Safe With You (18 page)

“Olivia, Natasha didn’t want us to get involved. That’s why she wanted to tell you about everything herself when the time was right. She’s your best friend and I respected that, even though I shouldn’t have considering the circumstances.” His eyes search my face, and I hate that they’ve turned a little glassy.

“Can you please take me back to my apartment?” I walk toward his room to get my bag. He takes my hand to pull me back. I can’t even look at him.

“No, this is your ho—”

“Don’t.” I meet his gaze and his skin is pale, his eyes wide. I swallow a sob, my chest still bursting with heartbreak. “This wouldn’t have fucking happened if you had told me the truth from the beginning. Maybe Braden wouldn’t have found me if I knew he could have been lurking from the beginning.”

I am being so unfair to him. But I can’t let this go. This isn’t anyone’s fault but Braden’s, I know that. But if Kyle cared about me so much, I just wish, for once, he’d tell
the right thing
to fuck off. Out of everyone, even Natasha, I expected the no-bullshit truth from him.

Kyle’s face turns bright red. “I didn’t do this to hurt you.”

“Please, take me to my apartment. Kyle, I … I need some time.” I slam his bedroom door shut and wipe away another tear.

***

I pace in my small apartment and glance at Natasha. “It’s been weeks since the whole ‘carjacking’ thing.” Air quotes accompany my venom-spitting tirade.

“Do you even get why we didn’t tell you?” Natasha snaps, throwing her hands up in my direction. “This is exactly why we didn’t tell you.”

“You’ve said it a million times. How different I am. How much better I seem since I met Kyle.” My head pounds with the severity of a jackhammer. “I would have been able to handle it. I would have never, ever left the bar alone if I knew Miles was involved in the first place.”

“Damn it, Olivia! I didn’t tell Miles anything. Don’t give me that bullshit right now. You like to think I don’t know you better than you know yourself. I’ll be damned if I let you leave Kyle.” She rolls her eyes.

“I’m so hurt you lied to me and made him keep his mouth shut. You’ve never kept anything from me before.” I stand my ground, looking her square in the eye. “What the hell is wrong with you?” I clench my hands so tight I think I’m about to split my palms open. “Do you have any idea where I’m coming from?”

“Yes, I do. Do you know how scared shitless I was? You’re being a ginormous, selfish bitch right now. And I say that with love.” She glances at me and tears brim her eyes. “You have no idea what we went through. You have no idea how destroyed Kyle was when you were unconscious in the hospital. How he barely left your side for more than a few minutes. Did you think to ask him how he’s doing? We did all of this for you, Olivia.”

“Aren’t you sorry? I know you didn’t do it to be mean, but look what fucking happened.” I lift up the side of my shirt. “This is what happened! You should have told me.”

“Of course I’m sorry. I feel horrible. I didn’t do this to be mean or vindictive.”

“I know you didn’t, but—”

“But nothing. You won’t process that we only did it so you’d stay with the people who love you. Who would do anything for you! We only
lied
because we didn’t want you to leave. Why can’t you see how much Kyle really loves you? How much I love you?” she chokes out.

I lean against the counter and rub my eyes, even though the pressure is killing my bruise. I can’t cry, I can’t speak, I can’t do anything. Since I’ve met Natasha, she’s always looked out for me like I was her little sister … even though I’m two months older than she is. I’m not even sure I would have told her right off the bat if the situation were reversed. I know they were looking out for me.

“Tash … ” An overwhelming amount of guilt washes over me. Justified, one-hundred-percent validated guilt. I hate it when she’s right because she’s always right.

“This whole thing is going way too far. If you don’t stop retreating back into your little woe-is-me cave, you’re going to lose Kyle.” Natasha pulls me into her and I don’t recoil. “You freak out over everything before thinking it through. You have to start trusting your instincts and your best friends. You also need to grow a set of lady balls.”

“He’s not going to leave me. He’s proven himself a million times more than you have during all of this. You should have told me, not him!” I snap. The words want to crawl back down my throat the moment they escape my lips. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

“But you have a point. I should have told you. Because I feel like you getting hurt was my fault and I’m never going to forgive myself.” She bursts into tears, and I’ve never heard her sob like this.

