Running on Empty (34 page)

“Haaaah-low…no you wouldn’t.”

With everyone laughing, I shift the car into drive. I find myself tuning them out as I think about Blake leaving. I know he had every right to leave. He waited so long to be honest with me about his feelings, and the first chance I had, I said things I honestly didn’t even believe, just to push him away. He told me once how he respected my strength, but in that moment, I was nothing but a coward. I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t forgive me. But… I have to try. I have to know that I did everything I could to get him back. And, just like he did with me, I’ll lay it all out there for
him
to make the decision.

It seems the tables have officially been turned.

Using her voucher, Harlow books the red eye from Dallas/Fort Worth International to Denver International Airport, which doesn’t leave us a whole lot of time since Dallas is only about an hour and a half from Waco. Denver is the best option because Blake lives in Aurora, which is only twenty minutes away. I plan on taking a cab to his house, and I pray things go well…because that’s about as far as I’ve planned in advance. With my knack of thinking things to death, I figure it’s better to leave this one to chance. I can always spend the night in the airport if I need to. The key will be finding a cab that late at night.

Ahhh… Stop thinking Alex!

While Nycole is putting the final touches on our plan, I throw some extra clothes in a bag. I pack the essentials…toothbrush. Yep, that’s it. I throw a little makeup on so I don’t look like the walking dead when I make my psychotic stalker grand entrance at his house around midnight.

What if he has someone there? Taking a seat on the bed, I suddenly feel like I’m going to throw up beef and broccoli all over my comforter. Oh.My.God. What if he does?

“Stop thinking, Alex.” Harlow whips into the room, grabs my bag off the floor, and chunks it in my lap.
Not
helping with the nausea. “You need to go, you’re barely gonna make it as is. You have almost a two hour drive and check in. Get off your ass and in your truck now!”

“Harlow – what if he has someone there…you know...like
there
, there.” The nausea is slowly creeping into my throat.

“Stop it! Not going to happen. He loves you, Alex. Stop trying to talk yourself out of it. Check in with Nycole, make sure it’s done, and get going. You’re going to miss your chance…and I’m gonna be pissed if I lose my voucher because of this. It isn’t often that I find myself being charitable…don’t make me regret it! Now go!”

She is kind of starting to scare me with her yelling, so I snatch the bag and throw it over my shoulder. “Alright! I’m going!”

I walk into the living room and Nycole shows me the finished product. I clasp my hands together, “Nycole, it’s perfect!” I place it in my bag and give her a hug. “I love you, Nycole. I couldn’t have done this without you. But remember, if it doesn’t go well, this is about doing the right thing. Not about bringing him back, okay?”

She unwraps her arms from my around my neck and puts her hands on her hips. “It’s going to be fine, mom. Like I said, he loves you and you love him. Everything will be fine. And if not, it wasn’t meant to be.”
Jeez
– this kid and her infinite wisdom.
She totally gets it from me.

I give her a quick kiss on the forehead. “Thank you. I love you, baby.”

“Love you too, Mom. You better get going or Harlow is
really
going to start yelling. Or have a heart attack.” I can’t help but laugh. She’s completely right.

“Kyndall! Rylie! Mommy’s leaving and I need some hugs!”

I hear a bedroom door slam then their loud footsteps as they run down the hall. I watch Rylie’s eyes light up with excitement as she enters the room.

“Do you think he’ll like his present, Mommy?” I bend down and scoop her into my arms. “Of course he will baby. You helped make it. He’ll love it!”

She gives me a big grin and all I can see are the divots in her cheeks where her dimples are. I push her curly hair away from her face. Strands of it stick to her mouth from the ice cream she ate earlier. Licking my thumb, I wipe the remainder of the chocolate off her face. “I love you, you messy little thing!”

Giggling she shouts, “Love you too, Mommy!” I set her down and watch her and her hair run wildly around the living room. Turning to Kyndall, I pull her close to my side.

“I’m going to miss you, Mama.” I can tell she’s a little worried about me leaving. I crouch down and stroke her cheek. “I’m gonna miss you too, sweetheart. But, I’ll be back before you know it. I promise.” I kiss her forehead and put my hand on her shoulder. “I need you to help Harlow with Rylie tonight. She’s acting like a crazy person. Just look at her.”

We both watch Rylie take her shirt off and swing it around over her head. Kyndall looks at me, eyes wide. “See, Kyndall. She’s nuts.” Kyndall giggles and I give her another quick squeeze. “Can you help with her, because Harlow’s kinda going crazy tonight and I don’t think she can handle much more of naked Rylie.” Right on cue, Harlow yells from my bedroom, “Go! You’re going to be late!” I roll my eyes and turn back to Kyndall. “I love you, baby. I’ll be back soon.” I get up and kiss the top of her head.

“Alright, Harlow! I’m out!” Harlow comes out of the bedroom. She hooks her arm in mine and walks with me to the door with all three girls following closely behind. I turn to her and give her a tight hug.

