ROCKED BY THE WAVES (19 page)

THREE CANDLES

We were all getting ready for the Big Day. Electricity was in the air and I was truly making an effort to remain calm. Sam was overexcited and so were the kids. They didn’t really understand what was going on, but it was clear enough to them that a sort of a party would take place soon.

We had settled the date: it would be July the 30th, at sundown. The garden would be a romantic scenario for the ceremony and we had decided to lit it with candles. The porch would be our altar. The kids, except for Edward, who was too old for that, would all be my pages. They didn’t seem to be willing to collaborate, though. They used to cry and complain about everything. They didn’t even want to try their outfits on. We got lucky, though, because in the end everyone helped us.

I had chosen a white dress. It fitted me perfectly. The skirt was long and my cleavage showed in a very classy way. Embroideries all over the dress made me look precious.

It had taken more than 10 metres of tissue, to make that dress. Peigi and Logan had been sewing for twenty days. Jasmine and Jodie would wear similar dresses.

Sam had a black frac, a white shirt and a white papillon. The kids were very cute in their outfits. We had bought the tissues from Nàkùset, whom we called Sun. She was Moon’s cousin.

~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~

Prince Edward Island, July the 30th, 1903

Renewing one’s vows is very important.

Everything was settled and dad had come to see us. He was very proud of me and he would walk me to the porch. Renny and Robert were trying to deal with the kids.

Moon had helped me get dressed.

«Oh, Moon, I’m not sure I can do this. I feel like I’m about to faint».

«You don’t».

«Oh, my... oh, my...»

I was sweating. It was my real wedding with Sam, actually, because the first one had been way too informal to be considered a proper wedding. So I was feeling terribly anxious.

«Now I go».

«Go? Where? Wait!»

«Sam ready».

Dad took my arm. He was smiling.

«Come on, Claire».

It was sundown. The sky was pink and the air was warm. It was beautiful. The candles were all lit and the garden was packed with friends. I was so scared. Everyone was there, including Sam. He was charming and he smiled at me. I was under his spell. When we exchanged our rings and Sam said: «you, Claire, as my wife» I suddenly recovered.

The atmosphere was romantic and I was feeling safe. I hugged Sam and we kissed. It was a long and passionate kiss. Our lips were sealed.

We hugged all of our friends and changed our outfits, so that we would not get our beautiful clothes dirty. Rhona had been cooking for days and the meal was just exquisite. Muireall had helped her. Scottish were party people, I noticed, and they were always willing to celebrate no matter what. They liked big parties.

It was then that I noticed Keir approaching us. He was with two men and they all wore uniforms. Everyone stopped dancing and started whispering. Peigi turned red and Fergus kept his eyes on his plate.

Keir kissed my hand, then he turned to Sam.

«I wish all the best to both of you».

Anish run to Keir and they hugged.

I was trying to keep my cool. Sam asked the three of them to sit and eat with us. Keir’s parents remained silent. Jodie reached for my skirt and she cried: «I gotta go wee wee».

I stood up and took her to the bathroom.

«But I want to go there». She pointed at a bush. She run up the hill and I followed her. When she got into the woods and fell, she started crying. I helped her get up and I saw Sam next to him. He must have run to us as quickly as he could.

«You know what Jodie is like, Claire».

«I’m sorry».

We hugged her and got back home.

«Same old Jodie. She’s fine», we announced.

Eddy told the kids not to behave like Jodie and I looked at him. He was so proud and he loved Sam so much.

No one seemed to care about Keir’s arrival anymore. When everyone had left, Sam called for Keir.

«Will you be sleeping here?»

«We need to be back by tomorrow, so we’ll sleep somewhere».

«Keir, please. You are more than welcome to sleep here».

He shook his head.

One of Keir’s fellows approached me: «I’m happy to meet Keir’s cousin. He’s always talking about you, you know».

«Thank you, Mr...»

«Donald and this is my brother, Edan Stuart».

We shook hands.

Sam took Jodie and Jasmine, then he looked at me. I was holding Anish.

