Rock and A Hard Place (Cascade Brides Series) (18 page)

Yes, we've had this conversation before
. Faith stifled a
groan. Nothing was making sense at the moment. A hot bath and
Chinese food might clear her head. Then she remembered having
Chinese with Shane. Argh! He was taking over her landmarks
and
favorite foods!

“Well, I'll need you to lock up tonight. I have something to
attend to away from the office.”

“No problem.” She smiled in what she hoped was a reassuring way.
“See you tomorrow.”

When Merle had left, she turned toward her computer and pulled her
camera from its bag to begin the upload process.

Too bad I can't upload some straight thinking into my brain on an
SD card
. Faith shook her head. Maybe it was possible after all.
Closing her eyes, she sent up a prayer.
God, help me to figure
out what I can't. I don't know where Shane belongs in my life, if at
all
.
So, yeah
.

She opened her eyes and saw the plateau screen saver again.

Amen
.

***

Faith made it through the next couple of days. Barely. Memories of
Shane's kiss vexed her beyond belief, making it difficult to focus
on her work. By Sunday, she was of two minds about whether to attend
church. She didn't really want to face him yet, but she also needed
to gain some peace from time spent in worship. When she finally
decided to go, it brought on a whole new problem.

What to wear.

After digging through her meager closet, she finally settled on a
soft rose tunic paired with slim black pants. It was the best she
could do with what time remained. After a quick dusting of make-up,
she jumped in her truck and headed to church, trying to pretend her
gut wasn't churning like whitewater rapids.

Timing her arrival to the moment the service began, she slipped into
a back pew. A quick scan of the congregation revealed Shane had
arrived before her. He sat about ten rows up. Easing out a wobbly
breath, she closed her eyes and focused on the songs.

Okay, God, I get that You want me out of my comfort zone. And
apparently Shane has something to do with that. Just let me hurry up
and figure this out so I can go back to normal
.

But what was normal? Life without Shane? She opened her eyes and
looked at the back of his head. Her heart twisted within her chest.
But acknowledging that Shane was anything more than a goad made her
knees knock together. Once she got on the right track, he'd either
move away or they'd merely be nodding acquaintances.

Right?

She sat, lost in thought, agonizing over his every word and gesture
of the past several weeks. It was with a start she realized the
service had come to an end and she'd missed the message.
Oops.
Sorry, God
. People filled the aisles, slowly making their way to
the lobby, chatting and hugging and shaking hands. Yet, here she sat
like a rock in a stream. With no one to blame but herself.

“Hey.”

Faith looked up and saw Shane standing at the edge of the pew. She
attempted a smile but wasn't sure how successful she was. “Hey.”

His usually smiling face looked somber, which saddened her. “Have
you seen Merle this morning?”

Faith's eyes darted across the emptying sanctuary. “No, I
haven't.”

Shane nodded in acknowledgement. “Well, I'll see you around.”

She watched him move up the aisle out the sanctuary doors, feeling
like a dark cloud had taken up residence in her heart. Faith got to
her feet and and after a trip to the restroom to give Shane time to
head home, she headed home herself. Fuming all the way.

Why was she so turned inside out?
God, I'm trying here. I got my
GED. I even climbed the Sisters mountains. What is there left for me
to do?
Her stomach sank at an obvious answer. It was time to
choose substance over symbol. But she feared this challenge more
than the others.

Once she arrived home, Faith looked toward the bookcase she'd
studiously ignored for the past few years. She walked over and
pulled out
Mountain Climbing For Dummies
and found an old,
dog-eared photo. She stared down at the faded image of three rag-tag
girls standing in the front yard of the tumble-down rental they'd
called home.

Faith couldn't remember how she'd come by this photograph
originally. Was it from a photo album? There had been a few in the
old house, wedged into a bookshelf in the living room. What had
happened to those albums? She looked toward her kitchen door that
went into the garage. When her mother died, Faith been the one to go
through the homestead and clean it up before the new owners took it
over. Right after the funeral, her sisters had left town, leaving
her to the monumental and emotional task of tying up all the loose
ends.

