Ruining Mr. Perfect (The McCauley Brothers) (21 page)

“What?”

“You know. Marriage as stability. I’ll move in with Cameron, we’ll marry, provide you with a grandchild. But that’s all logistics and finances. We should have feeling between us. Trust me. I grew up in a cold household brimming with
things
. There’s more to life than money.”

“Vanessa, I’m not sure where you’re coming up with the impression I want nothing more than a package deal without the love. Of course marriage would be nice, but are you telling me you and Cameron feel nothing for each other but basic lust?”
Great. Now she’s got me calling him by his full name.

Vanessa blushed. “I’m not saying that at all. Cameron is the least mercenary, selfish person I know. It’s not him. It’s me,” she ended softly, staring at her hands. “I’m not good with people. I’m too aggressive. Too blunt.” She paused. “I don’t think I can love the way you McCauleys do, the way Abby and Maddie do. They’re full of laughter and fun. I’m me.”

Beth wanted to smile, but Vanessa would take that the wrong way. “I think you’re wrong. I think you love my son, and though you’re scared to death, you’re going to be an incredible mother. You’re smart and funny. Yes, you make me laugh. And you’re loyal. Your baby won’t get anything but the best.”

“Well, that’s true.”

“You’ll educate him or her, make sure the child is hugged and kissed. Won’t you?”

“I’d never let my baby grow up to feel unloved. But, Beth, what if I can’t give it what it needs?” The real root of Vanessa’s fear.

“Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know.”

But Beth thought she did. From what Cam had actually told her about Vanessa’s parents, the pair were brilliant but cold.

“I know two people who can help you in more ways than you might think.” Beth took Vanessa by the arm and led her down stairs. “When I had my hands full with Mike and Flynn, my sisters helped tremendously. And what do you know, you have two sisters waiting for you in the kitchen. Concerned and more than willing to do whatever they can to make you feel better. I’d remind you, also, that we McCauleys love children. You have me and James, two perfect grandparents.”

She drew Vanessa into the kitchen, where Maddie and Abby had gone silent.

“And you have Cam, who knows what it means to take responsibility. Not to mention his brothers, who just love spoiling their nephew to bits. A family to lean on, Vanessa. That’s worth its weight in gold.”

Abby’s eyes grew wide with shock, as did Maddie’s when they realized what Beth had been saying.

Vanessa didn’t leave anyone in doubt for long. “Okay, you two. I’m pregnant.” Her eyes welled again. “I didn’t want to tell you until I was certain, and I know you’re busy with stuff. The engagement, your deadlines—”

Maddie squealed. “I’m going to be an aunt! Wow!”

Abby jumped up and hugged Vanessa. “Me too! I’m so excited. When are you due? Is it a boy or girl? Oh wait, you can’t know that. Can I help with names?”

Vanessa looked over Abby’s shoulder to Beth and gave her a watery smile. “Thank you.”

Then Maddie grabbed Vanessa out of Abby’s arms. “I’m so going to help you design your nursery. I’m thinking blue.”

Abby frowned. “I like yellow.”

Beth sighed. “No, no. You have to wait until you find out what she’s having. Then you pick your colors.” Kids these days. “Now let’s sit down and talk about this like real women.” Planning was her forte. She knew just how to help Vanessa—by being organized. “We need to make some lists.”

Vanessa brightened. “I’ll get some paper.”

Cam couldn’t concentrate on his cards. Though it seemed like forever since he’d last played Friday night poker with his brothers, he wanted to be with Vanessa, figuring out why she’d closed off from him. Was this his fate? To be so in love with a woman who seemed to have forgotten he existed?
I
mean, shit. Why can’t she share with me? Why can’t I help her get over whatever’s eating at her?

“Would you wake up, Nancy?” Mike sneered and elbowed him to pay attention. “Jesus, it’s like playing with Flynn.”

“Suck it, asswipe.” Cam glared. “Nancy this.” He shot Mike the finger.

Mike grinned. “Oh good. He’s back.”