“I’ve got this, Alex. Don’t worry. Nancy already told me she would swing by in the morning. We’ll take the kids and she’ll drop me off at work. We’ve got everything covered. Just go to him, sweetie. This is your second chance; don’t waste it.”

I pull back from our embrace. “I love you, Harlow. Thank you. For everything. I owe you so much, more than you can possibly imagine.” Harlow gives me a quick wink. “Don’t worry, I’m keeping a tab.”

I give her another quick hug and whisper in her ear, “Oh – and no sleepovers with Trace…
whore
.” She laughs and then releases her arms from around my shoulders.

Looking down at the girls, she instructs, “Tell Mommy goodbye and good luck.”

”Goodbye!”

“Good luck!”

“We’ll miss you!”

I lift my bag up onto my shoulder. “I love you
all
. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

I turn and walk to my car; the door shuts softly behind me. I hear the girls giggle loudly, scream, and then run. Yeah, I don’t think they’ll miss me
too
much.

Throwing my bag in the passenger’s seat, I exhale a cleansing breath. I can do this. I have to do this. I
will
do this.

I’ve already lost one good man during my lifetime. I’ll be damned if I’m going to lose another one.

After the two hour flight that seemed to land way too quickly, I find myself hailing a cab in the front of the airport. My nerves are at an all time high. While waiting for the cab, and holding the world’s smallest, now crumpled up, piece of paper with Blake’s address, I can’t stop tapping my foot. The same damn foot that started tapping when I boarded the plane and the realization hit me that I passed the point of no return.

I think my shin is cramping.

A cab finally decides to stop for me and I climb in, handing him the paper. I close the door and rehearse the speech in my head. I decide to stop going over it when the cabbie looks at me in the mirror like I’m crazy. I guess mouthing it while rehearsing isn’t such a good idea. I remain quiet the rest of the ride.

Soon after, the cab begins to slow, and I take my first look at Blake Morgan’s home. It’s actually really cute. It’s in a nice suburban neighborhood and has red brick with white siding. There’s a big oak tree in the front and I notice the lawn’s well kept…he must have a regular crew considering how long he was in Texas.

Looking down at my watch, I cringe.

12:37 AM. Alex Meyer.
Psycho Stalker.

Oh well…here goes nothing.

I tip toe as I walk onto the porch. I’m not really sure why, since I’m about to wake him. I guess it’s a habit I developed from toilet papering Ashley Thompson’s house with Harlow. I wipe the sweat from my palms on my pants and raise my fist to knock on the door. Taking in a final deep breath, I say a little prayer and knock quickly.
This whole situation seems very familiar.

I wait for a couple of seconds. Nothing. I knock again and wait. Still nothing. I lean over to look in his driveway. His bike is parked by the garage. Getting frustrated, and cold – I dressed for Texas weather,
dumb
– I ring the doorbell the same way Rylie would, at least twenty times in a row.

I cover my mouth in nervous excitement when I hear Blake stomping down what sounds like stairs and approaching the door. The porch light comes on momentarily blinding me. I think quick and cover the peep hole with my finger. Which is pointless, because I soon see Blake move the curtains aside on his front window. I give him a hesitant wave.

“Alex?” I can hear the aggravation in the tone of his voice.
I guess this is a bad time to start having second thoughts?
“What in the hell are you doing here?”

Here we go.

“Freezing my ass off. Let me in, Blake. I need to talk to you.” I start jumping around in place to keep warm. I hear the locks turning and then he cracks open the door.

“Go back home, Alex. I’m done. I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry you came all the way here for nothing. But I have nothing else to say to you. I’ve moved on…just like I said I would. You’ve made your decision. Now please, go.”

Ouch. That was a little rougher than what I expected.

“Really, Blake? Where am I going to go? Seriously, let me in.” Before he can refuse, I push my body up against the door, once again placing my foot in the doorjamb to keep him from being able to close it. I take both hands and push them through the crack of the door, making sure to keep one set of my fingers extended while the other wraps around the side. “My fingers are in the door, Blake! Just letting you know so we can avoid any unnecessary injuries! It would be really shitty for you to break my hand again!” Even pushing with all my strength the door doesn’t budge. “Just open the damn door!” I give it one last push and the door flies open.

I immediately fall forward and almost land on the floor when I feel Blake’s arms wrap around my waist from behind to keep me from falling. As he pulls me up, I can feel the current flowing between our bodies. I sink into him without realizing it. The only reason I know is because as soon as he sets me back on my feet, he steps away and the weight I was putting on him causes me to stumble back a bit. I correct my balance and turn to look at him.

“
Necessary?
Do we have to do this
every
time? All I’m asking for is five minutes of your time then I’m gone. That’s it.” I watch as he shuts the door. He turns back to me. “Clock’s ticking, Alex.”

Oh, the pressure.

“Well, I was planning on longer than five minutes actually, so I’ll have to give you the shortened version I guess. It’s not the one I rehearsed on the way over here so bear with me.” Nervous rambling.
Nice.