Saint And Sinners (115 page)

Now, onto you, Dakarai.

Dakarai, the day you were born, my world changed and expanded and became bigger and
better, within seconds after you yelled out to the world that you were here. You gave
your mother quite a scare. You were born early, considered premature. We’ve recently
watched the same thing happen to Jagger’s daughter, Justice, who is less than two
weeks old as I write this. By the time you read these words, I have no doubt in my
mind that she will be a healthy, thriving young lady. Your mother had an unpleasant
pregnancy while carrying you, while her pregnancy with Hassani was rather calm, and
somewhat relaxing. I do not say this to upset you nor is it a judgment call—it is
simply a nod to the beautiful contrasts of your personalities already coming through
at such an early age during fetal development.

Hassani’s personality is more subtle than yours. You are a raging bull that comes
out of nowhere. No one expects you to do, say and act how you do. It is at times quite
humorous. You are underestimated, and extremely powerful and dynamic, as well as divine.
You were planned, just like your brother and your sister. Your mother and I created
you in love, wishing to have another child. I specifically asked her for you. Hassani
was only three years old, and I felt compelled to have another child. Your mother
agreed to it, and now, here you are. You are a bit small, weight wise, for your age,
but physically strong. I’ve seen you lift things that had no business being in your
small arms, but you somehow managed and I’ve looked at you in amazement. You remind
me somewhat of your uncle Jagger, and I know he sees it as well. You are also intellectually
sharp. You are able to understand mathematical equations that are above and beyond
your grade level and problem solve in a rapid and accurate way. Use that to your advantage.

I’ve seen you expand and grow, not just physically, but also personality wise, in
ways that have astounded me. Once slightly reserved and with a shy disposition about
you, some would say sneaky and I’d have to agree (You got that from your mother, not
me)… Of course, I’m laughing again as I write that, but it is true. You are still
sneaky, and not to give you a pass regarding that nerve-wrecking trait, but it comes
with the territory of being a Deaf Mute, as well. Regardless, you now are very outgoing,
gregarious, and one of the most charismatic children I’ve ever come into contact with.

You are also brutally honest as it pertains to your innermost thoughts. Initially,
I believed this was indicative of your childhood development; however, I’ve come to
realize that it is not. This is just who you are. Whether right, wrong, good or bad,
you say what you mean and mean what you say, especially regarding topics that mean
a great deal to you. My advice to you is that you try to remember to speak to people
in a way in which you’d like to be addressed. Not everything is an attack against
you, and sometimes people may tease, but in good nature. It is important that you
not become overly defensive and give yourself a break from constantly sizing yourself
up. We’ve all been guilty of it, but the fact of the matter is, I know my children
very well. Dakarai, you are a very sensitive soul, and like Hassani, you try to hide
it now that you believe you’re too old to show emotions.

He used to call you ‘Cry baby’ because you wore your feelings on your sleeve and he
knew it got under your skin. As of late, he has stopped doing that as much, because
he, too, realizes how composed and strong you now try to be. There’s nothing wrong
with you, Dakarai. Be true to yourself. You love hard, son. In fits of irritation,
annoyance or even heartbreak, you can at times be rather cruel with the tongue. It
is the passion within you. It’s good that you are outspoken, and people know where
you stand, but there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. I believe you received
that unfortunate ‘gift’ from me. Regardless, I want you to be mindful when it comes
to relationships with women too, Dakarai.

I have a sense that you will take breakups very hard, but they happen to all of us,
son. You may even jump from woman to woman, and that isn’t healthy. By the time you
read this, you will have already been told my own story regarding this, and I hope
and pray, in that regard at least, you do not follow in my footsteps. It is a lonely
life that reaps no rewards, only distress.

One of my fears is that you will do as I did, and it will not only impair the women
you are running back and forth between, but it will emotionally arrest and possibly
destroy you. You may be looking for something you feel you need in these revolving
door relationships—and you love girls, I can see it already. That is fine; there is
nothing wrong with enjoying girls/women. I just want you to be mindful that women
are people, and not to be used for your personal pleasure and then discarded. That
young lady, the one you think is physically appealing and gets your heart racing,
is a human being that you are dealing with, talking to, arguing with and making love
to. I will not guilt you by saying you were raised better than that, but you and I
both know, indeed you were if you have in fact fallen into this sort of behavior.
You are very close to your mother, Dakarai—all of you are actually—but you clung to
her especially tight and when she disapproves of something you’ve done, you take it
especially hard.

Not to mention, how would you feel if someone disrespected Isis in that manner? You’d
probably try to tear their face off because they’ve disparaged your sister. I feel
in my heart, as well as psychically, that you will be sexually active younger, rather
than later, especially in comparison to your siblings. You will be my one child that
is more like me in that respect. Unlike many boys your age, who felt that girls have
the proverbial cooties, it seems you came right out the womb loving women immediately.
You’ve always gravitated towards women and girls in a romantic sort of way, and this
has not decreased over time. In regards to early sexual experiences, I wish you would
not, but I know wishing and reality don’t even live on the same block, sometimes the
same state, in many cases. It takes a special level of maturity to be sexually active
and responsible, as well as to understand the consequences and repercussions of having
sexual intercourse with someone.

