Rock Chick 04 Renegade (37 page)

I was certain I was awake though I hadn’t opened my eyes and I knew with a sleepy body scan that I couldn’t be.

There was heat at my back and a weight on my hip. It was ful -on heat, definitely not Boo. I snuggled backwards into it figuring if I was going to have a good dream, I was going to go for the gusto.

The weight at my hip moved, slid up to my waist then down, curling around my bel y. The heat behind me was solid. Both I knew were no dream.

My eyes opened.

Then I turned.

Vance was in bed with me.

He was awake,
very
awake and staring at me, face blank. I was also now
very
awake and staring at him, face probably not blank.

My heart had stopped. I felt something crawling through my system, something weird, good mingled with bad.

Fear and hope.

“What are you doing here?” I whispered.

I had turned within his arm. It was stil around my waist, hand curled into my hip against the bed. When I asked my question, his fingers bit into my hip as they tightened.

“Had duty in the surveil ance room last night,” was Vance’s mysterious answer.

I blinked at him. Then I remembered.

Oh my
God
.

The cameras.

How in
the hell
was I always forgetting the cameras?

“Crowe –” I started, my heart beating now, double time.

“I did
not
like what I saw,” Vance interrupted me, his voice underlining his words and a shiver slithered across my skin at his tone.

“Crowe –” I began again.

“He touches you again, there’s gonna be a problem.” The tone of his voice, if it could be believed, was deteriorating and I got the distinct impression there already
was
a problem.

Um.

Yikes.

“Crowe –” I tried again.

“I want to know you understand me,” Vance kept going.

“Crowe –”

“Do you understand me?” he asked. He sounded supremely pissed off now and edging toward impatient.

“Please listen to me –” I started.

“None of it. Watchin’ TV together. You curled up to him on the couch and definitely not his tongue in your fuckin’

mouth and his hands up your fuckin’ shirt.” His voice was getting dangerous or, I should say,
more
dangerous and his face was no longer blank.

“If you’d just –”

“Jules, do you fucking understand me?” He was keeping his control but I could tel just barely. I could tel this because his eyes had gone hard and his mouth had gone tight.

That was it.

I sat up and shouted, “Shut
up
, Crowe!” He came up with me, face like thunder, eyes flashing and I knew he was ready to blow.

One look at his face and I thought, fuck it. It was now or never.

I stood next to my barking, snarling Rottweiler, ripped the plastic off a big, huge, juicy steak with a thick, meaty bone in and threw it to him. He nabbed it in mid-air, settled down and started gnawing.

Then I pounced.

And final y I surprised Vance Ouray Crowe.

In the beginning he thought I was going to fight him.

Couldn’t real y fight someone with your tongue in his mouth.

Wel , you could but it wasn’t my style.

I was al over him. My hands were al over him. My mouth was al over him.

He was naked which, if I wasn’t in desperation mode to get him to shut up and pay attention to me, I would have thought was kind of brazen considering the fact that we were over.

Instead I thought it was good. A time saver.

When he realized I wasn’t attacking him, his arms went around me with a force that squeezed my breath out of me and that was it.

It was hot, heavy, lots of everything like we hadn’t seen each other in three years rather than three days. I got astride him and lifted up, pul ing my nightie over my head while he watched. When I was done, he rol ed me over and tore off my underwear.

Then we went back at it.

Within minutes I was at Grade Nine.

“I want you inside me,” I said breathlessly in his ear.

He started to pul away.

“Where are you going?” I was no longer breathless but sounding loud and a little bit shril .

“Condom,” was al he said.

Oh.

That.

I yanked him to me and rol ed on my back, opening my legs and his hips slid between them. “In a minute,” I said.

“Jules –”

“In a minute.”

His head came up and he looked at me, hair around his shoulders just as beautiful as ever.

Then I could swear I saw a hint of a grin before his face disappeared in my neck.

Then he slid inside.

* * * * *

I had no ridiculous thoughts about my wardrobe or summer camp because my Rottweiler had looked up from his bone and had begun to growl.

Hush
, I whispered.

My Rottie cocked his head, whined a bit then went back to his bone.

Through my mental turmoil Vance was silent.

I was wondering about his mood. Okay, I was worried about his mood. Okay, I was scared to death about his mood.

“I need to go to work,” I whispered against his throat, the fear and hope were back. The longer he stayed silent the more the fear was winning.

Vance’s arms went loose and he moved a bit away.

The fear took further hold. I couldn’t remember a time when Vance so easily let me go.

I looked at him and couldn’t read his face.

Damn it al to hel .

“You going to work?” I asked in an effort to force him to speak.

“Been up al night. I’l go to the down room and crash.” I kept watching him but my throat was beginning to feel funny, like it was going to close up on me.

I knew how important what just happened was to me. I I knew how important what just happened was to me. I didn’t know what Vance was thinking and from the look of him it wasn’t good. Wasn’t good as in wasn’t anything, which was definitely not good.

“Okay,” I said and it sounded kind of croaky.

I sat up, taking the sheet with me and holding it to my chest. Vance moved, getting ready to exit the bed. I grabbed his hand. Do not ask me why but I did. He stil ed and looked at me.

And before I could stop myself I whispered, “You can crash here.”

Vance didn’t speak.

“You can shower here too,” I went on quickly so as not to arouse my Rottie.

He kept looking at me.

My jaw started hurting with the effort to keep the fear and the tears at bay.

“Whenever you want,” I said, “crash, I mean. And… um, shower.”

I thought what I just said was huge.

Vance gave me nothing.

“I’l give you a key,” I told him, the last ditch effort to get my point across.

