Rough Riders Bundle 1(books 1, 2, 3) (92 page)

“Sex.”

“That’s it?”

“Yep. Great sex, not that I have anything else to judge it by, but the man definitely knows what he’s doing between the sheets.”

“And in the barn, and in the pasture, and on a horse if he’s anything like Carter.”

“Haven’t tried it on a horse.” AJ grinned and turned onto the paved highway. “Yet.”

“Does he know how you feel about him?”

“No. I’ll bask in his sexual attention and expertise for as long as I can. But we both know it has a finite end—when Ky comes home.”

“I worry about you, AJ, because I think you’ll take whatever little Cord McKay offers you just to be with him.”

“That might’ve been true if I hadn’t moved away last year.”

“But?”

“Even though this is my first sexual relationship, it’s opened my eyes about a lot of other things. I believed the sex was good because I love him. But Cord doesn’t love me and the sex is still good for him. Which shows me that I might have a skewed idea of what love is, now that I know sex and love aren’t intertwined.”

“That’s a bit cynical, isn’t it?”

“Maybe. Or maybe I stopped being naïve.”

“So if he asked you to marry him—”

“He won’t. His family comes first. His ranch second.” She wasn’t his family and he now owned her ranch.

A quiet pause hung in the tepid evening air.

Macie stared out the window across the moonlit fields. “It’s so beautiful here. I can see why Carter wants to divide our time and have the best of both worlds.”

At the McKay homestead, AJ said, “Drive safe tomorrow. Let me know when I can tell my mom your good news.”

“Will do. I’ll call you soon.”

AJ watched Macie disappear into the house. Cord’s truck was parked next to Colby’s. When she remembered what’d happened in that truck a few short hours ago…her toes curled in her flip-flops. She left before she found a reason to track Cord down for a repeat performance.

Jenn was still awake and sipping a glass of Jim Beam. Straight up.

“Is Mom asleep?”

“Yep. The kids wore her out. Everything wears her out these days.” Jenn shoved the bottle across the table. “Join me in a drink. I could use the company.”

“Sure.” AJ grabbed a juice glass, ice, and a Coke to mix with the whiskey. “What’s got you drinking alone?”

“Alan and I met this morning. I wanted to talk about visitation rights, summer vacation and school breaks over the holidays, you know, normal stuff that most fathers should care about.” She sipped her drink and didn’t look up. “Not him. As I sat across from him, the man I’d been married to for the last twelve years, I realized I didn’t know him at all.

“He doesn’t care about me or the kids. It’s embarrassing to admit I’ve been living a lie, trying to make something work that should’ve ended years ago. So as I sat there, sensing his impatience and his desire to ‘be done with the whole goddamn thing’ I knew how wrong I was to push for marriage with him in the first place.”

“Why?”

“He didn’t love me, Amy Jo. He liked me. The sex was really good. I believed I could work with that. I could make him love me. Or I could love him enough for both of us.” Bitter tears spilled down her cheeks.

“Jenn—”

“I can deal with him discarding me. But how am I supposed to tell our children,
his
children, that their father is discarding them too? That they might not ever see him again and that is
his
choice? How do I look them in the eyes and break their hearts?”

“You don’t. It’s not your fault Alan is a selfish dickhead who’s leaving you no option but to pick up the pieces. The only thing you can do is what you’ve been doing. Show Krista and Mason and Ariel you love them.
We
love them. We are a family no matter what. No matter where we live.”

Jenn made a sound between a gasp and a laugh.

“You are a great mother…and a great father too.” AJ went to her broken sister. Jenn wrapped her arms around AJ’s waist and sobbed in silent misery. AJ cried right along with her and felt like she’d aged ten years in the last ten hours.

After Jenn quieted down, AJ handed her a tissue.

“When did you get so grown up?”

“I’ve always been grown up. I didn’t exactly have a choice.”

“You did more things around the ranch after Daddy’s heart attack than you ever let on, didn’t you?”

“It had to be done. I didn’t know any different.”