«Let’s go to bed, guys. It’s been a tiring day and daddy’s tired».

He told them a tale and I took the chance to hug daddy, Renny and Robert.

«He’s a good father», Renny whispered to me.

When Sam and I got to our room, we were both exhausted and happy. Sam helped me brush my hair. When he was done, he kissed my ears.

«So, Mrs Campbell, how are you?»

I hugged him and kissed him passionately.

He took me to the bed and we undressed each other. We made love and then we fell asleep. He was holding me. One of his hands was on my breasts, the other one was around my waist. Our legs were crossed in a strange braid.

That night, I dreamt of Alex. He was kissing me and telling me to follow him somewhere. He was sweet and charming. He told me everything would be okay. I was ready to go with him, but Keir came to us and they fought. Sam was not there, nor were the kids. I was scared. I woke up and found that my husband was next to me.

«Are you okay, Claire? You seem... shocked».

«Hug me and kiss me».

He did so.

«What’s wrong?»

«A nightmare. I dreamt...», I took a deep breath, «of Alex. He was calling me».

He stayed still.

«I was crying and calling out for you. Then I woke up».

He kissed me.

«You don’t need to worry. I’m here. I’ll look after you».

We made love again and again. At sunrise, Sam told me he needed to wake up.

«But I need you», I cried.

«I can see that».

We cuddled for a while. He kissed my belly and licked it. He went down on me and I felt pleasure. It was good and I was enjoying it. When I came, I whispered to him: «That was good».

«It’s our night, Claire».

I smiled at him.

When we went downstairs to have breakfast, I was very sleepy. Keir looked at us.

«Have you already had breakfast?», I asked.

«We had porridge. The kids have had their breakfast and now they are outside with your father. Robert and Renny went for a ride».

It must have been pretty late, then.

We sat and had our meal. Eggs, bread and bacon.

«I love this», I told Rhona.

She smiled at me.

Keir was still looking into his plate. He was angry, I knew that. Because of Sam and me. Sam chattered with the Stuart brothers, but all of a sudden Keir exclaimed: «I’m afraid, it is late. We should be going».

When Sam went to fetch Anish and Keir’s fellows went to look for their horses, he turned to me: «So, did you have fun tonight?»

I turned red. I was unsure how to react to that question.

«I could sleep with you, you know? Better than he does».

I was embarrassed.

«He’s my husband».

«I might be too».

I hoped Sam would join us soon.

«Here I am!»

I took a deep breath.

Anish kissed Keir and they both laughed.

A couple of hours later, Renny and Robert were back.

«We made a decision which we want to share with you».

Sam and I looked at them

«We’ve been very moved, yesterday. It was romantic, sweet and it made us think about... well, us. We have been together much longer than you have, but we can’t be official. We want to exchange vows. It’s going to be a small, private rite. But we want to do it anyway. Will you be our witnesses?»

I was breathless.

«I would be honoured», said Sam.

«You are my witness», said Robert.

I hugged Renny and cried.

«My sweet, sweet sister. It’s so wonderful...»

We all laughed.

«So, when will we do this?», Sam asked.

Renny and Robert exchanged a meaningful glance.

«On Sunday night. Then we will go on... honeymoon. And then we will head back home».

«What about dad?»

«Let’s not tell him».

«All right, then. I’ll take care of everything».

Renny smiled. «You’re my best friend, Sam». He turned red.

On Sunday night, we celebrated the new couple. It was very moving. On the day after, they left. I cried.

I knew that they would have to go back to London, once their honeymoon over. That made me sad, because I didn’t want to be parted with them.

SECRET MISSION

It had been eight months since Keir’s last visit. I was sure he would come to me, sooner or later. But he didn’t. When I got a letter from him, it only said he was on a mission. It was awkward, though. Wasn’t he supposed not to go on any mission for a while?

I knew he wanted to stay away from me. Sam and Keir had been getting on quite well, which had surprised me, but now everything was different.

