that one-night stands just weren’t doing it for him any longer, but that didn’t mean he was looking for happily ever after with me. And, what if he was looking for more with me? Could I handle it? I didn’t know anything, except that I missed the sound of his voice, his laughter, and his delicious smell. I wouldn’t let myself think about the way he tasted on my lips and tongue for fear of losing my mind.

So, I lived a fairly miserable existence on my self-imposed hiatus from Ben. I tried to put on a happy front for Ellie, who didn’t buy it, but had the decency to pretend she did. Then two amazing things happened that brought me hope and joy. I received an email from Ryan Productions in LA and learned that one of the original scores I wrote, produced, and submitted had been chosen for a new cable television series. It was a dream come true and I couldn’t wait to tell everyone. I picked up the phone to call Ben, because he was the first person I wanted to tell; that should have been the eye opener that I needed, but it didn’t immediately sink in. Chase called before I could dial Ben’s digits, which turned out to be the second amazing thing that happened on that day.

“I need your help.” Chase’s frazzled voice snapped me to attention. “The wedding is in five days and Gray insists on playing softball tonight. He says he’s ‘needed’ and can’t let the guys down. Oh my God, Xavier, what happens if he gets hit in the face with a ball? Can you just imagine the wedding pictures with my groom’s face sporting a black eye or a facial fracture? I can’t talk him out of playing, but I hope I can talk you into going with me to hold my hand and keep me calm.”

It would seem like such a small thing to anyone else, but to me it was huge. I was needed. Someone needed to lean on me and let me shoulder their burdens for once and there was no way I would let Chase down. I agreed to go with him and he picked me up around 6:30 that evening for the game.

“I’m equal parts nervous and excited,” he confessed while he maneuvered his vehicle down the road. “God, I don’t want his beautiful face all fucked up anytime, but especially not on our wedding day.”

“That covers the nervous part, so where does the excitement come in?” I was confused how he could be excited over the possibility that Gray might get scuffed up.

“I get to see my man in those tight baseball pants.” Chase’s face flushed red and he began to fan himself. “If it were left up to me he’d wear either baseball pants or nothing.”

“Glad to see you’re still just as smitten with him now as you were when you first met.” It gave me hope that maybe I could find that for myself one day, but I wasn’t about to confess that to Chase or he might start in on Ben.

“Ben also plays on Gray’s team.” Ah, there it was. I glanced over and he waggled his eyebrows at me.

“Should I tell Gray that you’ve been ogling Ben’s ass?”

“He knows,” Chase replied wryly. “I use it to get Gray all riled up so he has to remind me who I belong to.” Chase’s smile and laughter were infectious and I found myself smiling like a loon. “You’re in luck tonight because they’re the home team, which means they’ll be wearing their white pants, instead of the black ones, those white pants really accentuate their tight asses.”

I didn’t have a hard time picturing Ben’s firm ass in tight baseball pants, which made my own pants a little snug in the crotch. Anticipation and excitement at seeing Ben bloomed inside me, but I tamped it down because I had no idea what kind of reception to expect out of him. I knew that Ben wouldn’t be cruel or mean to me because of the distance I put between us, but I was afraid his face wouldn’t light up like it did the last time we were together.

All too soon, Chase turned into the outdoor sporting complex and drove past the soccer fields and sand volleyball pits until he arrived at the ball diamonds in the very back. I reminded myself that I was here to support Chase and for no other reason, especially not to ogle Ben in . . .

“Oh my God!” I heard myself exclaim loudly when I first laid eyes on all those tight asses in baseball pants, but more specifically when I saw the ass I craved most stuck up in the air while Ben bent over at the waist to stretch his glutes and hamstrings. I’d recognize that toned ass anywhere, could easily recall how those taut cheeks felt beneath my hands, and how snugly it hugged my cock.

“I know!” Chase’s exuberant agreement broke me out of my trance and I looked away before I got caught. “Mmm, there’s my man. I’m going over there to give him his good luck kiss. You can come with or wait here. Your choice.” Chase didn’t wait around for answer. He power walked his happy ass over to Gray to give him a kiss.

I watched Gray wrap his arms around my best friend and pull him in for a kiss. I couldn’t help but watch the beautiful couple as they openly displayed their love for one another.
How would that feel?
I could feel Ben’s hot eyes on me and turned to look in his direction and sure enough he had those silvery lasers locked on me.

