Ryman, Rebecca (89 page)

More
tricks? Dear God, no more! Olivia prayed in silent despair.

"It's
true, Olivia, I
swear
it." Her eyes dropped and she flushed
scarlet. "I give you my word that Jai has never, never laid
a hand on me.
How could he have when
. . .?"
She choked and turned her face away.

"No?"
Olivia's laugh held a vicious touch of humour. "My dear,
dear
Coz,
you wrote me a letter, remember?" Did the brainless girl really expect her
to believe her barefaced lies?

"Yes,
I remember." With an effort Estelle retrieved her composure. "I don't
deny that I was dazzled by Jai. The ... elopement was his idea, but I did agree
to it with alacrity, with enthusiasm. That much is true. I genuinely believed
that he returned my . . . feelings, although he never said so, not once, with
words. Oh, he spun me plenty of fairytales, insinuated many promises, blinded
me with glorious visions of London and New York and the wide, wide world
outside that I longed to see." She stopped to glare defiantly.
"You
must know better than anyone else, after all, how plausible that
silver-tongued charm of his can be!"

Anger
stirred but Olivia refused to dignify it with a reaction.

"I
was bewitched by Jai." Calm again, Estelle continued. "Like a
mindless puppet, I followed him onto his
Ganga,
filled with inane dreams
of eternal rapture. But once the
Ganga
sailed, everything changed. Jai
changed . . ." Her voice hushed; her expression stilled. "That first
night, intoxicated with my silly dreams, I lay preening myself on the
four-poster in my new georgette neglige waiting for—"

"Stop
it!" Outraged, Olivia leapt to her feet, unable to tolerate more. "I
don't want to hear any of this! A few days ago you called it an
escapade,
a
trifling adventure to teach—"

"Whether
you want to or not, my precious cousin, you
will
hear it! You will hear
every damn word I am about to tell you." Estelle ran to the door, slammed
it shut, turned the key in the lock and rammed it down the front of her bodice.
"Sit down, Olivia. All these days you have denied me a hearing. Even if I
have to tie you down in that chair, you will not deny me one now, you
can't
deny me one now!"

Faced
with her cousin's blazing eyes, cheeks flaming with hot anger, Olivia felt her
own will falter. "You can't force me to listen . . .," she began
weakly. Regardless of the protest, Estelle forged on.

"When
Jai finally came into the master cabin, he had turned into someone I barely
recognised. He looked demented, so ravaged by restless energy that he could
scarcely stay still. He tore down a curtain from a porthole and flung it at me,
commanding me to cover myself unless I wanted to have my backside tanned with a
hairbrush." Even to that, Olivia made no sarcastic
comment. If
nothing else, it might be interesting to see just how far Estelle was prepared
to go with her ludicrous fabrications. "Then he sat down and informed me
that, as a woman, I offended the man in him. In fact," Estelle quivered,
"he said he despised me because I was a selfish, cosseted, English brat
who sickened him with her blatant immodesty. His intentions towards me were
simple: He would take me to England and dump me with either my mother or with
John Sturges. He looked at me very strangely,
cruelly,
and added,
'whichever of the two is prepared to accept you.' " Estelle paled at the
memory, her face almost translucent in its loss of colour. "I didn't
understand what he meant. At least not then . . ."

"Oh,
is that so?" Wildly sceptical, Olivia finally sought refuge in sarcasm.
"Hence all this sudden affection? These glowing character certificates? To
say nothing of that impertinent invitation to
my
house!"

