Read Riding the Corporate Ladder (Indigo) Online
Authors: Keith Thomas Walker
Riding the Corporate Ladder (Indigo) (35 page)
Sheila’s eyes glossed over then.
Deena sniffled. “But I had already signed the release so, uh, what could I do? You know?” She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “And when I went back to work, that’s when I found out Nathan was lying. He said he didn’t want to be with me anymore. He already had a girlfriend living with him the whole time.”
“Oh, my God.”
“So I think,” Deena said, “this whole time you’re not really the one I should have been mad at. I think I hated you because you were always right about everything. You told me Nathan wasn’t no good. You told me he was a player, but I didn’t listen. And then when I got the promotion, you left. You called me a ho and you quit.”
“I didn’t mean it.”
“It’s all right,” Deena said. “I was a ho. I have been, for a long time. See, the only thing Nathan really taught me was that men were liars. Love was a joke, and men will hurt you. But I flipped the script on their asses. I told myself I would never love another one of them. My heart was cold, and I used my sex to get whatever I wanted from them.”
“You started hanging around them trifling twins…” Sheila recalled.
Deena nodded. “I felt like I was the one in charge, but I wasn’t. The whole time I was doing it, I was lying to myself. That’s not really what I wanted to do, and that’s not who I wanted to be. I envied you, Sheila. I envied your morals. I envied your kids. I couldn’t have any, but you have three, and I hated you for that.”
“Oh, Dee, I’m so sorry.” Sheila closed the distance and embraced her sister. They hadn’t touched at all in almost twenty years. Deena missed her warmth, her love.
“I’m sorry, too,” Deena said. “I should’ve told you. I should’ve told you a long time ago.”
Sheila backed away and held her at arm’s length. They were both sobbing now, but they were doing it together, and it didn’t feel so bad.
“What happened?” Sheila asked. “What happened to make all of this come up again?”
“I fell in love,” Deena said. “But he…he found out about my past.”
Sheila nodded knowingly. “Deena, if you love that man, and he loves you, then your past shouldn’t matter. Have you tried to talk to him?”
She shook her head. “He doesn’t want to talk to me. I called him. He won’t call back.”
“Then you need to go to wherever he’s at,” Sheila advised. “Love is something special, Deena. It’s sacred. If you found it, you got to do whatever you can to keep it. If you let him get away, you’re going to hate yourself forever.”
Deena knew there was truth in her words. “Okay.”
“Go now,” Sheila urged. “Go get your man.”
Deena smiled hesitantly. “Okay. I will.”
The sisters let go of each other and backed away hesitantly.
“Thanks for listening,” Deena said. “I love you.”
“I love you, too, lil’ sis,” Sheila said. “I always have.”
* * *
It seemed like a good idea at the time, but halfway to David’s house Deena began to realize the folly of her ways. Sure this last-ditch, unannounced, down-on-bended-knee gesture sounded romantic, but this wasn’t a movie. This wasn’t a music video, either. In the real world people do not want you to show up on their doorstep once they’ve broken up with you. They don’t want you to call them repeatedly, buy them gifts or come to their place of business either. That’s the kind of love restraining orders are made of.
But this was her first shot at true love, so Deena decided to go for it. The worst David could do was tell her to go home. In a best-case scenario, he’d invite her inside and tell her he missed her. Either way, she couldn’t live with herself if she didn’t at least try, so Deena piloted her Denali to Dallas, to Joe Pool Lake, where David had a condo right on the beach.
There wasn’t much traffic, and that was strange considering what a beautiful Sunday afternoon it was. Deena took that as a sign that God wanted her to make the trip. She drove with the radio off, listening only to her own breaths, her heartbeats, and her soul crying out for redemption.
But by the time she got to David’s place, her nerves got the best of her again. Deena knew that what she was doing was downright ridiculous. David was a very successful attorney, and there could be consequences for this foolishness. He could have her disbarred or fired from the firm at the very least. He was an awesome guy, but that was too much to risk.
Deena put her car back into DRIVE, happy that she came to her senses in time, but David’s front door opened before she could pull away from the curb. The handsome director stepped out onto his front porch wearing only a t-shirt and a pair of black satin boxers. He bent and scooped his newspaper from the sidewalk, and then he eyed the familiar Denali parked on the street. Deena’s windows were tinted, but she would’ve sworn he was making eye contact with her. The whole car grew warm. She swallowed her pride yet again and stepped out of the car on wobbly legs.
“Hi,” she called from the curb.
David didn’t respond, and she couldn’t read his expression from so far away.
