Saint And Sinners (58 page)

It’s digital. Is
it wrong? It can’t be wrong…can it?

Traci wrapped her apple green silk robe tighter around her frame as she sat on the
edge of the ivory tub, staring down at the damn white plastic stick that read, ‘Pregnant.’
She felt as if she were in some outlandish dream and yearned to wake soon. Pressing
her bare feet into the soft, fuzzy bath rug, she gripped the strip harder. The only
proof that she was in fact fully alert, and this could be no nightmare, was her husband’s
ear-piercing snoring in their master bedroom. She finally stood and made timid steps
towards the double vichyssoise doors. Taking a deep breath, she opened them warily,
as if expecting an intruder with deviant inclinations on the other side. She peered
out at the well-built, half naked man wrapped up in thick, chocolate brown sheets,
his tattoos running all along his exquisite, tanned body.

…That’s how I got in this mess in the first place.

Yes, that glorious body…the same body that held her securely, made her feel so protected.

She walked towards him, barely keeping hold of the pregnancy test that shook in her
grip. He slept so peacefully; she simply couldn’t bring herself to wake him. She ran
her palm across her chest, rubbing it until it reddened from her repeated, nervous
touch.

Nuh uh… I’ll tell him later today. Hell, maybe tomorrow…

She abruptly turned on her heels to run away—some place far from Jagger—but the sound
of the rustling sheets, followed by a loud yawn, had her pause. She slowly turned
back to him, facing him head on as he rubbed his eye in the soft glow of the lighthouse
shaped nightlight by their bed. He reached for her, so she went to him, her head bowed,
slumped against his body, legs bent at the knees and the pressure of the entire world
on her tiny shoulders.

“What’s wrong, baby?” He ran his big, warm hand lovingly across her back.

…And then, she burst out in tears and tossed the stick on the floor, wishing the whole
situation would just simply go away…

*

The strong aroma
of frying beef bacon, sautéed green peppers, cayenne sprinkled onions and scrambled
eggs filled the sage green and cinnamon tiled kitchen. His wife, with her impeccable
taste, had picked out the décor herself. She, Donna and Xenia had made several selections
at various houseware and home design shops, running up obscenely high bills that Saint
agreed to pay, without an ounce of hesitation. He’d thought that alone was a glorious
thing, but nothing could make him happier at that moment than he currently was. In
his most gleeful times, celebrations meant big meals so there he stood in that room
prepared to make a piping hot pitcher of coffee as the woman he loved sat with reddened
eyes, a balled up tissue in her hand and now, a silly grin on her magnificent face.

“I can’t believe this, Jagger. I really thought you were going to hit the roof!” She
laughed sadly, dabbing at her eye.

“Traci,” he said. “That’s crazy, honey. Why would I be mad? I mean, yeah…” He shrugged
and prepared the griddle for the pancakes. “We said we wanted to wait until we got
settled in here, but everything happens for a reason.” He looked at her earnestly.
“Baby, I am so damn happy! We’re having a baby! I can’t wait to tell everyone.” He
shook his head in disbelief. “My mom has wanted grandkids for a while now…oh, and
I need to tell Lawrence! And Saint!”

“If you tell Saint before Xenia, she’ll have a fit.” Traci chuckled as she smoothed
her robe out, and then blew her nose.

Jagger nodded and laughed. “True. I guess I’ll let you do the honors.”

He sliced off a chunk of butter from the stick and placed it in a searing pan.

“So, how far along do you think you are?” he asked as he reached for his spatula.

“Mmmm, my guess is about four weeks or so. I’ll call the doctor this morning and schedule
an appointment.”

Jagger nodded in agreement.

“I still don’t know how this happened, Jagger. I took my birth control pills religiously.”

“Well, they still aren’t one hundred percent, Traci. It happens.” He placed a glass
of grapefruit juice in front of her.

Her mouth twisted to the side as she sat at the breakfast bar, an obvious nervous
mess. He placed his hand over hers, leaned down and kissed the top of her head.

“How do you feel this morning?”

“Pretty good.” She yawned. “None of that morning sickness stuff. That, by the way,
doesn’t just happen in the morning. Jagger, that’s what started this all. I was so
sick yesterday afternoon. It was awful.” Her lips curved downward as she shook her
head, reliving the horrid moment.

“I’m sorry. Glad you’re feeling better now.” He sank his teeth into his bottom lip
as he eyed the beauty, sitting there looking all sad and confused. “Let me ask you
something.” He crossed his arms and she met his gaze.

“Yes?”

“Did you want a baby, but were just scared about what I’d say?”

“What? You think I did this on purpose?!” Her tone reached a higher pitch as she sat
a bit straighter in her seat, ready to go to battle with him.

“No, no!” He threw his hands up and smiled. “I’m saying, once you realized you might
be pregnant, did the thought ever enter your mind that this might be kinda nice?”
He recalled an interesting story Saint had told him regarding the conception of Hassani…how
interesting women were indeed…

She quickly looked away, circling the rim of her glass with her fingertip.

“…Yes.” A goofy smile creased her face.

Jagger shook his head, cracking up, and returned to his business at the stove.

“I thought so… How do you want your eggs?”

“Apparently fertilized.”

They both burst out laughing at that.

