Rocked in the Light (6 page)

“I know Joe and Dex are at each other’s throats. And all four of you are falling apart for no good reason at all. Maybe if you all spent a little more time working and less time acting like a bunch of emo bitches the tour could be about more than the delicate egos of Dream Defiled.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about Julia, so you should just shut up.”

I threw up my hands and stomped over to the other side of the room. Being close to him was just making me furious. “Bullshit. I know you’re all acting like a bunch of babies who need to grow the fuck up. You want to ruin everything? Cancel the rest of the tour? What happens to the rest of us? What are we supposed to do while you implode?”

“Excuse me?”

“Right, I’m sure you never thought about that at all. Grumpy tough guy doesn’t care. All of you can be pissy and unprofessional and sloppy and drama queens. Not everyone on this tour has that luxury.” I was steaming mad. Once again he was taking shit out on me and I’d had enough.

“Uh-huh.” He turned to face me. “Here we go again. Today’s episode of how the world is letting Julia Clark down. Getting in the way of her well-earned rise to stardom. Well fuck you very much. You’re not the only one whose career is on the line here. You think I like watching my guys go at it? You think we don’t feel the pressure?

“Hell, pressure is why this whole thing is falling apart. Joe is stressed and exhausted and feeling stifled. Dex is trying so hard to keep it together his head is about to explode. Matt and I are doing everything we can to keep them from murdering each other which doesn’t leave a hell of a lot of time for anything else. And we’re still making it work on every fucking huge-ass stage every night. So don’t come in here and act like you’re the only one getting fucked over if this crashes and burns.

“You act like headlining is the easy job. But we take the blame if we fuck up. We’re the ones who get dropped by the label and never get another deal again. We’re the ones who’ll end up flat broke if we can’t fulfill our contracts.

“So I’m so sorry if I don’t have time to worry about how all of this is affecting you.”

A part of me was shamed by his words. I had mostly been thinking of myself. But I had to. No one else was looking out for me as anything but a paycheck, even my own mother. And I thought Rick understood that. But clearly he didn’t. I felt like an idiot, thinking we had something special. That we got each other. When it came down to it, I was on my own. And no matter what feelings I might have for him, I wouldn’t take my eyes off the prize. I’d scraped and crawled my way to where I wanted to be and wasn’t going to go back now.

“Fuck you, Rick. None of that is my fault. Don’t act like I did something to you. You’re the one who’s been hiding on my bus. Using me to keep from worrying about all this. We may have fun together, but I don’t work for you and I’m not a toy. You can’t just play with me when you feel like it and then put me back up on the shelf.”

“Me? You’re the one who acts like I’m nothing but a walking sex toy for you to ride when you want.”

“I do not.”

“You do. And hell, most of the time I don’t mind. But for someone who whines that no one really cares about her, you don’t act like you care about anyone else either. How do you expect people to open up to you when all you think about is business?”

“I don’t. I don’t expect anything from anyone. My first impression of you was right. You’re a heartless, selfish bastard and I’m sorry I ever let you in my bed.” And my heart. But the last I didn’t say aloud. Couldn’t admit to him.

“Well, then what are you doing in my room if I’m so terrible?”

We glared at each other across the bed. It might as well have been miles wide.

“Nothing. Leaving.” I shook my head and walked out, slamming the door behind me.

Two days later I was in Los Angeles and almost too busy to think about Rick at all. Almost. It was hard to pretend he didn’t exist when we drove by a billboard of him and the rest of Dream Defiled. And their faces were on television and in magazines. So even when there wasn’t a show and I didn’t have to see him in person, he was everywhere. Hell, the damn radio I woke up to played one of their songs one morning, his strong, passionate drumbeat yanking me from sleep to the waking world.

I sat waiting for an interview to start, cursing myself silently. This is why it was stupid to get involved with him in the first place.

But before I had a chance to finish wallowing, twin nightmares entered the room. My mother and our publicist, Christine. They were accompanying the reporter from Music World, who’d be interrogating me for the next few hours. I stood and shook hands with him, nodding at the women who flanked him.

“Nice to meet you, Julia,” the reporter said. “I’m Robert.”