Their father had Colin at the house, where he and their mother now cohabitated once more. The pair was taking it slowly, keeping separate rooms. Cam knew it was only a matter of time before they were back to being embarrassingly in love. He’d seen them holding hands and mooning at each other a few nights ago. The only thing to perk up his sour mood.

They played a round while he did his best to focus.

“This is just embarrassing.” Brody shook his head as he put down four of a kind and took the pot. “I get beating Flynn.”

“Hey.” Flynn scowled.

“And Mike’s a no-brainer.”

“Keep it up, blondie.” Mike pounded his fist into his hand.

“But, Cam, come on, dude. I thought you were the smart one.”

“Vanessa’s still not talking to him,” Flynn had to say.

The table grew quiet.

“What did you do?” Mike asked.

Cam blew up. “Why the fuck do you assume it’s my fault? She’s the one needing ‘space.’” He put air quotes around the hated word.

“Oh boy.” Mike left the table and came back with a bottle of JD. “Drink.”

“I don’t need alcohol to relax.”

“Well, I do. Because if you keep moping, I’m liable to put your face through my table.” Mike poured himself a shot and downed it. “Ah, that’s better.”

Brody shuffled and reshuffled, fanning cards one way then the other. Like a professional, he manipulated the deck with amazing skill. “What’s up, bro? Come on, Cam. Tell us. We can help. We have ins with her girlfriends.”

Cam frowned. “Something happened to her. I have no idea what, but she’s been sick lately. And then she got a call. I’m afraid she’s dying or something.”

Mike shook his head. “No. No way. If Abby or Maddie knew, they’d have said something.”

“If they knew.” Flynn shrugged. “She’s been keeping quiet because Maddie can’t get anything out of her. Even Abby told her she’s worried. Because when Maddie and Vanessa clash, Abby’s usually the one to calm everyone down.”

“True.” Brody nodded. “My woman hears nothing from the blond dictator.”

“I’m worried,” Cam admitted, and for the first time since everything with her had gone down, he felt better for sharing his concern.

“Talk to her,” Mike advised. “You’re good at that.”

“I would but I promised to give her space.” Cam sighed. “I can’t imagine life without her.”

“Oh boy. I knew this was coming.” Brody rubbed his hands together with glee. “Today’s the twenty-third, right?”

“Shit.” Flynn dug in his pocket and handed Brody a few bills.

Then Mike swore and handed Brody a twenty.

“What the hell?” Cam stared.

“We bet on when you’d admit you loved her. It was obvious from the day she moved in.” Mike shook his head. “Only took you fourteen months.”

“Slacker.” Flynn grinned. Then he lifted his beer in a toast. “To Cam. He may be small, mouthy, and kind of a dork, but he’s joined the brotherhood of the damned.”

“The engaged. The married. The living dead,” Brody intoned.

Mike grinned. “Before you know it, you’ll be having mini-dictators. Little Vanessas with robotic movements and harsh words for any boy who dares wear shoes in the house. Hell, your kid’ll probably freeze the neighbors with her mom’s mini-death glare.”

The guys laughed.

Cam smiled, envisioning his eventual kids. “My kids will be so cute. And smart. Cameron Junior will be kicking your kids’ asses.” He heard something from behind Mike, and through the window in the back door saw Vanessa disappearing. “What the hell?”

“What?” Brody asked.

“I think I just saw Vanessa at the door.”

Mike groaned. “Great. More pissed-off neighbors. Think she overheard us teasing?”

“Maybe.” Brody shook his head. “Good thing I don’t have to explain myself to
my
girlfriend.”

“Amen.” Flynn cringed. “Good luck, Cam.”

Cam sighed. As if he needed more to come between him and Vanessa. Would she be offended they’d been talking about her? With his luck, probably.

He left the guys’ good-natured ribbing and condolences and pounded on the back door to the kitchen. Vanessa appeared at the window, the icy glare directed his way telling him he would have no easy time apologizing.

“Let me in,” he said through the glass.