“I’m sorry to stop by unannounced like this,” Deena said, “but you won’t return my calls. Can I come and talk to you?”
He nodded, and Deena took the sidewalk around rather than walk on his beautifully manicured lawn. When she got close enough, she saw that he was more puzzled than upset.
“Hey,” she said.
“Miss Newman.” He stood in his doorway and did not invite her inside. He looked tired and a little disheveled, and that was odd, considering it was after 1 p.m. Deena wondered if he was stressed out because of their break-up. A part of her hoped that was the case.
“I, um…” She stood with her hands behind her back. She rocked from side to side with obvious trepidation. “Did you get my messages?” she asked for lack of anything better to say.
David nodded. “I did.”
“So you didn’t call back on purpose?” she asked.
He didn’t say anything.
“Yeah, I figured that’s what it was,” Deena said. “Listen, I don’t know why I’m here, but I definitely don’t want to make things worse than they already are. I want to talk to you, but if you want me to leave just tell me.”
It took forever, but he finally said, “Go ahead. What do you want to say?”
Deena sighed and got her thoughts together. “Well, firstly, this: I love you, David. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you when we were together, but I do. You mean a lot to me. I think you’re the greatest.”
He nodded slightly.
“And secondly,” Deena went on, “I want to apologize for my behavior at the firm. I’ve got issues. I didn’t know I did, but I know now. My thinking has been messed up for a long time. But you changed me, David. You made a difference in my life. I never would’ve seen things for what they are if not for you. I owe you a lot, and I want to say thank you.”
Again, he nodded.
“And lastly,” Deena said, “I want to know if you can give us another chance. I was always faithful to you. The things I did, they’re in my past. And I never asked you for anything. We had a relationship unlike any that I’ve ever had, and I don’t want to lose that.
“It’s true that initially I did want that promotion from you, but all of that changed after our first date. Once I got to know you, and got to experience what it was like being your woman, that’s all I cared about. You’re all I care about.”
He opened his mouth to respond, but Deena had one more thing to say.
“I know it will be hard, but we can make it work. If you think I’m worth it like I think you’re worth it, then there’s nothing we can’t do together. We had one bad day and a lot more good ones. I’ve changed, David. I changed for you. I hope you see how sincere I am.”
Mr. Markham had a lot to consider, and he took ample time mulling it over. But by the time he was ready to respond, Deena knew she had failed. He shook his head and nibbled his bottom lip.
“I can’t do it, Deena.”
His words pierced her chest like swords. They settled in her heart like burning coals. The world went blurry, but she refused to cry in front of him.
“The firm,” he said, “my colleagues…I’ve got people looking at me.”
“I understand,” Deena said.
“But it’s not just that,” he went on. “I love you, Deena. I trusted you. I feel like you betrayed me. I feel like I don’t really know you. I can’t trust you.”
“I understand,” she said again. Her face was burning. Her heart pumped sick blood through her veins. She turned and headed back down the sidewalk. The tears came again as soon as her back was to him. She let them fall, knowing this would be the last time she cried for him. She never felt more stupid.
“Deena, wait.”
He reached out for her, but she didn’t stop. She knew he wouldn’t follow in only his underwear. When she got back into the Denali, she watched him out of the corner of her eye. He was still standing in his doorway, watching her. Deena didn’t think she’d ever been so embarrassed. She wished a big hole would open in the earth and swallow her.
She knew David couldn’t really see her through her tinted windows, and that was probably for the best. If they never saw each other again, she wanted him to remember her as the strong, independent woman he admired at the firm, not this sniveling crybaby only love had the power to turn her into.
The ridiculously high temperatures of summer didn’t give way to autumn until the end of October, Halloween day, to be exact. Some of the ghouls and goblins terrorizing the streets of Overbrook Meadows had on jackets that night, and Deena knew that her respite had finally arrived. She wanted to go out and buy a new coat for the winter season, but without the firm’s bulky paychecks to rely on, she decided to put that expenditure on hold, at least for a little while.
By November her life was starting to mellow out again, but it was still hard to get into the holiday spirit. Deena spent Thanksgiving surrounded by loved ones at Mama Bernice’s house, but it still wasn’t easy to cope with the one that got away. Sheila assured her the true love of her life was still waiting in the wings, and Deena held on to that. She missed love, and she wanted to feel it again. Aunt Cheryl promised her suffering was not in vain.
