Rush (Pandemic Sorrow #2) (10 page)

“Why would you want one girl when you can have a hundred? That doesn’t make sense to my dick.” The door opened and the guys walked in. “You going
down
, Jules? You know,
down
on the
elevator
?”

“No,” she growled. “I was just going to get more ice.”

“Oh, yeah. Got some sore muscles you need to ice down? All that tension will do that to you, you know, make you tense and shit.” I nodded, then pulled in a deep breath and glanced over to Stone and Pax. “Does it smell like pussy in here to you guys?”

Her eyes popped open before narrowing on me just as the doors shut.

Shoving his hands in his pockets, Stone arched his brow. He took a few quick whiffs of air and his lip curled up on one side in a slight snarl. “Yeah, it kinda does.”

Pax chuckled and dug a handful of pills from his pocket. “Something tells me Rush found some dumb bitch in the elevator and fucked her.” He held his palm out, and Stone and I each took one of the tablets.

I placed the ecstasy on my tongue and swallowed. “It wasn’t a bitch, it was a woman,” I corrected him.

Chapter 14

I was almost unbearably hot and sticky. E made my sweat feel like sugar water. The girl I had been dancing with handed me a bottle.

“You need to drink it. You’ll get dehydrated if you don’t.”

I hugged her, unbelievably happy that she’d brought me water. I breathed in her girly-scented brown locks. “I got this, babe. I’m a pro at drug use.”

She giggled. “Aren’t most rock stars?”

“I’m
not
most rock stars,” I shouted over the loud bass rumbling through the dance floor. I just wanted to touch her, run my hands through her hair. The way her hair felt under the influence of E was insane. It was like a silky, soft form of bliss.

Taking the ends of her tresses in my fingers, I brushed them over my cheek and along my jaw, a deep groan vibrating from my throat. “Fuck, you’ve got nice hair.”

Another excited giggle.

The lights flickering around the room made everything seem surreal. They were so bright, so fucking brilliant, that at that moment, no one could have convinced me that this pathetic excuse for a club wasn’t an extension of heaven.

Suddenly, that euphoric rush fell over me, and each nerve ending in my body lit up like a slot machine in Vegas. My eyes fluttered and that girl pressed her mouth against mine. Her tongue slid between my lips, wrapping around mine, stroking it and tracing behind my teeth.

I must have kept blacking out, because one moment I remembered being in a swarm of people and loud music, and now here I was in a stall in the women’s restroom, watching some random brunette greedily swallow back my dick. She moaned, her mouth furiously working over me, and for a second this all felt wrong. For a split second, I couldn’t even concentrate on what this girl was doing to me, because all I could think about was Jules.

I closed my eyes, pissed because I knew it would go nowhere with Jules, but even angrier that I wanted it to. I shook my head, grunting from frustration as I opened my eyes again.

I stared down at the girl, her lips pulling back on me and exposing the base of my head before she engulfed most of my cock again.

She was sucking Jules right off of me, and I needed that.

*****

I slammed the limo door. The sun was rising and the sky was bright neon pink and orange. Completely worn the fuck out, I staggered toward the entrance of the hotel, following Stone.

“You ever think sometimes we should give it a rest?” Stone yawned and grabbed the railing to hoist himself up the concrete stairs.

I let out a mumbled grunt. “What the fuck ever, dude.”

“What if Jag’s ready? Huh?” Stone reached for the door. “What if this girl fucks it all up and he wants out?”

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little pissed at Jag. He had gone against the code and had let a girl get to him. He didn’t want to be Jag anymore, and if he wasn’t Jag, we were all as good as fucked. I could just imagine this girl getting knocked up and trying to get him to settle down and get married or some bullshit like that. A band as big as us—a band with the kind of front man that Jag is—can’t lose its lead singer and stay alive. If we lost Jag, we were done.

“Well, that’d be the end of us, I guess. All over a piece of pussy,” I said.

