Riding the Corporate Ladder (Indigo) (33 page)

“What’s wrong?” Deena asked. “You can talk to me.”

“I’ve been running around this firm for six months,” Karen said. “And not once has anyone ever asked me how I was doing. Not even you…”

Deena felt a sting of guilt, which was another new feeling for her. “I’m sorry, Karen. Everybody at this firm is an idiot; me, too, sometimes.”

“You’ve been better lately,” Karen said. “Ever since those gifts started coming…”

Deena smiled and shook her head. “You ain’t slick.”

“What?”

“Why don’t you just ask who they’re from? You don’t have to beat around the bush.”

“All right,” Karen said. “Who’s your new man? Someone rich?”

Deena nodded. “He’s got a nice bank account.”

“Is he a lawyer?”

Again Deena nodded.

Karen’s eyes grew large, and she put a hand over her mouth. “It’s not Mr. Markham, is it?”

Deena frowned. “It is, but it’s not what you think.”

“Oh, my God, Miss Newman, I can’t believe you did that!”

“I’m telling you, it’s not what you think.”

Karen shook her head. “You told me what you were going to do to get that junior partner job.”

“You’re right,” Deena admitted. “I told you that, and when I first approached him, that was the only thing on my mind. I didn’t care anything about him past what he could do for me. But we’ve been going out for three months now. I like David. I really care for him. I never asked him to suggest me for the position, and I’m not going to. That’s not what I care about anymore.”

Karen leaned forward with her elbows on her knees. “What do you mean?”

“I want to be with David,” Deena said. “He’s good to me. He’s smart.” She grinned. “He’s great in bed.”

Karen’s mouth fell open. “For real?”

The proof was written on Deena’s face. “Well, he was kinda stodgy at first, but I got him to loosen up. He’s perfect now, everything I’ve always wanted.”

Karen sat back and observed her boss oddly. “Wow. I never would’ve thought you guys would click like that. I never thought you would end up caring about somebody.”

“I’m just as surprised as you,” Deena said. “It’s weird. It’s different. I’ve never felt like this before.”

“Are you in love?”

Deena shook her head. “I don’t…I don’t do love.”

“But if you want him, and don’t care about the promotion anymore, that’s love, right?” Karen was so hopeful for a fairytale ending.

“I think I’m just changing,” Deena said. “Maturing. My priorities are different now. I used to think money was the only thing that could make me happy, but now I know better. I make a lot of money already. I’m pretty comfortable, but I wasn’t happy. I am now, and it feels good.”

“Aw, that’s beautiful.” Karen wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “I’m gonna cry.”

“Don’t fall apart on me,” Deena kidded. “I still need to get four months of service out of you.”

Karen laughed. “Yes, ma’am.”

“But you’re right,” Deena said. “It is kinda beautiful…”

* * *

But it wasn’t beautiful. Not always.

When Karen called at ten-thirty to say Mr. Markham wanted to speak to her, Deena was confused. They never sat down and discussed it specifically, but she thought he didn’t want the firm to know about their relationship right now. And since she didn’t answer to David directly, she had no idea what he might want.

“Um, okay,” Deena said. “Go ahead and transfer him.”

“Actually, he’s here,” Karen said. “Would you like me to send him in?”

That was even more peculiar. “Oh, okay,” Deena said. “Send him in.”

Her door swung open a moment later and the handsome director stepped in, looking a little pale, Deena thought. She got up to greet him, but their hug was stiff and one-sided; he didn’t move his arms to hold her back. Deena backed away slowly, staring intently into his eyes.

“Is something wrong?”

David wore a black suit that morning with a black shirt and a black tie. He was still atypically handsome, but he was starting to look like the angel of death in all of those dark colors, especially with the expressionless way he gazed at her. He looked down at her desk with disdain.

“I see you got the flowers.”

“Yeah,” Deena said. “Thank you. Is there something wrong?”

He shook his head. He walked across the room and stared out of her window. When he faced her again, his face had reddened. His eyes were glossy. “So, how long were you going to drag this on?” he asked.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He put a hand to his face and rubbed his chin slowly. “See, a funny thing happened in the boardroom today.”

“What is it, David? You’re scaring me.”

“We, um, we were talking about a junior partner position coming up in October,” he said.

His words made Deena’s heart sink low down into her belly. A cold chill enveloped her. Her mouth went dry and she didn’t need to hear anything else.

But he kept talking.

“Me?” He shrugged. “I don’t know any better. We’ve got a list of people, and your name’s on that list, so, you know, what the hell…I tell them, Maybe we should take another look at Miss Newman. I go on and on about your accomplishments, the great work you’ve done lately. You…do you have any idea what they said to me?”

Based on his demeanor, Deena did have a few ideas, but she didn’t say anything.

“They asked me if I was thinking with my brain or my dick, Deena. No one here knows we’ve been seeing each other, so why would they ask me that?”

Her eyes blurred and her nostrils filled with moisture. She wanted to respond but couldn’t think quickly enough.

“Why, Deena? Why would they ask me that?” He walked to the front of her desk. She never thought he was so tall, but he stared down at her like her daddy used to do.

She sniffled and could not meet his gaze.

“Oh, well, I’ll explain then,” David said. “Apparently, you’ve got a reputation, Deena. Do you know you have a reputation?”

She wiped her eyes slowly, wishing she could keep them closed and never see him again.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. “Cat got your tongue?”

“It’s…it’s not what you think…”

“Oh, okay.” He crossed his arms over his massive chest. “So you weren’t using me to get the promotion?”

She shook her head. Her face twisted in anguish.

