Ripple of Secrets: Rose Gardner Mystery Novella #6.5 (Rose Gardner series Book 3) (13 page)

“
No
.” I jerked backward, but his hands held me in place.

He leaned back slightly and studied my face, his own empty of any emotion. “No?” Then he spun me around in his grasp. One hand stayed on my stomach, keeping me in front of him, while the other stroked my ass. “You were the one who watched me that day. How much did you see?”

“I don’t know,” I mumbled, fear making my tongue heavy. I fought the tears burning in my eyes. I couldn’t lose control. Not with this man. I might not survive the experience.

“You don’t know,” he chuckled as his front hand rose to my breast. “Do you remember what she looked like, pinned flat to my desk as I pounded her from behind? Do you remember her whimpers and cries?
Do you?
”

My eyes squeezed shut and a traitorous tear slid down my cheek. How could this be happening? “Yes.”

His hands painfully squeezed my flesh and his voice took on a menacing tone I’d never heard before. “I can fuck you that way if you don’t cooperate, or I can show you how to make a man so happy he’ll never consider leaving your bed. Which would you prefer, Hilary? The painful way—which can be fun too—or the pleasurable way? It’s your choice, my dear.”

It was no choice at all, and he knew it. I was tempted to tell him to screw me from behind and get it over with, but I knew it wouldn’t be that easy. “I’ll cooperate.”

“Wise choice for your first time.” His hand slid down my stomach and my leg, then lifted the hem of my dress. “But you’ll do much more than
cooperate
.”

I learned many things that night.

The art of giving a blowjob.

The fact that J.R. Simmons clearly took Viagra.

That sex was power.

My tears only got him off more.

It was to be the first of several months of weekly “lessons,” but I didn’t know that yet.

When he was finally done with my lesson that night, he told me I was free to go. He sat in his leather chair, wearing his boxers and his open dress shirt, sipping the drink he’d made me refresh for him. I picked up my clothes and quickly dressed, making him chuckle as I fumbled with the zipper. I left it gaping open and put on my coat, then bolted for the door, only then remembering it was locked.

“Don’t make plans next Friday,” he murmured as he rose from his chair. I heard the desk drawer open and close, and I hoped to God he’d retrieved the key. He walked up behind me, only stopping when his chest was pressed to my back. My gasp only earned laughter. “You were a very good student, Hilary. And not to worry, soon you’ll love it when I touch you.”

That day would never come, but I kept that thought to myself in case he decided to start that lesson tonight. His hand slowly slipped into my coat pocket. “Go see the doctor on that paper and start taking birth control pills.”

I gasped, realizing we’d had unprotected sex.

“And get some sexy lingerie. Wear black lace next Friday.” He leaned down and kissed my neck. “And let your father know his position is safe. For now.”

Had my father known this would happen?
Please, God, don’t let that be true.
“How many…?” I couldn’t finish the question.

“I’ll continue to screw you until Joe
does
.”

He unlocked the door and I stumbled out of the office, feeling numb, sick to my stomach, and deeply ashamed. The door shut behind me, and I was startled to see Roberta in the hallway, emerging from the kitchen.

“Hilary?” she asked in surprise.

I shook my head in embarrassment, fighting tears as I ran for the front door. Would Roberta think I’d deserved my fate, just as I’d thought poor Della did? I couldn’t look her in the eyes and see her disappointment and condemnation. Not from her.

I climbed into my car as she ran out the door.

“Hilary!” she shouted as I pulled around the circular drive and out of the gate.

I sped home, going twenty miles over the speed limit. I wanted a police officer to pull me over so when he asked why I was speeding I could tell him that J.R. Simmons had just raped me. But it wasn’t rape, as J.R. had pointed out while I lay on my back, without any fight, spreading my legs for him to screw me. Several times.

No, I’d just become his whore.

My mother was waiting for me when I got home, an anxious look on her face. For a brief moment, I thought maybe she suspected what had happened in J.R.’s office, but she seemed more concerned about whether their deal had been broken. “Don’t worry, Mother,” I said as I climbed the stairs with achy legs. “You and Dad are safe.”

“So you worked it out with J.R.”

I slowly spun around to face her. “J.R. made me give him a blowjob and took my virginity on his desk, all in the name of keeping Joe happy in the bedroom. Does that sound like working it out to you?”