“I need food. Want to go grab something real quick?” Stone started in the direction of the hotel restaurant.

I shook my head. “Not right now, I’ll catch you later.”

My head was throbbing from dehydration and a lack of sleep. I felt disgusting. I was sticky from sweat and everything else that had gone on the night before. Usually, there was some sense of satisfaction after a night like that, but as the elevator doors shut and I leaned against the wall, watching the numbers slowly roll up, my stomach kind of twisted.

The shit I’d done the night before flipped through my mind. Stone and I had ended up at some girl’s house, fucking her and her roommate, and instead of being able to relish in that memory, Jules’ face kept interrupting my mind. It went like this: Threesome…girl going down on the other, stroking my dick, a few moans—
fuzzy static
—Jules’ lips curling up into a kittenish grin, her breathing falling ragged, and her lips pressing against mine—
fuzzy static
—girl riding me while my face was buried between the other one’s legs, who was sucking Stone off—
fuzzy static
—Jules staring at me from across the tour bus, guilt rippling across her face. Jules laughing, shooting me evil glares, and then me having her pinned against the wall of the elevator I was now standing in.
Fuck!

I shook my head. I should have never messed with her again. Once had been enough to drive me damn near crazy, and now I couldn’t shake her from my mind. I wanted her. I liked her…I fucking
liked
her, and I couldn’t have her. The thing with her was that she was off limits. Almost untouchable, and I knew that.

Maybe that’s what it was with all those damn fans. I was untouchable, and when you think you have a shot with something you feel you have no business with, with someone who’s out of your league, you’ll do stupid things to prove to yourself you deserve them. It’s an ego thing, a self-esteem thing, and with Jules, it was something a hell of a lot deeper than that too.

I had gone off and fucked those girls to make that want go away, to swallow the need I felt for her, to wash her right off of me, because at the moment that had seemed like the thing to do. I needed to deny that I had feelings for someone who wouldn’t let herself feel for me. I was doing stupid things to prove to myself that I didn’t deserve her. And really, I didn’t. Not in any fucking way did I deserve her, and I could’ve sworn she knew that. I thought she was smarter than that.

Chapter 15

For the next three days, Jules only talked to me when she had to. It was awkward and uncomfortable because I had no idea how to handle it. I liked her, but I couldn’t let her know that. You let a chick know you want her and you’re fucked.

Jag and I had just finished a line, and his eyes cut over to Jules, who was sitting on the couch, Kindle in her face and earbuds in. One corner of Jag’s mouth curved up and he chuckled. “What’s her deal?”

Sweeping the trace amounts of powder from the table, I shrugged.

“Oh, come on, Rush. I’m not fucking stupid, you know? She’s barely said five words to you the past couple of days. Hell, she has barely said any smartass comments to
me
the past few days. Something’s gotten stuck up her ass.” He arched both brows and his grin deepened. “Wouldn’t be your dick, would it?”

“Nope. My cock has not been in her ass.”

He nodded and leaned back in the seat, stretching his arm across its back. “Yeah, just her pussy. If you fucking like her, do something about it. Don’t be such a dumbfuck.”

I managed to keep my expression completely flat. Instead of bragging that I had fucked the absolute piss out of her in that elevator, I just shook my head. I didn’t want people knowing this side of my business, not even Jag. I’d rather just keep that shit to myself so if nothing ever came of it, I’d still have my pride. I didn’t know what was going on between me and Jules, but it was obviously something. The question was whether that something was reciprocal feelings, or hatred.

Jag took his shades off the top of his head and slung them on the table, wiping under his nose. “I’m going to call Roxy and beat one off before I go to bed. Stone and Pax have those skanks back there with them, so it looks like it’s just you and Jules for right now, unless you want to go shove your dick in the mix back in the boom-boom room?”

“Nah, dude. I’m just gonna watch some shit on TV.”

Jag stood up, adjusted his dick, and laughed. “Good luck with that, man. I swear it’s really not that bad. Might surprise you how much you need something you don’t even know you don’t have.”

