Risk It All (Risqué #2) (2 page)

One year later

‘You really don’t have to be nervous,’ Lyssa said to Bri, who was the patient on her couch. ‘I know that it’s easy for me, as the therapist, to say that, but I promise you that you won’t be judged here.’

‘Blaser seemed to think that it was a good idea for me to talk to you,’ Bri said. ‘He keeps mentioning you in conversation and well, I just wanted to get him off my back and that’s why I came.’

‘It’s a start,’ Lyssa said with a smile and put her pen back on the table next to her armchair. ‘Why don’t you tell me a bit about your relationship with Blaser?’

‘How much time do you have?’ Bri asked, examining the rug on the floor between them.

The brunette doctor was confident and gregarious and although she subdued her intrigue, Bri could feel Doctor Cutler’s genuine desire to get to the root of the problem radiating from her. Being in the unfamiliar space of this immaculate doctor’s office, Bri wasn’t sure what to expect, which made her nervous. But one thing she could talk about without any fear was Blaser Warner, the ex-boyfriend she’d been in a relationship with for more than ten years.

‘Blaser and my brother went to high school together and that’s how we met,’ Bri said. ‘We started dating and kept on dating until Blaser went to prison.’

‘When he was twenty-eight?’

Bri nodded. ‘That was six and a half years ago. Almost as soon as he got there, he broke up with me. He called me into visiting and told me that was it, we were over.’

‘Had you ever broken up before?’

‘Here and there, you know, for a few weeks, just over silly things. But we were never with other people,’ Bri said, rubbing her pinkie finger while she tried to think of a way to even up the playing field in this intimidating situation. ‘So you’re marrying Blaser’s brother? Colt never liked me. But I guess he told you that.’

‘Colt doesn’t know anything about my patients,’ Lyssa said. ‘And there’s no reason to assume that he needs to.’

Blaser only knew Doctor Lyssa Cutler, the sex therapist, because she was engaged to Colt, Blaser’s twin brother. Apparently he had mentioned Brianna’s trauma and Lyssa had offered to help. At first Bri was mad that he’d brought up her shame with a stranger, but she had to admit that Blaser only ever acted in a way to accommodate what he believed to be in Bri’s best interest. Offering up free therapy sessions with the woman who would soon be Blaser’s sister-in-law was his way of telling her it was ok to need help.

‘Colt always thought that Gary and I were the ones who got Blaser into trouble; that we were the reason for Blaser going to jail,’ Bri said. ‘I guess he was right. They ran a chop shop together, Blaser and Gary, they stole cars and sold them for parts. It all started when we were teenagers because Blaser wanted to support me. My parents had gone, leaving Gary and me alone.’

‘That must have been difficult for you.’

‘Gary looked after me, and Blaser did too. I was seventeen when my parents left town and after that it was just the three of us. Their crew grew over the years and then Mattie started to dabble in his own endeavours.’

‘Mattie Warner?’ Lyssa asked, sitting back. Bri looked up to see the doctor’s narrowed eyes and she couldn’t help but feel like a science project.

‘Yeah, Blaser’s older cousin,’ Bri said.

‘I have never met him.’

‘You won’t,’ Bri said, shaking her head. ‘Colt hates him. Colt was the hotshot cop with the criminal cousin, he hated to admit that to anyone, but everyone in the precinct knew it.’

‘Let’s keep our focus on you,’ Lyssa said, returning her clipboard from the side table to her lap. ‘You said that you and Blaser broke up six and a half years ago? How did you come to be in his life again now?’

‘After he broke up with me I moved to New Jersey to start a new life there. It was what he told me to do; well not Jersey exactly, he said that I deserved better and told me to get out there into the world so that I could find it. So I went to Jersey and for the next five and a half years I tried to move on.’

‘But you didn’t?’

‘Blaser…’ Bri said. A smile came over her face and she squeezed her thighs together. ‘He’s not a usual type of guy, he’s powerful without being domineering and he’s sweet though he’d never show anyone but me. He’s not the type of guy that any woman can just get over.’