She finally unlocked the door and stepped back, and he entered. “Hey.”

“Cameron.” She walked away and sat in the living room, then turned on the television. “You wanted something?”

“Yeah. How about you finally sac up and talk to me?” He’d try a page from the Vanessa playbook. Frank talk, borrowing from some of Mike’s more graphic phrasing.

“Excuse me?”

“Vanessa, I’ve been waiting for you to come to me for days. Then I see the back of your head through Mike’s window?”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she apologized with saccharine insincerity. “Should I have waited until the four of you were done insulting me, my mothering skills, my body, my brain, and my ineptitude at all things human?”

“What are you
talking
about?” Sometimes she gave him a huge headache.

“I heard what you said.”

“You can’t be upset about that teasing.” But the sheen in her eyes said otherwise. “Hell, Vanessa. The guys were playing.”

“They called me bossy and robotic.”

He’d hoped she’d missed that one insult. Robotic would surely put her in mind of her parents. “They were joking. And if you’d stuck around, you’d have heard me tell them how our kid would kick their kid’s ass. Even Colin, and I’m partial to him.”

She opened her mouth to retort, then closed it. “Oh?”

He shook his head and moved around the couch to sit next to her, face-to-face. “Tell me what’s wrong. I’ve been trying to be patient, but it’s hard. I want to help you.”

She clenched her hands together, and the anxiety was killing him.

“God. Are you okay? Is something wrong with you?” He paled. “Is that why you’ve been so sick lately?” He took her hands in his and kissed the backs of them. “Tell me. What can I do?”

She gave him a tentative smile, then wiped a stray tear. “God, I can’t seem to stop crying.”

“Talk to me.
Please.
”

“Cameron, I’m pregnant.”

He froze, not sure he’d heard her correctly. “What?”

“I’m pregnant. I don’t know how, because I really am—
was
—on the Pill. But somehow you got me pregnant.”

Her recent bout of weirdness—even for Vanessa—had started some time ago.

“Cameron?”

She still didn’t trust him. He loved her, and she couldn’t tell him the most important thing in his life without being forced to?
Damn
it.
“How long have you known?” he asked around a ball of shock and anger, trying to keep calm.

“I’ve been sick since that trip to Pennsylvania. I thought it was the flight, but I think I was pregnant back then.”

In a careful voice, he asked, “You never thought to talk to me about it?”

She watched him warily. “I didn’t know myself until a few days ago.”

“The phone call.” He nodded, remembering her pale face in her office. Her anxiety. “Was there some reason you didn’t tell me about any of this before now?”

“I wasn’t sure about the pregnancy. I mean, it never occurred to me.”

Her genuine bafflement erased any notion she might have deliberately gotten pregnant—not that he’d believed that in the first place. He knew her well enough to know she’d never do that. But he recalled how upset she’d been learning the news.

She
doesn’t want the baby.
The knowledge scarred him deep inside.

“I didn’t want to worry you until I knew for sure.”

“The doctor called and told you.”

She nodded.

“But you couldn’t tell me.”

She shifted, seeming uncomfortable. “I could barely wrap my mind around it. I wanted to tell you, but I had to handle it first. It’s so bizarre, and so new. I mean, me—a mother.” She shook her head. “I’m scared, Cameron.”

He wanted to tell her it would all be okay, but suddenly, he just didn’t know. For so long he’d assumed they could get around her insecurities. But time and time again he felt like he had to prove something to her. He fucking loved her, and she could barely bring herself to discuss his own child with him. If he could believe she wanted to keep it. What if she insisted on an abortion?

He stood before he said something he’d regret. The joy about his child was mired with pain, anger, and soul-deep weariness.

“Cameron?”

“I—I need a minute.” He started for the door, needing to get away.

“Cameron, wait.” She hurried ahead of him and stopped him from leaving, her hand on his wrist. “I’m sorry.”

He pulled his hand away, in love and aching, not wanting to touch her right now. “Sorry you’re pregnant?”

“Yes.”