“I wish I would’ve known. Makes me feel just as selfish as Alan.” Jenn blew her nose. She gathered up the glasses and put the whiskey bottle back in the liquor cabinet.

“Anything else you need tonight before I go to bed?”

“No, but since you’re dispensing advice, I’m gonna return the favor.”

AJ looked up. “What?”

“I know you’re seeing someone. I won’t ask who. I’d like to think if it was a serious relationship you would’ve brought him around to meet your family. You have a lot of years ahead of you in the dating scene. Remember this, when you find that special someone, whatever you do, don’t settle for less than a man who loves you completely.”

“I won’t.”

“Good. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Night.”

Rather than heading upstairs, AJ snuck outside. She stood on the front porch staring at the stars, contemplating family dynamics and her place in the universe for a long time before she finally crawled into bed.

‡

“W
hat do you
mean you can’t come over tonight?”

“Jenn stayed with Mom yesterday afternoon when I was helping Macie. She has things to do tonight when she gets off work.”

“Christ, AJ, that’s two nights in a row. You’re supposed to be here every night. That was the deal.”

The phone went silent.

“What?”

“You know, Cord, I think it might be time to renegotiate the deal. If you’re gonna get pissy about me taking care of my
mother
because you aren’t getting a piece of ass, then maybe I’m done dealing with you. Maybe you can continue to be a jackass on your own time.” She hung up.

“Goddammit!” Cord was half-tempted to whip the phone at the wall. Instead he threw it on the coffee table. Great. He oughta go over there and set her straight. Right. How was he supposed to come to terms with the idea that he…missed her?

What the hell was he supposed to do with himself tonight?

Cord stared at the fan spinning lazily on the cathedral ceiling. Maybe he should take up a hobby. Bowling. League darts. Whittling.

He headed for the barn. The farrier was coming in the morning to shoe all the horses. He might as well clean up the tack room.

Ky had made a mess of the place. Put him in a time warp to think he hadn’t been in here since Ky had left. Even more humbling was the knowledge he hadn’t ridden his horses for a couple of weeks. He’d have to rectify that tomorrow after they wore new horseshoes.

Cord dragged in the garbage can and cleaned up. Finished with that chore, he rearranged the ropes according to type and length. He restacked the saddle blankets. Gathered the horse’s grooming supplies for a thorough washing. Set all the saddles on the ground and checked for wear and tear he might’ve otherwise missed.

Took him ten minutes to find a clean rag. He kicked over a plastic pail and sat on it while he cleaned Ky’s saddle. The kid needed to climb on a ladder to get on his pony, Plug. But he’d been determined to get on “the cowboy way” so he’d swung his short leg over like an experienced buckaroo the second time he attempted to mount. Cord had been absurdly proud.

After he’d finished wiping the grime off and coated the leather with leather conditioner, he picked up the next saddle. He’d bought this saddle for Marla right after they’d moved back to Wyoming and she assured him she’d love being a rancher’s wife.

What’d he been thinking, marrying her in the first place? So she’d been pretty. So she’d fawned over him like he was John Wayne reincarnated. She’d lacked a sense of humor, although that wasn’t fair because most folks would say the same about him. She hadn’t been adventurous in bed, nor had she understood his occasional appetite for domination and a bit of kink. Somehow she’d equated those scenarios as a threat to her female independence.

Marla hadn’t been driven to success; she more or less floated along, flitting from one thing to the next. From the get-go she exhibited an aversion to working outdoors, and to working hard, so he didn’t know why he’d ever believed she would’ve been happy living in Wyoming.

Why
had
he fallen for her? Hell, why had he imagined himself madly in love with her? Why had it crushed him that she’d left? Because he hadn’t the balls to admit he’d made a mistake and she’d made the first move to rectify it? Had his pride concocted a lie after the fact about his deep, abiding love for her just to keep him infallible in the eyes of his son? The responsible Cord McKay had loved once and would never make the same mistake twice?

That bit of truth sliced him to the bone.

