Rise (War Witch Book 1) (79 page)

"Rub it in," Rakin grumbled. "Damn thing blew up before I get a single shot off."

"After you tried to steal my cannon, you mean," Vernit chortled.

"Your cannon, my ass," the other woman barked. "I was there first!"

Rills laughed, waving them all to be quiet. "As of tomorrow, you'll all be getting a cannon. That's why I wanted you to meet me here. I've been placed in charge of the new Mystic Cannon Defense Squad, and you're all on my new team. Plus, promotions for everyone."

They stared at him in surprise for a moment, then cheered, toasting each other as Rills smiled happily. Esteban watched, wondering what madness would drive someone to want to rush back to the sort of nightmare he only wanted to escape from.

"So, wait," Fallows asked suddenly. "Do I still have to finish basic training if I'm a full Private now?"

"Corporal," Rills corrected. "And no. As far as the King is concerned, you're done with training."

"Woo hoo!" the young man shouted, getting laughs from his fellow soldiers.

Esteban sighed. "You all seem so happy. However, before you can actually perform your new duties, there will have to be another Demon Seed attack."

The group settled a bit, but it was Castel who spoke. "Yeah. We know that. We aren't celebrating cause we want it to happen, Esteban. We're celebrating because we know we'll be ready when it does."

"That's the thing, though," the Jaguar pressed. "It will happen again. You know it will. How can you not be frightened by that?"

"Because we can't be," Rills answered. "We're the first line of defense now, me and this bunch. It's our job to not be scared. Of course, we still are, but we push it aside, because the people here, around us, need us to. They look to us when they're scared. We have to be their courage."

Esteban sank into his chair, thinking about that. Put the way the young Captain had said it, it made perfect sense. For the first time, he began to understand what had motivated Chara that day. It wasn't that she hadn't been afraid. She was being strong for others, because they couldn't be.

Like him.

"Told you he'd have a speech ready," Wells grinned.

"Yeah, he always does," Toms sighed, forking over a handful of gold coins.

"Hey, now," Rills cried. "I was just speaking from the heart!"

"That makes it even worse," Toms groaned, handing over another handful of coins to Vernit.

Esteban couldn't help but chuckle at that, the portly man’s obvious mock dismay getting the better of his sour mood. Settling in his chair more comfortably, he tried to enjoy himself a little, though by his side, Rills could still tell something was bothering him. He waited a while, though, giving the big Cat a chance to relax first. He deserved it.

The crowd began to thin some as morning turned to afternoon, the squad having traded their beers for meals, chatting about their daily lives, and strengthening the bond they'd already forged that day on the wall. Esteban sat listening, finding himself greatly enjoying their company.

"So, wanna talk about it, buddy?" Rills finally asked.

"Talk about what?" the big Cat asked back.

"What's got you so down," the Captain smiled softly. "I can tell something's eating at you."

Esteban scowled a bit. "How is that possible?"

"Normally, you're more sarcastic," Rills chuckled. "Today, you're just quiet."

"I really am easy to see through, aren't I?" he sighed.

"Only because you wear your emotions on your sleeve," the other man shrugged. "Which isn't a bad thing. I like that about you, really. Means you're an honest person."

Giving an uncertain nod, Esteban took a deep breath, figuring he may as well get another opinion. "Chara and I had a fight this morning. A rather loud one. I think I may've driven her away from me."

Rills patted him on the shoulder. "Welcome to dating, big guy."

"No, I mean, I think we may not be together anymore," he said softly.

"If I had a copper for every time my wife left me, I'd be rich," Toms chuckled. "It was just a fight. Don't worry over it. When two folks love each other, one fight isn't the end of the world."

"I wish I could be so certain," the Were replied sadly. "The thing is, I'm not sure we're right for each other to begin with. She wants to continue on, with Ramora, in search of Draco. I don't think it's a wise idea for us to get any further involved."

Rills whistled. "That's a pretty big deal."

"It is," he groaned. "Too big. We're just going to get killed if we stay with her, or worse. I want Chara to be safe, and for us to have a real life together. I don't know if she wants the same, though."

The young Captain considered that for a moment. "You guys love each other, though, right?"

"I know I love her," Esteban shrugged. "I'm not sure how she feels about me."

"Ask her," Rakin said.

Esteban gave the woman a pathetic look. "As if it were that simple."

"It is," she told him. "Ask her. If she does, then she'll say so."

"She could be trying to spare my feelings," he grumbled.

"This Chara, I don't know her," the soldier said. "But I've heard about her from Rills, and read the reports of her actions during the battle at the castle. If she loves you, trust me, she'll say so. She seems like the straight-forward type."

"Perhaps," he replied slowly. "It's just, I don't know, but I think she may be in love with someone else."

"Who's she share her bed with, them or you?" Rakin asked.

Esteban flattened his ears. "Me, obviously, but I don't see what that has to do with anything."

The soldier gave him a grin. "Trust me, it does."

"All of this is beside the point, really," Rills offered. "The question here, Esteban, is do you love her?"

"I do, yes, very much," he told the officer.

"Enough?" Rills asked.

Esteban frowned. "Enough for what?"

"Enough for everything," he said. "Enough to risk getting your heart broken. Enough to go places you fear to tread. Enough to face the hordes of Hell. Enough to face death. Cause that's what love is, big guy. When you find the strength to face all your fears, just to be by their side. That's loving someone enough."

As Esteban considered that, Vernit sighed, saying, "I want someone to love me enough."

"Don't we all?" Rakin chuckled.

"So," Rills pressed. "Do you love her enough?"

"I do," the big Cat said quietly. "I really do."

"Then forget about the rest, cause there's where you'll find what you need to do," the Captain shrugged.