Be careful who you give your seed to, Dakarai. It is a very serious decision. I believe
you will make an excellent father when the time comes, but you don’t want to be in
a situation that you will later regret. Once you plant life inside of a woman, that
is permanent. When you make love, you want the experience to be real, in every sense
of the word, and if you can’t see that woman being the mother of your child, then
don’t risk such a thing. Always use protection until you get married. Out of all of
the mess I’ve done, that’s one rule I stuck by that served me well. There are a lot
of things going on in this world, some of which we don’t understand, and fathering
children you don’t want with women you don’t love, and putting yourself at risk for
life-changing or life-threatening diseases is not the path you want to travel. I’m
certain you may ignore my advice, but I can do you one better that will cover all
of this, a bit of guidance that provides an umbrella over everything I’m trying to
tell you—and that is, son: BE KIND. Please treat all people with love, Dakarai, until
they warrant otherwise, and even when washing your hands of someone, do it with self-respect.
I believe you wish to adhere to that, to the best of your ability, because like me,
you also happen to be a pleaser.

It’s just who you are. One of the people you wish to please the most is Hassani. You
look up to your big brother and I believe you always will. You see that he is strong
and at times reflective. He sometimes may not even appreciate what he has, in your
opinion. In some ways, you may be envious of his gifts, but you, yourself, are chock
full of beauty in this realm as well.

You are a Deaf Mute, possessing one of the rarest and most powerful gifts bestowed
to Angel Children. You can do what most of us cannot, and once you get a bit older,
it will be fine-tuned and no one will be able to stop you. You are also rather perceptive
and in tune with predicting a person’s next move and thought process. That is a valuable
insight to have, son. I want you to never forget how special you are. Do not compare
yourself to Hassani, or even Isis. You are your own person, your own man and you,
too, are to impact the world, make it a better place.

I love you both with everything within me.

If you want to know what my greatest desire is, it is to see a beautiful dream of
mine come true. And that dream was my wife and children happy, smiling and laughing.
That’s what I want. That’s what I need.

Love,

Daddy

*

“B
oooooy, you must
be tryna get a little something something!” Xenia gleamed as she took a gander at
the elaborate spread on the dining room table. Saint made sure she noticed the aubergine
and sterling trimmed table runner he’d had handmade just for her as he stood in the
darkened doorway, partially blocking her entrance. The mood was set perfectly, only
the flickering flames from the fireplace and the ambient blaze of the mulberry candles
down the length of the long table illuminated the room.

“Maybe.” He cracked a smile and traced the side of her face with his fingertips. “I’m
just trying to show my Queen a little appreciation.”

“The way to my heart is through my tummy.” She sighed. “…The food.” She peered over
his shoulder, teetering on her tippy toes as she nosily took more of the scene in
and clasped her hands together like a mouse begging for a slice of cheese. “I don’t
know who you had to cook this, but oh my goodness it looks delectable and smells so
wonderful!”

He grinned down at her and gathered her in his arms. “Hold on a second, now…”

The woman had been through an exhausting week, as had he. They were dealing with three
fresh cases, one on backlog until further investigation. Not to mention, there was
a conference on the horizon for the early spring. To add to the already jam-packed
schedule, they’d had a preliminary investigation of their building for structure code
violations. Luckily, none were found and business under the shroud of their credit
union continued. On top of this, it had recently come to Saint’s attention that he
had to meet with the other Angel Child Ambassadors in the next few months—orders from
Egypt. He still choked over the fact that it was called a ‘Kingdom Conference.’

And due to those orders, and the urging of Krishna, Saint attempted to take a situation
that needed resolution into his hands. Isis was presented paperwork in order to officially
give Egypt reign over their own leadership. They were already doing so; however, everyone
knew that the Princess of Life had to approve this and declare it with her signature…and
Isis was she. The previous hierarchy had been toppled, and now, sanctions were under
way. The girl was too young to understand such matters, or so he thought…

Saint picked her up one evening and carried her to her room for bed. He arranged her
dolls just so, and explained how one of the dolls was in control of all of the other
dolls, and did she think it was fair that that one doll should be boss?

Isis frowned, her bottom lip pouted out and shook her head vigorously, ‘No.’ When
asked why, Isis said because Ms. Fancy Pants wasn’t wearing her tea hat. Saint dropped
his head, realizing that this would be impossible. The three-year-old simply could
not understand the dynamics of the situation. But then, Xenia stepped in, pushing
him aside. She picked up Isis’ Cookie Monster doll, the one the little girl detested
and said, “Isis, from now on out, Cookie Monster is in charge of your room. Whatever
he says, goes.”