Cord racked his brain to counter that thought. Seemed to be a blank spot where Marla existed in his memory. A bitter, dark hole. If he couldn’t remember the good or the bad times, just a whole lot of nothing, why was he so bitter? Why had he sworn off all women? He’d always chalked up his reasoning to the old adage that one bad apple spoiled the whole barrel, but now he had to admit his line of thinking was seriously fucked up.

The outer door to the barn crashed open. “Cord? You in here?”

“In the tack room. Come on back.”

Kade paused in the doorway holding a six-pack. “Wanna beer?”

“Yeah.” Cord took one, twisted off the top and the metal cap pinged against the garbage can. He sucked down a mouthful. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” Kade flipped over another bucket and sat. “Whatcha doin’?”

“Cleaning up. Haven’t been in here since Ky’s been gone. The boy left his mark.”

They drank beer and talked about Ky’s adventures in the big city. Kade adored Ky and his son considered Kade another one of his uncles. The three of them hung out at least once a week, watching “guy” movies, taking in a rodeo, riding horses or target shooting.

“I’ve never seen that saddle before. Whose is it?”

“It was Marla’s.”

Kade picked it up and scrutinized it. “No bullet holes in it so I know you ain’t been usin’ it for target practice.”

“Har har. Forgot I even had the damn thing. Big waste of money. I think I coaxed her onto a horse maybe four times.”

“I don’t wanna be a nosy dick, but you still got it bad for her?”

Cord’s gaze zoomed to Kade’s. “No. Why’d you ask that?”

“Dunno. You ain’t been looking for another woman since the divorce, at least not in this county.”

“Maybe I’m concentrating my efforts on the next county over.”

Kade’s whole posture went rigid.

“What?”

“Nothin’.”

“I ain’t looking to get hitched again anytime soon.”

“That’s odd, what with your brothers finally taking the plunge. Least now any woman you brung home as a bride would have other female family around.”

“Worried about me becoming a grouchy ol’ bachelor, cuz?”

“Worried about a lot of my kinfolk, but you’d be damn near the bottom of the list.”

Cord swigged his beer. “Who’s on the top?”

“Colt. Followed by Dag. Then Cam since he’s getting shot over there. Kane.”

“Why Kane?”

“He’s been influenced by Colt. Neither of our mamas would be happy to learn how they’ve been treating women.”

“That why you moved out?”

“Partially. Mostly because I found myself skating toward that callous attitude. It ain’t right. I don’t wanna go through life with that sense of entitlement. Any woman oughta open her legs for me just ’cause I smiled at her or my last name is McKay. Leads to a bad outlook on all women.”

Cord wondered if that last comment was a shot at him. “When you find a woman you wanna date, I’m sure she’ll appreciate you not bein’ a bitter dickhead only looking for a piece of tail.”

“I am dating someone now.”

“Yeah?” Cord didn’t hide his surprise. “How come I haven’t heard about it?”

“Keeping a low profile. Don’t wanna mess it up and introduce her to our crazy family before I have to. And I definitely didn’t want her knowing what was goin’ on at the Boars Nest.”

“Do I know her?”

Kade shook his head. “She’s from out of state. She and her sister inherited a small family place and she relocated.”

“You ain’t gonna tell me her name?”

“Nope. But I will tell you I ain’t never met anyone like her. Makes me sound totally fuckin’ moon-eyed, but she’s funny and smart, sexy as shit, and she don’t take no shit, neither. There’s something there worth sticking around for.”

“I assume you’re banging her anyway despite your respecting women spiel?”

A hangdog look crossed Kade’s face. “No. Ironic, huh? The guy who weeks ago couldn’t talk about nothin’ but getting laid is…not getting any at all. And I’m good with that. What about you?”

Cord thought of hedging, but as long as Kade hadn’t named names, he wouldn’t either. “Actually, I am seeing someone.”

Kade’s eyes widened like Cord smacked him upside the head with a 2x4. “Get the fuck out. Seriously?”