‘You pined for him?’

‘I did try to move on,’ Bri said, lifting her eyes to the doctor. ‘I really did, I promise, I dated other guys, but… But I was too curious about where he was and if he’d moved on… so I emailed him.’

‘A year ago.’

‘About that, yes,’ Bri said. ‘We started talking on the phone and we agreed to meet up.’

‘But what happened on the night of that date is what brings you here to me, isn’t it?’

‘It didn’t go to plan. I went to the restaurant, I was waiting in there, but Blaser was late so I went outside to call him and find out where he was.’

‘Can you tell me what happened?’ Lyssa asked in an ever-patient voice.

‘I’d rather not, you know… I’d rather not get into that in our first session.’

‘Ok,’ Lyssa said. ‘That’s completely fine and I’m glad that you were honest with me. It’s important that you are honest. You can always tell me if you’re uncomfortable with any subject, don’t ever feel under pressure.’

‘Thanks. I mean, I’m sure I’ll maybe get there… though I can’t be sure, can I? But it is why I’m here, what happened that night is why I’m here.’

‘I told Blaser that I would help you process that trauma and move on, that’s why he wanted you to come to me,’ Lyssa said to Bri. ‘But we can’t expect it all to happen in one session.’

‘No, I suppose not. I’ve been carrying my experience from last year with me since then. After it, I… I didn’t get in touch with Blaser. I shut myself off and stayed in Jersey. I didn’t want anything to do with anyone.’

‘That’s understandable.’

‘But my brother, Gary, was so worried about me, it was him that… He persuaded me to come home, to come back to North Carolina. He thought it was a good idea that I try to build a life for myself here, closer to home and family.’

‘That’s a very good suggestion. Gary must care for you a great deal.’

‘He does.’ Her brother wasn’t always the best at showing his emotions and they often manifested themselves in the wrong way. But Gary was her brother and the only family that she had left. Other than knowing that her father was in prison, she had no other connection to relatives. Her mother had been AWOL ever since her father went inside.

‘So you came back here?’

‘Three months ago,’ Bri said. ‘So many things have changed… but some things are just the same.’

‘You mean Blaser?’

‘Yeah,’ Bri said. ‘I’m staying with a friend, at least I was until she took off ten days ago. But I’m still living in her apartment. I didn’t want to stay with Gary and get sucked into his world again. I wanted to maintain my independence, I knew that it would be too easy to rely on him to do everything for me.’

‘That’s very sensible.’

‘A few weeks ago Blaser showed up at Erika’s door,’ Bri said. Her faded smile returned when she replayed that night. After hearing Erika say her name, Bri had approached the apartment door behind her friend and the vision of Blaser’s concerned scowl poured a warmth of familiarity into her even now. ‘We talked.’

‘And you’ve been seeing each other since?’

‘Not like that, not like seeing each other,’ Bri said, certain that she didn’t want Lyssa to get the wrong idea and pass those ideas on to her fiancé, Blaser’s brother. ‘He’s come over a couple of times and we’ve talked. We talk on the phone. When Gary was arrested a couple of weeks ago, Blaser came straight to me, you know? He didn’t even care that I whaled on him for what had happened between the two of them. He just… held me… You’re probably one of the few people who can understand what it’s like to be held by a man like Blaser because you’re marrying his twin.’

‘When things are going wrong in my life, if I panic or I’m scared, there’s only one place that makes me feel better.’

‘Right,’ Bri agreed, thrilled that someone else could understand it. ‘They just make you feel like no matter what it’s going to be ok. That as long as they are there and they can hold you…’ Her elation began to drain.

She didn’t notice the silence between her and Lyssa at first and she couldn’t have verbalised the visions playing through her mind if she had wanted to. All she could comprehend were the darts of ice meeting her skin as she considered the last time she’d thought like that.

‘Maybe we should call time for today,’ Lyssa said. ‘We just met this evening and you weren’t expecting a full session. Would you like to call it quits or carry on Brianna?’

