Rush (Pandemic Sorrow #2) (18 page)

Chapter 25

I’d blanked out a little; the phone was pressed to my ear and I was listening to her talk, but nothing was registering with me.

When you have a life-altering revelation that you’re an absolute dick, when you get hate mail from fans who blame you for your best friend’s overdose, it fucks with your head.

They’d cancelled the tour, not sure when they would be able to reschedule it, because, thankfully, they wanted to give Jag time to adjust.

I stared out at my backyard, watching the sun reflect from the surface of the empty pool.

“Rush,” Jules’ voice brought me back to the moment. “You sound relieved that the tour was cancelled.”

I opened the glass door to my patio and stepped out into the warm sun, thinking about how I was both relieved and disappointed over it.

“You there, Rush?” Jules asked loudly.

I pulled the phone away from my ear. “Yeah. Relieved, sure.”

“Have you talked to him?”

“Yeah, I did this morning.”

I couldn’t help but laugh, thinking about our short conversation. “He asked me if I’d fucked you yet. No brain damage, fucking’s still one of his top priorities…”

“Good. Wouldn’t know what to do if he wasn’t worried about sex.” She pulled in a breath. “James is determined to not let Roxy see him. He won’t even relay that she’s asked about him. You should tell him next time you get to talk to him.”

I scratched through my hair, thinking about what that may do to him. If I told him, it would drive him crazy; he would obsess over it, want to talk to her, and I refused to do anything else that could damage him even further.

I cleared my throat. “So, when you gonna be back in town? I don’t like you having to do all this shit for this other band.”

“Oh, come on, now. You jealous?” She giggled, and I could just imagine how her nose was crinkling up about that time. “We’re not supposed to be serious, anyway, remember?”

“Yeah, sure thing, sweetheart.”

“Yeah, give me a sec.” she yelled to someone else, then came back on the line. “All right, I’ll see you in a few days, okay?”

“Be safe.”

I stood outside for a few minutes after hanging up the phone, just staring into the bright, crisp, linen blue sky.

Life is crazy. Unpredictable. At times unbelievable. It had been a month since Jag OD’d. We hadn’t practiced, we hadn’t had a show, no interviews; the media had thinned out once they realized he was going to pull through and that none of our merchandise would become expensive memorabilia. No parties, no sex with random girls. The only thing I’d done was spend time with Jules. For the past month, my life had been normal.
Normal
. And the serenity I felt from that was unreal because when I wasn’t having to play famous, I could just be me. I could be with Jules. I could breathe.

*****

James had called us and demanded that we all go out to a bar for group therapy. He said we needed to boost the morale of the band, like he even knew what the fuck morale meant.

“Man, what’s got you? You haven’t hit on the first chick. Hell, you haven’t even looked at one,” Stone said, tipping back his beer. “Is it Jag? He’s good. I’m going to get him in a week. We’ll be all right, man. Better, we’ll be better!”

I nodded, ignoring most of what he said. I took a swig of beer and settled back into the seat.

Pax’s obnoxious laugh broke through the dance music booming through the crowded club. “Stone!” Pax pointed, his eyes gleaming. “You have some luck, man. There’s Jag’s girl’s little sister. You gonna fuck her again?”

Stone swatted his hand through the air. “Man, no. Wouldn’t that almost be incestual? I mean, she’ll be the aunt to my niece or nephew.” He paused, his brows pointed down, and mumbled under his breath. “If I ever get to see the kid…”

“Well, she’s coming over here,” Pax laughed before guzzling back his beer.

She looked pissed as hell. Her walk was not sexy, or girly; it was hard, angry, borderline amazon woman.

“Hey, let me handle this. She looks like she’s ready to slap the piss out of someone. And I’m the only person who hasn’t been a complete ass to her sister.” Pax put his empty beer on the table, stood up, and causally walked in her direction.

Stone and I stared at each other in shock. I watched Pax start talking to her. It looked like she was yelling a little, then she pointed over in our direction. Pax nodded, then put his arm around her and walked her to the other end of the bar and ordered a drink.

“He’s up to something,” I muttered, sloshing back some more beer.

“My favorite band!” James’ voice came from behind us, and soon enough, his arms were around our shoulders, shaking us. “A lot’s gone on. I know I haven’t been the easiest motherfucker to work with this past month, but I’ve always had your best interests in mind.”

Releasing his hold, he walked up to the bar and ordered a drink. He scanned the crowd, then asked, “Where’s Pax?”

Stone shrugged and pointed across the room. “Over there with some girl.”

“Huh.” James squinted, grabbing his drink.

We sat in the VIP area of the club where no one would bother us and listened to James go over the tour and how we were revamping our image. James kept buying us drinks and being overly social; he wasn’t condescending at all, which made me fully aware that he had a hidden agenda.

He stretched his arm across the back of his chair, glaring first at me, then at Stone. “You know that Roxy girl’s no good for him, right?”