It had stung at the time—and if she was honest, it still did. But
Faith reminded herself the twins had been barely eighteen and
immature. Still, going through her mother's effects, deciding what
to toss and what to keep...had hollowed out her grief-stricken
heart. For two weeks, she'd worked alone on the task, for two weeks,
she felt the weight of her failures and the echoes of her loss.

Inside the musty space, she looked over the boxes stacked on the
metal shelving. She saw one marked 'personal' and pulled it down.
Faith discovered three photo albums when she opened the box flaps.
She pulled them out and went back into the living room where she
settled on the couch. How long had it been since she'd looked
inside? Fifteen years? She had to admit some surprise that her
mother gone to the effort of assembling the albums after becoming
ill.

Opening the first album, she stared down at a grainy, sepia-toned
photo of herself. The baby beamed, with sparkling eyes and rosy
cheeks. The first album contained only photos of her, from infancy
to middle school. Perhaps it was her imagination but each subsequent
photo showed a girl whose smile began to dim. The last photo showed
her at around thirteen, hugging a ragged tabby cat she'd found and
wanted to keep—but she hadn't been allowed.

Faith opened the next album, finally realizing her mother had made
one for each daughter instead of a chronological mishmash. This was
Hope's album, older than her twin by a few minutes. But those
minutes might have well been years where attitude was involved.
Hope, with her wild curls and green eyes had been the most quietly
rebellious of the three. Although her rebellion had been small
potatoes compared to what was possible, she'd defied Faith at every
turn, challenging even the most basic requests—not with rages or
screaming, but with seething looks and cold shoulders. She'd been
the most determined one about getting out of Dodge the moment she
graduated from high school.

And she had...within hours of the ceremony. A peck on the cheek for
her mother, a pat on the head for Charity, and a hard glare for
Faith. Faith could still see her defiant chin tilting, daring her to
say one word. Of course Faith had remained silent. And while she was
hurt by her sister's unfeeling attitude, a part of her was relieved
the troublesome female would be causing headaches somewhere else.
Even during the funeral, Hope had been taciturn and unhelpful.

As Faith flipped past the pages, she had to admit her sister had
grown into a beautiful young woman—despite the look of mutiny
shining in her eyes. Faith couldn't imagine what path Hope had
taken. She'd verbalized no other ambition apart from leaving home.
She could be doing anything, anywhere in the country. Or out of it,
for that matter.

The next album featured Charity, or as people had referred to
her—the runt of the litter. Poor thing had been born with a hole
in her heart. Several childhood surgeries had depleted whatever
money there was. Faith wondered if financial stress was what had
driven her father away. She'd been barely five years old when he
left, and her memories of him were hazy at best.

Charity's album had the fewest photos, but her high school senior
portrait was included. A wide-eyed and fragile girl, with thin brown
hair and pale skin, looked back at Faith. Charity had possibly
suffered the most—obviously wanting the structure Faith brought,
but captivated by Hope's stronger personality. In the end, she'd
left town a week after graduation. At the funeral, her solemn
expression and red-rimmed eyes had touched Faith's heart. But both
Charity and Hope showed no interest in staying behind to visit or
help with the house.

Actions that left a bitter taste in her mouth to this day.

Faith closed the last album and shook her head. Was there any point
in trying to reconnect with siblings who'd made it clear they wanted
nothing to do with her? Shane and all his rose-colored words about
family couldn't change the past.

She went to her laptop and opened a search engine.
I've gone this
far down memory lane—might as well finish the trip
. Faith
typed in her youngest sister's name first, Charity Conrad, and found
a few Facebook, Myspace, as well as general, listings. She spent
half an hour chasing down each one with the same result—nothing.
Next she tried Hope. Once again, several social networking sites
came up with her name, none of which proved to be her sister.
Why
don't they at least have Facebook accounts?
She grimaced.
Then
again, I don't either
.