Estelle
laughed, a pathetic little sound full of sadness. "Oh, Olivia, Olivia—my
poor, dear, ill-used cousin! I never thought I would see the day when
you,
so
infinitely superior to me, would turn jealous. No,
please
don't flare up
again, I haven't quite finished." Amos whimpered. Ignoring Olivia's angry
expletive, she walked to the crib and handed him his silver rattle. Then she
went to stand by the window with her back to the room. "I was livid with
him, of course, shocked by his callousness and mortally offended. I tried to
argue, to fight, to demand explanations, but he would neither listen nor answer
any questions. Instead, he locked me up in the cabin, vowing to keep me there
until we docked at Southampton." She turned, empty faced, to look at
Olivia. "All those days that I remained locked up, I fumed and fretted and
cried, not understanding anything about his sadistic motivations, unable to see
why
he had humiliated me with such callousness. Then, when we reached
Cape Town, he suddenly relented and removed the lock from the cabin door."
She stopped to refresh her throat with a drink of cold water from the carafe
that stood on a table. Then, running the tip of her finger around the rim of
the glass, she stood lost in thought for a moment. "It was in Cape
Town," she said eventually, her tone deathly hushed, "that Jai told
me the truth. Everything. I now know that he held back nothing. I asked Uncle
Arthur to corroborate it. He did." Her hands were shaking so much that the
glass almost fell, so she replaced it on the table.

So,
Estelle also knew! Then why had the unthinking, foolish girl risked that
confrontation between Raventhorne and her father
at the ball? Pulling in a crisp
breath, Olivia chose not to make any comment just yet. There was more to come
and Estelle would not now be thwarted.

"Why
Jai decided to suddenly inflict the truth upon me, I had no idea—except to
ensure that it would double my suffering, perhaps. I was appalled, Olivia,
decimated—I couldn't
believe
it!" Softly, she started to weep.
"Later, I began to recall things— snatches from the past, fragments of
overheard conversations, furtive whispers between Mama and Papa, terrible rows
behind closed doors. And I remembered something else: that portrait of
Grandmama in our dining-room. Then, everything started to fall into place. I
was astonished that I had not made the deduction before. Grandmama's eyes had
stared down at me all my life, Olivia." Her own eyes rounded with renewed
horror. "Amos's eyes.
Jai's
eyes . . ."

Estelle's
voice trickled away. Between them, covering the room like a dense fog, a
silence fell. It was thick and it was chilly. In the lull Amos dropped his
rattle and they both started. Mechanically Olivia rose, picked up the rattle
and handed it back to the child.

"Yes,"
Olivia said calmly, cracking the silence first, "I know the truth. I know
that Uncle Josh is Jai Raventhorne's father."

It
was out. For the first time the secret behind the enigma had been spoken aloud.
Even though she had known the truth for some time and now it was she who had
voiced it, Olivia felt a frisson of shock run through her and she shivered.

With
a cry, Estelle covered her face with her hands. "You are clever and
perceptive and far too astute not to have guessed, Olivia, but to me Jai's
revelation came with the force of a thunderbolt. I could not believe that such
a hideous thing could be true!"

As
Estelle surrendered herself to emotions raked into rawness, and huge, rasping
sobs rocked her shoulders, Olivia was suddenly beset with confusion. Watching
Estelle, she felt the first stirrings of uncertainty. Could it be that her
cousin's absurdly improbable farrago was
true . . .?

Estelle
wiped her eyes and noisily blew her nose. It looked as red as a boiled lobster.
Fighting for control, she swallowed hard. The effort to continue did not come
easily. "I saw then why Jai had persuaded me to run away with him,"
she said wretchedly. "Jai had vowed to destroy us all. He knew nothing
could be more thorough a weapon than the stench of . . . of . . ." Stuck
in her throat, the word took time to dislodge, "of. . .
incest.
It
was
he who suggested that I write that letter to Papa and Mama, that letter that
would not leave any doubts in their minds as to his intentions. They had never
told me the truth. They knew I could not have possibly suspected that Jai was
my half brother, that we shared a father. Jai didn't care a damn about a public
scandal. If it came, well and good; if it didn't, it wouldn't matter. As long
as my
parents
believed me to be defiled, contaminated, forever a pariah,
it was enough for his purposes. They would never recover from the shock; they
would always remain trapped in the secret hell of that knowledge they could not
share with anyone. However much I protested my innocence, no one would believe
me." For the first time Estelle sounded bitter and, in her bitterness,
angry. "And no one does. No one except my darling, sweet, trusting John.
And, perhaps, Uncle Arthur." She gave a despairing little laugh. "You
don't believe me either, do you, Olivia? Isn't that why you have found me . . .
repugnant?"