I step back, looking at my hands. I don’t know if it’s going to be okay. She’s the only one I’ve never had to think twice about trusting.

Chapter Sixteen

McDuck

Kyle

“Hey, man.” The batting cage attendant nods to me as I put another ten dollars into the machine. “I’m all for getting aggression out, but you clogged the ball chute from busting the casing off. I’ve never had to do this, but I might need to charge you extra.”

My head cranes to the side. I’ve been here for two hours, welcoming the nonstop aggression relief between high-speed pitches and my trusty metal bat.

“I’m going to be here for a while.” I throw two twenties through the break in the fence and turn around. “Maybe you should get some new balls.”

I can’t even laugh at the unintentional joke.

The first baseball flies out and I imagine it being Braden’s head. The second ball I imagine as
my
head, for letting Olivia leave my apartment without talking to her about what happened. The third, I imagine as myself, again, for waiting too long to drop my classes and screwing myself out of a few thousand dollars.

Each and every ball shoots out of the machine and explodes against my bat for another four rounds. My phone vibrates in my pocket right as I slam the last baseball so hard, I think it’s going to burn through the reinforced mesh fence. I stop immediately, hoping it’s Olivia. Cam’s name scrolls across my screen and I almost throw it into the next county.

“What?” I slide down the fence and sit on the floor. My hands cramp as I unscrew the cap on my Gatorade bottle and take a long drag.

“You’re overreacting.” Cam laughs. “Do I need to drive out there and give you one of my epic life lectures? Because I will.”

“No. I need a minute without someone’s bullshit advice.” My biceps twitch and my forearms burn as I roll the few rogue balls back down the ramp. I’m frustrated and pissed off. I knew I should have told her the truth and trusted her. Trusted that she wouldn’t run off. I know nothing about Natasha, which is why I’m shocked I listened to her.

“You still don’t get it.” He sighs and I can almost see his eyes roll. “Did you ever think the shit she’s pulling with you is the same fucking thing you did to everyone?”

“This is so not the
same fucking thing
.” I push to my feet and pick up my bat.

“Like hell it’s not. You know what, Avery, I—”

I end the call and shove the phone in my pocket.

***

My front door bursts open as I stand at the kitchen sink drying my blender. I drop the glass pitcher and nearly slice my hand open as the blades clank around the metal bottom. I ball my fist, staring at the ceiling.

I need to start locking my door.

“I told you, I’m sick of this.” Cam walks into my apartment and slumps onto a barstool.

“Why are you here?”

Cam looks at me and shakes his head. “You and Natasha should have told her when we got back from Lafayette. It’s obvious you guys are made for each other. Olivia’s pissed because you didn’t open up to her. What did everyone want from you after your accident? We wanted to know how you were handling your life ending, but you didn’t say shit. You got mad and stayed that way.”

“You don’t waste any time.” I shake my head and place the blender in the drying rack. Cam does not know the meaning of toning it back. If he’s got something to say, he’s going to say it, no matter if he makes a grown-ass man cry. “It’s different. What you said makes no sense.”

“It is the same thing and we’re talking about this.”

“I didn’t tell her only because Natasha told us not to. It’s not like you opened your big mouth.”

“Because I’m not the one that wants to fuck her. Yeah, we’re tight, but if she gets mad at me, I’m not going to be all mopey like you are.” He pulls a bag of chips off my counter.

“You’re a dick. It isn’t about that.”

“I’m being real with you. Did you even apologize to her? What do you even know about her life? I mean the life before you, how fucking bad it might have been? Not everyone can backstroke through stacks of hundreds to ease the pain like you can.”

“You’re really fucking close to getting a broken jaw.” I grip the edge of my counter and stare him down.

“Aw, did I hit a raw nerve? I guarantee at some point, you’re going to realize you fucked up.” Cam shoves my arm.

“I know she cries over detergent commercials and donates to the ASPCA even though she’s broke. She always smells like pineapples and brown sugar. She eats one thing at a time and never lets her food mix. She brings me oatmeal cookies and fruit punch Gatorade at practice. She’s just … Olivia.”