My body perked up more and more with every step that brought him closer to me. His black baseball jersey clung to his muscular torso and those ridiculously hot pants showed off his long legs and snuggly cupped his impressive bulge between his legs. What got to me the most was the happy smile on his face that reached his eyes. Ben was truly happy to see me and once again I felt lighter and happier in his presence.

“Hey stranger,” he said when he finally reached me. “How have you been?”

“I’m doing well, Ben.”
I miss you
, but those words were left unspoken.
The urge to wrap my arms around his neck and give him a good luck kiss was overwhelming me so I slid my hands inside my back pockets. “I actually have some exciting news I want to tell you about. I had just picked up the phone to call you, but Chase asked me to come here to provide him with moral support.”

“He’s still freaking out about Gray getting bruised up before the wedding?” Ben’s happy laugh made me smile. “So, what’s your news? I want to hear it.”

“Yo, Ben! Let’s go,” Jack Murphy, the sexy owner of Bottoms Up and sponsor of their team called out. “It’s time to warm up.”

“Ignore him; I always do. Please tell me the news.” Ben looked eagerly down at me and smiled encouragingly.

“Now, Romeo!”

Ben started to turn around and confront Jack, but I reached out and grabbed onto his biceps. I feared for his safety if he took Jack on. “Go play your game and I’ll tell you afterward.”

“Will you go to Bottoms Up with us after the game, or will that be a problem for you?”

His considerate nature was just one of many things that made the man so delectable. I caught myself staring at his lips and wanting to give him that good luck kiss again. I tore my eyes away from his lips and latched onto his gaze instead. He knew what I had been thinking, because that same tangible desire was reflected back at me.

“It won’t be a problem for me,” I replied honestly.

“Great,” Ben said as he bounced on his toes. “See you after the game.”

“See you,” I replied to his retreating back.
Stop looking at his ass. Stop looking at his ass.

“Would you look at that ass?”

I spun around and found my seventy year old grandmother standing behind me ogling my guy’s ass.
Did I really just think of Ben as my guy?
I decided to shove the thought aside to revisit later. “Really, Gram.”

“As if you weren’t just drooling over his tushy,” she said, clearly affronted by my tone.

“Guilty.” I smiled and gave her a big hug. “It’s getting kind of late isn’t it? Doesn’t
the home
have a curfew for nutty broads like yourself?”

“Watch it, Xavier, or I’ll bust your ass.” Gram looked at me thoughtfully. “Maybe you’re into that kind of kink so it wouldn’t be much of a deterrent,” she prattled on. “I could always threaten to move in with you. That ought to take the sass right out of you.”

“You win, Gram.” I threw up my hands in surrender at the thought.

“That’s what I thought.” She smugly linked her arm in mine and we made our way to the bleachers. Chase was nowhere in sight and I wondered what they were up to. “Chase and Gray probably snuck off into the woods for a quickie.” It was like the woman could read my mind.

“Did not, Gram.” Chase’s exasperated voice bounced off the metal stands. “I got Gray a Gatorade to drink during his game.” Chase studied his grandmother closely. “I swear you get more and more inappropriate each year. When will we get to the grandma phase where you bake cookies for your grandsons?”

“Fuck baking cookies,” Gram said a little louder than Chase or I preferred. “I don’t have time for that with all the
research
I need to do for my books.” Chase and I knew
research
was code for watching gay porn.

“You ought to be an expert by now, shouldn’t you, Gram?” Chase’s lips twitched with barely restrained mirth. “Does Lennie know about how much time you put into
research
?”

I saw the smirk on Gram’s face in reply to the question and knew we were about to get schooled. Again. “Why, yes, he does my darling boy. In fact he’s
very
grateful for my new found knowledge of the prostate gland. I can make that beautiful man sing like an exotic bird.” I dropped my head into my hands while Chase groaned in misery at Gram’s latest revelation. “When are you two fools going to learn? Huh? Neither one of you are a match for me.”

“So true,” I muttered into my hands.

“We bow down to you, Gram.”

“Thank you. Now shut your yaps and let’s watch some ball. I’m contemplating a new series about closeted athletes. I think my first book will be about a baseball player who resembles our dear Ben. Mmm mmm mmm, that’s a mighty fine ass.” Ben’s starred in enough of my fantasies, so I guess it was easy to see why he was fodder to fuel Gram’s idea for a gay romance character.

As if he sensed my focus, Ben looked over at me from first base and shot me a wink. My stomach fluttered like a hundred butterflies took flight inside it, while my heartrate sped up at the thought of having him all to myself, even if only for a few minutes.