Snapping out of her enveloping trance, she shook her head. ‘No, I should probably go. I have some errands to run anyway.’

Lyssa stood up and reached for her hand. Bri bounced up off the couch that stood opposite Lyssa’s angled armchair.

‘I’m really grateful that you chose to come here,’ Lyssa said.

‘I’m not sure you could say I chose it,’ Bri said, trying to keep things light. ‘Since Gary went to jail, since you and Colt got engaged… well, Blaser just raves about you and it was very generous of you to offer your services.’

‘Did you tell him that you were coming?’

‘Blaser? No,’ Bri said. ‘I wasn’t sure I was coming myself. I just… I felt awkward using the phone and I wanted to check you out for myself I guess.’

‘Well I’m glad you did,’ Lyssa said. ‘I know this is off the books, but would you like to make a proper appointment? I would really like to continue working with you… there’s no harm in making the appointment, you can always cancel.’

Although Bri was reluctant to formalise this arrangement, she didn’t find it easy to say no to people; she’d never been the most assertive person. Perhaps that flaw stemmed from her history with Blaser and Gary. If there was a situation where someone had to be told no, then one of them always stepped in for her and so it wasn’t really a skill she had ever learned.

Still, she made an official appointment believing that she could cancel it if she had to. But she really didn’t want to chicken out. Bri had ended up in session with the doctor because she’d come so late in the afternoon that Lyssa had just dismissed her last patient of the day.

The idea had been to come and get a lay of the land, check out the doctor, and make an appointment in person so that she knew what to expect when she came for real. Except as soon as Lyssa answered the large front door of her townhouse, and Bri had identified herself, the doctor had brought her inside, which was how they got talking.

Bri felt strangely liberated after saying goodbye to Lyssa and getting out onto the street. She had expected that therapy would leave her feeling exposed and used; instead she was pleased to have taken another step toward recovery.

Other than picking up something for dinner she didn’t really have any errands to run. But as part of her own personal therapy plan she bought a sandwich and went to the park to eat it. Throughout the last year, she had taken steps to teach herself to enjoy being outside again. At first she had been aware of every shadow and concealed corner. She had been jumpy and unwilling to turn her back to any open spaces.

A year after the event she was much better at being outside in the open, but she didn’t want to be complacent about that ease, so Bri was always careful about maintaining her schedule. So she ate her sandwich and watched a couple of squirrels in a tree before she started the long walk home.

Erika’s apartment, where she was staying, was more than an hour’s walk from Lyssa’s, but Bri didn’t mind the exercise. With evening encroaching, she hoped that getting home meant getting to bed; all she had to do was get there and then she could relax.

As soon as she got to her floor in the apartment building she knew that dream was gone. The apartment door was open. Creeping forward, Bri got a peek at the disaster area that was supposed to be her home. The whole place had been trashed and the open plan living space didn’t have an inch of floor on display.

Picking her way through the mess, she was standing dumbfounded when the door flew further open and banged off the wall. Startled, she pounced back and almost fell into the chaos before she caught sight of Mr. Lieberman, the apartment landlord.

‘You’re gonna get your shit and get the hell out, today!’

‘No. No! I’m sorry, Mr. Lieberman. I’ll have it all fixed and cleaned up. I promise that—‘

‘No, no more of your promises, Brianna Wilcox! You are trouble! I want you out!’

Brianna watched the short, stocky landlord pivot and steam out of the apartment that she’d been sharing with Erika for three months. For all of the drama swirling around her at the moment, the only mistake that Bri had made herself was believing an old friend, Erika, when she had assured Brianna that she had cleaned up her act.

Erika’s boyfriend had taken off six weeks ago leaving a great big mess of trouble trying to find him; one that she and Erika had been left to deal with. Trouble, Brianna thought looking around at the trashed two bedroom apartment. Clothes were scattered everywhere, furniture was turned over, and crockery was broken. Yes, this place looked like trouble had rocked up, flashed its dashing smile, and strolled straight back into her life.