Saint's Sacrament - Sins of the Father (100 page)

~***~

“I couldn’t believe it when you called me.” Jagger leaned over the table in the dark restaurant, the candlelight dancing in Traci’s eyes
, her beautiful toasty brown skin in full relief against the white tablecloth. “I honestly thought I was dreaming.” He chuckled nervously.

Traci smiled, a sad smile, but one nevertheless.

She stopped twirling her chicken pesto angel hair pasta around her the silver fork and sighed. “Jagger, I first want to tell you that I took a step back from us not because of you, per se. I don’t want you to think that I felt something was wrong with you, okay? After I saw Saint and Lawrence and heard their explanations, I was floored…and you?” She shook her head. “Amazing, Jagger…you are truly amazing.”

“Then Xenia spoke to me, and I realized either everyone is crazy, or I am. I know Xenia isn’t crazy
,” she joked, causing him to smirk.

“It was just a lot of information to take in, it was overwhelming, ya know?”

He nodded.

“I
never
stopped loving you, even when I felt stunned, Jagger. I love you so much, I’m just..a little afraid. I’m being honest here.”

Jagger set his fork down and laid both his hands flat on the table. He stared at that hot
candle flame as he drifted into fragmented thoughts, most of them about how much he missed her. She hadn’t retrieved her clothes from his place and he was grateful for that because they still held her scent. On occasion he’d open his bedroom closet door and inhale them, closing his eyes and falling into memories of her loud, silly laugh, her corny jokes and her sweet kisses on the nape of his neck. He stared at her across the table as she continued to talk and at times, it was difficult to concentrate. Her perfume had intoxicated him and the red bow shape of her lips made his groin jump. Boy was he happy to look into her eyes again. His fingertips twitched as he looked at her hand, and he was dying to touch her, to slide his palm over hers. But instead, he held back, self-consciousness wrapped tight around him like a shawl.

“I’m afraid, but
…I love you, and I don’t want to be without you,” she continued.

He looked down at his spaghetti,
and suddenly the pasta seemed to dazzle. The thick tomato sauce suddenly had a mouth and smiled at him, and the meatball eyes were happy. Such a silly notion, but it matched the joy forming in his heart as his muscles relaxed. He looked across the table at her and grazed his hand against hers.

“I don’t want to be without you, either, Traci.”

He’d had no choice but to wait for her. He loved her too much to mess this up.

“So
.” Traci cleared her throat and took a sip of her red wine. “Like I told you on the phone, I’ve done some thinking and wish to discuss…our future.”

Jagger nodded and gripped her hand a little tighter.

“I want us to still be together, and I want us to work through this. I mean…” She slid her hand away from his and covered her face as if she were embarrassed. “There is really nothing to work through because…you are what you are and I just have to come to terms with it. I think I should call Xenia again and ask her how she gets through this, day by day, and about the kids, and how Saint is—just normal life. I don’t know what I’m talking about.” She laughed nervously.

A wait
er came over and refreshed their breadbasket. Jagger nodded to him in gratitude.

“Traci, whatever questions I can answer for you, I will. I’ll do the best I can and you can ask me whatever you want. I know I sometimes say the wrong thing, but,
from this point forward, you’ll always get honesty from me.”

She removed a slice of rye from the basket, tore off a small piece and worked it around in her mouth. “Okay,” she said with her mouth still half full. “
How long have you known that you were, well, like this? An Angel Child?”

“Since I was three, at least. My mother told me pretty early on. My father confirmed it but neither of them went much into detail until I started exhibiting gifts.”

Traci nodded. “And, have you had problems dating in the past because of this?”

Jagger shook his head and reached for a piece of sourdough bread. He tore off a piece and held it, manipulating it between his fingers. “Not really because I never told anyone. It just wasn’t something I brought up. I tried with the ex
; she thought I was crazy, so that got squashed.”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“Because of exactly what happened. You were afraid, so was I. My fears came true.”

“I figured
. I’m sorry I ran off, I just needed some space, Jagger. You know, to sort my thoughts. Are you upset with me?”

“I’m upset
, but not with you,” he said sincerely. “I’m upset because I can’t just be accepted in society as a norm, because that’s really what would make you comfortable. But that won’t happen, at least not in our lifetime. I want the same things everyone else wants. I’m not much different, except well…” He shrugged.

“You can smell oranges from three hundred feet away.”

They both burst out laughing.

“Yeah, so, this is what’s going on, this is who I am, but I’m still the same man I was the day we told each other we wanted to be exclusive, and not see anyone else. I’m still the same guy you fell in love with and I’m the same man that you wrote sweet little love letters to and shoved them into my lunch bag the nights you’d sleep over. It’s me
.” He smiled at her and tilted his head slightly to the left. “Jagger.”

He swallowed as her hand drifted across the table. She clasped his hand and squeezed.

“I know. And I love you for you. Just be patient with me. I’m really trying here,” She said quietly.

He bowed and looked at their intertwined fingers.

“I have a question for you.” She stared deep into his eyes.

“Sure. What is it?”

“Do you still want to marry me?”

He smiled even wider, exposing
his teeth.

“Yeah, what kinda crazy question is that?”

She grinned and looked down at her plate.

“You know that I do…”
he added.

“Good, because I’m ready to come back. I’m ready for us to start over. I want to be your wife, Jagger.” Her voice quaked a bit as he caught a gleam in her eyes.

“Well, I still have the ring.” He grinned. “I didn’t want to set myself up for disappointment, so I didn’t bring it with me, but you can follow me back to my house and I can—”

“Actually,” she
said, throwing him a coy look, her eyebrow arched. “Can I spend the night?”

Jagger cleared his throat, unable to cloak his budding grin.

