Authors: Natasha Stories
§
Lunch was corn
chowder with thick chunks of ham, and sandwiches we built ourselves from
platters of thinly-sliced ham, turkey and roast beef, all cold, along with
plenty of condiments, lettuce, onions, pickles, and amazingly, tomatoes. The
latter were the largest and tastiest I had ever seen, and I didn’t hesitate to
say so. The response around the table full of men was disconcerting. Everyone
stopped what they were doing and what they were saying to look at me. I wondered
if there was some sort of taboo about discussing the food. Russ had yet to
appear, so Janet took on the role of spokesperson.
“We grow them
here, hon. In our greenhouse.”
With that, the
men resumed talking amongst themselves, building their sandwiches and wolfing
them down, and slurping their soup. I decided to keep my mouth shut, since
opening it brought all activity to a halt. Then Russ came in. He had added a
ten-gallon hat and a leather duster to his apparel, and both had a light
dusting of snow on them.
“Looks like
we’re in for it, boys,” he addressed the table. “Have we found that last 20
head yet, since the last one?”
One of the men
spoke up, saying, “No, boss, I’m gonna look up in that cedar holler this
afternoon.” Boss? My eyes flew to Russ, but he was glaring at the cowboy, who
clapped his hand over his mouth and looked chagrined.
Shaking his
head, Russ spoke in a kind voice that belied the look he had just given the
poor man. “Okay, Hank, but take a couple others with you, and rope yourselves
together if the storm catches you. Try to be sure you get back here before it
gets too bad. Losin’ cattle is one thing, but losin’ a good man is another.”
With a
grateful smile and nod of his head, Hank tipped up his bowl and slurped up the
last of his soup, then jerked his head at two more of the cowhands and left the
kitchen.
As this scene
played out, I looked from Hank to Russ and back again. Hank had called him
Boss, and Russ wasn’t happy about it. Why? The only reason I could think of was
that Russ didn’t want me to know his position at the ranch. I didn’t understand
why he wouldn’t, but it was time for some answers, whether or not it made him
angry for me to ask. But, not here, with most of the men and Janet listening.
No, I’d wait until after lunch. I kept silent, but felt Russ’s eyes on me from
time to time. I knew it was he who stared at me, because that tingling in my
core was unmistakable.
He may be able to read my mind
, I thought,
but
I can feel his passion
.
As soon as
Russ had finished his food and sat back with a sigh of contentment, I stood. It
might have been rude, but I didn’t offer to help clean the kitchen again.
Instead, I gazed steadily at Russ until he looked up at me. I jerked my head in
the direction of the library, and walked out of the kitchen expecting him to
follow. I seated myself in a chair that would allow me to sit without
slouching, because I needed all the authority my five-foot three frame could
muster.
Feet planted
on the floor, sitting tall with my spine straight and my most severe face, I
waited. Russ strode in only a moment later, glanced at me and sat down
opposite, his legs splayed and hands clasped between them with his elbows on
his knees.
“Kitten, I owe
you an explanation.”
“Indeed you
do. Talk.” It was terse, I knew, but I was fed up with all this mystery, and
wanted him to know that I wouldn’t be put off again.
“I don’t know
where to start, so I guess I’ll start with an apology. I should have told you
the truth from the start, and I’m sorry I didn’t.” His frank blue gaze was
distracting me, but I wasn’t ready yet to accept an apology, especially one
that merely told me he had lied. That I already knew. It wasn’t enough.
“What truth?
And why didn’t you?” I spoke calmly, though my pulse was racing. Now that it
was about to be revealed, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the truth, but I had
to.
“I guess
you’ve figured out that I own this ranch.”
Shock flooded
me. No, I hadn’t figured that out, only that Russ might possibly be the son of
the owner. I leapt to my feet, tears starting in my eyes. Janet had told me I
was wearing the owner’s wife’s clothes. What had I done? I’d slept in the
woman’s bed, bathed in her tub, worn her clothes and
had sex with her
husband
. With no thought of where I might be going, I ran back through the
kitchen, past a startled Janet, and out into the cold wind.
“Charity!” his
voice behind me only made me run faster, the snow on the ground falling into my
shoes and turning my feet to ice within yards. Then he had me. Why I thought I
could outrun him I couldn’t have said, but I was furious when he caught me. I
turned and began pummeling his chest with my fists.