I wasn’t sure what I expected from her. That she’d accuse me of lying? Get angry and call the police? I got neither reaction.

She lifted her chin, her jaw clenching. “Whatever it takes.”

My mouth dropped. “You would whore your daughter out to get what you want?”

“It’s time to grow up, Hilary. The world revolves around sex. How do you think I got your dad? J.R. is doing you a favor. Joe has a wandering eye, just like his father and grandfather before him. If you can make him happy in bed, you have a better chance of keeping him there. And if anyone would know what keeps a man happy, it’s J.R. Simmons.”

“I’m seventeen years old!”

She shrugged, her eyes hard. “And you’re a year younger than I was when I started to have sex to get what I wanted.” She climbed two steps. “Sex is a powerful weapon, Hilary. It’s brought many a man to his knees. The better you are at it, the more control you’ll have over your relationship with Joe.” She paused. “And J.R. is very, very good.”

My mother had screwed J.R. Simmons. How perverted were these people? “I will never be like that,” I said in a tight, shaky voice. “I will
never
manipulate Joe with sex.”

“There are far worse things, Hilary.” She sighed. “You’ve had a busy day. Go to bed and get a good night’s sleep.”

She’d equated getting raped multiple times by her best friend’s husband to
a busy day
.

I spun around and ran into my room, locking the door behind me. The rest of the night was spent trying to formulate an escape plan. I couldn’t live through another night in J.R.’s office. If I stole my mother’s jewelry and ran off to Little Rock, I could sell it at a pawn shop and live on the cash until I found a job. But Little Rock was too close. They’d find me there. Maybe I could go to Memphis. Or Tulsa. But I couldn’t leave now. I would need more of a head start. I would run away on Monday morning. My mother would think I’d left for school, which would buy me a good eight hours to get far, far away from them.

Even with my flimsy plan in place, I barely slept, and the next day I refused to open my door when my mother knocked. Well into the afternoon, I heard another knock and shouted, “Go away!”

“Hilary, it’s Joe.”

My pulse pounded in my head. Did he know? Did he know the disgusting things his father had made me do? I couldn’t face him, but I knew him well enough to know he wouldn’t go away until he saw me. I slid off my bed and padded to the door, opening it a crack. “What do you want?”

“Can I come in? Your mom called and told me you weren’t feeling well.”

“And you came over?”

“Of course,” he said in disbelief. “I care about you.”

But not enough. If only he’d loved me enough, I wouldn’t have been forced to deal with the humiliation I’d endured the night before. Part of me wanted to slam the door in his face and tell him to leave me alone forever, but I couldn’t. I still loved the boy standing in my doorway, and it only made me hate myself more. I opened the door the rest of the way and let him in.

He stared at my rumpled bed covered in wadded tissues. “Do you have a cold? Is that why your nose is all red and your eyes are puffy?”

I wanted to laugh. I wanted to cry. Instead, I nodded. “Yeah. It’s a cold.”

He hesitated, as if he could tell something between us had changed. “When my dad found out you weren’t feeling well, he asked me to bring you something.”

“What is it?” I asked suspiciously as I sat on my bed, fear warming my blood.

Joe sat next to me and pulled an envelope out of his pocket. “I don’t know. He said for you to read it while I’m here so I can bring back a response.”

I reached a shaky hand toward him, but instead of handing the envelope to me, he set it in his lap and caught my hand between both of his.

“Hey, are you okay?” He sounded worried. “You’re shaking and your hands are freezing.”

“I’m fine. Low blood sugar. I haven’t eaten today.”

“Let me get you something. Whatever you want.”

“I only want you,” I whispered, fighting back tears.

He gave me a cocky grin. “You’ve already got me, Hils.” But when he noticed how upset I was, he sat back on the bed and gave me a soft kiss. “How about we spend the whole day together? I’ll go get a pizza and rent a cheesy movie and we’ll hole up here. Sound good?”

I started to cry. I felt dirty even though I must have showered five times since coming home the night before. J.R. Simmons claimed he was teaching me how to keep Joe, but now I felt as if I didn’t deserve him.

His hand cupped my cheek and he kissed me, a deep soulful kiss for a boy of seventeen. “I know it hurts you when I go out with other girls, but don’t you feel trapped by our parents’ expectations?”

