Rocky Mountain Miracle (10 page)

Her heart hurt for him. Ached for Jase. But Cole Steele was never going to accept compassion from her. It would seem too much like pity to him. And if she had sex with him, which he so obviously wanted, it might get him through the night, but he'd still have to face his nightmares again and again.

“You're damned right it's nothing to do with you.” Cole crossed the room, to stand in front of her. The top two buttons of his jeans were carelessly unbuttoned as if he'd pulled them on hastily and exited his bedroom as fast as he could.

Maia refused to be intimidated. She knew he was being blatantly sexual on purpose, hoping to scare her away or get her into his bed. The knowledge gave her the confidence to walk right past him and she set her mug on the coffee table.

Using her most casual voice, as if they were conversing over a trivial matter rather than one that cut so deep, she said, “It doesn't matter, Cole. We just believe in handling things differently. It doesn't mean I'm right, and you're wrong, it just means I wouldn't do things your way, and you wouldn't do them my way.”

His cool blue gaze drifted over her. “What would you do if you lived here with ghosts?”

It sounded taunting, like a challenge.

She raised an eyebrow, turned to look around the spacious room. “I wouldn't let him drive me out or ruin my life. I'm mean like that. If I could actually have a home, no one would take it from me.”

Maia wanted a home, but for some reason wouldn't stay too long in any one place. Cole filed the information away for future use. “Give me an example. Jase hates Christmas. It wasn't a nice time of year for him. He doesn't even like to hear the music, it brings on nightmares. If I cranked up “Jingle Bells,” I'd just be making things worse for him.” And for himself. He'd looked death in the eye a thousand times, courted it, spit at it, and he'd never so much as broken a sweat. But the thought of hearing Christmas music, seeing decorations, reliving nightmares every moment scared the hell out of him.

Maia nodded. Cole might be telling the truth about Jase, but in the scenario he was describing his and his brother's names were interchangeable. She took a deep breath and let it out. She wasn't a psychiatrist, and she didn't have anything but her instincts to go on, but she knew someone had to reach out to Cole Steele before it was too late. He shut out the world, preferred to live in isolation, but Jase had provided him with a small window of opportunity to get his life back. What Cole would not do for himself, he might be willing to do for Jase, and heal them both in the process.

“Everyone is different in how they handle these things, but the truth is, Christmas comes every year. Jase is going to have to face it year after year. And the season seems to
come earlier every year. What happens if he wants to get married and have children? It doesn't mean he can't have a great family life without celebrating Christmas; but if he falls in love with someone like me, someone who loves Christmas, it might be difficult.”

Someone like me.
Cole's heart did a funny somersault. Maia did love Christmas, and he could see with her sunny, outgoing, giving personality, she would. She was happy and cheerful, and she wanted a home. Families celebrated things like Christmas. He nodded, feeling more alone than ever. “I've considered that. I just don't know how to go about getting him to enjoy the season. If we go into town, and he looks at all the decorations, that's enough to trigger the nightmares.”

“It started here, didn't it? With his father?” She asked it carefully, not looking at him, not taking a chance he'd see the knowledge in her eyes. She was treading on very dangerous ground. Cole would be lethal under the right circumstances, and she didn't want him to feel as if he had to defend himself.

“Yes.” He bit the words between his teeth. It wasn't talked about. Jase wouldn't be happy she knew he'd been abused, any more than Cole wanted her to know. There was a sense of shame in being a victim, even if you were a child and couldn't stop it.

“Jase has to feel his father's presence here all the time, especially if you both leave everything the way it was.
I
feel the man's presence. How could you not? If I was making the decisions, and I was going to keep the ranch, I'd change every single room. I'd redecorate, even use rooms for different things. I take it Christmas was never celebrated here?”

“God, no,” Cole said. “The old man hated Christmas.”

“Do you know why?”