“You lying,
cheating son of a bitch!” I screamed. “You had sex with me in your own wife’s
bed, how could you?”
Shouting above
the wind and my tirade, Russ cried, “You don’t understand. Stop it, come back
in the house.” Then he gathered me, still struggling, into his arms and carried
me back, staggering against the wind and my struggles. As soon as we got back
into the house, he set me down on my feet, but kept me wrapped up in his arms,
heedless of the open-mouthed Janet looking on.
“Charity, it
isn’t what it looks like. Come back in by the fire and get warm, and I’ll
explain everything.” It appeared I had no choice, so I sullenly walked with him
back into the warm room, where he tucked me under a brightly-colored crocheted
afghan and sat beside me. He reached under the coverlet to remove my shoes and
began to chafe my feet to warm them.
“I swear,
woman, you seem determined to freeze to death. Stay here, I’m going to get you
something hot to drink.” No sooner had he said it than Janet appeared in the
doorway with a tray bearing two mugs of hot chocolate, the aroma hinting of
that unknown scent I’d detected on Russ’s breath at the cabin.
“Everything
okay in here, Boss?” she asked. All her curious glances, her hesitation in
answering my questions and her fascination with my background suddenly made
sense, or I thought so. Obviously, she was a loyal employee, maybe even had
some fondness for her boss, I thought, remembering the motherly look last
night. She must be worried to death that he had dragged home another woman
while his wife was gone. What must she think of me? I refused to meet her eyes
as she bent over with the tray for me to take one of the mugs.
Russ took it
instead, then took the other for himself, and said, “Thank you, Janet. We’re
fine, but the hot chocolate is great, just what she needs. I’ll come to the
kitchen if we need anything else.” Handing me one mug, he set the other down on
the nearby end table.
Janet took the
dismissal with good grace, resting her hand for just a second on Russ’s
shoulder, where he patted it. “It’s fine, Janet, really.” At last, she left the
room and Russ resumed chafing my feet. I didn’t want him to touch me, but my
icy feet only felt warm in his grasp, so I determined to tolerate it, at least
until I got an explanation. The hot chocolate tasted of something that I again
couldn’t identify. Was it cloves?
“So, if it
isn’t what it looks like, what is it? And let me warn you, I didn’t run from Bethel
City only to become someone else’s mistress, or second or third wife. Spill it,
mister, and it had better be the truth.”
Russ had
startled when I said second or third wife, and by the time I finished the
sentence was chuckling. Already in high dudgeon, I was infuriated, but he
squeezed my feet and cleared his throat.
“Kitten. Okay,
Charity
,” he started, correctly interpreting the green threat in my
eyes. “I’m divorced. I’m sorry I didn’t explain last night, but it’s just so
damned
humiliating
.” I waited, not speaking, for the rest of the story.
He sighed.
“I know you’ve
wondered why I was so heated about the your church.”
“Not mine,” I
reminded him reflexively.
“Well anyway,
this is why. Two years ago, my wife started attending Relief Society meetings.
She told me it was just a chance to get together with some other women once in
a while, over in Rawlins. Next thing I knew, she up and joined the church. I
still didn’t know it wasn’t just regular Mormons. So, I didn’t object, but when
she wanted me to go, I told her I had no interest.
I guess I
should have gone. Six months later, she told me she wanted a divorce. That’s
when I learned she planned to marry someone high up in the local RALDS hierarchy,
and that he was already married to three other women. I contested the divorce,
but Wyoming is a no-fault state. I couldn’t stop her from divorcing me, only
from taking anything in settlement or alimony. That’s why all her things are
still here.”
I listened to
this story with growing astonishment. I didn’t even know the Church
had
a branch community near here. And the chance that I would run from them, have a
near-fatal accident and be rescued by another of their victims was
astronomically unlikely, even if the states I traveled through were riddled
with Mormons, of all stripes. I closed my eyes to process the information, and
what it might mean for me and my future. Russ’s arms came around me and pulled
me into his lap, and soft kisses warmed my eyelids. “Kitten? Say something.”
“I…I don’t
know what to say. This is all crazy.”
“I know, it’s
like fate, isn’t it?”
“I don’t know
if I would call it fate. Irony maybe. Russ, I need to get out of your hair and
out of your life.” My heart broke as I said it, but what kind of relationship
could we build on a crazy coincidence and hot monkey sex? It all seemed clear
to me now. His fascination with me was a reaction to his wife’s betrayal. When
would he wake up and not want me anymore? As the thought emerged, he spoke as
if in answer.
