Rough Riders Bundle 1(books 1, 2, 3) (95 page)

Now that she thought about it, she and Keely hadn’t gone beyond the “wouldn’t it be great to run a massage parlor in Sundance” pipe dream. No planning. Which allowed her to figure out a plan to make her dream happen on her own.

She needed a patron. Maybe the economic development department for the state of Wyoming had business incentives to keep natives in the area. It’d be worth looking into. The time had come for her to be assertive in all areas of her life.

As if on cue, her cell phone rang. Keely.

“What? No. I can’t hear you. Who? No. Haven’t seen him. But your mom is here. Look, K, I’ll call you later with all the juicy details.”

“Where are the bridesmaids?” Liza’s sister Glenda barked in the microphone. Glenda scanned the room from the makeshift stage, grinning when she made eye contact with AJ. “There’s one! Amy Jo Foster, come on down!”

Yippee. AJ wanted that skanky guy to rub his crotch in her face like she wanted to get gored by a bull.

She hopped up on the stage next to Liza, who didn’t look the least bit humiliated. She was absolutely in her glory. AJ wouldn’t do a damn thing to dim the gigantic grin on her friend’s face—she’d play along and pretend she was having the best time in the world.

The only other bridesmaid besides Glenda was Darby Van Zandt and she was shier than AJ and Liza combined.

“Now, ladies. We’re gonna have a little contest. Yes, there is a prize.” Glenda waved a clear plastic purple phallus with pearl looking things inside. “This vibrator, as seen on
Sex and the City,
is called the rabbit. It spins.” She hit a switch and the vibrator started to make a buzzing noise as the tip circled.

The women in the crowd went nuts.

“It has three speeds, even reverse. It’s waterproof. And this little do-hickey on the front? It vibrates in all the right places. I guarantee it won’t move on you at the moment of truth. It stays exactly where you want it. For as long as you want it. This here is a girl’s best friend because it can go all night without complaint…or until the batteries run out. And you don’t
need
a man with this bad boy around.”

Half the women cheered; half booed.

“Anyway, this fabulous prize will be awarded to one of these lucky ladies upon completion of a simple task.” She paused for effect. “The most creative placement of a rolled up twenty dollar tip someplace in Mr. Angel’s G-string with only her mouth. No hands allowed.”

The room erupted in fits of laughter, clapping, wolf whistles and boot stomping.

“Who wants to go first? Our lovely bride?”

Amidst the cries of
Liza, Liza, Liza
, AJ heard the sound of glass breaking. Dear Lord, were these normally prim and proper ladies throwing…beer bottles? Or was that outside in the main part of the bar?

Glenda placed a rolled up bill in Liza’s mouth. Mr. Angel—what a stupid name—sashayed over and turned Liza’s chair sideways so no one would miss out on the action.

Liza hammed it up. When she attempted to shove the money dead center in the pouch, it dropped to the floor. The stripper quickly picked it up.

A chorus of disappointed
aw’s
arose…followed by the sound of shattering glass and heavy thumps that no one but AJ seemed to notice.

Darby scarcely raised her head when Glenda placed a fresh twenty between her tight lips. Mr. Angel did his bump and grind routine, taking extra time working the crowd since it didn’t appear Darby was much of a sport.

Lord. Was this almost over?

Darby’s half-hearted attempt to insert the money in his belly button fell short and the bill hit the ground. Mr. Angel scooped it up.

Where was he putting that cash? Wasn’t like he had pockets.

A rowdier chorus of boos and whoops boomed. At the back table by the punchbowl, drinks were raised in a toast—then the members of the Ladies Guild of First Methodist Church…had a chugging contest.

Whoa. Getting out of hand in here.

AJ’s focus returned to Glenda calling for order after a fistfight broke out. Carolyn McKay stepped in to stop it. No doubt she had plenty of experience breaking up fights with her brawling bunch.

“We’re down to our final contestant.” Glenda slipped a rolled bill between AJ’s teeth. “Amy Jo, shown ’em how it’s done, girl.”

Drunken bellows of encouragement floated from the church ladies’ table.

Mr. Angel spun sideways and performed his cheesy lounge singer dance. When he gyrated in front of her, she said, “Turn around. We need to distract them before they riot.” It finally clicked what she meant and he straddled her lap with his butt in her face instead of his bulge. She waited while he dry-humped the air in front of her.

Good God. This was horrid. Women
liked
this?

And what the heck was that noise? Like splintering wood?

“Settle down, ladies, we’re getting to the good part. Go, Amy Jo.”

Amidst shouts of
Amy Jo, Amy Jo, Amy Jo
, AJ inhaled a deep breath when the stripper turned around. She slid the twenty beneath the G-string above his right hipbone. She’d almost made the corner of the fabric to tuck the money into the pouch, when the outer door to the bar burst open.

Curious men poured in, including Cord McKay.

Their eyes locked. And her mouth was dangerously close to a stripper’s…pole.

Rage flared in his dark blue eyes.

For the first time in her life AJ felt the urge to be contrary. Cord was already pissed, how much madder could he get? So amidst the confusion, keeping her gaze firmly on Cord’s, she dropped the cash in the man’s banana hammock and used her teeth to snap the stripper’s G-string like a rubber band.

Cord was infuriated.

The stripper yelled, “Ouch!” When he caught sight of the deputy’s arrival, the stripper snatched his duffel bag and slunk out the back door half-naked.

Glenda shouted, “Amy Jo wins!”

AJ hopped up and snagged her prize off the podium and hefted it in the air like she’d won the gold buckle at the rodeo.

A few women noticed and clapped.

Carolyn McKay floated her a thumbs up before she and her sister snuck out.