“And you didn’t screw Mr. Murray?” he asked. “You didn’t screw Mr. Davis? You haven’t been screwing your way around this firm to better yourself, Deena? If I’m wrong, let me know, because there are a few people here who might be misinformed.”

The tears rolled down her cheeks like blood. Her lips quivered. She wanted to launch a defense, but there were no explanations for her actions. Deep down, she always knew that.

“I loved you,” David said. His hard countenance fell for the first time, but he pulled it back quickly. “I loved you, Deena. How could you do this to me? How could you lie to me so many times? I let you—” His chest hitched. He put a fist over his mouth and bit down hard on his knuckle. “I let you meet my daughters, Deena! How could you do this to me? I trusted you! You’re a liar. You’re a whore!”

“I’m not!” Her voice cracked. She hadn’t cried like this in a decade. She knew she looked ugly but didn’t care. “I love you,” she said. The enormity of her words drenched her like a heavy rain. She never thought she’d feel this way again. And she knew God hated her, because this was exactly how she felt the last time she gave her heart away. “I love you,” she moaned. “I would never use you, David. I never asked you for anything.”

“Then tell me,” he said. “Tell me right now that you never wanted that promotion. Tell me you never wanted me to do anything for you.” His chest hitched again. “Tell me, Deena. I need to know.”

And there was her out. She lied to men all her life. She was good at it. She lied for a living, as a matter of fact. Just four words, I never wanted anything, and all would be good again. Everything would be as it was.

But love is a very strange emotion.

She opened her mouth to lie.

But she couldn’t do it.

David knew for sure then, and his sorrow was quickly replaced with a rage Deena had never seen in him. His nostrils flared. A thick vein bulged on his forehead.

“I hate you!” He lashed out with his big, strong hand. Deena flinched, thinking he meant to strike her, but it was the token of his love he meant to destroy.

The crystal vase flew from her desk like a rocket, and it didn’t hit the ground until after it smashed into a far wall. It shattered, much like Deena’s hopes and dreams, sending glass, water, and sun-brushed petals flying in all directions.

David glared at her like he might have one more swing left in him. His chest rose and fell like a sprinter’s. Deena knew she deserved whatever punishment he meant to bestow upon her. She put her hands over her face and sobbed like a child.

A few seconds later she heard her office door open. When she looked up, Karen was standing there. The secretary was distraught, like the mother of a stillborn child, and Deena knew she looked ten times worse.

She stumbled past the intern, mostly in a daze, and somehow made it all the way down to the parking lot without anyone saying anything to her.

It took her a while to find the right key to her Denali, but eventually she did.

That night the TV Land network broadcasted two classic episodes of Good Times. In the first show, the Evans family received that ominous telegram informing them of the death of TV’s best father ever, James Evans. In the second program, Florida Evans uttered her famous “Damn, damn, damn!” line when she finally broke down after the funeral.

Deena loved Good Times, but she could never watch these two episodes all the way through when she was younger. That was mainly because, like James, Deena’s father died in a car accident when she was in the fifth grade. And, also like the sitcom, Deena’s mom showed very little emotion prior to and during her husband’s funeral. It took a full two weeks for Mama Bernice to break down and have her own Florida Evans’ moment.

Deena didn’t remember if her mom collapsed screaming “Damn, damn, damn!” but she remembered it was something very similar.

A lot of mostly depressing childhood emotions rushed back as she watched the sitcom, and Deena had to wipe her eyes often to keep her vision clear. She hadn’t cried this much since adolescence, but today the waterworks couldn’t be stopped.

When the doorbell rang, she heard it on one level, but on another level the noise meant nothing to her.

A few minutes later, a shadowy figure appeared in the doorway. Deena looked over and acknowledged her friend vaguely, and then her eyes went back to the television.

“You’re late,” she muttered, then, “How the hell you get in here, anyway?”

Yesenia stepped into the den, cradling Boogie against her belly. She wore a long-sleeved pink blouse with white slacks. She looked like she came straight from work, but it was almost 7 p.m.

“I had to meet with a parent,” Yesenia explained. She walked around the end table and sat next to her friend on the sofa. “And your front door wasn’t locked. Have…have you been drinking?”

There was a huge bottle of tequila on the floor between Deena’s legs. It was half full—or half empty, but there was no telling where it was when she got started.

Deena bent and hefted the liquor. She held the bottle in front of the television, which was their only light source. She nodded weakly. “A little.”

Yesenia took the alcohol from her and set it out of her reach. “I got your message, but I don’t understand what’s going on. Are you all right?”

“I’m great,” Deena said. She leaned heavily on Yesenia’s shoulder and tried to reach past her. “Gimme that back.”

“I’m not,” Yesenia said. She took her friend’s hands and held them in her lap.

Deena still had on the outfit she wore to work, but it was a lot less neat some twelve hours later. Her makeup was smeared, and there were huge bags under her eyes. A strong stink of booze hung not just on her breath, but it oozed from her pores as well. She swayed slightly with her eyes half-closed. She looked like she might pass out at any minute.

“Give it,” Deena whined. She tried to fight free of her friend’s grip, but Yesenia was much stronger. She held onto Deena’s wrists like handcuffs.

“Deena, what is going on? Tell me what happened, please.” Yesenia was on the verge of tears herself, but Deena laughed. She slouched back in her seat and put a thin hand over her mouth.

“It’s all gone,” she mused. She looked her friend in the eyes, and Yesenia was frightened by her expression. In the sparse lighting, Deena’s smile looked twisted and evil, like a grinning corpse.

“What’s gone?” Yesenia pleaded. “Deena, please talk to me.”

“The firm,” Deena said with a chuckle. “I can’t go back, no. Dav-David, he left me…”

Yesenia’s eyes grew big. “Wha-what? What are you talking about?”