I cried even harder.

“Hils, I love you. I do. But when we’re finally together, I want to be with
you
and no one else. Does that makes sense? Which means I want to date all the girls I’d never bring home to my parents while we’re too young for it to matter.”

I wrapped my arms around his neck, still sobbing. He had no idea how much it
did
matter.

“Hey.” His voice took on a hard tone. “Something happened. You’re not one of those weeping girls, so something bad must have happened.”

I took a deep breath. If I told him, would he believe me? Would he help me? The look in his eyes told me he would. Maybe he’d run away with me. He hated the weight of his parents’ expectations as much as I hated the expectations everyone had for me. Maybe it was time for me to come clean and tell him everything.

Understanding lit up his sad eyes. “Oh. I’m so stupid. You heard about Roberta. I know you loved her too.”

My blood turned to ice. “What about Roberta?”

“She’s gone. Quit. She left El Dorado without even saying goodbye.”

I shook my head in dismay. “
What?
”

“Dad said she quit last night. The weird thing is she wasn’t even working last night. Kate is devastated, and so am I. She’s—she
was
more of a mom than Betsy ever was, which is what makes this so hard.” His voice wavered. “I never thought she’d just leave me.”

Could her sudden resignation have something to do with me? “I didn’t know…”

He took my hand and squeezed. “I’m going to get our pizza and a movie. When I come back, you can tell me what’s bothering you.” He absently picked up the envelope in his lap and started for the door.

I watched the envelope, terrified of its contents. “Hey, Joe. Did you say you had something for me?”

“Oh…yeah.” He handed it to me. “I almost forgot.”

He gave me a lingering kiss, then walked out the door. I waited to rip it open until I heard the front door downstairs open and close.

Hilary,

I’m sure you’ve heard the sad news about Roberta. While I’ve told Kate and Joe that Roberta resigned and left without even telling them goodbye, the truth is I let her go. You have only yourself to blame. Just like you ran to her nearly eight years ago, you ran to her last night and asked her to come to your aid. And now she’s gone.

I need you to keep this entire situation to yourself. If you do not, I will
have Roberta arrested for felony theft for stealing from the family who trusted her for years. If you dare breathe a single word to anyone about our arrangement, she will rot away in prison for what’s left of her natural life.

Joe is awaiting your answer. And right now I’m thinking of all the delectable things we’re going to do to each other at your next lesson. Tell Joe your answer is that you can’t wait. I’ll ask him specifically what you said, so do be sure to be a good girl and get it right. Think about poor Roberta.

J.R.

I broke into fresh sobs. I hadn’t asked Roberta to intervene on my behalf, but she must have put two and two together. Now her life hinged on my actions. Screw J.R. and save her, or run away and have her put in prison for the rest of her life. She was in her sixties. She’d never survive there. J.R. knew I loved her too much to let that happen.

But J.R.’s promise…
threat
…echoed in my head.
I’ll continue to screw you until Joe
does.
His ultimate goal was for me to have sex with Joe and keep him as mine. One way or another, I was going to have sex, whether I wanted to or not. If I had to pick between the two men, it wasn’t even a matter of choosing.

I knew I could convince Joe to have sex with me. And I was right. As we lay on my bed that night, watching a stupid rom-com, I seduced my future husband. It was even easier than I’d expected. I employed a few tricks I’d learned courtesy of Joe’s father, feeling dirtier and dirtier by the minute, but I justified my actions by reminding myself that I had no choice. This was the destiny that had been planned for me, and my seduction of Joe would make both of our lives easier. Even though I could barely look at myself in the mirror for weeks afterward.

But if I’d thought that sleeping with Joe would end my seduction lessons with J.R., I was devastatingly wrong.

My life lessons with J.R. Simmons had only just begun.

And now I was in Henryetta, Arkansas, twelve years later, still trying to make Joe Simmons mine.

Just like everyone else in my life, Rose Gardner underestimated me. Sure, she might be with Mason Deveraux right now, but Joe couldn’t let her go. And as long as Joe couldn’t let her go, she was a threat. I hadn’t gone to hell and back to give up now. There was too much at stake. I pressed my hand to my still-flat stomach. This baby was supposed to make Joe marry me. I’d never expected him to put up such a fight. Only further proof of how deep Rose Gardner had sunk her claws.