* * *
On the first of December, Deena went back to work for the first time since she stormed out of her office, but it was nothing like the structured environment she enjoyed at the firm. Her new accommodations were a piece of shit, to say the least. The carpet had a few bare spots, the walls needed to be repainted, and there was an odd odor no one had been able to track down yet. There were roaches in the reception area, deteriorating furniture strewn all about, and a family of raccoons living near the dumpster out back.
There was no elevator, but that was fine because there were only four offices in the one-story building.
Spencer came in from the cold struggling with a huge cardboard box that was nearly half his size. He dropped it in the reception area next to half a dozen other boxes of varying sizes. His load hit the floor with a resounding thud that shook the whole building.
Deena rushed out of the main office wearing jeans and a gray sweater. She had a red bandana wrapped around her head and a yellow rubber glove on each hand. She was soiled from head to toe and sweating like a convict on death row, but she was still beautiful, naturally so.
“Boy, what are you doing?” she snapped.
“That thang is heavy!” Spencer whined. He stretched and rubbed the small of his back with his boney fingers.
“If you’d put food before those drugs you wouldn’t be so skinny,” Deena chided. “And didn’t you read that box? It says MAIN OFFICE. That’s in here.” She pointed a thumb in the direction she’d just come from.
Spencer shook his head and leaned against the wall like he might have a heart attack. He was as filthy as Deena, but not from any hard work that she knew of.
“I gotta take a break, sis.” He slouched until he was sitting on his butt. “Gimme five minutes, boss.”
“Boy, I should fire you right now.”
“Girl, leave him alone.” Sheila came out of the bathroom and quickly jumped to her brother’s defense. “You know he don’t be getting no protein,” she told Deena.
Sheila had bathroom duty by her preference, and Deena couldn’t think of a better person for the job. Aunt Cheryl was good at dusting and vacuuming, but she couldn’t get on her knees for very long. Mama Bernice wasn’t a good toilet scrubber, either; she was mainly there for moral support.
“All right, take your break,” Deena said with a grin. “But I’m docking you.”
“You ain’t even paying minimum wage,” Spencer complained. “If you dock me, I’ll report your ass.”
“Boy, you’d better hush up,” Sheila told him. “Or I’ll make you come home with me, and you won’t get no crack tonight!”
“Whatever. I bet I ain’t going with you,” Spencer assured her. “That’s for damned sure.”
Aunt Cheryl came in from an adjacent office with Sheila’s youngest boy on her hip. She was beautiful, and radiant, and more confident with her first book contract in the works.
“What y’all in here arguing about?”
“Nothing,” Deena said with a chuckle. “Just trying to motivate my help.”
“That’s the problem!” Spencer bawled. “I ain’t your help. I’m yo family. You supposed to treat me better.”
“Have she called the cops on you?” Aunt Cheryl asked.
“Naw,” Spencer said. “She ain’t did that.”
“Then she treating you just fine. Get up and help your uncle with the door, fool.”
They all looked to the main entrance. Uncle Pete was headed their way with more boxes from the truck outside. Spencer got up to hold the door for him but didn’t offer to lighten his load.
“Boy, move out the way,” Deena said. She took two of the three boxes her uncle toted and set them on the floor next to where her receptionist’s desk would go. “Thanks, Unc. Are there very many still out there?”
“Yeah, there’s a few.” The old man dropped his package gingerly and took a blue handkerchief from his back pocket. He wiped his forehead with it, and then fixed a look of disdain on Spencer. “That boy there is useless!”
“That’s all right, I’ll get the rest,” Deena said on her way out.
“Naw, you don’t need to be messing with them boxes,” Uncle Pete said. “That’s man’s work. But you do need to go out there.”
Deena paused. “What do you mean?”
“There’s a man just pulled up,” Uncle Pete announced. “He looking for you.”
“What man?” Deena asked.
“I don’t know. Some guy.”
Deena wore a puzzled look as she stepped outside, but that expression changed quickly when she saw Mr. Markham standing next to his fully-loaded Navigator. The director wore a tan suit with a white shirt and no tie. He was as handsome as ever, but Deena’s heart wasn’t filled with joy as she made her way down the steps.
On the contrary, her heart felt sick all over again. She was suddenly unsure of herself and ashamed. She thought she might start crying again, and she hated how weak this man made her feel. No one else had that power over her.
“Hi, Deena. How are you doing?”
“I’m fine.” She was guarded; she stopped a good ten feet away.
“Is this your new place?” He looked over her shoulder at the faded brick building. It wasn’t much. It looked like it might have been a dentist’s office twenty years ago. A few windows were boarded up. The grass was overgrown and the roof was in serious need of repair. A new coat of paint was a must.