“What? No!
Kitten, I want you to stay here.”
“I don’t think
I can.” I knew I couldn’t, and it was ripping me apart inside. I couldn’t stay,
but how could I leave him?
His arms
tightened around me. “Well, you have to for a few days. There’s another norther
blowing out there, and no one’s leaving here until it’s safe.” The most curious
emotion went through me then. While my mind protested the obvious, my heart
leapt at the forced opportunity to be with Russ a little longer. However, there
were so many other questions to ask, and I needed to prepare myself for verbal
battle over the next few days so he would let me go when the storm blew over.
But, for now I was too weary to deal with any of it. I needed to think, to
process and mostly to sleep.
“Russ, I’d
like to lie down on the sofa and take a nap.” My voice was weak, but he heard
me. Standing up with me still in his arms, he strode over to the sofa, laid me
down on it gently, and then retrieved the afghan to lay over me. I loved his
tender care of me too much. The questions circled around again. How could I
leave? And yet, how could I stay? Miserably, I turned over and curled into the
soft, worn leather cushions.
“Sleep well,
Kitten. I’ll wake you for dinner.”
As much as I
longed for it, sleep eluded me, though I kept my eyes closed in the hope that I
’d drop off sooner or later. Again and again, I went over the events
that led to my being here. Most of all, I puzzled over the meaning of Russ’s
words about wanting me to stay. Did he mean for a while, or for a forever I
couldn’t even contemplate? And why? Either way, it didn’t make sense, any more
than it made sense for me to have fallen in love with him over a few short
days.
Young as I
was, naive as I was, I still had a reasonably intelligent head on my shoulders,
and it told me that things didn’t happen this way. Either he had an ulterior
motive, or what he felt was based on something that wouldn’t sustain a relationship.
Much as I longed to know that I could have his arms around me for as long as I
wanted, I would rather walk away from it now than count on it only to have it
snatched away by reality later.
As I finally
drifted to sleep, it occurred to me that I hadn’t asked most of my questions. I
could surmise a few things, but if I confirmed them, it would mean that there
was no choice but to leave as soon as possible. Russ was the owner of this
place, which meant he was older than he looked, or his fairy godmother had
gifted it to him, after the princess ran away with her glass slippers. As the
milkmaid, I couldn’t hope to win his love. My jumbled dreams spun answers, each
sillier than the last.
A soft touch
on my arm woke me with a start. A voice was whispering, “Wakey, wakey, Kitten.
Dinner’s ready. Did you sleep well?” Disoriented, I stared at him for several
seconds without recognition, before the real world clicked into place,
banishing the dream one. Russ’s face was near mine, and I smiled into his impossibly
blue eyes as I mumbled, “I dreamed you were the handsome prince.”
He smiled
back. “You can dream whatever you want as long as it’s about me,” he said. That
was when all my hesitation came rushing back. Then I frowned.
“No, Russ,
this is crazy. Look, we have to talk.” If he insisted on being charming and
lovable, I would just have to take the bull by the horns and be the bad guy.
Always outspoken, even when it had earned me punishment, I could no longer sit
back and have my future dictated by a near stranger, not even one as handsome,
charming and sexy as Russ White, cattle rustler and rancher extraordinaire. Did
I remember something about his godmother gifting this ranch to him? How did I
know that? Oh, no—that was the dream.
§
The ranch
hands were digging into platters piled high with fried chicken when Russ and I
came into the room, hand in hand because he insisted. The first man to see us
dropped open a mouth full of chicken, causing the rest to turn to see what he
was looking at. Instant quiet flooded the room. I seemed to have a bad
influence on the socializing among these co-workers, and it both embarrassed
and distressed me. I wished they would just pay me no attention at all. Russ
grasped my hand tighter.
“She knows,
boys. As you were.”
Suddenly the
room erupted in laughter, catcalls and questions about his intentions toward me
from the men, all of whom called him Boss. It was too much. Yanking my hand
from his, I turned and fled. The noise grew even louder as I retreated once
again to the library, where Russ found me seconds later.
“Kitten, I’m
sorry. The boys are pretty rough, but they mean well. All of that just means
they like you.” His eyes pleaded with me to understand and accept.
“How can they
like me? They hardly know me.”
