Romance: Luther's Property (21 page)

The snowboarders demanded more drinks so Tim went back to
pouring beers.
 
I lowered my head and
stared at the floor, then reached for a tissue and headed for the door.
 
A group of women walked in, laughing and
shaking the snow out of their hair.
 
I
flipped my hair over my shoulder and then wrapped my scarf around my neck.
 
The women flitted to the bar and I watched
them for a few minutes before finally stepping out of Avalanche Saloon and into
the Montana snow.

“I got the job.”
 
I
sat down at the kitchen table and spoke to Rebecca over the phone.
 
“He felt bad for me.”
 
I played with a spoon while I talked, trying
to distract myself form the fact that I’d soon be serving drinks on the
weekends to a crowd of lustful young men.
 
The thought of it sent an uneasy wave of anxiety through my chest.

“Congratulations.
 
It’s what you wanted, right?”
 
Rebecca sounded matter-of-fact and I appreciated her honesty.

“Yeah.
 
I mean, it’ll
get me through this phase of my life.
 
I
don’t have room to be ungrateful, or even picky.
 
I just need to start generating an income
fast.”
 
I drew in a deep breath and then
got up to boil some water.
 
My nausea had
kicked in again, and I felt an overwhelming wave of fatigue drape over me like
a sopping wet blanket.
 

“You can always just see how it goes and then look for
something else if it’s not a good fit.”
 
Rebecca offered her advice and I nodded my head.
 
There was really no point in worrying about
it now.
 
I’d simply have to show up and
make the best of it.
 
“Let me know if you
need anything, okay?”
 
Rebecca had to
help Cherry with her homework, so we ended our conversation and I rustled
around in the kitchen for a tea bag.
 

Just as I was about to pour my hot water, I noticed that
Lizzie was standing close to the edge of the corral.
 
I opened up the back door and whistled.
 
She tossed her head to and fro, then turned
around and walked slowly back to the barn.
 
Joe used to go outside and feed her an apple around this time, and it
hurt me to realize that she probably missed him, too.
 
I dropped a lemon tea bag into my mug of hot
water, then closed the door and walked up the creaking, wooden steps that led
to the bedroom.

“Hi, Misty.
 
It’s
Alyssa.
 
I know.
 
It has definitely been awhile.”
 
I smiled and then sat on the edge of the bed
with my tea.
 
“I was wondering if you
were working tomorrow.
 
I just got a job
over at Avalanche Saloon and I wanted to pick out some new clothes.”
 
I knew that Misty would be happy to see
me.
 
Her husband, Rick, had been close
with Joe, and the two often went snowshoeing together.

“I’d love to put a few pieces together for you,
Alyssa!”
 
I could feel Misty’s enthusiasm
through the receiver.
 

“Great.
 
I’ll stop by
around ten.”
 
I smiled and then hung up
the phone.
 
Misty worked at Backcountry
Boutique, a cute mountain apparel store that had a wide selection of chic
clothing for men and women.
 
I had no
idea what I wanted to buy, but I knew that my faded jeans and woolen sweaters
weren’t going to cut it at Avalanche.

When I walked in to see Misty the next morning, she greeted
me with an embrace and a smile.
 
“Oh,
Alyssa.
 
I’ve been thinking about you so
much lately.
 
I can’t imagine how tough
it’s been for you.”
 
Misty looked at me
with her big brown eyes and then took me by the hand.
 
“Come on back.
 
We’ve got a ton of new stuff in.”
 
She smiled and sauntered to the back of the
store, her long blond hair trailing behind her back in a golden cascade.
 

“You know, I’m a little nervous about working as a
waitress.”
 
I smiled at Misty as she
pulled a red waffle knit shirt off the rack.
 

“How about this, Alyssa?
 
It’s got a nice low cut in the front but it doesn’t look slutty.”
 
She held it up to my chest and then draped it
over her forearm.
 
“Or…”
 
She paused and then pulled a green off-the
shoulder sweater off the rack.
 
“There’s
this.”
 
She held it out in front of her
and put a finger on her chin.
 
“I think I
like the red one better.”
 
She scrunched
her nose and put the sweater back on the rack.
 

I skimmed through a few of the shirts and then wandered away
to look at the pants.
 
How would I size
myself?
 