Cole shrugged. “I'm guessing his old man hated it, but whatever his reasons, he used it to hurt everyone. He was at his most dangerous then. He seduced women, even brought them home in front of his wives. If anyone made the mistake of turning on the radio where he could hear a Christmas song played, and I'm talking the housekeeper or one of the ranch hands, he'd play it over and over and beat the hell out of Jase or his wife.”

Or Cole and his mother. Maia sat down in the wide, cushioned chair. She deliberately chose a single chair rather than the couch to keep a safe distance between them. Cole made her feel vulnerable. There was too much pain and suffering, and she was a healer. When she felt pain, she responded. She forced herself to remain calm, to breathe in and out when she wanted to scream with anger at the destructive monster who had caused so much suffering in his own children. “So in effect, that man is still dictating what goes on in this house.”

Cole passed his hand over his face, as if to wipe away the memories crowding in. “I fired everyone. The ranch hands, the housekeeper, anyone that was here and had to have known what was happening to him, but it didn't help much. I keep Jase with me when we interview people, and I listen to his input. He has a say in whom we hire and whom we pass on. I want him to feel safe here.”

“How can he when that man is still in this house? Brett Steele is everywhere, in every room. And he's still the boss. He forbade you to enjoy such a simple thing as a Christmas season, and you don't. So he wins. Even from the grave, he wins.”

Cole swore savagely, making Maia wince. She stared out the window to the heavy snowflakes, waiting for him to regain control of his temper.

“I'm sorry, Steele. You asked, and I gave my opinion. I'm no professional, and I'm sure you must have sought counseling for Jase. I shouldn't have said anything when I don't have any experience.”

He waved a dismissing hand. “I wanted your opinion, or I wouldn't have asked. I've considered what you're saying myself. I guess I just wanted you to say there was another, easier way. I've taken Jase to counselors; he doesn't trust anyone. He refuses to talk to them.”

“There has to be a really good professional who could help him.”

“Maybe, but I haven't found the person. I can't blame Jase. He tried to get help when his father was alive, and no one listened. In all fairness, they didn't dare listen. Money talks, and the old man had a lot of power. He could destroy a business easily and did if his son befriended someone or talked out of turn. Jase's trust is a fragile thing right now. I'm not going to force him to see anyone until he knows he can count on me.”

“And can he?” Maia asked quietly.

“If I never do another thing right in my life, I'll do this. Yes, he can count on me. He's coming first in my life. I've put my job on hold until he's squared away.”

Maia's gaze met his. “What job?”

Cole sprawled out in the chair across from her. “Does it matter?”

“Sure it does. Do you like what you do? Do you miss working?”

“I like the isolation of it. It's comforting. I know the
world and the rules, and nothing is ever a surprise.” Cole was astonished the words slipped out. Maybe he'd had more to drink than he'd realized. He pushed the bottle away with the tips of his fingers.

“I guess I feel the same way about my job,” Maia said.

Cole regarded her through half-closed eyes. She was always surprising him. There was something soothing and right about having her in his house. He could never imagine anyone else ever being there, but somehow Maia just fit. “Why do you travel so much? You should have a home.”

She flashed him her smile. The one that could knock a man off his feet even from a distance. He'd wanted that smile turned on him; yet alone in his house, with demons surrounding him and alcohol buzzing in his veins, it was all too dangerous. She was so beautiful, curled up in the chair, her bare feet tucked under her. And the question had to be asked, what was under those thin, flannel pajamas? He'd never considered flannel sexy before, but he was looking at it in an entirely new way.

“What? Stop looking at me as if you're the big bad wolf.” She shook her head. “I guess you can't help yourself, you're always in hunting mode.”

Instantly his expression closed down. His gaze was watchful, shrewd. “I don't like games, Maia. What the hell are you talking about?”

He was thinking conspiracy theory. She sat across from him, weariness plain on her face, no makeup, no guile, and he was actually considering the possibility that she had somehow set up the injury to the horse and was out to get him, using Jase. Had he gone over the edge? To be paranoid of the veterinarian?
She traveled all the time. Was
a stranger in town, but was able to gain the trust of those around her fast.
Nonetheless, the little voice that was always asking questions and compiling data persisted.