“There’s nothing new about it,” Deena said. “It looks pretty crappy inside, too, but it’s all mine. I bought it straight out.”
“Really.”
She nodded.
“You know you didn’t have to leave the firm, right?”
Deena shook her head and chuckled. “Yeah, right.”
“I’m serious,” David said. “No one wanted you to leave. You were a great asset, Deena. We miss you.”
“It’s okay,” Deena said. “I made this decision a long time ago; I told myself I would either be partner one day, or I would leave and start my own practice—and we both know I was never going to be partner.”
“I’m not going to co-sign on that,” David said. “I think you could’ve done anything you wanted to do.”
She shook her head and grinned weakly. “Not with those rumors swirling around. I know better than that.”
“Do you think you’ll do all right here?”
“Well, I’m my own boss now,” Deena kidded. “I can’t sleep with myself.”
David smiled. It was good to see that smile. His lips were pink and soft. “No, I mean business-wise. Do you think you’ll make it on your own?”
“I’ve already got a few clients,” Deena admitted.
“A few of our clients?”
“They’re not yours anymore,” she said with a little sass. “I told them I was leaving the firm. I gave them the option of either staying with you guys or coming with me.”
“They chose you over Reagor, Crawford, and Epstein?”
“Some of them did.”
The handsome director nodded. He didn’t seem upset by the news. “There’s a reason I came over here,” he said.
Deena waited.
“Do you remember Karen?” he asked. “Your secretary?”
“I’ll never forget Karen. She’s a good girl.”
“She is,” David agreed. “You know, she came to my office yesterday.”
That was odd. “Why would she do that?”
“She wanted to talk about you,” David said. “Do you remember your last day at the firm? She said you and she had a long talk about me…”
Deena didn’t want to remember that.
“She says she thought you were using me for the promotion,” David went on, “but you told her you weren’t doing that anymore. You told her you only wanted to be with me, and you didn’t care about being junior partner anymore.”
Deena’s eyes twitched. The tears welled, but she wouldn’t give in. “I told you that myself.”
“I know,” David said. “And I should have listened to you. I should have believed you, but I didn’t. But when Karen came by—”
“Look, man, I don’t want to talk about this anymore. What happened—happened. You did what you did, and I did what I did. It’s over, David. I moved on with my life.”
“I see that. And I’m proud of you, Deena, but I want to apologize for the way I treated you. You gave me your heart. You laid it out for me, and I stomped on it. I’m sorry. I want you to forgive me.”
The first tear snaked down her cheek, and she hated herself for it. She hated him, too.
“It’s too late. It’s over now.”
“But it doesn’t have to be.” He closed the distance between them and reached for her hand. “I still love you, Deena. Do you still love me?”
She shook her head. The tears rolled freely. “You…you hurt me.”
He wrapped his strong arms around her. It was good to be in his embrace again, but it was also a source of pain. She fought against him, but he held on.
“I’m sorry, Deena. Forgive me, please…”
Her struggles soon ceased, all but heavy shudders as she cried.
“Come back to me, Deena.”
“I don’t want to,” she moaned.
“I need you.”
“No, you don’t.”
“I do. I miss you.”
“I’m scared.”
“I’m scared, too, baby. Hold me.”
She didn’t want to give in, but her arms felt so good around him. They felt so right. She laid her head on his chest and could hear his heartbeat. She could feel his uncertainty. She could smell his fear.
“Tell me you’re going to give me another chance, Deena. I need to know.”
She nodded and sniffled loudly. “All right David.”
He backed away and stared into her eyes. “Did you say yes?”
She nodded and dared to let a smile of joy part her lips. “Yes, David. I said yes.”
His face lit up. “Oh, thank God!” He wrapped her up again as if she accepted a proposal for marriage. “Deena, I’m so sorry. I promise I’ll never hurt you like that again!”
“I won’t, either,” she whispered.
David’s smile was intense, but it ebbed a little when he looked over her shoulder.
“Um, your cleaning crew is over there watching us. They look kinda mad, kinda rough, too.”
Deena followed his gaze and turned back with a big grin. “That’s my family, silly.” She slapped his chest playfully. “And they look like that because they don’t want to see me hurt anymore.”
“Oh, well then, I should go meet them,” David said.
Deena smiled. Her face was aglow. “That would be nice.” She took his hand and led him to her tribe.
Halfway there David leaned in close to her ear for a conspiratorial whisper. “All of them are your family? That one on the left, he, um…”
“Yeah, he’s a crackhead,” Deena said with a giggle. “We love him the most.”