I wasn’t showing yet but I
wanted to buy clothes that would still fit me in a few months.
 
Should I even tell Misty that I was
pregnant?
 
Or should I just have her
direct me to the elastic band pants?
 
I
felt clueless and bewildered.

“Hey, Alyssa.
 
What do
you think about these fitted cotton skirts?”
 
Misty pulled a few of the rack.
 
I
knew immediately that they were perfect.
 
“They have a sort of bohemian vibe to them but they’re still classy and
hip.”
 
Misty draped a few over my arm and
then guided me to the fitting room.

“Thanks, Misty.”
 
I
smiled and then plopped my clothes onto the fitting room bench and started to
undress.
 
Once I had taken off my
clothes, I stared at myself in the full-length mirror.
 
A life of horseback riding and gardening had
put me in pretty good shape.
 
My thighs
were still firm and my breasts were full and round.
 
My stomach was still flat, and I placed my
palm over it, then smiled.
 
In just a few
months, my belly would be big and round with a little person balled up inside
of it.

“So what did you decide?”
 
Misty appeared outside the fitting room door, anxious to hear of my
decisions.
 
I laughed, then quickly threw
on one of the skirts and the red waffle knit shirt.

“The red shirt and the black skirt are prefect.”
 
I smiled and then threw open the door.
 
Misty stood with her hands on her hips, an
affirmative expression on her face.

“Perfect, Alyssa.”
 
She nodded her head and then smiled.
 
That outfit looks like it was made just for you.”
 
She gave my forearm a squeeze and then turned
around to walk away.
 
“Come on up to
register two when you’re dressed.
 
I can
give you a friend discount.”
 
She winked
and then strutted away.
 
I closed the
fitting room door and gave myself a good look in the mirror.
 
For the first time in two months, I liked
what I saw.
 
A spark of life shined
through and I felt some of the weight lift from my soul.
 

I thought about how my first night at Avalanche would go,
and then smiled.
 
How bad could it really
be?
 
I would just go in and do my job,
making sure that I worked as hard as I could.
 
I pulled the shirt over my head and slid my wool sweater back on.
 
Then I wriggled out of the skirt and put it
back on the hanger.
 
I felt a wave of
fatigue wash over me and I fought the urge to lie down on the fitting room
bench.
 
Then I put my jeans on, collected
my clothes, and headed up to the register.

Misty rang me up and wished me luck.
 
I slung my bag over my shoulder and left
Backcountry Boutique feeling confident and attractive.
 
I had some new clothes, a new job, and a new
life growing inside me.
 
I was going to
participate in life again, and set aside my despair for the sake of the
future.
 

When I got home I set the bag on the floor and climbed onto
the couch.
 
I closed my eyes and thought
about Joe, remembering how he used to kiss me every night before going to
bed.
 
A tear rolled down my face and I
wiped it off with the back of my hand.
 
I
propped my head on a pillow and closed my eyes, the weight of exhaustion
seeping into my face.
 
Then I imagined
Joey by my side, and drifted peacefully off to sleep.

“Hey, lady.
 
Over
here.”
 
It was only six o’clock, and I
was already exhausted from all of the running.
 
I had poured at least three rounds of beer for the group of men who sat
at the bar, and they still had demands that apparently weren’t being met.
 
I hustled to the end of the bar to see what
they wanted now.

“What can I get you?”
 
I smiled and then wiped my hands on my apron which was tied neatly
around my new black skirt.

“Well, my buddy here wants a burger and I want another
beer.”
 
He grinned and then took a sip of
his drink.
 
“And I want to get a round of
shits, too.”
 
He looked around and all of
his buddies, somewhat inebriated already, nodded with approval.
 

“Okay.”
 
I smiled and
wrote down their orders.
 
“Coming right
up.”
 
I walked away and then stopped when
I saw an arm waving wildly in the air at me.

“You-who!”
 
A man with
dark hair and a wool hat called out and leaned across the bar.
 
“Can you fill her up?”
 
He held his empty mug in the air and I nodded
my head, then took the empty and set it under the tap.
 
As soon as I pulled the lever to fill his
beer, a group of five college-aged students sat down right at the front of the
bar and asked for menus.
 

For a second, I felt like I might have a bona-fide anxiety
attack.
 
My heart raced and my hands
started to shake.
 