One listing jumped out at her. Prospect Bay Ocean Excursion
Charters, Prospect Bay Oregon. Faith clicked on the link and
explored a whale-watching boat charter site. A Hope Conrad was
mentioned as the proprietor. There were no pictures of the Conrad
mentioned, but no way was this Hope. Her sister had hated the water.
Faith looked at the phone number.
And yet, if I don't call, I
will continue to feel this anguish
.

With trembling fingers, she retrieved her cellphone and punched in
the number. Her overwhelming relief at getting an answering machine
was followed by a feeling of shame. A man's recorded voice suddenly
came over the line. “You've reached Prospect Bay Ocean Excursions,
home of whale-watching trips on the Oregon coast. Please leave your
name and number and we'll return your call.”

Her finger hovered over the red button on the phone as the machine
on the other end beeped. She cleared her throat. “Yes, this is
Faith Conrad. I'm looking for Hope Conrad. If I reached this number
in error, please ignore this message. Otherwise...” She bit her
lip, then quickly left her phone number.

Just in case.

Faith disconnected the call and tipped her head against the back of
the couch. That was tougher than she'd imagined. But she'd done it.
She'd made the effort. The outcome was out of her hands.

And wasn't that the crux of it? To do what she could and leave the
rest of God? Once something was out of her control, she didn't have
to let it eat her alive. It suddenly made her fears seem so foolish.
Each of the things Shane had challenged her to do ended being more
doable than she'd ever imagined. What other experiences or issues
had she avoided for similar reasons?

Faith closed her eyes, embarrassed at her slow understanding, yet
sensing a rising hope that she no longer had to be limited by
irrational fear.
Dear Lord, thank You for Your continual patience
and not giving up to me. Help me apply this understanding to my life
and to put my trust in You not just for my salvation, but for my
life
.

When she ended the prayer, her thoughts drifted to Shane. Would her
reasoning hold true for him as well? Was she willing to give them a
chance and see what developed? A hectic feeling expanded within her
at the notion. Did God have a plan for the two of them?

Maybe it was time to entrust the issue to Him and see what the
outcome would be.

Chapter Sixteen

The next two weeks passed by without incident. No calls or visits
from Shane. Merle was in and out more than usual, running errands or
leaving early. And Faith sat in front of her monitor working on
layouts and captions. Basically life had returned to normal just
like she'd wanted.

Only she didn't like it so much.

Was Shane upset with her? Why wouldn't he be? She'd given him no
real encouragement or positive feedback. Maybe even Merle was tired
of her usual attitude. But business was hopping and she'd plenty of
work to keep her thoughts occupied.

Mostly.

She reminded herself of her prayer, entrusting the situation with
Shane to God. But it was hard to be comforted when the man in
question was absent from her life. Still, Faith tried to keep things
encapsulated in her newfound perspective.

And when she wasn't thinking about Shane, she was wondering why
she'd never received a response on her phone call from the man at
Prospect Bay Charters—if just to tell her she had the wrong
person. Faith looked at the clock. Nearly five. Almost time to head
into the weekend. She didn't bother repressing a gusty sigh.

The bell above the door tinkled. Faith looked up and her heart
stuttered to a stop. Shane walked in, giving her a smile so sweet,
she wondered how she'd existed without it.

“Hello, Faith.”

“Hey,” she said, and blinked for lack of a better response.

“Is Merle here?”

Her smile faded a little. “Um, no, he left early for the weekend.”

“Ah.” The answer seemed to satisfy him. “Do
you
have
any plans for the weekend?”

Faith's heart suddenly remembered how to beat. “Um, no.”

“Any interest in heading up to Strawberry Lake tomorrow?”

Her throat felt dry. “Official business?”

“If you mean am I working, then no. I'm off tomorrow.”

“Why Strawberry Lake?”

Shane raised a brow. “I haven't been there since...”

Since they'd met
. Well. Okay then. “What time?”

His dark eyes glowed. “I'll pick you up at eight, if that's okay.”