The sea of emotions charging inside me flood out, and I talk his ear off until we decide to grab food about an hour later. By the time we sit down at the bar next to the Cajun place where I met Olivia, he looks at me as if he read everything on Wikipedia and was trying to catalog all of the information into his brain.

“I see it like this. All she wanted from you was to be real with her because no one ever is. I’m guessing you still didn’t tell her what
really
happened after you got hurt. And you sure as shit listened to Natasha’s bright advice. Bottom line is, you
guessed
all this stuff about her life and she still knows jack shit about yours.” Cam downs his entire beer in three gulps. “The only reason why I didn’t tell Olivia myself is because it wasn’t my place.”

My beer goes down faster than Cam’s. “You’re giving me heartburn.”

“What you need to do is call her. You
both
need to have a serious conversation that doesn’t end in one of you running off.” He laughs, breaking off a piece of bread. “I’ll even officiate.”

Dr. Cam rears his ugly, always-right head.

“What if she doesn’t want to talk to me?” I motion the bartender for another round, and I’m pissed I didn’t bring my beer bong to keep the alcohol flowing.

“She does. But she’s as fucking stubborn as you are.”

“Why are you so invested in us getting over this?” I raise an eyebrow. “You’re hooking up with Natasha already.”

He blows out a breath. “Never mind. I’ve never seen you go through so much trouble over a chick. I know she’s worth it to you and I like her the best out of all the broads you’ve dated.”

“Don’t even start—”

“Don’t even start with
me
because you know damn-fucking-well I’m right. Get over your shit. Apologize. Maybe tell her the reason you never opened your mouth is because you never open your mouth about anything.”

Right now, all I see is Olivia. The way she throws her head back when she laughs so hard she can’t breathe. The way she compulsively tucks her hair behind her right ear. How she can never make eye contact with me in yoga, but when we’re making out, her gaze sears into mine like we can fix every problem in the world.

“There’s something else you’re not telling me.” Cam tilts his head to the side, taking another gulp. “You’re about to get all slumber party on me, aren’t you?”

“It’s crazy, the moments we have. Like we know things without even talking. She makes me feel like I’m going to move on. She’s getting me through my shit. Christ, she got me to the cages again. Granted, I was pissed at myself, but I still went. We’re … I don’t know, I can’t explain it. She’s everything I need to get past this bullshit in my life.”

Cam stares at me, mouth open, overzealously blinking, the whole nine for a good ten seconds. “You have it bad.”

I nod. Because he’s right. I love her so much. I love her emerald eyes, her shiny, long blond hair that looks red in the sun, her crazy toned body. Her heart. Her thoughtfulness. I still love her adorable awkwardness. And fuck, I miss her. I miss how she brings out the best in me.

“How are you holding up, bro?” Cam slams his pint glass down on the table.

“What do you mean?” I shake my head, coming out of my thoughts.

He huffs a laugh. “You went from being out of your mind about what happened at UNC to being out of your mind about Olivia. Not to get all
slumber party
on you now … but I’m still fucking concerned about you, man.”

“I’m fine, I think. Yoga has really helped and don’t laugh. That bullshit about finding your inner peace is true. Being with Olivia has really helped me realize what’s important in life.”

“Because she has it worse?”

I shake my head, throwing back the last of my beer. “Not worse, but more serious. I got hurt. My baseball career ended. But I still have a good life. She didn’t have anyone but Natasha. She helped me put shit into perspective.”

Cam nods and orders us another round. Maybe I should ask Olivia if she wants to move to Baton Rouge. Then she can be closer to Natasha and she can take ass-kicking lessons at Cam’s gym. New Orleans isn’t home to us, but I’m not sure what is. Maybe I need her to feel at home.

“Is it fucked up I’m glad Braden needed his jaw wired shut? Or that his half his arm is shattered?” I ask before I realize what I’m saying. “After all of this, I’m so fucking happy he’s suffering.”

“You’re welcome.” Cam smirks. “Just go see her, dude. I mean it.”