"So I have," Esteban smiled. "Thank you, my friend."

"All in a day’s work for the Lansing City Guard Mystic Cannon Defense Squad," he grinned, giving Esteban a salute, realized he used the wrong hand, yet again, and quickly corrected.

Feeling more at peace, Esteban spent the rest of the day with them. He would talk to Chara later, after she'd calmed down. Explain himself properly, and find a way forward, at her side. It was where he belonged, after all, and there was nowhere else he'd rather be.

Ramora had spent the rest of the day laying on her bed, staring out the window as it rained. Tia had been sweet enough to bring her breakfast, as well as lunch, knowing the young woman under her care was obviously distraught over the death of the nice young man who'd been her friend. Appreciating the matronly Halfling's discreet manner, Ramora had thanked her with a smile.

It wasn't just Leto's death that bothered her, though. It was everything that had come after it. Her acceptance that the best she could hope for was to end Draco as she died was unlike her, and she found that Chara had been right in calling her on it. She'd lost hope, given in to despair, and was running towards her own death.

Somehow, she knew, Father wouldn't be pleased with her. Neither would Collette, watching over her from Paradise. They'd raised her better than that, to always believe, and never give in to darkness. Yet, she still could see no way forward that allowed her to slay the monster that had destroyed more lives than she could count, and live. He was too strong.

Chara's anger over Esteban's suggestion was in line with the young woman's character, but Ramora couldn't help but feel she wasn't being rational about things. There was no need in her chasing after her own death as well. Not when she had so much life ahead of her.

As a Blessed, she knew her life was going to be short, and end brutally. It was the nature of the Divine Mark. Chara on the other hand, didn't have to walk that road. She could go anywhere she wanted, be anything she wanted. She was certainly smart enough and confident enough. Why she would be so outraged over this baffled Ramora a bit.

She doubted her friend still saw her as the big hero, and worshiped that image, as she had when they first met almost a year ago. She'd grown far too much for that to be the case. So, unless it was some sort of misplaced loyalty, she didn't get it. Who would so willingly throw themselves to their own death?

Not that she had room to talk. She was doing the same. It was different for the Blessed, though. Throwing themselves to their death was what they did every day. It was their mission. It was why they channeled Divine Power. So others wouldn't have to die.

Somehow, she needed to get her young friend to see that. Without words, she had to find a way to send Chara down a path that at least stood a chance of being happy, and living a full life. She owed her that much.

Scowling at herself, she remembered what Chara had said. She didn't need any of that, just her. Closing her eyes, Ramora found she still regretted that they'd missed each other as they had. She'd come to love her young friend so much, her heart filled with pride at her courage and resourcefulness. She'd wanted to hold her, every night, make love to her, and know, for a brief span at least, that she'd had that in the Middle World.

She'd wanted, more than anything, more than revenge on Draco, to get to savor what it was to be in love with another. The Ascended she'd grown up around, while freewheeling, hadn't experienced love as she had. They couldn't give themselves fully to just one other person, because they were demigods. Because of that, she'd never known what it was to be in love with someone who loved her back just as strongly.

She'd wanted, many times, during their long trek north from Rheumer to give herself to the other woman, but she'd always hesitated, not sure Chara was ready for it. Then, when she'd seen she was, it was too late, and she had moved on, falling in love with another. She had wasted too much time. Now, it was far too late, no matter what her young friend said.

She had to leave Chara and Esteban behind, for their own good. There was no other choice. She loved the young woman too much, and the Werejaguar was too good a friend to risk their lives in what she knew was a suicidal bid to stop Draco from growing any more powerful.

It was all she could do to show them she cared. Though it made her heart ache beyond words that she wouldn't see Chara's smile anymore, or hear Esteban’s laughter, she had to do what was right for them. Even if they couldn't see it. Even if they hated her for it.

Ramora laid on her bed, crying for hours over the cruel reality of her choice. If only things had been different. If only Draco had never existed. A million alternate worlds played through her mind, each one brighter and happier than the one she dwelled in. She wished she could fly to them.

Overcome with remorse for what could've been, Ramora stilled her tears, focusing instead on the memories she'd shared with her young friend. Everything they had seen in their travels, fresh and new to them both, as they discovered the world together. Those few, short months as they made their journey, just the two of them, had been the happiest she'd ever been.

Shutting everything else out, she concentrated on that, remembering her smile, her laugh, wanting to sear it into her memory. Warmed by the recollections of the way they had curled together to sleep, her hand drifted down, slipping into her pants, as she imagined it was Chara's touch.

Biting her lip, she massaged, wondering if the other woman would've done it the same way. Dreams of her lips, her tongue, the soft sounds of her moans and ecstatic cries filled her mind. Gasping, she pushed deeper, wishing it was real.

She squirmed as she thought of Chara over her, the gentle brush of her thigh, drawing out pleasure, the feel of her body as she moved, the young woman’s breasts pressing into hers. She gave a silent groan as she felt imagined lips kissing her, holding her, a softly husky voice whispering words of love in her ear on warm breath.

She couldn't stay there, though. Quickly, reality crowded in, stealing away her warm thoughts. Esteban filled her mind, holding Chara in his arms, and she felt guilt as her fingers went still. It was wrong, to be so selfish, and want someone whose heart belonged to another.

Running a hand over her face, she tried to think of Leto, but it wasn't the same. It had been passion, but not love, which was what she yearned for. Her last sight of him, broken on the street, stole what little mood she had left for her daydreams.

Tugging her hand free, she sat up, cursing that she always had to be such a damn realist. Even her erotic imaginings had to crash with all the subtly of a bucket of ice water. She kind of resented that, too. At the moment, she wanted some release, to push her sadness way, for a little while at least, and just feel comfort.