“Another crazy question. You know you can.”

“Great. I’ll fix you breakfast in the morning.” She grinned down into her plate a
nd picked at a piece of chicken.

“Do I get dessert tonight, though?” he chortled.

“Well, that’s up to you.” She giggled and blushed.

“Are you finished eating?” He threw his napkin onto the table in frustration. “Because I’ve missed the mess out of you and
it’s been a
really
long time, Traci.”

“Are you begging me for sex?”
she said in a whisper, teasing.

“Well, what I’m sayin’, like, with the whole dessert thing, you know,” he
responded, tripping over his words. “I think I’d like something sweet right now…shit, yeah, okay.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m askin’ you for sex, alright? You happy now?”

They both burst out laughing.

Traci grabbed her purse and waved to the waiter, still cracking up.

“Excuse me, can we get the check please?!”

~***~

“I do, you know that.” His warm breath cocooned her,
caressing the side of her face as he boxed her in, enclosing her in muscular, long arms. Saint grinded gently against her, pubic hair brushing softly across her own. His cologne made her sexually woozy while his lips titillated her flesh with soft caresses of romance. He’d been so gentle and loving with her, not once bringing up the day’s events and the horrible experience with Henry.

“Baby, thank you for not rubbing it in my face
,” she finally uttered after a long silence.

“Now why would I do something like that, Xenia?” He paused and looked down at her, his eyebrow arched.

She shrugged, feeling self-conscious. “I don’t know. I guess, because you tried to warn me and I didn’t listen.”

He plucked a few of curls, as he often did, running the texture-rich tresses through his fingertips. “Look, baby. When it comes to things like that, I realized though I was only trying to protect you, you have to find out shit like that for yourself. It wasn’t like with Shianne
; she wasn’t a relative, let alone a parent. That was different.” He paused. “With your father, there was a lot of history and you needed to sort that out, get to the bottom of it and form your own conclusion. I couldn’t have you wondering ‘what if’ because I’d interfered. If I was in your spot, I would’ve wanted to be left alone to figure it out for myself, too. Believe me, I didn’t want to be right. I know you hurt really bad over this.”

She nodded and caressed his collarbones and shoulder blades as she looked off into space. He reached between them, gingerly cupped her fingers in his palm and brought them to his soft lips, layering them with delicate affection.

“If you ever want to talk about it, I’m here. No judgment from me.” He cracked a smile and glided his index finger down the side of her face. “I’ll be your Daddy,” he teased, causing her to break out into a silly grin. He laughed lightly and planted a firm but sweet kiss on her lips, giving her exactly what she needed…

~***~

Several weeks later…

“Look, we don’t have much time.” Xenia snatched a purple bridesmaid dress off of a hanger and put it up
against her body.

“Xenia, honey, those are not my colors
,” Traci teased. “The girls are wearing—”

“I know, I know.” Xenia giggled. “But, I really like this dress. I think I’ll buy it and order it in my size. It would make a great cocktail party dress
, don’t you think?” She spun around while Isis looked up at her from her stroller.

Traci put her fingertip on her chin
. “Actually, it would. I may get me one as well.” Five of Traci’s friends stood in line waiting to be measured by the wedding seamstress. “I’m getting nervous.” She laughed. “It’s happening so fast!”

“Girl, don’t be.” Xenia kept checking herself out in the mirror, spinning back and forth with the dress tucked under her chin. “It will be here and gone before you know it. Are you officially moved in with Jagger now?” Xenia moved the dress away from herself and checked the price tag.

“Most of my stuff is over there, so you may as well say so.”

Xenia cast her a lazy glance
and pursed her lips. She walked closer to her, tossed the dress over her arm and put her hand on the woman’s shoulder as she spoke softly into her ear. “Hey, are you okay? I mean, honestly? We haven’t spoken much about.” Xenia peeped her head around, taking note of any roaming ears. “Everything much.”

Traci laughed stiffly. “You know, I’m trying hard here, Xenia.” She paused and looked at the seamtress then back at Xenia. “I love him, and so I have to accept this. It’s not like he’s done anything wrong, but I must say, it has gotten easier. He’s been showing me little things, educating me. He is taking baby steps with me. I’ll be okay.” She smiled sincerely.

“You will. It gets easier. I will tell you this much though, don’t go digging,” Xenia advised. “Only take in as much as you can and the parts you don’t want to even know about, anything you suspect may make you uneasy or give you nightmares, tell him you don’t want to know. There isn’t anything wrong with that. Saint and I are very honest with one another, but this works for us. Now, of course…” Xenia shrugged. “You might be different than me in that respect. I just know that, at first, I wanted to know
everything
and then it became too much. When you ask my man a question, he answers, and believe me, some of those answers I wish I could get back out of my head. I’m in love with the man he is, I don’t understand all this Angel Child business, and I don’t pretend to.”

Traci’s eyes widened. “Oh my God, Xenia.” She cracked up. “Thank you so much for telling me that. I felt bad because there were so many times Jagger was getting into things and I just wanted to say, ‘Oh God that’s awful! Please don’t tell me anymore!” Both women burst out laughing. “But I felt like, you know, since he is this person, and it is a part of him, I had to listen to all of it.”

“No. Now if there is something really important he thinks you should know, then yes, you will just have to pull up your big girl panties and deal with it, but other than that, just explain to him he has to go really slow and there are some things you just don’t need to be aware of.”

“Exactly. It is one thing that he is a part of a secret organization. I get that, those exist. I accepted that, no biggie. But this is on a whole
’nother level.” Traci’s eyes darted down to Isis as the little girl played with a baby doll. Her yellow sippy cup was half full of organic juice. “She’s so pretty.”