It
was an accusation Olivia was not yet prepared to deny. Boiling with doubts, her
mind bubbled like a cauldron about to overflow. There was in Estelle's voice
something she could no longer dismiss: the unmistakable ring of truth. But a
hundred mushrooming questions still remained unanswered. Loose ends dangled,
puzzles still cried out to be solved, paradoxes abounded. And, in the ultimate
analyses, no matter how startling her cousin's confessions, nothing she had
said reduced the enormity of her own betrayal by Jai Raventhorne.

Estelle
misinterpreted her silence and stiffened. "I know you still don't believe
me, but it doesn't matter. Had I not learned about Amos, I would not have
wasted so much of your time. It is because of him that I felt you earned the
right to know the truth." Softening, she walked to the crib where the
child had finally dropped off to sleep, gently smoothed his hair and draped a
sheet over his exposed legs. "You must have loved very deeply to have
risked so much, Olivia." Her voice was husky.

Olivia
stared at her glacially. "One way or another, it no longer is relevant. I
am the wife of another man. I might not love him, but I cannot forget his
goodness to me." The cold eyes turned empty. "My son's name is
Birkhurst
—make
no mistake about that ever, Estelle! My once-upon-a-time motives are forgotten.
After I have gone away, they will cease to have even existed." She held
out a hand. "Now, may I please have back that key?"

Estelle
searched her expression. Finding no encouragement in it, she shrugged. "By
all means." She dug into her bodice and
tossed the key to Olivia. "Two
more explanations whether you like them or not. Yes, it was insane of me to ask
Papa to come that night, but it was a justifiable delusion. When I returned, I
told Papa the absolute truth, as I have told it to you now. He pretended to
believe me. Or, because I so desperately wanted his love and trust again, I
convinced myself that he did believe me. But Papa lied to me. In my naive
faith, in my innocence, I did not see his lie. Not for a moment did he deviate
from his intent to kill Jai. Laughably, I thought the public gesture of a
simple handshake would suffice as a first step to a reconciliation even after a
lifetime of such profound hatred." Her bitterness erupted again, making
her distort her mouth as if the taste offended it. "As for Jai, he—"

"Doesn't
much like surprises?" Olivia provided with a derisive laugh. "Yes, I
know. And you omitted to tell him in advance of your game plan for a family
reunion!"

Estelle
flushed. "If I had, he wouldn't have come," she said simply.

"And
that astonishes you? You expected a man who had vowed to destroy every one of
your family to suddenly accept olive branches in public? Yes, Estelle, you
must
have been mad to hope for such consideration!"

"That
is not
all
there is to Jai!" Estelle cried. "You don't know
everything yet, Olivia."

"Nor
wish to, dear Coz! All your many whys and wherefores of whatever happened or
did not happen are not part of my life anymore. Had your father been able to
pull that trigger, my reactions would have been no different."

With
an unhappy nod, Estelle conceded the point. "Yes, I can understand your
hatred for Jai, but he is my half brother, Olivia. There are many things about
him that I have truly learned to love. At present he is furious with me, I
know, but his anger will pass. He will forgive me because he will see that I
meant well—and because he too cares for me as a sister. All these months that
we were together . . ." She stopped. Taking note of Olivia's stubborn lack
of response, she stood chewing uncertainly on her lip and refrained from saying
more.

"I
rejoice that you have found a brother, Estelle, and I wish you good luck in
your relationship." Olivia unlocked the door and held it open for her
cousin to leave, a pointed reminder that the debate was now over. "I take
it that you start on your journey to Cawnpore tomorrow? I hope you have safe
passage and
contentment in your new home. My love to you both and to Uncle

Josh."

Estelle's
mouth curved in a scornful little crescent. "Yes, I see why you went to
such inordinate lengths to keep me from Amos. You fear that Jai will learn of
his son and want to take him away, and naturally you believe that the one to
inform him will be me!"