“I wish you could feel how excited I am right now…” he said after a few moments of
quiet. “My heart is beating so fast, honey.” He put his hand over his heart, as if
about to recite the Pledge of Allegiance. “I promise to be a good father to our baby,
Traci…I swear to you. Don’t worry about anything! I’ll take care of everything.
Anything
you need, I’m on it. I won’t complain. Just make sure you go to all of your doctor
appointments and…”

“Jagger, honey,” she cooed. “You have a job, too. An important one… I don’t expect
you to be chasing behind my butt all the time. But, there is no doubt in my mind that
you will be an excellent father.”

He grinned, turned off the stove eyes and pulled out two cantaloupe-orange colored
plates.

“Oh!” He put his finger up and reached for his cell phone. “I gotta call my mom, hold
on.”

Traci grinned and nodded.

“…It’s ringing,” he mouthed. He could barely contain himself as he paced about in
the kitchen. “Mom!”

“Jagger! What a pleasant surprise.”

“Yeah…it’s me, Mom, uh, I’ve got something to tell you.”

“…She’s pregnant.”

“You just ruined it! Why would you do that to me, Ma?!” He chuckled, placing his hand
on his waist.

The woman burst out laughing.

“I had a dream two weeks ago about it. So glad I wasn’t wrong!”

He could picture his mom now, the little woman squealing and jumping for joy.

“Well, yeah, she took a test this morning…so, that’s all I got. Just wanted to let
you know… Oh, and I love you.”

“I love you too, Jagger. I wish you’d come visit more.”

Jagger sighed in annoyance and shot Traci a look. “Ma, I’d visit every month if
he
wasn’t there. I’ve told you time and time again that as long as that man is in that
house, I will not be coming there, ever!”

“…I know.” His heart dropped. The sadness in her tone was so thick, it depressed him
so. “Well, thank you for calling me, honey and please tell Traci that we love her,
and congratulations.”

“Yeah, I will…and I’ll send you a plane ticket to come visit soon, okay?”

“I’d like that, yes!”

They spoke a bit longer, then he disconnected the call. He tossed his phone across
the way, turned his back and plated the food. Before he could finish, he felt the
soft, warm hands of his Queen gathered around his midriff.

“Honey, it’s okay…”

He was quiet for a long while.

“You need to eat.” He turned towards her, causing her to let go of him as he handed
her a plate.

“Jagger.” Taking the plate with one hand, she placed the other on his shoulder and
looked up into his eyes. “I know this whole mess with your mom and dad upsets you,
I know it does. They separate, get back together…been doing it all of your life, but
now, they’ve been together for a while and…well, it bothers you. You’ve done all that
you can, okay? You can’t make her leave him, and according to your brothers, he hasn’t
laid another hand on her… That’s good, right?”

Jagger grabbed the woman up and buried his face in the crook of her neck, needing
to feel her close to him.

“Yeah…it doesn’t make me feel better though. And with this…this news, this wonderful
news that I’m going to be a father, too… I couldn’t imagine treating my child like
he did me and my brothers, and the mother of my children so badly…so cruel.” He stood
straight and stared into her almond shaped eyes. “Traci, I don’t know how to stop
hating him. I watch Saint and admire him. Osaze seems so different than the man he
described, and Osaze and I had a really good talk when I had come out to New York
last year to help with his healing ceremony. He was frank with me, honest. He changed,
and I just wonder why my father never did.”

“Baby.” She ran her fingers along his cheek. “First of all, a person has to want to
change. Saint’s father didn’t like what was going on with himself and his relationship
with his son, so he took the steps to mend it. Your father is just not there yet.”
She took a deep breath. “Hate is a strange thing. My father told me, ‘Hatred hurts
the person feeling it way more than the person they detest.’ You gotta let it go,
Jagger. Your mother is grown, and you have your own family now. He was a horrible
person, there is no denying that, but you are
not
him! He may not have repented, but he did one thing right—he had a son who is humble,
smart, caring and the most wonderful man I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

Jagger smiled. Pulling her in a warm embrace, he pressed his lips to hers then let
them trail up her jaw.

“Mmmmm,” he moaned against her earlobe. “You make me feel so good…” He kissed her
neck.

“Thank you, but you could really show me how much you care by letting me eat this
wonderful breakfast you made. My eggs are getting cold!” she teased as she wiggled
from his grip and hightailed it back to her seat. He watched the woman bop away and
murder the food on the platter in no time flat. He loved watching her eat. Watching
her sleep. Hearing her talk. He loved every damn thing about her, and now, she was
having his baby…

…And that made him love her impossibly more…

*

Saint gripped his
tiny aquamarine glass of something alcoholic and sinister-looking. The damn thing
bubbled and frothed with white steam coming from the top of it, as if he were smack-dab
in a witch’s lair and she’d served him her top of the line brew.

I actually miss Sunset Boulevard.

The Tiki-Ti Bar on Sunset Boulevard embodied a sense of weirdness and fun, and he’d
missed the hell out of it. Just then, Roman came through the door, his handsome face
paired with a wide grin as he jammed his sunglasses in his light blue shirt pocket.
He immediately spotted Saint, their eyes locked, and the man’s dark irises glimmered
under the lights. He navigated the thick crowd until he reached him, immediately taking
the saved seat Saint had declared was his and his alone. Saint grabbed and bear hugged
him, seemingly taking the cop by surprise.

“What a greeting!” Roman chuckled, clasping his hands together. “Wow, I haven’t seen
you since the party you invited me and my family to.”

“Yeah, it’s been a while.” Saint looked down at his drink.