“They like you
because they can see I’m happy for the first time since Denise left. Please
come back and eat with us. We’re really one big family, you’ll see.” If the
irony of the phrase ‘big family’ was lost on him, I wasn’t going to bring it
up. I’ve lived among big families, bigger than most. It isn’t all hearts and
flowers. At his urging, I reluctantly returned to the dining room, where the
men were now on their best behavior under Janet’s glare. My guess was that she
had threatened to withhold dessert if they scared me off again.
All kept their
heads down and their attention on their plates as Russ seated me beside his
place and sat down. It gave me the opportunity to look more closely at them
than I had on the previous occasions we had shared this table. I reckoned they
ranged from about eighteen to nearly sixty. All were dressed similarly to Russ,
in jeans and plaid flannel shirts. Some had colorful bandannas folded or rolled
and knotted around their necks, and a hat rack in the corner had been specially
built to accommodate two dozen Stetsons. I guessed that their footwear would
all be cowboy boots.
What had
brought these particular men together under Russ’s employ? Why were they so
loyal to him, yet so familiar? How did Russ see me fitting into this virtually
all-male society, Janet’s company excepted? No, I wouldn’t go there. There was
no way I could stay here, no matter how much I might want to. But I still
wanted some answers. Leaving didn’t necessarily mean never seeing Russ again, I
hoped.
After dinner,
I declined Janet’s offer of apple pie and ice cream, and went back to the
library, with Russ on my heels. My unhappiness showed, and for once I wasn’t
upset that Russ could read me. I wanted him to start talking first.
“Kitten, you
have to tell me what’s wrong. Why are you being this way?” His troubled gaze,
his hand on mine and his insistent voice just made it more difficult to get it
out, though.
“Russ, I can’t
tell you how grateful I am that you were there and that you saved my life.
Thank you for treating my hypothermia. Thank you for bringing me here to keep
safe until this next storm blows over. But, I don’t understand what you want of
me. Besides the sex, that is. Thank you for that, too, it’s been amazing.” My
face was flaming as I said the last. I didn’t want him to think I hadn’t
enjoyed it, because I had. Boy, had I.
Russ regarded
me steadily. How I wished I could read his face as easily as he read mine. I
was afraid he wouldn’t answer me, or that I wouldn’t like the answer. But it
didn’t matter, because my mind was made up anyway, no matter what answers I
got.
“Isn’t it
obvious? Charity, fate brought us together. I want you to stay with me because
I don’t want to lose you.” Sighing, I closed my eyes, only to hear him command,
“Look at me. Tell me you don’t feel something for me, too, because I think you
do.”
I couldn’t lie
to him, even if I wanted to, and I owed him the truth. “I do feel something,
Russ, but don’t you see how crazy that is? We’ve known each other for what,
three days? No one falls in love that fast. What we feel is driven by a shared bad
experience and some pretty amazing sex. That’s all. We’ll get over it.”
I should have
left that last bit off. His stormy look was back, and his eyes darkened as he
growled, “I don’t want to get over it.”
I put my hand
on his cheek and said, as gently as I could, “I don’t either, Russ, but what
happens when one of us wakes up and
is
over it? We have nothing to base
a relationship on. It won’t work.”
“I’ll make you
change your mind.” His low, sexy voice woke up the fire within me, and for a
moment I wanted nothing more than to change my mind.
“I doubt it.
But I don’t want to argue. You say I’m stuck here until this part of the storm
blows over. Let me get to know you. Tell me something about yourself.” I
deliberately kept my voice light, and smiled brightly to distract him from
looking at me so hungrily. It really wouldn’t do to have Janet come in and find
us going at it like minks. Russ relaxed a little.
“What do you
want to know? Besides how it feels to be cuckolded by a man twenty years older
than me with three other wives.” My heart went out to him.
“Oh, god,
Russ, that must be awful. But I want to know about you and this ranch, and your
men. Tell me how you came to own it. Wait, first tell me how old you are.”
“Why, I’m
twenty-eight. Haven’t I ever said?” He looked at me dubiously, as if I were
trying to put one over on him.
“No, I don’t
think you have. Aren’t you really young to own a spread like this?”
“Yeah, I guess
so, but I was raised on a cattle ranch. In fact, my parents live not too far
from here, and our land is adjacent to each other’s. I inherited this ranch
from friends of my parents. They never had children, and they were my
godparents. When she died, the ranch came to me.” As I threw my head back and
laughed in helpless glee, Russ gave me a shocked look and said, “What? What’s
funny?” I was too overcome with the giggles to answer him for the longest time.