That was super-huge.

More nothing from Vance.

Not… one… thing.

That’s when I nodded.

There you had it.

The fear changed from being scared of not getting Vance back to what my life would mean knowing I couldn’t have him back.

Time to move on.

I’d deal with it later. A lot later. When I was making quesadil as like a pro while wearing a sweater I knitted for myself in Nicaragua.

“Okay,” I said, my voice sounded higher and I let go of his hand, “I’m gonna get ready for work.”

I moved toward the end of the bed but his arm came around my bel y and he threw me back against the pil ows and settled his body on top of mine. My breath went out of me at his movements and I stared at him with wide eyes.

“Was it that hard?” he asked, looking down at me, face stil showing me nothing.

I could no longer speak so I shook my head, nonverbal y lying. It had been harder than hel .

“I don’t need a key,” he said.

I blinked, not sure how to take that. “You don’t?” I asked, finding my voice.

He shook his head. “Though it’d be easier than breakin’

in al the time,” he told me.

I felt relief start invading, washing away the fear.

“Probably,” I whispered, stil a little scared because he was stil being blank not intense or a different kind of intense but not giving me anything to go on.

“Do you understand about Luke?” he asked.

I nodded.

He got closer, his face got closer, his body pressing me deeper into the bed. “Then we’l make sure you understand it al .”

Uh-oh.

I didn’t like the sound of that. I didn’t share this and just watched him and waited.

“You’re mine, Jules. That means no one puts their hands on you and no one puts their mouth on you. I almost came out of my skin watchin’ that last night. You’re with me and that means we’re exclusive. I do not share. Which means no one touches you. Not again. You got me?” I nodded. I couldn’t imagine what I’d do if I saw him that way with another woman but I was a head crackin’ mamma jamma, I probably would have lost my mind. A macho man, badass was even worse.

I decided not to say anything. It was bad enough and saying something would likely just dig my hole deeper. I knew I was already skating on thin ice; I sure as hel wasn’t going to go under, not again.

It was cold down there, freezing.

“You got your head straight?” he asked, breaking into my icy reverie.

I nodded again though I was a little confused at his question.

He kept talking. “We’re not playin’ this fuckin’ game. You try and push me away, I’m takin’ you to the cabin and chainin’ you to the bed until you got your head sorted once and for al . What we have genuinely doesn’t seem like it’s gonna work, we’l talk it through and come to an understanding. But when it’s good and you get freaked, you aren’t makin’ the decision for both of us because you’re scared out of your mind and don’t have the guts to talk about it.”

Wow.

I knew Vance was a straight-talker but, um… yikes.

I thought it was time to cut in. “Vance –”

“I’m talkin’ now.”

At his tone I shut up. Definitely not the time to cut in.

“You lie in bed in the moonlight when you think it doesn’t count and you let me in. I’m tel in’ you now, it counts, Jules.” I kept silent.

Vance kept talking. “I don’t want you sweet after I’ve made you come and you don’t have your guard up. I want you sweet al the time. You don’t start trusting me in the daylight this isn’t gonna work.”

I stayed silent.

“You go out into the night makin’ trouble, fearless. With everything else that means something in your life, you’re shit scared. You’re gonna have to find a way to get the fuck over it.”

I pul ed my lips in and bit them to stay quiet. He was right and that was
so
annoying.

“You’re mine,” he repeated like I didn’t get it the first time.

I let my lips go and said, “Okay.”

He stared at me.

“Can I say something now?” I asked when he seemed to be finished.

“Just don’t piss me off,” he warned.

Like I’d do
that
especial y at this juncture.

I waited a beat then took in a breath and then did something that made my Rottweiler go berserk. I ignored my Rottie, it took al I had but I did it.

“I know it counts,” I whispered.

Vance didn’t move, didn’t speak, didn’t do anything.

Then drool flying everywhere in white globs, jumping up and down, tearing free from his chains, my Rottweiler came at me and I ran like a mad woman, taking my life in my hands. I passed him, threw open the door to the chain-link-fenced box and ran inside. I slammed the door closed behind me and locked it, keeping my Rottweiler at bay.

Then I ran my hands up Vance’s back, stopping when I felt his scar and to make my point, I left my fingers there.

“You’re right, you scare the hel out of me,” I said it so low I wasn’t sure if he heard it.

I didn’t have to wonder long. He heard it and he understood it.

He rol ed to his side and took me with him, arms going around me tight. He didn’t need to say anything because that was enough.

I put my face in his throat again. “I need a boyfriend with a safe job. Like checkout guy at King Sooper’s,” I told Vance’s throat.

He stayed silent.

“The worst thing that could happen is he’d fal off his rol ing stool behind the cash register. Maybe hit his head or something. Sprain a wrist.”

Vance stil didn’t speak.

“They have good benefits there, I heard. Great insurance.”

More silence.

“That could be a rumor though,” I muttered to myself since Vance was obviously not listening.

“Jules.”

“What?”

He pul ed my hair with a gentle tug and I looked up at him. His eyes were soft and sexy when I looked into them and when he spoke his deep voice was silk. “Shut up.” Looking at him, the fear moved out of me and I melted into him because, one look at him, I just
knew
and the clouds over my life parted and I felt the warmth of sunshine.

“Don’t tel me to shut up,” I whispered.

That’s when he gave me one of his grins and I knew I was right. Everything was going to be fine. Then he kissed me, slow, sweet, long, like we had al day and I knew everything was
really
fine.

When he was done, there were no clouds in the sky.

None at al . Just sunshine.

“I’m sorry about last night,” I said quietly, because I had to.