The deputy and male bar patrons stared in horror at the decorations and the leftover food. And Bebe and Toots were having a sword fight with two monstrously long and anatomically correct penis-shaped swords.

Which wasn’t nearly as much of an eyeful as the three women bouncing on a six-foot inflatable penis like it was a buckin’ bull. And two other women slow dancing with their life-size phallic partners.

Oh yeah. Keely would be absolutely pea green with envy.

Liza kept a silly grin on her face as Noah climbed up on the stage and helped her to her feet. “My Prince Charming.”

“My drunken bride.”

She giggled. “It was a grr-reat partay.”

“I see that. Ready to return to the castle, princess?”

“Yep.” Liza grinned at AJ as Noah scooped her into his arms and carried her out. “They’ll be talkin’ about this one for years.”

“That they will.” When she turned back around she saw Cord, standing in the same place, staring at her coolly. Like he didn’t know every inch of her body. Like it hadn’t bothered him a bit to see her on stage with a male stripper.

Like he didn’t care about her at all.

Say something. Come up here and chew me out. Drag me out. Don’t stand there and pretend you don’t know me.

Of course, Cord didn’t do anything.

Disappointed, AJ spun around to regain control of her emotions. Stupid rum punch and bridal games always made her weepy. She stacked the chairs on the stage and carried them to the wall.

When she looked back Cord was gone.

‡

B
ut he hadn’t
gone far.

Cord fumed in the shadows of the parking lot as he leaned against his truck outside the bar.

AJ had had her lips on another man.

His woman had her mouth near some half-naked punk’s groin.

In public.

And she’d been enjoying it.

Had she been drunk?

Didn’t matter.

Women stumbled out of the bar for the next half hour under the watchful eye of the Crook County deputy. Husbands, boyfriends, in a couple of cases fathers, picked up the bachelorette party attendees. A couple of women walked arm in arm down the sidewalk singing, “Chattahoochee” but they’d changed the words to, “Chapped My Hoochee” which wasn’t particularly funny, yet it sent them into gales of laughter.

Finally AJ came out. Alone. She nodded to Deputy Shortbull and headed for her Jeep.

Cord sauntered out of the shadows.

She jumped back. Then tried to start his goatee on fire with her glare. “Did you give your mom and aunt a ride home?”

“Nope.”

“Then why are you here?”

“You know.”

“No, actually I don’t, Mr. McKay.”

He scowled. “What’s with the
Mr. McKay
shit?”

AJ shot a look over her shoulder. “Are you sure you should be talking to me? Since we’re not supposed to know each and all? Someone might see. Spread rumors that you’re secretly diddling me and God knows we couldn’t have that.”

“Jesus. Are you drunk?”

“What does it matter if I am? Are you taking a poll?”

This was not going well.

“Wrong answer.”

“Do I get another prize for giving you the right response?”

“Knock it off, AJ.” He glanced at the box in her hand. “What’s that?”

“The prize I won.”

“What is it?”

She opened her mouth to snap off something smart, but changed her mind and smiled cagily. “A vibrator.”

“No fuckin’ way. What the hell do you need one of those—”

“—for? Comparison? That might be interesting.”

He stared at her steadily, wondering if the steam blowing out of his nostrils was the same color as the steam blowing out of his ears.

“Fun as this conversation has been, Mr. McKay, I need to be getting home. Might need to stop and pick up some double A batteries first.”

“Like hell. You ain’t goin’ no place until you tell me why you haven’t been around for the last three days.”

“Been busy.”

“Busy havin’ your mouth next to another guy’s dick?”

She looked at her watch. “Wow. It’s half-past I don’t give a shit what you think, Cord McKay.”

He growled.

“You don’t have the right to talk to me like that.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Why?”

Because you’re mine.

Where the hell had that come from?

“Because…Christ. It’s hard to have a serious conversation with you when you’re wearin’ lighted cocks on your head.”

AJ defiantly thrust out her chin and the penises bobbled. “We aren’t having a conversation. You’re giving me tough-guy attitude. If you won’t acknowledge me in public, you don’t have the right to chastise me for anything I do in public or in private. And now you lost the right to
do
anything to me in private either, bucko.”

“Quit bein’ so goddamn childish.”

Her eyes narrowed to silver slits. “Quit bein’ such a goddamn dickhead.”

“You’re the one with dicks on your head, baby doll.”

“Yeah? I can take mine off any old time I please, but you wear your dickhead status like a second skin. Or should I say as a second foreskin?”

“You tryin’ to piss me off?”

“No, I’m trying to go home. So step aside.”

“Tough shit. You ain’t in no condition to drive.”

“I’m fine.”

“Says who?”

“Says Deputy Shortbull. He forced me and everyone else to take a Breathalyzer. I passed. So hah!”

Don’t let her go like this. Stall.

“If you walk away from me, AJ, I swear to God your penalty will double. Triple maybe. You already owed me for the last two nights. Don’t make it worse on yourself.”

“Bring it, cowboy. In fact, you’d better bring a rope and hogtie me because that’s the only way you’ll
ever
get me back in your bed. But we both know you won’t do it.”

“Wrong.”

“We’re done with the hot, horny divorced cowboy and the virginal babysitter fantasy. And no, I won’t cause a hysterical crying scene that’ll embarrass poor proper rancher Cord McKay. This will end like it began—as our dirty little secret. But it sure has been fun.”

AJ pivoted on her stiletto, her hips swinging, the penises on top of her head swaying with every step of her long, sexy legs as she promenaded away from him.

Oh yeah. Little Miss Baby Doll just earned herself one helluva punishment.

‡