“It’s great to meet you too, Robert. I’m a real fan of your work.” That was a lie. I’d heard of him, of course. Robert Allen was a world renowned music journalist. Having him interview me pretty much ensured I’d get the cover story we were all hoping for. But I wasn’t a fan of any journalist. Even the good ones who don’t make up lies are there to get you to say things you don’t want to. They may not be bad people, but they’re the enemy. A necessary evil.

“Great. Well, I went over everything with your team here, so I think we’re ready to go.”

“Okay.” I gestured at the hotel room. “Do you want to stay here or go somewhere else?”

“Why don’t we start here and we’ll see what happens. I’m sure we’ll both get tired of being inside on such a beautiful day soon.”

I smiled and sat back down, crossing my legs. Even though the photo shoot wasn’t until tomorrow, I’d dressed very carefully for the interview. A cap-sleeve t-shirt dress with leggings and flats. Cute but casual, with enough of a rock vibe. My hair was up in a messy bun, and my makeup was light. I’d spent hours working out the perfect look to pretend I hadn’t thought about it at all.

“Laura, Christine, you won’t be staying, right?”

Both women glared at me from behind Robert. I beamed innocently.

“Well,” the demented publicity demon said sweetly, “I suppose we don’t have to. But, of course, we’re here for you anytime you need us, Julia.”

“I’m pretty sure I can handle sitting in a chair and talking on my own.”

“Oh, Julia.” She tittered a few times, her smile tight. “You’re always so humorous.”

It was kind of mean to pick at her, but sometimes being petty is a real comfort.

“Off you go, ladies.”

Robert grinned as they slowly walked out. “Well done.”

“Thanks. I hate hovering.”

“Me too. So, you ready to get started?”

“Sure.”

I looked him over as we ran through some boring introductory questions. The tiny headshots I’d seen of Robert didn’t do him justice. In person he was pretty handsome. Mid-forties with salt and pepper hair, he had a weathered pretty boy thing going on. Kind of like a darker Redford back in the day. He wore black jeans and a gray t-shirt. Casual but neat. Everyone playing their part.

“We can talk about your history in the business a little later, but for now I want to hear about the tour. How are things going? From research I see pretty much the whole run is sold out. That must be gratifying.”

“It really is,” I said, settling myself. “The fan reaction to the tour is amazing and humbling. Every day is an adventure.”

“I bet. What about the venues? How is it playing huge arenas?”

“Intimidating. But also really cool. Having giant sets and things makes me feel like I’m back on set again. I love the theatrics, if not all the dancing.”

“That’s right, you’ve got a fair bit of choreography, don’t you?”

“Enough. Nothing elaborate, but with the stage being so big I needed some help filling it with my performance. It’s really fun. And scary.”

“I’m sure. What about the other bands, how are you enjoying the work with them? Are you all close or is it just business?”

My stomach clenched a little, but I managed to keep from turning my smile into a grimace. “Everyone is really wonderful. Talented professionals and really fun people. It’s a great atmosphere.”

“Getting specific, let’s talk about Blaze.” He glanced down at the notes on his laptop for a second before continuing. “He’s been rather effusive in his praise for you.”

“Blaze is a great guy.” That was absolutely true. The lead singer of Playology was awesome. We didn’t get to hang out as much as I would like, but he was always sweet and fun. “He’s also really funny, so we get to have a lot of laughs together. And I love watching their shows. Their musicality is somewhat rare among rock bands these days. I know most of them have classical training, and it affords a different kind of sound. Something really special.”

Robert nodded, seemingly surprised. “I agree. Most people don’t catch that. But I guess you’ve been doing this a long time.”

I laughed. “Are you calling me old, Robert?”

He grinned. “Absolutely not. You’re a baby as far as I’m concerned. But most people who’ve been in the entertainment industry as long as you have are old, like me.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s true. I don’t really think about that much. This is what I’ve always done, so it feels normal to me.”

We went back to talking about tour things, and I mentally patted myself on the back for handling the interview well. It’s all about balance. Not too much honesty or it comes off as crazy. Not too much bullshit or it’s obvious. Confidence without bragging. Friendly without flirting.