My husband and I had spent a very lovely winter. It had been romantic and we were happy. On March, though, in 1904, Dubh woke us up and didn’t stop barking for a long time. Someone it didn’t know must have been nearby. I looked outside the window and noticed that an ambulance was carrying an injured figure.

«Madame, that’s a relative of yours», a nurse said. «It’s Keir Murphy. He asked to be brought here».

I turned pale and the driver of the ambulance run to me.

«Are you okay, Madame?»

«Please, take him inside».

He was covered, but his hand came out of the covers and reached for mine.

«Keir, dear! I was so worried...», I tried to smile.

When we were in the house, I asked Edward to take the kids to their rooms. He did.

«I’ll come explain them what’s going on. Don’t tell Anish anything, please».

I asked Rhona to make something hot, then looked at Keir. He was pale and skinny. His leg was injured, but it didn’t seem too serious. Moon and I would help him recover. I took his clothes off.

«I knew you wanted to see me naked», he laughed.

I smiled at him and went to look for warm, clean clothes.

I got him dressed.

«Better?»

«Much better».

«What was this mission about?»

«It was dangerous and I can’t talk about it».

We were holding hands.

«You tell me anyway».

«It was in Europe. I had spoken with the general, first. That’s all I can say».

A bell rang.

«Where in Europe?»

«Why do you want to know?»

«Just curious», I tried to sound nonchalant.

«In Northern Europe».

A second bell rang.

«And?»

«Got ourselves in an itchy situation. We lost two soldiers and the others got injured, way worse than me. We succedeed anyway».

«What were you supposed to do?»

«Spy on someone... That’s all I can say».

I knew that the general and Alex were friends and I also knew that Europe was undergoing important changes.  But what had it to do with Keir?

«Am I your friend? So you need to tell me. You disappeared. I knew nothing about you! And now there you are. So?»

He looked at me, then hugged me and kissed me passionately. I tried to elope, but couldn’t.

«Claire, I’m doing this for you. I know it sounds awkward. Ask him. If he wants, he’ll tell you».

Him? I was angry. Was I the only one who was unaware of what was going on?

«You mean Sam?»

He shook his head.

I got up and left. I went to fetch Anish.

«Come on, guys! Let Anish meet uncle Keir, then we can all have hot chocolate».

They run downstairs. Dubh was waiting for them.

I let Anish alone with Keir, then fed the kids. Cinnamon biscuits and chocolate.

I got some to Anish too and made a porridge for Keir. As I was leaving them, Keir took my arm.

«It’s been painful, Claire. Going away. I am happy to see you and don’t want you to be mad at me».

I turned to him.

«It’s about Alex, right?»

He didn’t say a word. Then he took a deep breath.

«Partly. But you should talk to Sam. I can’t tell you, I promised I wouldn’t».

He left my arm and I went away.

Sam got home one hour later.

«Where have you been?», I asked.

He looked at me. He was confused.

«Took your father to the station, then worked. Wolves have been trying to get into the stable tonight. The place needed to be fixed».

I was ready to explode with anger.

«Keir’s here. Got here on an ambulance. He’s with Anish. Don’t you have anything to tell me?»

He was stuck.

«I must talk to him».

«You must talk to me».

I didn’t want to fight with him. He was a good husband and a great father, but I didn’t like his hiding things from me.

«Come with me», he said. I followed him.

«Remember when you talked to Keir last year? He did some research and found out Alex knew we had been to Halifax. He was coming here.  Keir told me, so we both decided he would go to London and leave false traces here and there. He asked his general to go on a mission. The general agreed, so he left».

I was petrified and shocked.

«I didn’t want you to worry...»

We hugged.

«I’m sorry», I said. «What shall we do now?»

«I must talk to him».

«I want to know everything about that».

«You will», he promised. «Now I must see Keir».

He left. When he came back, he was happy. He played with Dubh and with the children, but it looked like he was trying to avoid me.

«So?», I asked.

«Keir has been doing a good job».

I wasn’t convinced. If Alex was still looking for me after eleven years how could Keir have solved everything in less than a year?