“James, let’s just leave Jag out of this tonight, okay?” Stone pleaded.

James nodded, and his eyes locked on something behind my head. The corners of his mouth curled up and he waved. “Nothing like a pair of strippers to tell you I’m sorry, right?”

Before I had a chance to question him, he’d gotten up and unhooked the rope to let three nearly naked women in. “Consider this my peace offering.”

The girls trotted in front of us and stood, their hips swaying from side to side as they tried to look as seductive as possible.

“These are the kind of strippers you can take home too. On the company.” James chuckled and sat back down in his chair. He waved his hand in the girls’ direction. “Take your pick.”

About that time, Pax hopped over the rope, grinning at Stone. “You’re welcome for calming Layla down for you. She was pissed as fuck, and damn, is she hot.” His smile widened when he noticed the girls that had just been granted access. “Looks like I made the party just in time, huh?”

“Pax, you can smell free pussy from a mile away, huh?” James asked.

Pax slipped his arms around the tallest of the three girls and said, “Sure can.”

“Hell, I won’t argue with it.” Stone reached out and took one of them by the hand, dragging her over to his lap.

The one left took the liberty to prance her way over to me, not asking before she straddled me and tried to plop down in my lap.

I instinctually tossed my hands up and leaned away from her. “Hey, I appreciate it, but…” I put my hands on her waist and lifted her off of me enough that I could scoot out from under her crotch. “Just not in the mood.”

“What?” James laughed, narrowing his eyes at me. “You’re kidding, right?”

“Nah, man, I’m not. Trying to cut back on pussy these days, you know. Too much can kill you.”

James laughed again. “You guys hear this shit?” He glanced over at Pax and Stone, who were currently being mauled by their overly-done, life-sized Malibu Barbies.

The girl I’d turned down snarled her lip. “Seriously?”

“Totally,” I mocked her valley-girl accent and widened my eyes. “Not interested.”

At that moment I realized why James had done this. He knew. Somehow, he had figured out I was doing something I wasn’t supposed to, and this was his test: throw a whore at me and see if I’d take the bait. That epiphany terrified me and pissed me off all at the same time. My pulse sped up and I could hear it pounding over my eardrums. I felt trapped.

“Rules, Rush.” James clasped his hands together and leaned over his knees, a smirk crossing his lips. “You do remember the rules, right? Your contract?”

Raising both eyebrows, I stared directly into his manipulative eyes. “Yeah. I got it.”

James nodded. “Then don’t you think you shouldn’t turn down this free piece of ass I brought you?”

There was no way in hell I was touching that girl. Scenarios of why I couldn’t fuck with the girl flipped through my head, and then one that was undeniably golden came to mind.

I leaned back in my chair, placing my hands behind my head as I honed in on the blonde. “Well, you see, I got these sores and all on my cock. Pretty disgusting. They’re all weepy and itchy, kind of filled with pus, and fuck if the shit oozing out of them doesn’t smell like rotting whale carcass. Doctor told me not to fuck anyone during an outbreak,” I shrugged and pretended I was about to unbutton my jeans, “but if you don’t mind a little herpes, go right ahead and ram my herped-up cock down your throat.” I laughed. “We’re making shirts pretty soon so you can claim the origin of your STD. I’ll be sure to send you a complimentary one.”

The girl took several staggering steps backwards, her eyes straying from my face to my crotch then back to my face. Her nose had crinkled and one side of her top lip had twisted up. “Gross. No thanks. You’re
disgusting
!”

“Sure am.” I glanced up at James, who was sipping on his scotch and glaring at me. I didn’t know if he believed me, and I really didn’t give two fucks, to be honest. I didn’t care what he did to me, I just cared what he did to Jules.

Chapter 26

Walking into James’ office, I squinted against the bright sunlight pouring in from the windows and gleaming across the freshly-waxed Brazilian wood floors.

“Go ahead and have a seat,” he said, pointing to one of the leather chairs in front of his desk.

I sat, refusing to look up at him.

“Look,” he said. “We gotta give Jag his time. This is gonna hurt us enough, because you know as well as I do that Jag’s a nervous wreck performing without drugs.”

I glared at him because I knew that would soon enough be followed by a “but.” He hadn’t brought me down here just to talk about Jag. This was about me.

“But,” he tapped a pen over his desk, “that pregnant girl.” He shook his head, his lips laying straight over his face. “Jag really needs to lose her.”

“Man, James. Shut the fuck up.” I was sick of him, I was tired of his manipulations. Six years had been all I could handle.

His eyes blazed and his nostrils flared as he let out a breath.

I’d told James three months ago that I was quitting the band, and he threw that fucking contract in my face. According to them, we all owed them another year.

He tossed his pen down on the table and folded his hands over his desk. Leaning in, he said, “You shouldn’t be such a jackass to me, you know it?”

I shrugged. “What are you gonna do? You can’t exactly fire me, and you’re a dick dribble, so why should I give a fuck about how I talk to you?”