I had too many
requests all at once, and there was nobody around to help me.
 
The only other waitress was on the opposite
end of the restaurant, and the bartender who was on next shift wouldn’t be in
for at least two more hours.
 
It was up
to me to get these people what they wanted.

I poured the draft and then walked to the other end of the
bar to take the students’ orders.
 
I
hadn’t seen Tim all afternoon, and I guessed that he was probably in the
kitchen preparing food.
 
My feet already
hurt and the smell of the dank beer and the greasy food turned my stomach.
 
I didn’t want to get too depressed about my
first day, but it would be a lie if I told anyone that I enjoyed it.

I called Rebecca as soon as I got home and cried.
 
“It was awful.”
 
I wiped my tears and then sniffed into a
tissue.
 
“I don’t know, Rebecca.
 
It wasn’t like the people were really mean or
anything, but I felt like I could barely keep up.”
 
I blew my nose and then sighed.
 
“I guess I should have looked for
administrative work, instead.”
 
I shook my
head and then gazed out the window.
 
Lizzie was all the way out in the corral, and I frowned when I thought
about the possibility of selling her.

“It was your first day, Alyssa.
 
I would have expected it to be kind of
tough.”
 
Rebecca didn’t seem alarmed by
my call.

“Sorry to just call and dump on you.
 
I’m just worried because I’m not in a
position to quit, even if I hate it.”
 
I
looked around the kitchen at all the pictures of Joe and I that had been taken
over the years- one from our Colorado wedding, one from our trip to
Yellowstone, another from a family gathering out in Vancouver.
 
A part of me wanted to take all the pictures
and just shove them into the drawer somewhere, but another part of me didn’t
think I’d ever have the heart to really say goodbye.

“I think a nice hot bath would be good for you.”
 
Rebecca comforted me and then paused when
Cherry fought in the background for her attention.
 

“That’s a great idea.
 
Thanks, Rebecca.
 
I’ll let you
know how the rest of the weekend goes.”
 
I smiled and then hung up, relieved that I had at least gotten the
frustration off my chest.
 
She was
right.
 
It was only my first day.
 
I could still find better work down the line,
and just keep my job at avalanche until something better came along.
 

I ran some hot water and then cautiously climbed into the
tub.
 
My feet were sore and my legs were
tired.
 
I wondered how efficient I’d be
at the restaurant once my pregnancy progressed.
 
What if it only got harder?
 
I
fought back the desire to slide into a realm of self-pity.
 
I would have to make it work, and that was
all there was to it.
 

I knew that if my parents were still alive, they’d both tell
me to keep my chin up and persevere.
 
I
rested my body in the bubbly water, confident that I’d summon the strength that
would be necessary to see me through.
 
I
had seen hard times growing up as a girl, and I told myself that this would
just be more character building experience for my life’s journey.
 
I picked up a bar of soap and slid it along
my legs.
 
Then I placed it back into the
soap dish, closed my eyes and doze off in the soapy, scented water.

I could see his face clear as day.
 
His little button nose was tiny and warm, and
his eyes were pale blue.
 
His hair was
dark and it curled down onto his forehead in a perfect little swirl.
 
I could almost smell his breath and feel his
petal soft skin.
 
I leaned forward just
as he opened his mouth to cry and called out his name “Joseph Michael.”
 
Then I jolted forward in the tub.
 

I reached for a towel and then smiled as I dressed in my
pajamas.
 
The baby would be here in less
than seven months.
 
I needed to find a
bassinet and clothes.
 
I needed blanket
and book, and maybe some toys.
 
Where
would I put his nursery?
 
Would I use the
old laundry room down the hall?
 
My mind
drifted with thoughts of the future, and again I fought the urge to cry.
 
Joe would have been so excited to find out
that we were having a baby.
 

After I was in bed, I thought about what Rebecca had
said.
 
It was only my first day.
 
Maybe it would get better.
 
I rolled over and closed my eyes, then
thought about how great it would be to finally have some money in my
pocket.
 
I pictured walking into
Avalanche the next day with a big smile on my face.
 
Maybe someone would leave me a gracious tip
and it would make up for all the running around.
 
The light from the moon filtered into the
room, making a zig-zag pattern on the bed.
 
I thought once more about Joseph-Michael, then finally drifted off to
sleep.