Maia saw the wariness in his eyes. The sudden alertness. There was danger, but she couldn't figure out what button she'd pressed. Talking with Cole Steele was like walking through a minefield. It was no wonder he preferred one-night stands. No talking, just get down to business and he was safe. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I was referring to your penchant for hunting for women in bars. I was just about to say when you're not treating women like sex toys, you're really an okay human being, but I've changed my mind. You're a very difficult human being.”

His eyes went cold and hard. “What the hell does that mean? I don't treat women like sex toys.”

“Of course you do. It's
exactly
what you do. You troll the bars for women willing to get you through the night, no strings attached. Hopefully you're also a safety boy.”

“Safety boy?” he repeated, unable to believe what she said.

“I hope you at least protect all those women; otherwise, there's no hope for you at all.” She turned away from him, shrugging her shoulders carelessly when she didn't feel careless at all. She was beginning to be pulled into the drama in the Steele home, and it frightened her. She didn't want to care about them, or worry about them. She couldn't afford to get involved with someone like Cole Steele.

“I'm not about to pick up a disease or get someone pregnant, if that's what you mean. And I don't give a damn what you think about me.”

His voice was as cold as ice, but he was smoldering with anger. She could tell.

Maia stared out the glass window, watching the snow coming down relentlessly. It was much safer looking at the snow than looking at him or around at the ice-cold beauty of the house. “I was stating a fact, not making a judgment; but you obviously have an entirely different set of values, so of course you wouldn't see it that way.”

Cole could feel his temper rise. No one managed to get under his skin the way she did, although he couldn't deny her accusation. He had gone into the bar several nights running with the sole intention of sleeping with her in the hopes of getting through the Christmas season. Looking at himself through her eyes wasn't a pretty sight, and the revelation was difficult to take.

“How do you know how I'd see anything?”

Maia turned her attention back to him, her too-cool gaze sweeping his face. “I don't, Cole. And I don't want to know anything. Whatever your suspicions of me are, I'm not looking for a husband, a lover, money, or anything else. I do my job, and I get out of town.”

Cole could feel his stomach churning. She'd given him an out. He should go the hell to bed, walk away and leave her alone. But something held him to the chair. Held him under her gaze. He wished it were sex. Wished it were the intense physical attraction he felt for her. He didn't want it or need it to be anything else. He scrubbed his hand over his face, trying to rid himself of the demons that refused to let go.

“The first lesson I can ever remember learning was never to trust anyone at all. Not my mother, certainly not my father, not the housekeeper or any of the hands. It
didn't matter how nice or friendly they seemed. They would report everything to him. They would stand there watching when he killed something I made the mistake of caring for. They stood in silence when he beat me with his fists or a whip or a hanger or whatever else happened to be handy.” He waved his hand to encompass the ranch. “This was a prison. There was no way to get away from him. He had his security force, who watched our every moment.”

He was half-angry with himself the moment he revealed one of his darkest secrets. He'd told her by way of apology for his paranoid conspiracy theories. Or maybe to prove to himself he wasn't as far gone a human being as he believed he was. Whatever the reason, he couldn't take it back no matter how much he wished he could.

Maia was silent, careful to keep her expression from reflecting the horror and compassion in her mind. She couldn't blow the moment by speaking, by saying or doing the wrong thing. Cole Steele was telling her something she doubted he'd ever admitted to anyone. He might have glossed over a difficult childhood, but he'd never spoken the details aloud to another human being. She picked up the mug of chocolate, now cool, wrapping both hands around it.

“Don't think I'm telling you this for sympathy,” Cole said harshly. “It's important for you to know what Jase has had to deal with. I don't want him to become like me. I want him to be normal. This is about Jase. You understand? Just Jase.”