Who the hell is this dude? Jag doesn’t say shit like that.

Just about every night, Jules and I were the last ones to go to bed. And before I ever fucked her, we sat out there and joked. But over the past year, most of the time when we were alone, we just sat there.

Alone. Silent. Awkward.

The tension was damn near unbearable. And the reason I sat out there, forcing my eyes to stay open, was for the sheer fact that if that was all I could have from her, I’d take it. I wanted to fuck with her head. I wanted her to know that I was there for her. Fucked up way of showing, I know, but I felt like I was subconsciously putting in her mind that I would never leave her alone.

I tossed a pick at her. “It’s been two weeks. You can’t go the rest of your life without talking to me.”

Her eyes didn’t budge from the screen. “Not trying to.”

Women and their fucking vague-ass responses.

“What are you reading?”

“
Stepbrother Dearest
.”

I rose and sat next to her, leaning in to skim over the words. The first word that caught my attention, to no surprise, was “cock.”

Pointing at that word, I leaned down and glared up at her. “You into shit like this? If I was your stepbrother instead of your client, would that make you more likely to fuck me, huh? You need something more taboo?”

She swiped her finger across the tablet, turning the page. “No.” A few seconds later she giggled. “And besides, there’s no way in hell you could ever be as hot as this guy in here. Pretty sure his dick is bigger than yours, too.” She pulled her tablet to her face, the corners of her lips curling up. “Yep. According to this description, he’s got way more going on than you do.”

I released a breath and fell back into the seat. That girly, fresh linen scent of hers wafted over to me, and I just closed my eyes. “Okay.” Placing my hands on my knees, I rose. “I’m done. You win. I’ll leave you alone.”

I plopped down on the couch, placing one arm behind my head and flipping the TV on.

“Thank you,” she said. “You’re good at fucking, Rush. But that’s as far as it ever went for me. And it should’ve never gone there. We work together. We
have
to be able to work together.”

I nodded. “Yeah. You’re right. We never should have fucked, my bad.”

We sat in silence for a while, and each moment of quiet did nothing but build anger and resentment in my chest. The more I thought about how uninterested she was, what a bitch she had been despite my trying to be nice to her, well, it just really pissed me off.

I started laughing. Hard. And waited.

I heard her Kindle slap against her thigh. Then came a huff. I continued to snicker, drawing my leg up just a little as I laughed harder.

“
What
? What is it, Rush?”

“Oh, nothing. Just the fact that I was trying to get you. That’s the stupidest thing. You know? It’s all about the chase.” I stopped and turned to glare at her. I bit down on my lip and let one last huff come out of me for good measure. “It was never you, just the fact that you told me no. The same as Jag and that girl, you know?” I clicked my tongue ring against my enamel and nodded. “Well-played, Jules. Well-played.”

Her brow wrinkled and she crossed her arms. “What? Well-played, what the fuck are you talking about?”

“You thought if you played hard to get you could trap me. Make me think I wanted you for more than a blow job.” I gave her the thumbs up. “Nice move, sweetheart. Not gonna work like that though.”

She went back to her book. And I had a sense of peace because I felt like I’d covered up my feelings.

An hour later, the movie I’d been watching ended and I flipped the TV off. Stretching, I got up to go to my bunk, but first glanced over at Jules, who was now asleep on the couch, Kindle still glowing on her stomach.

“Jules?” I whispered.

Her arm dropped off the couch when the bus bumped over an uneven spot in the road.

I rubbed over the back of my neck, then reached for the blanket on the back of the couch. I took her Kindle from her lap and turned it off, then gently covered her with the blanket. I stood there looking at her, guilt from the unnecessary, hurtful things I’d said beginning to swallow me.

“I didn’t mean it.” My eyes trailed over her face, stopping on her plump lips. “I wish I did, though,” I mumbled under my breath before turning to go down the hallway.

Funny that you have absolutely no control over your own fucking mind sometimes.