Another puff of anger flew from his mouth. “Look, Jag is trying to marry that girl. It’s bad enough he knocked her up
and
admitted to it. But he gets married and the band is gonna nosedive. He’s already cut himself outta the fuck-and-sucks. That’s gonna cause you guys to take another nosedive!” He picked the pen up from the desk and flung it across the room. “You guys
don’t
get to live a normal life.” He laughed. “How the hell do you think
family
fits in with a jam-packed touring schedule, huh?”

I rolled my neck, my leg bouncing. “Nosedive?  Fuck it! We’ve had six damn years of incredible shit happen to us. Enough to last me the rest of my life. Honestly, I don’t care. Hell, I kind of prefer a nosedive.”

James laughed, a menacing grin spreading the corners of his mouth up. “Oh, I bet you would. Then those ‘rules’ wouldn’t apply to you, huh? I got news for you, Wilder. Those rules dictate your life for at least the next year.”

I tried not to swallow the saliva that had suddenly pooled in my mouth. I didn’t want to give him any indication that I knew what he was talking about.

“I’m just sick of all the bullshit. That’s all.”

“Yeah, it would be bullshit if Jules lost her job because you couldn’t keep your dick outta her, huh?”

Letting out a huff, I snarled up one side of my lip. “What the hell are you talking about? Jules?” I laughed and couldn’t keep it from sounding nervous. “I wouldn’t fuck her if—”

“Cut the shit, Rush.” He flattened out his tie, grinning. “So what do you think is worse, you losing Jules or Jag losing Roxy?” He sucked in a breath and his tone was tinged with anger when he spoke again. “Because one of you’s gonna lose something, damn it!”

I knew there was no denying it, because if James was certain, he was certain.

“What, you gonna fire her? She doesn’t need a fucking job anyway.”

“Oh,” James chuckled, “isn’t that fucking adorable. You think you’re in love too, huh? Jag inspired you, I guess, made you think you deserve someone.” He shook his head and slicked his hair back. “
Pathetic.
”

Warmth spread over my chest and I found my fingers clenching into the metal arms of the chair.

“No. I wouldn’t fire her, because the minute I tell her to stop fucking you, she will. You see, I could ruin her career with one phone call. Her career is something that she knows will be there; you, on the other hand…” He laughed to himself again. “Well, you’re a damn
whore
. You fuck prostitutes—”

He nodded, arching both brows at me. “Yeah, I know about all the stupid shit you guys do. If she has to choose between you and her career, you’re done for, son.”

“Fuck you!” I rose from the chair, deciding it was in my best interest to leave before I beat the shit out of him.

“No, fuck you,” he yelled. “You are only what you are because of me you ungrateful shit! You were nothing before me, and you would be nothing again without me!”

That was it. That heat engulfed me, rage swallowed me, and I charged at him, clamoring over his desk and grabbing him. We crashed into the floor, his chair rolling out from underneath him and smashing up against the window. The contracts I’d kicked when hurdling over his desk floated down through the air.

“You are a piece of shit. You selfish fucking asshole!” I drew my arm back and landed my fist across his brow, a pulsing pain radiating up to my elbow from the force of the blow. “You’re only concerned with what we do for you. Fuck off.”

My heart was drumming up into my throat. Anger had consumed my thoughts, and without the ability to think about how badly I could hurt him, I grabbed his shoulders and slammed the back of his head against the floor. “I fucking hate you!” I jerked his shoulders up again and rammed his head back onto the floor.

He wiggled free from me and swung at me, punching me right in the eye. “You son-of-a-bitch! You’re fucking stupid, you know that? I own your ass! I. Own. Your. Ass!”

He turned to walk away, but I wasn’t done with him. I jumped up, latching onto his back and placing him in a chokehold. His fingers furiously scratched at the back of my hand. He ripped the flesh, and warm blood oozed from the wound. And all that did was make me tighten my hold on him. A few seconds later he collapsed to his knees, still pawing at my arm to free himself. Each breath that came out of me was more like a grunt. Looking down at his greying skin, I realized that if I didn’t let him go, I may fucking kill him. I released him and he fell down on all fours, panting and clutching his neck.

I took a few steps back, pointing and nodding my head at him. “You leave Jules the fuck alone.”

I grabbed the door and yanked it open.

James coughed and managed to pant, “No, you leave her alone”—a heavy breath broke his sentence—“or she’s gone. Your fucking decision, Rush.”

I slammed the door and stomped down the hall toward the elevators. People stared at me as I passed. When I stepped into the elevator, I caught a glimpse of myself and realized I looked like utter shit: swollen eyes, blood trickling out of a gash on my brow, and bloody smears all over the front of my white Versace shirt.

Panic swept over me, drowning me in a dizzying dread. I was terrified that I would lose her. She had no idea how raw my feelings for her were. I hadn’t done anything to show her that she meant something to me, and if she didn’t feel that I could change her life, how could I expect her to be willing to change hers for me?