The truth really hurt. “I loved you, Vanessa. Through all your bossiness, your issues, your everything. Again and again, I’ve tried to be there for you. But you just keep throwing it all back in my face. Now you’re pregnant, and I’m sure I’m somehow an ogre for getting you that way.”

“What? That’s not true.”

“You know what?
I
need space. A lot of it. I can’t talk to you. I… I guess I need time to process too. Before you go assigning blame that I’m a shithead about the baby, though, I’m
thrilled
to know I’m going to be a father. It’s the mother of my child I’m not too sure of anymore.” He walked around her and left before he said anything else.

Then he pulled out of Mike’s driveway and drove home. His mind kept circling around the fact he’d soon be a father. In another eight months. Lightheaded at the thought and still needing to pound something, so frustrated by a woman who wouldn’t know love if it bit her on the ass, he hastened to his place and changed. Then he went down to the fitness center, grabbed an open treadmill in the nearly empty gym, and started running.

***

Monday evening, Vanessa sat in her kitchen after another long day at work. She hadn’t heard from Cameron all weekend. Surrounded by well-wishes from his entire family, from Maddie and Abby, her aunt Michelle, and even her own parents—who shockingly liked the idea of her having Cameron’s child, marriage or no marriage—she still felt like the loneliest woman alive.

Cameron refused to talk to her. He’d answered her first phone call with a terse reply, asking if she felt all right. When she’d assured him her health wasn’t in question, he’d toned down his aggression and quietly asked her to give him space. What could she say but yes to that simple, polite request, considering it echoed the one she’d given him?

She didn’t feel any different, physically. She still had bouts of morning sickness, but knowing when to eat and when not to eat helped stay the nausea. But nothing could cure her sick heart. God, she missed Cameron
so
much
.

Behind her, the door opened.

“So. You pissed off the youngest. Not good.”

“Please. Do come in,” she drawled, not in the mood for James’s unasked-for comments.

He closed the back door behind him and joined her at the table. “Got any coffee?”

She nodded to the pot Abby had made.

He poured himself a cup and sat across from her. Unlike her, he looked great. Had a huge smile, big blue eyes that unfortunately reminded her of Cameron, and seemed happy.

“Abby’s in the study if you want her. Problem with your website?” Her roommate had a side web design business when she wasn’t writing her books.

“Nope. Came by to harass you.”

“Get in line. Your wife left an hour ago. Flynn and Brody are tag-teaming with baby names. None of which are even remotely acceptable. Mike keeps offering Colin like some kind of human sacrifice, as if I need to be tormented to know having children will not be easy.” He guffawed at that. “My roommates have been walking around on eggshells and spending
way
too
much
time
in
the
house
,” she said in a raised voice for Abby’s benefit, who was supposedly typing in her office down the hall. “You’d think I’m on my deathbed with all the attention. Not that your son has gotten me pregnant and ditched my ass or anything.”

James winced. “Ouch. Still got that wicked tongue, I see.”

“Contrary to what Cameron thinks, it’s not forked.” It felt good to feel angry, not sad.

He grinned and sipped from his mug. “You gave me some sound advice not long ago. Figured I’d return the favor.”

She lowered her forehead to the table. “God. Why me?”

“As I see it,” James boomed, “you hurt his feelings. Cam’s always been more sensitive than the rest of us. But you know, I think this time he has cause to be pissed at you.”

She raised her head and glared at him. “Do tell.”

“You don’t trust him. He’s not sure you even like him.”

“
Of
course
I do. That’s stupid to think I don’t. Hello? I’m pregnant?” Not counting her first lover, Cameron McCauley was the only man she’d had sex with sans a condom.
And
look
where
that
got
me.

“Right. You found out you were pregnant but didn’t tell him.”

“I knew for all of four days.” She did the math in her head. “Well, maybe I suspected a little longer than that, but I didn’t know for sure.”

James shook his head. “Come on, girl. You know Cam. He’s got that white knight complex. Likes to be needed. Problem is, you don’t need anybody.”