«Let’s have lunch», I said. I was determined not to let go, but I knew that asking was not a good strategy. «Help Keir come downstairs».

Lunch was good. Dubh ate with us and the kids played throughout the whole meal.

«How was Europe? How was fashion?»

They looked at me. I had never been interested in fashion.

«What? I’m a woman, after all».

«Well, I... don’t know».

«Didn’t you notice women?», I asked in a stubborn voice. Sam looked at me, Keir turned red.

«I was busy, you know».

«So. What else? Europe?»

He was still looking at me.

«It’s complicated, I believe... political and economical tensions... and there’s an upcoming war, I believe».

It was not a pleasant conversation. Not at all. Sam and Keir started discussing politics.

Keir stayed with us for two months. Moon took care of him and he recovered quickly. He needed a stick to walk, though. Sam was working very hard and he used to spend a lot of time with Edward. He was worried, though, I could see that.

It was June. He woke up early and sat next to me.

«I must go», he whispered in a low voice.

It was still dark.

«Where to?», I asked.

«Must fix things. Just don’t worry».

Worry? I opened my eyes and looked at him.

«I love you and always will», he said. Then he left. It was four o’ clock in the morning.

At midday, I was starting to worry. I went up to Keir.

«Why isn’t Sam back?»

He was sitting wish Anish and Jodie.

«I don’t know», he said in a vague tone.

«You do. Tell me!»

He took a deep breath.

It was then that I fainted. When I woke up, I was crying.

«What will I do now?»

«He’s doing this for you, Claire. He must talk to Alex. I’ll stay here, don’t worry. I’ll take care of everything».

I was very unhappy. I run away. I was still crying and needed to be alone.

I sat under an oak. I looked at the flowers and the leaves. Keir sat next to me. I hadn’t noticed him approaching.

He hugged me. «I know how it feels like. I feel like this everyday. He will be back and you are going to be free».

The pain was just too much.

«Let’s go. The kids are scared. They need you and I need you too».

We got home.

The days without Sam were awful. The kids used to ask me where Sam was and I used to tell them he was on a business trip.

Keir was doing much better and he could even ride. He still wouldn’t talk to his parents.

Eoin got married, some other guys worked nearby. Many of them had decided to study a bit longer.

At night, when I was alone, I cried a lot. One night, Keir came to me and sat on the bed.

«Is there anything I can do?»

«Make him come back», I cried.

«Winter’s approaching, Claire. Travelling is impossible now».

I cried more and more.

«I promise I’ll go look for him as soon as spring comes».

«Thank you», I whispered.

«May I sleep here tonight? I just want to make sure you get some sleep».

«All right, then».

He kissed my forehead and hugged me.

I fell asleep at once. It was my first night with Keir and that sounded awkward.

He hugged me the whole night and kissed my neck. When I woke up, he was still there. He smiled at me. His green eyes lit up.

«Feeling better?»

«I am. Why are you doing this?»

«This being... sleeping with you?»

We smiled.

«I love you and I always will. I don’t want you to hurt».

«Why do you love me?»

«I don’t know. Why do you love somebody instead of someone else? Why does the sun come up every day? Why does the moon come out at night? It just happens and you can’t change it. And you don’t want to change it. I love you since I was sixteen. Now I am twenty-seven».

I was stuck. I kissed him.

«Don’t leave me», I whispered.

«I already tried that, but it didn’t work out. I won’t try that again».

I knew he was making an effort not to hug me. It was my choice, whether he would become more than a friend or not.

On the following night, once the kids put to bed, I found myself alone. I was sad, so I went to Keir’s room.

«May I sleep with you?»

He wasn’t surprised.

We hugged. He was not wearing a shirt, so I could feel his skin over my shoulders. I shook. He stayed still.

The days were long, the nights were warm because of him. When spring came, we still hadn’t done anything more than sleeping. He was kind to me and he used to spoil me with flowers or sweets. Moon and Keir became friends and even my dad seemed to like him. He was good to the kids.

I knew he wanted more from me, but it was too soon. I also knew he would wait for me to be ready.