Before I knew it, an hour had passed and we were both starting to feel restless.

“Hey Robert, do you mind if we take this somewhere else? I need to get out of this room.”

“Sure. Are you hungry? We could go down to the restaurant.”

“Not really. But the pool here is gorgeous. We could sit down there in a quiet corner.”

“Sounds great. Do you need to check with your people?”

I snorted. “Nope. Come on.”

On the way downstairs and outside we chatted amiably about nothing. Weather, the hotel’s décor, lots of nothing. We found a table under the shade of a towering leafy palm and sat down. After ordering and receiving beers, Robert took out a notepad that signaled we were getting back to work.

“Okay, now that we’ve got some fresh air and a drink, you ready?”

“Sure.” I took a sip and smiled. “But I’m only having one of these. Can’t let my tongue get too loose.”

“Fair enough. Earlier we talked a bit about the other bands on the tour. Obviously this year’s huge success story is Dream Defiled. They’re really taking the music world – really the whole entertainment world by storm.”

“Is that a question?”

Robert smiled, and tiny lines around his eyes crinkled. He was charming and smart. A dangerous combination. “You’ve obviously spent a lot of time with them. Part of what people find appealing is the camaraderie among the guys. Is that something you see as well?”

“Absolutely. They’re very close. All the guys are so different, personality-wise. It really comes together when they’re on stage.”

“And what about in off hours?”

“Well, one thing they all have in common is they like to have fun. So that works too.”

“Right.” He leaned forward. “There have been reports of cracks in group, lately. Arguments, disagreements. Have you seen anything like that?”

I sighed. “Look, I’ve been with them for a while now and I can tell you they’re all great guys and talented musicians. I’m not going to respond to gossip.”

“All right. But, you’ve got a rather unique point of view in this situation. You’ve been part of a group that broke up. And you’ve experienced a meteoric rise to stardom to only have it all change in the blink of an eye.”

I rolled my eyes at the parade of clichés he’d just rattled off at me.

“So have you given them any advice? Shared your wisdom?”

“They don’t need my advice.”

“Okay, I understand you don’t want to give away any secrets. But if the band doesn’t survive this tour, of Joe Hawk goes solo like we’re hearing, what does that mean for you?”

I couldn’t hide the look of shock on my face this time. I sputtered out something lame, but couldn’t stop thinking about it. Everyone on the planet seemed dedicated to making me wonder what might happen if everything fell apart for Dream Defiled. And I didn’t have an answer. I’d spent so much time worrying about where I’d go wrong that I never really considered that someone else’s drama could ruin everything.

But beneath worries about my career, I thought of the guys. Joe’s easy smile. Dex’s sly sense of humor. Matthew’s sweetness. Rick’s passion. How, eventually, we’d all become friends. How they cared about each other like family. How horrible it would be to see that end. For them.

“Robert, I hate to do this, but do you mind if we take a tiny little break? I need to uh, you know, use the facilities.” That was a big lie. I just needed to get away from him.

He gazed intently at me. “Not at all.”

“Thanks. Um, order something to eat if you want, I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“Okay.”

I stood and walked away as fast as I could without running and made my way into the bathroom adjacent to the pool deck. It was, thankfully, empty. I kept going through the next set of doors that led inside the hotel. Once there, I grabbed my phone and was about to dial when Matthew appeared in front of me. He was shirtless and had on long swim trunks.

“Julia. Hey.”

“Hi. Heading out to the pool?”

“Yup, after I grab some food. I need to sweat out some of last night’s booze.”

“Been there.”

“Yeah.” He paused and looked at me for a second. “Why weren’t you actually there, anyway? The Playology guys came. Fred, too. Where were you?”

“Busy.” That wasn’t true. I’d been in my room watching terrible television.

“Oh. Well, it’s not as much fun without you.”

“I’m sure that’s not true.”

“It is for some of us,” he replied, serious.

“If you say so.”

“I do. But anyway, yeah. I’m heading to sit in the sun for a while. I need to get some fresh air in my lungs.”

I smiled. “And a tan. You’re looking a little ghostly.”

He patted his pale, flat stomach. “I know. What are you up to?”