And when I
did, all I could say was, “You got it from your fairy godmother,” and then went
off into more peals of laughter. I was gasping for breath when he took me by
the arms and kissed me, hard. That sobered me instantly, and before I could
school my body, I responded fiercely to his kiss. After a moment, he thrust me
away from him.
“Now. Tell me
what was so damned funny.” He didn’t seem angry, but his voice was firm. There
was also a dangerous look in his eyes that said I’d better answer him or face
the consequences.
“Nothing. It’s
too silly.” He kept his eyes on me, saying nothing and obviously expecting an
answer, a muscle in his jaw twitching as if he were clenching his teeth. “Oh,
all right. Don’t be mad, Russ. When I was trying to go to sleep earlier, I was
wondering about how you could own such a big ranch when you look so young, and
as I drifted off, the thought came to me that someone had given it to you. I
was beginning to dream, I guess, and ‘fairy godmother’ was what my dream made
of it. Then you turned into a handsome prince, and the princess ran away in her
glass slippers.”
“You’ve got
quite an imagination, there, Kitten,” he said, frowning slightly at my whimsy.
“What happened then? Were you the princess?”
“No, I was the
milkmaid, and I knew you could never love me.”
Shaking his
head in negation, he told me firmly, “There’s where you’re wrong. I’ve been in
love, and I know what it feels like. I do love you. What can I do to convince
you?”
“Oh, Russ,
you’ve got to stop saying that. Be practical. Think about the legal trouble I’m
in, if nothing else. For all you know, I may have to do seven years in an
Arizona prison for grand theft auto. I need to get my act together before I can
think of a relationship, can’t you see that?” My heart was torn in two, half of
me wanting to believe that this was real, that Russ would always want me and I
could be with him forever. The other half knew it was impossible, for the
reasons I stated.
“All I can see
is a beautiful woman that God put in my hands to protect. I’m going to do
exactly that, whatever it takes. We’ll deal with the legal problems as soon as
we can, and I’d bet my left nut that it won’t mean any worse than probation for
you, if that. Certainly not seven years in prison.” His mouth was set in
stubborn lines, showing me that he was used to having his way.
“But Russ, I
have no money, no home, no job. I don’t even have clothes on my back that
belong to me. I need to borrow some money and get to my mom’s, where I can
figure it all out. Get a job, then maybe turn myself in.” If Russ couldn’t be
practical, I had to be. Surely he could see how unreasonable he was being.
“We’ll take
care of that as soon as we can, too. I’ll clear out Denise’s stuff and buy you
some clothes of your own. And this is your home as long as I can persuade you
to stay. The one thing I won’t do is loan you money to leave me.” He could not
have shocked me more if he had slapped me. This sounded a little too much like
what I had thought of him two days previously, when I thought I was his
prisoner. It made me instantly angry.
“We’ll see
about that. I’m leaving and you can’t stop me. I’ll call the police.” How I
thought I’d do that was immaterial when my temper was at full boil.
The
thundercloud was back in his dark, stormy eyes, his face set in lines of
determination. “Go ahead and try. The phone lines are never reliable in a
blizzard. But I suggest you think about that very carefully. Because if the
posse you think is after you is in fact in the area, they will have already
contacted the police in Rawlins. Do you want to be turned over to them?”
Adrenaline
coursed through my body, causing me to shake uncontrollably. I was well and
truly trapped between the proverbial rock and hard place.
I had no
answer for Russ, or none that I needed to verbalize. His self-satisfied grin at
my silence told me he knew he had me beat. I couldn’t risk being put in the
custody of the RALDS. I had escaped for now, but if they ever got hold of me
again, there wouldn’t be a second time. I’d spend my life as a virtual slave to
older sister-wives, forced to bed the patriarch of the family and bear as many
children as I could before my body wore out and someone younger was brought in
to replace me in that role. It was too dreadful to consider.
“You win,” I
said, infuriated. “But stay out of my room. I suppose you’ll want me to move to
a different bedroom now.” Even in defeat, I made demands like a spoiled brat.
Demands that I knew I couldn’t, didn’t even want to enforce. But the
satisfaction Russ showed got my back up. I wasn’t going to be bullied.